Osha
Jan 27, 2019
Writing Feedback / IELTS Essay: In cities and towns all over the world, the high volume of traffic is a problem [4]
Note: I'm not an expert or a native speaker
past one decade >> I feel it's better to say in the last few decades ( although you should only paraphrase the prompt)
this is becoming a major >>> has become
poor public transportation facility>> either use the plural form ( facilities) or put an article for countable singular words
with certain steps by authorities>> taken by / implemented by authorities or you could say ( steps which should be implemented by authorities)
To initiate with, the foremost >>> remove to initiate with ( it's usage here is mechanical and gives no idea as long as you use " foremost")
large cities in search of their employment >> to search for
That is to say >> I feel that there is a grammatical error here but I can't specify.
The first thing done by these
in the last 5 years >> (regarding the example here, I'd prefer not to use any fake statistics, it's a language test so try to show your language ability instead. Say ,for example, a significant upsurge in their numbers.)
resolve the above mentioned issues
the cities, which , as a result , can control
Secondly, governments should invest>>> again either use the plural form or put an article for countable singular words.
To recapitulate,>> I'm not a native speaker myself but I read several native speakers' comments on this word : it's rarely used nowadays so it's better to use ( in conclusion , to conclude)
and should also, plan to >> I think there is no comma after "also"
** your essay structure is great, you just need to extend your ideas a little more and be careful with articles; this systematic error would reduce your grammar score.
Good luck!
Note: I'm not an expert or a native speaker
past one decade >> I feel it's better to say in the last few decades ( although you should only paraphrase the prompt)
this is becoming a major >>> has become
poor public transportation facility>> either use the plural form ( facilities) or put an article for countable singular words
with certain steps by authorities>> taken by / implemented by authorities or you could say ( steps which should be implemented by authorities)
To initiate with, the foremost >>> remove to initiate with ( it's usage here is mechanical and gives no idea as long as you use " foremost")
large cities in search of their employment >> to search for
That is to say >> I feel that there is a grammatical error here but I can't specify.
The first thing done by these
in the last 5 years >> (regarding the example here, I'd prefer not to use any fake statistics, it's a language test so try to show your language ability instead. Say ,for example, a significant upsurge in their numbers.)
resolve the above mentioned issues
the cities, which , as a result , can control
Secondly, governments should invest>>> again either use the plural form or put an article for countable singular words.
To recapitulate,>> I'm not a native speaker myself but I read several native speakers' comments on this word : it's rarely used nowadays so it's better to use ( in conclusion , to conclude)
and should also, plan to >> I think there is no comma after "also"
** your essay structure is great, you just need to extend your ideas a little more and be careful with articles; this systematic error would reduce your grammar score.
Good luck!