Writing Feedback / Developed countries should provide technical aids rather than financial aid to developing countries [2]

Hi, I'm a new member here as I have to prepare for IELTS. It would be great if you can give me some feedback to my writing! Thank you a lot!!

The following is my writing task 2 essay.

money to poorer countries

Just as some people donate money to some organisations to help those in need, richer countries offer financial aid to poorer countries, attempting to help the countries themselves and their people. However, poverty results from not only lack of money but also insufficient infrastructures and incapability of developing. Therefore, instead of lending or giving money to developing countries, what developed countries should do is helping them earn money by themselves. There are two ways of doing it: providing technical aids and cooperating with them.

First of all, providing technical aids, such as helping them improve agriculture so that they do not need to import staples and other vegetables and fruits, is a starting point of their development. Besides, offering medical knowledges so the death rate of infants can be lower and life span longer can increase population, and they get to develop other industries more easily. Take African countries for example, because of the climate, it is rather difficult to grow crops in those countries, and food shortage causes famine, killing lots of people and making them unable to develop other countries to focus on other industry. Giving them financial aid can only solve food shortage in a period of time, but teaching them how to grow plants more efficiently and effectively in such a hot and dry weather can really solve the problem.

Aside from providing technical aids, developed countries can cooperate with developing countries, creating win-win scenario. Since labourers are expensive in richer countries, companies, factories and government can hire labourers in poorer countries, offering job opportunities to them and save money to invest in other industries. Not only labourers but also lands cost much in developed countries, so building factories in developing countries can also lower expense; what is better is that it can boost the economy in developing countries. However, it should be noted that developed countries should not exploit labourers and pollute environment in developing countries, so stricter regulations are needed.

In conclusion, simply giving money to poorer countries cannot genuinely help them, and other countries are unable and unwilling to keep giving financial aid. Hence, giving poorer countries other help such as technical knowledges can be a better solution to poverty. Moreover, cooperating with poorer countries is another kind of help which can even benefit both sides.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing Task 1: the number of university graduates in Canada over fifteen years [3]

Hi, the following is my essay on IELTS Writing Task 1.

canadian graduates statistics

The graph presents the number of graduate in a university in Canada in fifteen years, from 1992 to 2007. Generally, the amounts of female and male graduates both rose in the past fifteen years, and female graduates had been more than male graduates during the period of time.

The number of female graduates in 1992 was near 100000 while the number of male graduates in 1992 was a little more than 70000. In 2007, there were around 150000 female graduates which was 50000 more than female graduates in 1992. On the other hand, the number of male graduates only increased less than 30000, meaning less than 100000 in total in 2007. The number of both female and male graduates dropped in 1997 to 1999, but the total number were still higher than the number in 1992.

Female graduates was more than male graduates throughout the fifteen years, and the gap was becoming larger. In 1992, female graduates was 30000 more than male graduates, 100000 and 70000 respectively; however, in 2007, female graduates was 150000 and male graduates was 100000, indicating the latter was 50000 less than the former.

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Writing Feedback / IELTS task2: man-made activities are making global temperatures higher [3]

global warming and human activities

There is growing evidence that man-made activities are making global temperatures higher.
What might be the man-made causes of temperatures rising? How should we deal with this problem?

It is proved that human activities lead to global warming, and the cause of this phenomena is mostly the emission of greenhouse gas. To solve the problem of rising temperature, we have to lessen the emission of greenhouse gas, especially CO2, and there are two aspects to consider: government and individual.

Since industrialisation, the emission of CO2 has been getting higher and higher, and thus the global temperature is risen to the extent that climate change is threatening all countries. Factories and transportations are two main sources of greenhouse gas. The other industry that generate a huge amount of greenhouse gas is livestocks since human beings become more craving for meat and dairy products. In short, the human needs cause those industries to happen, and there is no limit to their development so that human beings and all the other animals are suffering from the destroyed environment.

It is impossible to stop all factories and transportations. Instead, the government should invest in green energy that does not require petrol and other resources and thus generate CO2. A stricter regulation on how much greenhouse gas is allowed to be emitted by factories should also be considered. While the government is making new policy, we as individuals can change our lifestyle to lessen the greenhouse footprints: eating less meat and taking public transportation. Boycotting companies that are not willing to devote to solve global warming is another effective way everyone can do.

In conclusion, human activities are very likely to generate greenhouse gas and therefore make global temperature higher. Government should take the lead to solve the problem, and we as individuals should also put efforts to prevent it from getting more serious.