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Posts by lexuanhoa123
Name: Truong Thanh Tuyen
Joined: May 15, 2021
Last Post: Aug 20, 2022
Threads: 5
Posts: 12  
From: Viet Nam

Displayed posts: 17
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lexuanhoa123   
May 15, 2021
Writing Feedback / TASK 2 IELTS: You don't need special talent to become a good sportsperson or music player [3]

It is generally believed that some people are born with certain talents, for instance for sport or music, and others are not. However, it is sometimes claimed that any child can be taught to become a good sports person or musician.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.



Some individuals claim that any youngster can become a good sportsperson or music player whether they have talents or no talents. While some agree with this statement, I am, on the other hand, are against it owing to numerous reasons.

Advocates of this idea present a few persuasive arguments. They believe that by practicing a lot and put a colossal effort into playing sport or music, a child with talents or no talents can eventually be good at it. For example, many exceptional sportspeople or musicians claimed that they succeeded not because they are gifted but because they practice several hours a day. Furthermore, advocates think that becoming a good athlete or music player does not mean that that youngster has to be the best. The child can be taught to play football so he knows how to drill balls and to shoot them well but he does not necessarily have to become an international or world-renowned footballer.

On the other hand, opponents of the statement come up with some logical and realistic counter-arguments. To begin with, a child can easily give up a sport or a music lesson if he has no passion for it no matter how talented the teacher is or how much time he is forced by parents to practice. My friend, for instance, goes to piano lessons every day but she has no taste for it, and thus, she can never be a good pianist. Moreover, some untalented youngsters hate playing sports or music because they do not want to be a laughingstock before their friends. A child who sings terribly will inevitably be depressed when being forced to sing before her class.

In conclusion, although there are persuasive arguments in both views, I still strongly believe that not all children can be taught to be a good athlete or a musician.

I would really appreciate it if you read my essay and point out any mistakes that I have made. Thank you in advance.
lexuanhoa123   
Jul 30, 2021
Writing Feedback / IELTS - it is argued that educating hometown literature is more vital than that of other nations [3]

Hi @kimlune,
I think Holt is right. You should write a comparative essay when the topic instructs you to "Discuss both points of view" or to answer the question "To what extent do you agree or disagree?".

With topic states directedly: "Do you agree or disagree?": you should give a clear answer "yes" or "no". I suggest a writing structure below:
-Introduction: Introduce the topic, and give your clear answer ("yes" or "no")
-Main paragraph: Points and examples to support your answer.
-Main paragraph: Other points and examples to support your answer.
-Conclusion: give your answer again and a brief and overall reason(this should be taken from your paragraph and not outside) why you think so.

I hope my feedback is useful to you.
Good luck with your next essay!!!
lexuanhoa123   
Jul 30, 2021
Writing Feedback / Households with electrical appliances in one country and the length of time doing chore per week [4]

Hi @Dangtoloan,
Your essay has 233 words. If you don't use flowery descriptions, your essay may fit into the Host's standard word count of 200.
I suggest that "Looking from an overall perspective" should be written shortly as "Overall". Also, you shouldn't use impressive words such as"Furthermore", "However", or "Moreover"in IELTS Writing Task 1. These words are more appropriate in Writing Task 2 because they are more formal. Task 1 essay should focus on the analysis and not on the uncommon and impressive words like in Task 2 essay.

In your third paragraph, there is a phrase:"the consumption of refrigerators". I think the word consumption here is used quite wrong. I think you should change that into "the number of households that own refrigerators".

Hope my feedback is useful to you.
Bye.
lexuanhoa123   
Jul 30, 2021
Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITING TASK 2:Online shopping is increasing dramatically. How could this trend affect our... [4]

TOPIC: Online shopping is increasing dramatically.

How could this trend affect our environment and the kinds of jobs required?



It is true that going shopping on the Internet is becoming considerably popular in modern society. This trend will inevitably have a significant positive and negative impact on the environment and on job opportunities.

Online shopping can affect our environment in good and bad ways. People will drive less because they can now purchase products on websites. This will result in less pollution and a decrease in road congestion during rush hours. Furthermore, natural resources and fuel can be preserved owing to a reduction in the construction of new roads, buildings for supermarkets, or for selling products. However, more packaging is inevitable if more people order goods online. For instance, I bought a book online and when it was delivered, I was surprised to find three layers of wrappings around the book. Of course, the packaging is important for the protection of products but this will decidedly lead to an increase in paper and cardboard boxes being used.

Career opportunities will also be affected greatly by the increasing popularity of online shopping. On the one hand, the unemployment rate may rise when shop workers such as cashiers, security guards, and sellers lose their jobs. On the other hand, more spots will be available for skilled IT workers such as web developers, web designers, and computer programmers. Moreover, the shipping business will thrive and create more jobs for employees if the need for products to be delivered to citizens' homes increase.

In conclusion, shopping on the Internet has a huge effect on our environment and jobs. It is undeniable that online shopping has brought about many benefits as well as drawbacks to these two aspects of our society.

Please give feedback on my essays. Thanks in advance!!!
lexuanhoa123   
Aug 2, 2021
Writing Feedback / Some people believe that reading stories from a book is better than watching TV or playing computer [6]

Hi @nguyethoang,
"The main discussion point must always remain the focus of the paragraph." means that you have to support your opinion which is presented in the introduction, throughout all your body paragraphs. You believe that reading is more beneficial than playing games in the introduction so you have to write about the advantages of reading. You do this in the 1st body para, which is great, but in the 2nd para, you focus on the disadvantages of playing games instead. This is irrelevant to your opinion in the first place. Your discussion transition: "On the other hand" is used wrongly too. This transition is used to express your idea in a way that is different or in contrast with the first thing you mention. But your 2nd body paragraph doesn't contrast with the 1st body paragraph.

I hope my feedback is useful to you. Have a good day!!!
lexuanhoa123   
Aug 2, 2021
Writing Feedback / [IELTS task 2] Discuss both views and give opinion about spend money on improving transport [3]

Hi @nguyen3899,
I think your second body paragraph lacks a clear topic sentence. A topic sentence is a sentence that summarizes the main idea of a paragraph. In the 2nd body para, you write about the advantages of building new railway lines so you need a topic sentence at the beginning such as: "On the other hand, spending money on new railway lines between cities may be more advantageous in such a crowded city these days." Your first sentence: "On the other hand, according to ..." fails to summarize clearly the points you want to make in the 2nd body para.
lexuanhoa123   
Aug 2, 2021
Writing Feedback / Writing IELTS TASK 2 It is believed that in a bad circumstance, the best decision is to live with it [4]

TOPIC: Some people think it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.



It is believed that in a bad circumstance, the best decision is to live with it. Others, however, disagree and make an effort to improve the grim situation.

Some individuals calmly accept an ill-fortune situation instead of trying to improve it. This is because they take the view that some things are out of hand and trying to control them is impossible. They then decide to go with the flow and be positive that valuable lessons can be gained from bad fortune. Take a friend of mine, who is an excellent football player, as an example. He got sick before an important football match but he calmly accepted it and stayed at home to rest. Although he loved to participate, he knew that even if he tried to play, he would either get worsen or hinder his teammates in the match.

On the other hand, some think that making an effort to improve a bad situation is the best decision when facing a dilemma. These individuals are afraid or even paranoid of the negative consequences. For instance, a man lacking money may have nightmares at one point about being homeless, friendless, and unworthy in the future. Therefore, he tries to have more money by getting a second career or selling his assets. In other words, the man's nightmares motivate him to improve his grim circumstance.

In my opinion, when facing a bad situation, the wisest action is to analyze the problem thoroughly. If the problem is out of hand, then waste none of your time or effort in improving it. If there is a chance to make it better, however, then do it.

In conclusion, keeping a clear mind in an unpleasant circumstance is considerably important because being able to analyze the problem will help you choose the best course of action. Some things can be changed and improved but others are out of hand.

I have a question. The topic requires me to give my own opinion so should I write it in a separate paragraph or should I include it in my conclusion. Please answer and give feedback on my essay. Thanks in advance!!!
lexuanhoa123   
Aug 2, 2021
Writing Feedback / Goverments should pay more money to improve and build effective railway system [3]

Hi @ngocbich1204,
Because you wrote that building railways is more necessary than building roads in your introduction, you should have list the reasons and points to support your opinion. In other words, you should have focus on the advantages of building railways instead of the disadvantages of building roads in your first body paragraph. Your second body paragraph meets the requirement but I think your point and reasons are not quite convincing. You believe that " if people travel by train, people will have time to relax, to read some news or listen to music..."but I would argue that people can do so even when using road public transportation such as buses. Using buses can also save the environment too.

I hope my feedback is useful to you. Have a good day !
lexuanhoa123   
Aug 3, 2021
Writing Feedback / Task2: the quality of life in the large cities is becoming worse ( cause and solve ) ? [3]

Hi @Cuongnguyen543,
Your ideas are good but I think you have trouble trying to get them across. Also, your sentences are too long. In your first body paragraph, there are only 3 sentences while there are only 2 sentences in your sencond body paragraph. Long sentences are OK as long as they are understandable and clear. I think it's better if you split your long sentences into short ones and then use more transition words or phrases to make your writing more fluently.

Hope my feedback is useful to you. Bye.
lexuanhoa123   
Aug 9, 2021
Writing Feedback / Is the extinction of individual plant and animal species the main environmental problem today? [4]

Some people say that the main environmental problem of our time is the loss of particular species of plants and animals. Others say that there are more important environmental problems.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

.


Whether the extinction of individual plant and animal species should be the main environmental problem of our time is debatable. Some people consider this loss of species to be less important than other environmental issues.

It is true that the disappearance of particular flora and fauna can have a detrimental effect on both the ecosystem and human lives. When one species die out, other species in this food chain will be affected considerably. Aside from having less food, the number of some species will increase dramatically while the population of others will reduce. In other words, the ecosystem is no longer in balance when one species become extinct. Furthermore, the next human generation has no opportunity of observing the diversity of our ecosystem as well as witnessing and learning more about certain species because of their extinction.

However, some people believe that the falling number of particular species is just one of Nature's ruthless tests to cross out the weak and keep the fittest. They think that instead of focusing on protecting rare or dying species, we should pay more attention to other important issues such as climate change and pollution. Over the past few years, climate change has resulted in rising sea level that leads to frequent flooding in low areas and the gradual shrinking of habitual land and islands. Apart from that, pollution also affects many aspects of our lives negatively. As a consequence of pollution, food and home become increasingly scarce while human health deteriorate. If the main contributors to these problems take no urgent actions to cease or delay them, there will be no hope for the human future.

Although the loss of certain flora and fauna is detrimental, I believe we should focus more on ceasing climate change and pollution because if they continue, there will be less land and less food for everyone, including animals and plants.

In conclusion, people should pay more attention to other important environmental issues that are more significant than the extinction of particular flora and fauna.

I hope you will read my essay and give feedback on it. Thanks in advance!!!
lexuanhoa123   
Aug 12, 2022
Writing Feedback / If a product is good enough or it meets people's needs, advertising is unnecessary. Opinion essay [4]

Hi,
I think that in this sentence "Many people (...), as a result, advertisement is...", you have used "as a result" wrongly. This sentence has two independent clauses so if you want to link these two independent clauses together, you must add "and" before "as a result". But if you don't want to use "and", you have no choice but to separate the first clause from the second clause with a dot. This means that instead of one long sentence, there will be two short sentences like this: "... requirements.As a result, advertisement is ... "

I hope this helps. Keep up your good work.
lexuanhoa123   
Aug 13, 2022
Writing Feedback / ESSAYS ABOUT PUBLIC MUSEUMS AND ART GALLERIES (are they still needed?) [3]

Hi,
In your first reasoning paragraph, your topic sentence mentions that:"... public museums and art galleries had better be opened for the purpose of protecting historical objects and art works from being spoiled." This means that you should use your whole first reasoning paragraph to give reasons or examples that will support your idea that museums and art galleries are needed to conserve historical objects and artworks from being damaging. In fact, I think you are doing fine up until the moment you mention: "Besides, public museums ... Most people would prefer ..." These two sentences are irrelevant to your topic sentence. In other words, they did not support your topic sentence.

In a paragraph, the most important sentence is the topic sentence. This sentence will mention the subject of that whole paragraph. This is why I think you should check whether your points, reasons, and examples in a paragraph are truly supporting your topic sentence.

I hope this helps you. Keep up your good work.
lexuanhoa123   
Aug 17, 2022
Writing Feedback / Writing IELTS Task 2: People have different views regarding the importance of robots in societies [2]

Topic:
Some people believe that robots will play an important role in future societies, while others argue that robots might have negative effects on societies.

Discuss both views and give your own opinion.



People have different views regarding the importance of robots in societies. While some think that the benefits of these machines will make them an essential part of future societies, I strongly believe that robots may affect our lives negatively in the long run.

On the one hand, robots have benefited our lives considerably. People do not have to do manual jobs such as cleaning cars or packing items because robots can do them much more effectively and efficiently. Unlike humans, these machines can handle strenuous work for long hours without taking a break, and as a result, products that were once expensive can now be mass-produced and labor has become much cheaper. Additionally, people will have extra time to unwind or focus on other important issues. For example, instead of sweeping and cleaning the floor, my uncle bought a robot to do that for him and in the meantime, he focuses on his job.

On the other hand, I think robots can have negative effects on our societies in the long run. People will become too dependent on these machines and may expect them to do all the work, including the most simple ones. Some of these expectations are very bad because they demotivate and disillusion people. For instance, I happened to meet a few students who had an illusion that someday, a robot will be invented to do all their homework and assignments and I believe that these thoughts of being dependent on robots keep students from trying their best to finish their works. In addition, the unemployment rate will rise because robots have handled most of the strenuous and manual labor. This can lead to bigger problems such as destitution or an increase in crime.

In conclusion, although robots have some advantages that can benefit our societies greatly, I think that in the long term, these machines will affect human societies in a bad way.

I really appreciate any kind of feedback. Thank you in advance.
lexuanhoa123   
Aug 20, 2022
Writing Feedback / Some people think that all teenagers should be required to do unpaid work in their freetime to help [3]

Hi,
I think that in your conclusion, using "boast their soft skills" is inappropriate. I checked the dictionary beforehand to see the meanings of the word "boast" and it said that "boast" has two meanings. Firstly, "boast" means speaking too proudly or happily about what you have done or what you own. Secondly, "boast" means having or owing something you are proud of. So using "boast their soft skills" is unsuitable. You should use "develop their soft skills", "sharpen their soft skills" or "boost their soft skills" instead because "develop", "sharpen" and "boost" all mean to improve something.

I also think that using "increase mutual relationships" is unsuitable. It sounds more natural if you use "build", "develop", or "improve" with the word "relationship". Actually, I don't really know why this is the case. I just never see anyone or any sentence uses "increase the relationship". I guess that because "increase" means to make something become larger in amount or size but no one uses " a large relationship" or "a small relationship", so maybe that's why it's wrong to use "increase mutual relationships".

I hope this helps. Keep up your good work.
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