Undergraduate / My family came to America with limited amounts of money -common app essay [5]

This is only my rough draft, and I am even not sure I might use this or just pick another topic. So please leave a honest comment.

Thank you very much!!
PS. I am not the best essay writer, I'am more of a math and science person... So I am very sorry if my essay many error.

MY ESSAY..

Indicate a person who has had a significant influence on you, and describe that influence.(is the topic)

My family came to America with limited amounts of money and two small bags filled with our belongings. We were lucky to be able to rent a small basement room, which only had a twin sized bed, two chairs, and a big mirror. Only two days after we moved into our new "home", my parents were hired to work at a 24 hour grocery store in South Philadelphia. My parent worked from sun up to mid might, sometimes until three o'clock AM, lifting boxes and restocking shelves. Because my parents were out till midnight, the only person that I got to communicate with was my brother, JONH SMITH. Soon after my family moved to America, my brother was more like a parent to me than a sibling. He performed tasks like cooking, cleaning, and disciplining me. Despite the fact that my brother was only eight years older than me, he was and is the most influential person in my life.

By looking at my brother, I have witnessed numerous amounts of his actions that influenced me to become the man that I am today. Throughout my eighteen years of life with my brother, the one thing that he has influenced me was his determination for success. Coming to America at an older age, it was very difficult for my brother to speak and understand English. However, he would study day and night to perfect the new language, and soon after, he was able speak and writing English effortlessly. Even though learning a new language was very hard, especially English, my brother never gave up and kept at it until his goals were satisfied. He even managed to get into a college and graduate to become a Pharmacist. My brother's diligence is what influenced me to do what he has accomplished. He has shown me that if anyone tries their best and never surrenders, no matter what the hardship is, the outcome will always be successful.

By observing my brother, I have noticed that success cannot be easily attained but it is not impossible to achieve it. My brother once told me "Henry, this world works much like a business, depending on how much time and money you invest in the business, it will either flourish or fail." I want to keep in mind what my brother has said, and invest everything I got into my future. I know that if I follow my brother's footsteps, I, too, well one day become as successful as him. As a father figure in my life, my brother has influenced my present life and my future life. John Quincy Adam will always be my hero and my mentor no matter how much time has passed.

Thank you again for your help and your time. Have a great day!

Undergraduate / massachusetts college of pharmacy supplement essay. [3]

Hi.. This is my last essay and, I just wanted to make sure if it was applicable to MCPHS..
Essay Question is
"Please submit a brief 250-word essay discussing your reasons for choosing the specific health care career you wish to pursue and why you are applying to MCPHS."

(This essay was not the best one i have written, but It was the best I could do.)
Please tell me if this is even applicable and if you see any errors please inform me.
Thank you very much for you time!

ESSAY..

Throughout my life, I always felt inclined to help others. However, as a kid, I experienced a feeling of uselessness. As a child, the only memories of my grandfather were in a hospital hooked up to various types of machines that were keeping him alive. He suffered from liver cancer and dying of a slow and painful death. It killed me that the only thing I could do for him was hold his hands and hope for the best. I wanted to help him, but nothing could him back to his original health. Soon after he was diagnosed with cancer, he passed away on a Monday morning precisely at 8:45 AM. When my grandfather passed away, I remember my whole family crying and morning for days. After this traumatic experience in my life, I told myself that no one should ever experience what my grandfather has gone through and the trauma that my family went through.

As a future pharmacist, I would dedicate my life to serving others for the hope of a better more healthy future. There are still a wide variety of illnesses that the 21st century drug cannot cure, but in the future I want to donate my time and my knowledge to the medical field to cure these illnesses. To achieve my goals, I will take advantage of the six year Doctor of Pharm. program that the Massachusetts College of Pharmacy and Health Science provide for the future generation of Pharmacists. With the education from MCPHS, I will provide ill people with hope of healing so they can always greet their family members with a smile on their faces. (273 words)

Again, thank you so much for your help and most importantly your time.
GOOD LUCK TO EVERYONE APPLYING TO COLLEGES!!!

Undergraduate / "Professional Goals Statement and should explain in detail" NEED A LITTLE HELP [NEW]

Please help me write a Professional Goals statement!!! I have been up all night trying to write one, and being this is my first time writing one, I have no idea how to write it. I did a ruff draft and i wanted to get it checked before i finalized it.

Thank you so much for your help and time!!!

Professional Goals Statement and should explain in detail:
- Your interest in the PharmD program
- Why you have chosen this degree program
- How you developed this interest
- Your career goals
- Any attributes and accomplishments you believe will enhance your future academic and career success.

My STATEMENT
My main reason for me to attend USP is for its PharmD program so I can achieve my goal of becoming a Pharmacist. I found out about USP and its phenomenal PharmD program from my brother, who is currently attending USP. Even though my brother was a big part in convincing me to become a pharmacist for all its benefits and high salary, there was another person that convinced me the most, my grandfather.

Even though I was still very young, I remember watching him lifeless and connected to more machines than I can count. He suffered from liver cancer and there was no surgery or medicine in the world could cure him. Looking at him so lifeless, I said to myself "No one should see their grandparents so lifeless." After my grandfathers passed away, I knew that in the future I would really want to help elders so they can always greet their grandkids with a smile.

This is why when I graduate from USP and become a pharmacist, I would like to study more in the field of geriatric pharmacy. My goal is not to cure cancer, but to make sure no one has to go through what I have gone through with my grandfather. I want everyone's grandparents to be happy to see their family members, not worrying about the pain they are suffering through. As a volunteer a Brookdale Senior Living, I have learned that most residents in Brookdale are in so much pain and sometimes medicine is the only thing that really gets them through the day. As a future pharmacist, I would do more to aid senior citizens live a healthier and happier life.

My question is: "is this long or short for a statement?" and "is all my questions answered?"

This is one i wrote for another college but a just a short essay but seems like a goal statement so i posed this too. If this one is more like a goal statement please tell me.

As a future pharmacist, I would dedicate my life to serving others for the hope of a healthier future. There are still a wide variety of illnesses that the 21st century drug cannot cure, but in the future I want to donate my time and my knowledge to the field of pharmaceutics to cure latest illnesses. To achieve my goals, I will take advantage of the six year Doctor of Pharm. program that the University of Science in Philadelphia provides for the future generation of Pharmacists. With the education from University of Rhode Island, I will provide medication to people who are ill, so they can always greet their family members with a smile on their faces.

PLEASE TELL ME WHICH ON IS BETTER TO USE, WHAT SHOULD BE FIXED, AND IF IM ON THE RIGHT TRACK.
Thank you sooo much for your help and time!!! I hope everyone has good luck with their colleges!!!