Unanswered [7] | Urgent [0]
  

Posts by car3n
Joined: Nov 15, 2009
Last Post: Feb 21, 2011
Threads: 3
Posts: 6  
From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 9
sort: Oldest first   Latest first  | 
car3n   
Nov 15, 2009
Writing Feedback / "Why people love watching action movies" Formal Essay [3]

"Action movies are full filling to many movie watchers because it supplies audiences with electrifying excitement, presents us a hero to look up to, and its easy to comprehend by all viewers"

I believe that is one word. I think it should be spelled "fulfilling". Other than that I think everthing is covered. I liked how descriptove you were, by the way.
car3n   
Nov 15, 2009
Graduate / sop for masters in biotechnology [4]

Since the days of my childhood, I had the fortune to live close to Nature, at least for a few months of the year, whenever I visited my native village. This interaction must have sown the seeds of my fascination for Biology. A love for Nature, naturally led to a curiosity about the workings of Nature.

A project for the science exhibition at my School, gave me a glimpse of the enthralling world of Science- the tissue culture of a carrot intrigued me- and that was the beginning of my dream to become a Bio technologist.

Since I was determined to achieve my dream career, I planned carefully; I chose Biology and Mathematics at my Higher Secondary Level, after clearing my Basic School level with 95% grades. Throughout my school days, I maintained outstanding academic records to realiz e my dream.

I had the good fortune to pursue my course for Bachelor degree in s Biotechnology at Centre for Plant Molecular Biology and Biotechnology, an institution that happens to be the pioneer in molecular biology and bio technology research. The exposure that I have received here has strengthened my resolve to further explore the field of Bio technology.

The course is multi faceted in its content- Plant Breeding, plant and Animal Bio Technology, Environmental and Stress Bio Technology, Bio Prospecting, Tissue Culture and Transgenic Technology, Molecular Bio Technology, Industrial Bio Technology to just name a few. My deep rooted interest in this field has enabled me to obtain 87% marks till my last semester and I am sure that the final results will justify my interests and boost my confidence. Such a flexible course, designing has made me confident to pursue a masters in any field of biotechnology since I have basic expertise in all these fields.

As part of our educational project, we had an interesting tour to visit some of the reputed national and international research institutes of India like ICRISAT(Indian council for Agricultural Research), CGIAR, ICGEB(International centre for Genetic Engineering and Biotechnology), to name a few.

Our stay at an Indian village for nearly a month enabled me to have an idea about the impact of Bio technology on the common man and our utmost need to remember the human factor while exploring the fields of research.

My inspiration has been Anand Chakraborty; his work on superbugs has assured me that biotechnology is not just about research, it is something which strives to make the world a better place to live in.

My Biotechnology work Experience at Madurai Kamaraj University revolved round the "Analysis of aggregation propensity and intrinsic disorder of human proteome " which intensified my flair for research.

To explore the different areas of biotechnology, I choose my final year project in genetic engineering which corresponds to "Expression of Codon optimized synthetic cry2Ax gene in Rice by particle bombardment method"

My primary research interest is drug designing for cancer cure; I hope to find my particular focus with suitable guidance and after further studies. I plan to explore all facets of cancer research starting from understanding the molecular mechanisms, Bioprospecting for potential drugs, molecular modelling and drug designing till bio-pharming.

I am fully convinced that masters in a your university will instill in me the requisite knowledge about the molecular machineries of Cell, guide me in the right direction towards further research and help me realiz e my dreams about playing a key role in the eradication of Cancer in the near future.

I am sure that the academic environs of your esteemed university will be the ideal place to pursue my Post-graduate education. The more I come to know about the excellent academic profile of your University, the research facilities available there and the educational environment, the more I am eager to pursue my further studies there and build my career.

I am sure you will give me the opportunity to prove my worth and be a credit to your University.


What I put in red is what I think you should do in the essay. It's just minor spelling and I think everything else is fine. Best of luck.
car3n   
Nov 15, 2009
Undergraduate / "very diverse, delightful, and invigorating" - Rutgers Undergraduate Essay. [4]

Good afternoon.
This is my first time on this essay forum and I hope it will help me. I'll admit I am not very good at grammar skills so can someone please check my essay and that it is a good response to the question asked? I want to send my applicationas soon as possible and get it over with before the due date, Dec. 1. Here is the question.

Rutgers University is a vibrant community of people with a wide variety of backgrounds and experiences. How would you benefit from and contribute to such an environment? Consider variables such as your talents, travels, leadership activities, volunteer services, and cultural experiences. Only personal essays submitted via our website will be considered. You may enter a maximum of 3800 characters including spaces.

Diversity is the truth that helps us see the real world. Coming from a deprived and stringent family, I was not given much of the opportunity to explore the world nor expand my perspective of it. My life, by far, has been devoted to school and home, studying and working. I was not allowed to participate in many extra curricular activities nor go out with my cousins and friends. At first, I thought my life was going to remain mundane, until one day I realized living this way would not turn out so bad. Then, I came up with a plan.

I figured that if I work hard now, I do not have to worry much about any difficulties that will come my way. I believe God will reward me for my hard work, and that if I put my heart into everything I do, life would reward me with many benefits. Hopefully, someday I will be living life in paradise. In the meantime, I worked diligently in my studies striving for success. The next thing I knew, I achieved straight A's.

Eventually, everything I gave in to my studies paid off. My work was recognized and teachers saw that I had the potential to do so many things. One day, my parents received a letter saying I was nominated to a leadership conference in Washington D.C.. It was very expensive, but seeing that I do well in school, my parents believed I deserved to attend it. When I arrived there, I became friends with several other students from different schools of every state. We were given many opportunities, including individually meeting Representatives, even the Senator! The National Young Leadership Conference was a one time experience in my life, and it was great. Until today, I receive letters from them to attend the other conferences. Surely the Global Young Leadership Conference would have been fascinating as well, but it was much more extravagant.

As time went on, I was given the leadership position as Vice President for Belleville High School's Octagon Club. Being Vice President requires a lot of responsibility and dedication, but I believe we can fully help our community this year. So far we have raised a great deal of money to help those with leukemia. We will soon be helping the Salvation Army in Montclair. It is similar to what I once did at Montclair's Mountainside Hospital. I was assigned to deliver gifts to this one patient at Telemetry. He thought I was a family member, until he saw me in uniform with flowers and gifts from his loved ones. The nurse was sitting at her desk right outside the door, but he wanted a little company until his daughter arrived. It really is a great experience helping those in need. I love the feeling of being there for someone, bringing their hopes up, and putting a smile on his face. Having just completed a quarter of my senior year, I was inducted into National Honors Society. From there, I knew I just had to keep doing what I was doing and not give up. I see that I am just a few steps away from paradise. The next step was college.

As I was looking for colleges to apply to, I came to the conclusion that I would benefit best from Rutgers University as it would with me. During the summer, I visited Rutgers University in New Brunswick and I loved the place. Rutgers University is very diverse, delightful, and invigorating. That is the place I need, a place that is different. You are always surrounded with something to do and there are lots of different people that can just light up your day. In return, I will gladly continue to do my best in anything it has to offer, and when I reach the point where I am doing well in life and reach paradise, I can acknowledge Rutgers University for allowing me to see the real world and for allowing me to live the real life.
car3n   
Dec 13, 2009
Research Papers / political courage display, Cory Booker! [3]

Good evening.
My sister is participating in this contest, Profiles of Courage Award. She did an essay on Cory Booker, mayor of Newark, New Jersey. She's a freshman in high school. This was an assignment given to her in class, and she has worked so hard on it she went over the word count. She went over by 74 words! It's due Tuesday, 12/ 15/09. Their rewards are huge, and she thinks our family will benefit greatly if she wins. So can you please proofread this for my sister as soon as possible. Feel free to omit a few sentences you find unnecessary. We gladly appreciate it. THANK YOU.

By the way, the requirement for the essay was to describe how an elected official showed political courage by addressing an issue at the local, state or national level

Here is the essay.

"I think that whatever administration that comes in must take a hard look at that project and make sure it's the best deal for all of our residents," claimed a strong and heroic man.Living on the streets just as his residents do have allowed him to get a good understanding of what it takes to be a proper leader for these people. A leader who can help teenagers depart from drugs and violence in their lives, helps many children sleep fearless at midnight and give them the education they need. Additionally, a man who cares not only for himself but for those around him; a man like Cory Booker, Mayor of Newark, New Jersey.

Born on April 27, 1969, in Washington, DC, but grew up in a mostly white suburban town in northern New Jersey. He studied at California's Stanford University, earning a B.A. in political science and an M.A. in sociology. Booker was a star football player and was elected to the student government council. Following towards graduation he received a Rhodes Scholarship to Queens College, obtaining an honors degree in modern history in 1994. There he became president of the L'Chaim Society, an organization devoted to easing tensions between Jews and African-Americans. A few years later he came back to America and attended Yale University Law School, graduating in 1997. After taking a job in New Haven, Connecticut, he came back to New Jersey and was hired as a staff attorney for the New York City's Urban Justice Center. Subsequently, he became part of the Program Coordinator of the Newark (NJ) Youth Project.

Years later Booker moves into Newark, and joins a housing project called the Brick Towers. However, it broke down by the massive amount of crime problems, but later on he became the Newark City Council. In the summer of 1999, he went on a 10-day hunger strike in one of the most drug-infested housing complexes in Newark, an effort that resulted in an increased of police presence and improved security for residents. For five months in 2000, Booker took it to the streets, and he lived in a motor home and parked it on the worst drug corners in the city, inspiring residents and businesses to fight against drug dealing and crime.

With his street smarts and his battles with the student council, he was on the top of the mountain for the election for mayor in 2002. Head to head, he was against Sharpe James, and disastrously, he lost the election of 2002 to Sharpe James. Booker was defeated, fifty-three percent to forty-seven percent. Sequentially, James has soon to be known for committing fraud , conspiracy , and is now serving a 27-month prison sentence. As years passed nothing stopped Booker from achieving and reaching out to the Newark community. He became founder of Newark Now, along with becoming a partner at the West Orange law firm. On March 27, 2006, James announced that he would not continue a sixth term, preferring to focus on his seat in the New Jersey State Senator. Ronald Rice ran a campaign attacking Booker for raising over six million for the race. Booker's campaign outspent Rice's twenty-five to one.

On Election Day, May 9, 2006, Newark's election took place. This time Booker won with a seventy-two percent vote, Soundly defeating Rice, Booker's entire slate of City Council candidates, known as the "Booker Team," swept the Council elections, giving Booker a firm leadership of the city's government. Booker took office as Mayor of Newark on July 1, 2006, and is only the third person to govern the city since 1970. Elected with a clear command for change, Mayor Booker has begun work on realizing a bold vision for the City. Newark's mission is to set a national standard for urban transformation by marshalling its resources to achieve security, economic abundance and an environment that is nurturing and empowering for individuals and families. There are many indomitable actions and words Mayor Booker has pursued that helped him get to spot that he wanted to achieve.

In the month of October his administration's first adopted Newark City Budget. Being the largest about of money in the city's history , the approved $697.1 million budget resulted in an 8.3% increase in the city's property tax. Additionally, this extended the amount of employees in Newark up more than 1,000 people. Promising, not to make the tax prices go up, he has kept his word for over two years, and winning the last two consecutive years received the GFOA's Distinguished Budget Presentation Award. Reflective of the Booker Administration's continued commitment to an honest, transparent budgeting process ending decades of neglect and setting a foundation to balance the city's finances.

One of the mayor's first priorities was to reduce the city's crime rate. Reaching out to Garry McCarthy, the director of the Newark Police Department, helped lower the amount of violence in the community. With the helped from McCarthy, from 2006-2008, many murders and rapes have dropped more than thirty percent and shooting incidents more than forty percent. In 2008, Newark had its lowest murder rate since 1959, however, with the recession, robberies has gone up twenty percent in the year of 2008. Yet, on July 26, 2009, surprisingly, murders and rapes went down more than forty percent overall and robberies went down twelve percent since 2008. Along with helping Newark, Booker also helped raised the salaries of many city workers. The Booker Administration and the City of Newark imposed one-day-a-month furloughs for all non-uniformed employees from July through December 2010, as well as two-percent pay cuts for managers and directors currently earning more than $100,000 a year.

Starting off at the age of 29 years old being the youngest member ever elected to the council, an icon , and who people call "The Savior of Newark" . He reached out to one basic community, but saved a billion of lives in diverse ways. Likewise, as a man like him with a much sympathetic heart than he thinks he has. He has saved us and showed that there is always a bright light at the end of the dark tunnel. "Right before I moved to Newark, when I didn't know what I wanted to do, and I felt so lost. I said, Well, where I want to be is Newark -- let me move to the worst street I can find and just be there, a young lawyer. Be there. For people." by Cory Booker
car3n   
Dec 13, 2009
Grammar, Usage / MLA Style - Quoting Quotes in Documents / Comparative Essays? [12]

Hello, Maybe this site may help you, there are ae a few examples if you want to take a look. Hope this helps!

everything2.com/title/How+to+quote+a+quote+within+a+quote+within+a+quote%253A+a+scalable+solution
car3n   
Feb 21, 2011
Essays / Phi Theta Kappa, an international honors society- Filling application [4]

Good morning.
I received an email saying that I have been invited to join Phi Theta Kappa, an international honors society. When filling the application, I came to a point where I had to write a statement of my commitment to Phi Theta Kappa. I just wanted to see if what I had planned to write is good enough. It had to be about 50 words or so.

Here is my statement:

I commit myself to uphold the high purposes of Phi Theta Kappa to which I have been invited. As a former member of the National Society of High School Scholars, I will be loyal to my community; and, I will continue to maintain and encourage high standards of scholarship , service, leadership, and character.

Thank you for your help :)
car3n   
Feb 21, 2011
Writing Feedback / The mass media: TV, radio and newspapers, have great influence on people's ideas [5]

The issue whether the mass media, including television, radio and newspapers affects people's thinking is under discussion. Some people believe that they have a considerable effect on people while others claim that the opposite is true. I am convinced by the former view for following reasons.(What is the former view? and state your reasons)

The first reason for my support is that(This sounds like the elementary level way of writing. I prefer you just delete those words, and leave the rest of the sentence as is.)T he mass media is to expand our understanding about environment. There is(I believe "are" before "a" is gramatically incorrect, and it sounds wrong when read) a huge number of environmental programs on television every week which provides numerous viewers with explanation of the environment, and how important it is. Provide an example of a show or program, and talk about it. Without these programs, citizens may hardly comprehend the reasons why we have to protect the air, water and land on the Earth. Besides, not only does the mass media enhance our perception of the world, but it also gives us simple ways to save our home, classifying rubbish, not buying products doing harm to environment, etc.(I don't like this sentence. Very confusing. You might want to add that other movies and shows are also educational to personal lives and experiences . . . somewhere along those lines and explain with examples if you can.)

Another argument is that television, radio and newspapers intensify our knowledge about social issues and have significant influence on our attitude towards these problems. Every day there are several events which are broadcasted and analyzed on television and radio. Most of us contend whether a social event is good or not, which depends substantially on what experts analyze in the media. Moreover, regardless of what the truth is, whether good news outweigh bad news affects considerably our point of view about the situation occurring.(I got lost reading this. I could not comprehend what you were trying to say. Try to make it a little more simple) For example, when financial crisis happens, almost only bad news is reported by the mass media while other good news is ignored, whichcausing people to be more pessimistic than necessary.

In short, the mass media, including television, radio and newspapers,(the comma is not needed) has a big impact on our thoughts , cultivating our knowledge about the world, life, social issues and orienting our attitude towards them.

You need to proofread and be more detailed. Hope it helps.
car3n   
Feb 21, 2011
Undergraduate / "We make loads of junk." - Transfer Admission - An Issue of Importance to Me [4]

I know people who do not recycle, and I have heard every excuse imaginable. Some people say it takes too much time, or it is too complicated.

At first, I took the empty plastic water bottles, old magazines, junk mail, and packing materials home with me each day and made weekend trips to the recycling center on my own time.

Other than those few errors, it looks good to me. Good luck!
Need Writing or Editing Help?
Fill out one of these forms:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳

Academic AI Writer:
Custom AI Writer ◳