Undergraduate / Devotion to Volunteering at Senior Center - UC Prompt 2 [6]

I was at once shocked and offended and furious.
~
I was shocked, offended, and furious, all at once.

My devotion to helping her and her fellow senior citizen residents causes her to beam in delight whenever the other grandmas and grandpas tell her how lucky and proud she must be to have a grandson that visits her so frequently.

~
My devotion to help her and her fellow senior citizen residents...

I really liked your response, a lot of emotion! Good luck!

Undergraduate / "Mama, where's dad?" The divorce made a "gap" in my life, filled up with determination and hard work [7]

It would be more helpful if you posted the prompts.

Does this response answer whether this has shaped your dreams and aspirations or was an experience that you are proud of or determines who you have become?

When you answer that question, you will know which prompt to put this response in.

Undergraduate / Phases - Bipolar essay-for UT. I need advice/ editing. [6]

Your essay is sooo great!
The only thing that would throw the reader off is the conclusion. Talking about volunteering just came out of no where, and you probably could write another page about it, which is why I think you should take it off and continue with your essay. Try to transition an ending! It won't be hard, seeing how good your essay was.

Good luck! Sorry I couldn't help any further, trying to finish my prompts today, as today is the last day I am able to submit them! If you can, please take a look at mine and leave any input you can!

Thanks!

Undergraduate / "Mama, where's dad?" The divorce made a "gap" in my life, filled up with determination and hard work [7]

I was 5 years old when I asked that dreadful question and I didn't get an answer until I was about 9.
~
... that dreadful question and didn't get an answer until I was about 9.

Every Tuesday would be the time me and my brother would meet my father and eat dinner with him
~
Try to revise the sentence;
Every Tuesday, my brother and I would meet my father and eat dinner with him.

I suppose some people would say that it was terrible not to tell me about the divorce however I felt it was good that I didn't get an answer.

~
I suppose some people would say that it was a terrible thing not to tell me about the divorce, however, I felt it was good that I didn't get an answer.

Remember, after your 'However"s, add a comma after!

Good luck! If you can, please take a look at mine and leave any input you can!

Undergraduate / Wilderness in Southern California - UC Essay Prompt #2 [4]

As I lie there in the middle of the Sespe Wilderness, I feel completely calm in the present moment, not worrying about school, life, or relationships.

The only thing there is nature.
~
Do you mean, the only thing there is is nature?
If so, try rewording that sentence.

Freshmen year of high school, my friends and I decided to go on a life changing experience called "Wilderness Experience".

Wilderness E xperience was an immersive trip where I was thrown into the wilderness for a week with only the food I can carry and a group of about twelve other students.

After 12 hours of walking with over 60lbs of cargo, everyone in the group was tired.

...learned which plants were edible...

As night fell, I could no longer hear others in the distance.

Overall, your essay was excellent. Answers the prompt perfectly. Good luck.

Undergraduate / "the difference between everyone" - I need help with it-UC prompt 1 [3]

As a teenager of seventeen-years -old...

and yellow skins will easily betray me
~
yellow skins? Do you mean, your yellow skin?

If anyone gets to know me, they will find out that no one is even similar to me, at least in the town.
~
Try fixing the wording in this part of the sentence. they will find out that no one is even similar to me.

After so many efforts and obstacles, I managed to solve all my problems and realized my unique is a gift.
~
I don't believe you can have so many efforts, try to find another word that gets your point across.

I was born a Chinese, and given a Chinese name.
~
I wouldn't really call it a gift. There are a lot of people that were born in China and were given a Chinese name.

Honestly, it's a good essay, but this topic is being used over and over.
Wish you luck, though!

Undergraduate / my passion for wanting to help animals - UC essay #2 Prompt. [3]

But the convulsions continued until one day I came home from a trip and called for her as usual, yet she did not come.
~
Replace 'yet' with another word.

Many people everyday have to experience the pain I experienced because their pets become sick, and the only way to help them is to put them to sleep.

I used to spend hours studying animals when I was younger by watching medical shows, on channels such as Animal Planet, because I enjoyed watching and learning about the pet hospitals and how they work.

The people who spend months thinking of ways to create new vaccines to prevent diseases so you can ride your horse in the fields again are the people who really care about animals.

Undergraduate / Miss Natasha, My chiropractor - UC Prompt Number 1 and 2 ! [11]

Prompt 2

Wow, your essay is really good. As I was reading it, I don't think I found anything that needed to be changed.

One thing I would like to see in this essay is how you became to love photography. You talked about loving to swim, and all of a sudden you say your biggest love is photography. I think you should talk a little more about photography. Not too much, just a couple sentences at max.

Good luck!

Undergraduate / UC 1: My world is a fishbowl [4]

Luckily, the support I received from my family was kept me going through disheartening failures and awkward faux pas.

Your essay was very well written, I couldn't find any mistakes other than the one I posted above. I think your conclusion doesn't to be stronger, it's right to the point.

Good luck.

Essays / Parents VS You - need a few writing ideas! [8]

A lot of people write about their parents. I think you should write about your room, only if it is interesting and answers the prompt!

Good luck.

Undergraduate / Imporant Influence - Physics Teacher [5]

...Shouldn't the teacher actually tell us what to do?" I thought .

...and then let the class work together to figure out the answers on our own.

In his class, Mr. Stevens made me realize the value of knowledge.

Through his unique teaching style, Mr. Stevens made me want to work harder to understand..

Undergraduate / Common App-- short activity! Photography [4]

"A little closer to each other, please. Yup, feel free to give her a quickie!"

Short and straight to the point. I like the response, especially the introduction.

Good luck