Undergraduate / 'Academic standards / Indian roots' - University of Rochester short answer [3]

I'm applying to University of Rochester and they require 2 short answer question, maximum 125 words each. Please tell me what you think and help me cut it down a bit.

1. What makes the University of Rochester a good fit for you? In answering, identify your sources of information, including any conversations you've had with Rochester faculty, staff, students, or alumni.

I believe that University of Rochester is the ideal college for me because it is unique and suits my needs from every angle. The university has high standards in academics, which I find appealing because I'm constantly seeking to challenge myself. I also found through websites and speaking to a representative of the university that it is known as one of the best colleges for students seeking to attend medical school. Attending this school will assist me in achieving my goal of becoming a doctor. By visiting the campus and searching online, it seems to me that the students are genuinely happy at the university, with the beautiful campus, city location, and variety of clubs and school events. Between the educational benefits and the social life of living on campus, I believe that University of Rochester will provide me with the college experience that I seek. (147 words)

2. Rochester students represent many different points of view. Each student constructs an independent study and research plan. Describe what you will contribute to Rochester's diversity of ideas, experiences, and identities. If you can, incorporate a positive past experience where you chose your own learning path, or a negative experience where you wanted to exercise more independence.

I believe that my Indian roots have made a great impact on the way in which I perceive things. Taught to embrace mine's and others' cultures at an early age has helped me expand my horizons and become more open-minded and understanding to the diversity of society, particularly in an area like New York City. I am Catholic and my best friend is Hindu; eager to explore one of the unique cultural differences between us, I attended a Hindu festival celebration with her at the local temple. It was an incredible experience on my part, opening my mind to a cultural background that was different from my own. Working as an intern at a hospital, I have learned that being considerate towards your patients' customs is essential. It has reinforced the fact that this is not only important in the hospital, but in everyday life. I can only hope that I may be able to bring my experiences and knowledge to University of Rochester. (165 words)

Thank you!

Undergraduate / *NYU Supplements- My Summer, Day with Celeb, Limerick, 2050 Movie, Why Pre-Med* [5]

Hi, I would really appreciate it if I could get some constructive criticism on my NYU supplements, even if you can only read one! (It's kind of long)

(maximum 500 character each)

1. In addition to any work experience that you listed on your application, please tell us how you spent your most recent summer vacation.
I traveled much this summer, visiting colleges and exploring sites while spending quality time with my family. I also performed in cultural programs and fundraisers and took hip-hop lessons and vocal lessons. At Hershey Park I enjoyed the thrill of roller coasters and went on kiddie rides with my little sisters. My family and I also went to the Macy's Fourth of July Fireworks, where we coincidently sat next to a man claiming to be Shia LaBeouf's cousin which, to say the least, was interesting. (498 characters)

2. If you had the opportunity to spend one day in New York City with a famous New Yorker, who would it be and what would you do? (Your New Yorker can be anyone -past or present, fictional or nonfictional - who is commonly associated with New York City; they do not necessarily have to have been born and raised in New York.)

A day with James Franco would be spontaneous and full of laughter. Together we would walk around like tourists and try out multiple accents. He could teach me how to ice skate at Rockefeller Center. Afterwards, cold and sore from all the tumbles, we could sip hot chocolate, only to go out again to get our portraits done. At the end of the day, we could climb up the huge rock in Central Park and test our own artistic abilities by painting the beautiful sunset with New York City's skyline. (493 characters)

3. Write a haiku, limerick, or short (eight lines or less) poem that best represents you.

(should there be a title/commas/periods?)

I am a flower, upward bound
Bursting with color from within the ground
'Tis difficult, oh winter, to quench the spirit within
For against your darkness I shall win
Triumphantly I shall rise when (as?) the birds sing

OR

I am a seashell, the sea I abhor
With joy I accept my new home ashore
But look! Look there! Here comes a wave
Bringing forth sand through which I am enslaved
Awaiting the day I see the sunlight I adore

4. In the year 2050, a movie is being made of your life. Please tell us the name of your movie and briefly summarize the story line.

Ideas anyone? I really can't think of anything special to write. I would like to become a doctor, maybe a pediatrician, and I would definetely like to be married and have children by this time.

5. Please tell us what led you to select your anticipated academic program and/or NYU school/college, and what interests you most about your intended discipline.

Medicine has been my aspiration since childhood, not by whim or influence from my parents; rather, I became intrigued by my pediatrician's job. My sister has had eczema since she was a few months old. My family was extremely anxious as to how it would affect her life. The way our pediatrician guided and comforted us through our crisis made me realize that I would like to similarly help others, and my heart hasn't changed course since. NYU's Pre-Medical program can help me reach that ambition. (497 characters)

Thank you so much! Any comments would be greatly appreciated! =)

Undergraduate / 'From a Catholic Indian' - How I Can Contribute to UPenn's Community [5]

Hi everyone!
Please take some time to critique my UPenn supplement. Any comments at all would be extremely helpful.

Prompt: Benjamin Franklin established the Union Fire Company, the Library Company of Philadelphia, the American Philosophical Society, Pennsylvania Hospital, and, of course, the charity school that evolved into the University of Pennsylvania. As they served the larger community of Philadelphia, each institution in turn formed its own community. Which of the academic communities and social communities that now comprise the University of Pennsylvania are most interesting to you and how will you contribute to them and to the larger Penn community?

Looking into the extracurricular activities at University of Pennsylvania, I was overwhelmed by the multitude of clubs available to students. These activities facilitate the students' exploration of the many facets that makes them diverse from one another. It also allows them to connect and form lasting relationships with other individuals who share common interests and backgrounds. As a Catholic Indian with an interest in medicine who enjoys singing and dancing, there is much that this university has to offer for me that I can give in return.

Medicine has been my aspiration since childhood. The way my pediatrician guided my family through a medical crisis made me realize that I would similarly like to help others. By high school, my passion for the sciences set my resolve to becoming a doctor. I believe that University of Pennsylvania can help me reach this ambition by preparing me for medical school with the many majors and opportunities given to pre-med students. The Pre-Medical Association at Penn would allow me to meet others like myself who are interested in medicine and contribute what I know about health issues. I am also be interested in joining the Minority Association of Pre-Health Students because, similar to the internship I participated in, it seeks to encourage the employment of minorities in health-related professions and addresses racial inequalities within the healthcare field, both of which are issues that I am fervent upon addressing to the public.

Taught to accept all cultural differences has helped me expand my horizons and become more open-minded towards the diversity of a society, like that of New York City. I am proud of my Indian heritage and I am definitely interested in joining The United Minorities Council, which enables me to express that pride. A reason it is particularly of interest to me is because one of the topics they focus on is racial disparities. Besides speaking about Indian culture, I would also love to be able to help Penn showcase Indian culture. I have had a passion for singing since I was child, particularly songs in Indian languages such as Hindi, Malayalam, and Tamil. Therefore, I was thrilled when I heard about Atma, the South Asian a cappella group, a group unique to Penn that is rarely found elsewhere. That is one group I would without a doubt be interested in joining. Pennaach, a club that performs Indian dances, would allow me to show the audience traditional, classical, and modern forms of Indian dance.

A devout Catholic all my life, the Penn Catholic Student Association would be an ideal group for me to join. Charity work has always been taken seriously in my house and I felt overwhelmed by the vast number of community service opportunities available to students at Penn, many of which I am interested in to taking part of. I am an active member of many non-profit organizations and I intend to continue to lend my help during college. The Penn Habitat for Humanity is an organization that provides affordable housing to those in need around the world. I have been involved with this program since for years and will continue to participate in it during college. Helping out groups like Strive for College will enable me to work with kids and provide them with information that I had not received when I needed it. I also desire to help other groups such as Operation Smile, organizations that have touched my heart one too many times for me to sit back and not act for it.

It would be fictitious to say that the advantages to University of Pennsylvania's academic and social communities are one-sided; everyone benefits from these groups by giving all they have to offer and listening to what others have in their minds as well. I believe that my cultural background and various interests, as well as my willingness to join and play a role in the many Penn groups, provides me with many opportunities to contribute to the Penn community. From intellectual interests to backgrounds to hobbies and community service, this university offers its students many means by which they can embrace who they are and, in turn, give students the opportunity to reveal what they have contribute to University of Pennsylvania.

Thanks for reading!

Undergraduate / Medical School Cornell Essay- intellectual interests and their evolution [5]

Hi, I'm in desperate need of some criticism for my Cornell essay.
I'm not sure if I'm answering the question correctly. Please help me out.

Medical School Preparation

"What would you like to become when you grow up?" My friend had answered the question by saying that she would like to work in a candy shop so that she could eat candy all day. Following her response I answered with a serious expression, saying that I would like to become a doctor. My response had been so certain compared to my peers' colorful responses that my kindergarten teacher laughed, telling the parents visiting for Career Day that I seemed ready for medical school already. Wrinkling my nose at the prospect of more school, I distinctly remember saying that I wanted to become a doctor because I liked the "superhero capes" they wear. That drew even more laughs from the adults in the room. Little did I know that there was truth in my answer- doctors are indeed heroes in everyday life.

Becoming a doctor has been my aspiration since childhood. The motive behind this decision in the beginning may have been shallow, but my desire later grew on more logical grounds. My sister has had eczema since she was one month old. Watching my pediatrician advise and comfort us through our family's crisis made me realize that I would like to similarly help others by being a doctor. Always a curious child, the concept of my sister's eczema confused me - why my sister got it and not me, why she itches touching silk while I can wear the dresses without the slightest irritation, what causes her allergic reactions. Answers always vague, I found myself frustrated and constantly searched for answers.

By high school, my passion for the sciences set my resolve to become a doctor. I walk into my AP Biology class everyday excited, knowing that I will be learning something new, complex, and interesting. I love finding out the "why" behind everything that happens in the world around us such as our genetic makeup. The knowledge that science makes our lives easier in many ways, such as immunizing us from potentially detrimental illnesses, fascinates me. My love for the sciences and my desire to help others makes the career of a doctor perfect for me. Combine this with my love for children and understanding of the desperate lengths parents go through for their children's health and you get the ideal candidate for a pediatrician.

I believe that attending Cornell can help me reach my career ambition by preparing me for medical school with its array of majors and opportunities given to students. It would provide me with the high level of education I seek, with its challenging and motivating classes, as well as a rich and meaningful college experience. Majoring in Biological Sciences at the College of Arts and Sciences would bring me one step closer toward reaching my goal. This university offers its students many means by which they can stimulate their minds and grow as a person, and I hope that I may be able to join and contribute to the Cornell community.

Undergraduate / Johns Hopkins Supplement- Why Biology Essay [2]

In desperate need of help!
Please look over my essay for Johns Hopkins.

A question often asked to students by their teachers: "What would you like to become when you grow up?" My classmate had responded to the question by saying that she would like to work in a candy shop so that she could eat candy all day. Following her response I answered with a serious expression on my face, saying that I would like to become a doctor. My response, so certain compared to my peers' colorful responses, brought out a laugh from my kindergarten teacher. She responded by telling the parents visiting for Career Day that I seemed ready for medical school already. Wrinkling my nose in distaste at the prospect of more school, I replied by saying that I wanted to become a doctor because I liked the "superhero capes" that they wear. That drew even more laughs from the adults in the room. Little did I know that there was truth in my answer- doctors are indeed heroes in everyday life.

Becoming a doctor has been my aspiration since childhood. The reason behind this decision in the beginning may have been shallow, but my desire later grew on more logical grounds. My sister has had eczema since she was one month old. My family, extremely anxious as to how it would affect her life, looked towards our pediatrician for help. The way our pediatrician guided and comforted us through our crisis made me realize that I would like to similarly help others, and my heart hasn't changed course since. Doctors are an important part of a community and I want to make a difference in people's lives. I enjoy helping people out, whether it is a matter of giving some advice or being there when someone needs some support. Becoming a doctor is a great way for me to get out into the world and help those in need.

Curious even as a child, the concept of my sister's eczema confused me - why my sister got it and not me, why she itches when she touches silk while I can wear the dresses without the slightest irritation, what causes her allergic reactions. I asked many questions as a child, questions that had answers much too complicated for my youthful mind to comprehend. Questions were always either left unanswered or received answers much too vague, and I found myself frustrated, constantly hunting for answers. At school, I found the answer to my questions: science. Intrigued by the many aspects of science and the intricate ways by which our bodies and everything around us work, science became my favorite subject. Disease-causing genetic mutations; Einstein's much heard of, but less understood theory of relativity; the combination of two monosaccharides through the process of dehydration synthesis- science knows no limits. By high school, my passion for the sciences set my resolve to become a doctor. I walk into my AP Biology class everyday excited, knowing that I will be learning something new, complex, and interesting. I love finding out the "why" behind everything that happens in the world around us, such as the cause of my sister's eczema and our genetic makeup. The knowledge that science makes our lives easier in many ways, such as immunizing us from potentially detrimental illnesses, fascinates me.

Within the subject of science, there is always something new you can learn; it is forever growing, changing, evolving. My love for the sciences and my desire to help others makes the career of a doctor perfect for me. Combine this with my love for children and understanding of the desperate lengths parents go through for their children's health and you get the ideal candidate for a pediatrician. I believe that attending Johns Hopkins can help me reach this ambition and satisfy my thirst for knowledge by preparing me for medical school with its array of majors, resources, and opportunities. It would provide me with the high level of education I seek with its challenging and motivating classes, as well as a rich and meaningful college experience. Majoring in biology or physics at the Krieger School of Arts and Sciences would bring me one step closer toward reaching my goal. This university offers its students many means by which they can stimulate their minds and grow as a person, and I hope that I may become a part of and contribute to the Johns Hopkins community.

Any and all comments/criticism is welcome.
Thanks!

Undergraduate / 'My sister has had eczema' - My Influences for Pursuing Medicine Essay [3]

Hi!
This is one of my essays for Sophie Davis.

To aid the Admissions Committee in learning more about you, please share your current influences and interest for pursuing medicine.

A question often asked to students by their teachers: "What would you like to become when you grow up?" My classmate had responded to the question by saying that she would like to work in a candy shop so that she could eat candy all day. Following her response I answered with a serious expression on my face, saying that I would like to become a doctor. My response, so certain compared to my peers' colorful responses, brought out a laugh from my kindergarten teacher. She responded by telling the parents visiting for Career Day that I seemed ready for medical school already. Wrinkling my nose in distaste at the prospect of more school, I replied by saying that I wanted to become a doctor because I liked the "superhero capes" that they wear. That drew even more laughs from the adults in the room. Little did I know that there was truth in my answer- doctors are indeed heroes in everyday life.

Becoming a doctor has been my aspiration since childhood. The reason behind this decision in the beginning may have been shallow, but my desire later grew on more logical grounds. My sister has had eczema since she was one month old. My family, extremely anxious as to how it would affect her life, looked towards our pediatrician for help. The way our pediatrician guided and comforted us through our crisis made me realize that I would like to similarly help others, and my heart hasn't changed course since. Doctors are an important part of a community and I want to make a difference in people's lives. I enjoy helping people out, whether it is a matter of giving some advice or being there when someone needs some support. Becoming a doctor is a great way for me to get out into the world and help those in need.

Curious even as a child, the concept of my sister's eczema confused me - why my sister got it and not me, why she itches when she touches silk while I can wear the dresses without the slightest irritation, what causes her allergic reactions. I asked many questions as a child, questions that had answers much too complicated for my youthful mind to comprehend. My questions were always either left unanswered or received answers much too vague, and I found myself frustrated, constantly hunting for answers. At school, I found the answer to my questions: science. Intrigued by the many aspects of science and the intricate ways by which our bodies and everything around us work, science became my favorite subject. Disease-causing genetic mutations; Einstein's much heard of, but less understood theory of relativity; the combination of two monosaccharides through the process of dehydration synthesis- science knows no limits. By high school, my passion for the sciences set my resolve to become a doctor. I walk into my AP Biology class everyday excited, knowing that I will be learning something new, complex, and interesting. I love finding out the "why" behind everything that happens in the world around us, such as the cause of my sister's eczema and our genetic makeup. The knowledge that science makes our lives easier in many ways, such as immunizing us from potentially detrimental illnesses, fascinates me.

Within the subject of science, there is always something new you can learn; it is forever growing, changing, evolving. My love for the sciences and my desire to help others makes the career of a doctor perfect for me. Combine this with my love for children and understanding of the desperate lengths parents go through for their children's health and you get the ideal candidate for a pediatrician. I believe that attending the Sophie Davis School of Biomedical Education can help me reach this ambition and satisfy my thirst for knowledge by bringing me directly into medicine with its array of majors, resources, and opportunities and rigorous training in the medical field. It would provide me with the high level of education I seek with its challenging and motivating classes, as well as a rich and meaningful college experience. The BS-MD Program at Sophie Davis would bring me one step closer toward reaching my goal. It would allow me to complete my studies in seven years, allowing me to reach my lifelong ambition earlier than anticipated. I understand the demands of this program and the difficulty of the courses given to students. Attending Sophie Davis, I would take this challenge and put all my effort into doing the best I possibly can to exceed expectations of its students. Sophie Davis offers its students many means by which they can stimulate their minds and grow as a person, and I hope that I may become a part of and contribute to the Sophie Davis community.

Any suggestions would be helpful. Thank you!