Undergraduate / "My Reasons for DUKE and Engineering" - Duke Supplement [6]

Hi,

I am not sure if the WHY Duke part is enough, I tried to approach it in a different way.

Be harsh if necessary.

And Thank you for your help.
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If you are applying to the Pratt School of Engineering, please discuss why you want to study engineering and why you would like to study at Duke.

From Lego pieces to remote-control cars to iPods and computers, I grew up surrounded by technology. As a boy, I was fascinated by gadgets and gizmos. As a teenager, I still have an affinity with that childhood penchant. Of course, my curiosity in how-things-work is just a fraction of my interest in engineering. Being the critical thinker that I am, I have spent time speculating the affects of technology and the growth of it. I notice the social impact each innovation has; I am, truly, fascinated to see people use their cell phones as credit cards or boarding passes -internet is a thing of the past! I am amazed by how each innovation can have a significant impact on the world. I wish to contribute to the movement of technology and the development of humankind. Basically, my drive for engineering comes from two sources, my inherent inclination to create innovations and my passion to improve living standards - through the creation of gadgets and gizmos - and make them more accessible to the rest of the world.

Besides the world acclaimed engineering programs and vast research opportunities at Duke, there is something special about Duke that draws my interest. It is the fact that Duke is, considerably, a much younger school compared to other well-known universities; there is so much room for growth. The students and faculty members at Duke recognize this and collaborate in order to make the best of Duke. In doing so, they create a communal sense that builds a strong community. For instance, different schools at Duke interact with each other to reach a common goal - unlike many great universities where different schools remain separate. In this sense, the community is exuberant. Duke is filled with life.

So it is no surprise that Pratt has over twenty-five student organizations. I was most intrigued by one club, Formula SAE Duke Motorsports - a group comprised of undergraduate students and graduate students. Duke Motorsports not only shares a common objective of excelling in the FSAE competitions but also has a common interest in participating public activities such as the Duke-Durham School Days program and the K-12 Engineering Outreach Initiative. Groups like the FSAE Duke Motorsports contribute back to Duke and are, in turn, what connects students at Duke with the community. I want to join this group to exercise my interests in engineering and engage in community activities that, collectively, bring Duke together. I will continue to grow, as a person, alongside Duke and I want to contribute to that growth. Together with other students at Duke, we will define new status quos, create new futures, and grow to discover who we are. There are many schools with world acclaimed engineering programs and there are several schools in which a community sense is present. But few institutions are able to achieve both at the same time: Duke does. And for this reason, Duke is my top choice.

Undergraduate / "WHY JHU and WHY Biomedical Engineering" - JHU Supplement [4]

Hello,

Please be harsh if necessary. Any feedback will be appreciated. Post your essay I'll edit too.
Thank you for your help.
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Johns Hopkins offers 50 majors across the schools of Arts and Sciences and Engineering. On this supplement, we ask you to identify one or two that you might like to pursue here. Why did you choose the way you did? If you are undecided, why didn't you choose? (If any past courses or academic experiences influenced your decision, you may include them in your essay.)

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I want to learn about biology and engineering. Bioengineering is my first choice.

The image of the telephone is still fresh in my mind and the voice of my friend still vivid. The phone rang. I picked it up. It was my best friend: "My mother is dead." Seven years ago, my best friend's mother died of cancer. At that time, I was still young. I couldn't contemplate the difficulties that were set ahead of my friend and I am sure he didn't know either. His father promised to take care of him. But after two years he re-married and left his son to the government. The childhood of my friend was, suddenly, ruined.

I often look back at this incident and ask my self, "How did this happen?" The answer is simple: medicine. I can't guarantee that the actions of the father would have been different, but I know things would have worked out differently if medical advancement were at a point that could save cancer. It's amazing how something such as an overproduction of cells could change lives. And it irritates me how cancer, seven years ago and today, does not have a cure.

I recognize the problems of the world and I am very optimistic in approaching them. I can't solve all the problems but I can do my best and solve as many as I can. I want to contribute to society and help reduce the number of diseases that cannot be cured as of date. I want to be a doctor to help the people; the people I can save and the family members I can prevent from suffering. I see medicine as a path of contentment because it fulfills my desires.

The world is an interesting place. Problems spawn from people who inhabit it and challenges arise and wait to be overcome. One of these challenges is cancer and, likewise, the problems that revolve around it. Seven years ago, my friend's mother could not be saved. But who knows how many cancer patients can be saved seven years in the future: I want to contribute to this number. Recently, I am enthralled to find that medicine research has shed new light on the activation of a key protein in cancer development: I want to contribute to this research. Seven years later, I want to save every cancer patient (an ambitious dream, but that's what dreams are for)!

I know the path to medicine and I am fully aware of the difficulties. Piece by piece, I have grasp the true essence of who I want to become. I know I can look back at the sufferings of my friend and use his pain as the motivator in my pursuit to become a doctor: more importantly, I will use it to remind myself why I've chosen this path - there are people waiting to be saved. As I embark on my journey, Johns Hopkins' Biomedical Engineering Program will be my first step.

Undergraduate / "Short Answers + Best Advice" - Brown Supplement [2]

Hello again,
This is the Brown Supplement. Please critique it and I will critique yours too.
Thank you
One thing that bothers me is the amount of questions in the first paragraph. Do you guys think its too much or is it a good way to convey the message?

What is the best piece of advice you've ever been given, and why?
"Close your eyes, and look"
You mean literally?
How I am supposed to do that?
Look through my eyelids?

No. What my mother meant was to close my eyes and look not onto the world but into myself; gaze into the chambers of my heart and look through the windows of my soul. What do I see? Do I see myself? Do I know who I am? I am proud of my actions, are they filled with righteousness or deceit? Have I tried my best? These were the questions interconnected with those words. Never did I grasp the full significance of them. But slowly, I am beginning to extricate the enigma planted in them.

In no time, these words became a part of my life. And no such advice has been able to affect me to such lengths. When I look at myself, I want to see someone who has no regrets, someone who works diligently in every aspect of life, and someone whose actions are committed with virtue.

The presence of my mother, and the wisdom that comes along with it, has shaped who I am. Those words have turned into advice that will continue to guide me through my journey in life. But it is up to me to interrupt them.

There are several events in my childhood that would never have come to fruition if I never tired. For instance, something as small as making the Rep team for hockey seemed like I was reaching for the sky. But during the summer, before hockey tryouts, I poured my efforts to improve my skills, my stamina, and my game. Then come tryout time and I made the team! The training that summer was rigorous and I had to forgo my other activities because of it. But I asked myself, "If I don't at least try, am I going to regret this later on in my life". And the answer was just a plain and simple yes.

By interrupting the words of my mother correctly, I take a closer step towards a life filled with ethics. And I recognize the power instilled in those words and will pass them on to others. Whenever I see my peers say, "Wow, this is just way to hard so I am not going to do it", I explain to them the words of my mother. I ask them if they are ready to give up without trying. More importantly, I ask them if giving up is right.

To believe that five words can have such a profound effect is somewhat far-fetched. But I am living proof of it. As I continue to grow and learn, the advice from my mother will always be by my side. Nowadays, every time I close my eyes, I am able to see a bit more than before.

Undergraduate / "Communities- " UPenn Supplement [2]

Once again I need help on this essay. Thank you for your help, post your link i'll read yours too =)

Prompt: Which of the academic communities and social communities that now comprise the University of Pennsylvania are most interesting to you and how will you contribute to them and to the larger Penn community?

I grew up in a small town, Port Moody, and the community has played a significant role in my upbringing. For one, I joined the community hockey team and played ice hockey for six years: I knew every player in the hockey association my age. The children I went to school with were the players on my hockey team. Due to the nature and rather small size of my town, I was able to make true bonds with my friends: bonds that last over a lifetime. Today, Port Moody has undergone a rapid development. The small town is growing, the number of high-rises increasing, and, of course, the number of faces I am unfamiliar with growing. This also brings me to the University of Pennsylvania.

Relating to my childhood, I was more than ecstatic when I learned about the University of Pennsylvania's commitment to community services and events. The University of Pennsylvania has twelve schools and over ten administrative centers: It is a very large and complex school that is still growing. What amazes me most is that although UPenn is so sizeable, it is able to create bonds that link each individual to the community. This is what I love about Penn: the ability to connect with individuals through community services and events.

With over two hundred community services there are multitude ways to get involved. But one Academically Based Community Service course particularly drew my interest: The Community Physics Initiative. My personality and what I enjoy has been shaped by a number of factors. One of the factors is that I lived in a small town. And because of this, I enjoy giving and receiving help from the community. Aside from the fact that I love physics, the Community Physics Initiative is one way for me to give back. I remember the times when volunteer groups came to my middle school to perform talents shows, took the students on academic field trips, and, occasionally, introduce a new concept involving hands-on activities. These were some of the best times of my childhood and I want other children to share this experience with me. By contributing to community in this way, I know children who are getting help will also one day contribute back, continuing the cycle.

The community spirit is exuberant in the University of Pennsylvania and it is a community I fit perfectly in. Just as Benjamin Franklin believed that "an inclination join'd with an Ability to serve mankind, one's Country, Friends, and Family... should be the great Aim and End of all learning", I, too, share an affinity with that idea. I want to expand my knowledge and, at the same time, share it with the rest of the world. The University of Pennsylvania allows me to do just that.

Undergraduate / "WHY" - engineering department, NORTHWESTERN SUPPLEMENT [6]

Hi, Thanks for reading and critiquing this.
I will gladly read and critique yours too.
Any feed back will be appreciated THANK YOU.
What are the unique qualities of Northwestern - and of the specific undergraduate school to which you are applying - that make you want to attend the University? In what ways do you hope to take advantage of the qualities you have identified?

Seventeen years have gone by in a flash, its time to apply for University!

In my college search, and life in general, I never settle for seconds. Some say I have the taste of a wine connoisseur: I crave for the best. First I look at appearance. My aesthetic sides calls for scenery. But my penchant for modernization calls for urban settlements. Next I need to attain a feel for the place. I need to see its appeal, its community, and its diversity. Then I visualize myself at the university. What I can accomplish there? How can I take advantage of what it has to offer? Finally, just like the aftertaste, I look at how I can contribute to society after attending a certain university. These are the requirements in my search and for some reason (maybe my standards are too high) close to none universities pass. But one expectation is Northwestern University. It satisfies all my whims and much more. The campus is lovely and the city of Chicago is in close proximity. It's history dates back to 1851. There are students from all fifty states and over fifty countries - all endorsing a variety of backgrounds.

Can I take advantage of the several research opportunities offered at McCormick? Of course! I will do extensive research with the state-the-art technology Northwestern is able to offer. I will expand my knowledge through hands-on activities and improve my laboratory skills. I will join the hundreds of student organizations and use it not only as a web to socialize but also as groups where members collaborate, in order to reach common goals and discuss intellectual interests. I will enroll in the special certificate program, Certificate in Biotechnology and Biochemical Engineering, and take advantage of the in-depth preparation for my future graduate study in biotechnology. I will get a head start.

For wine, it's all about the aftertaste. For a university, it's all about contribution to society after attending it. The special programs and extracurricular activities I will join at Northwestern prove to play a pivotal role in my dreams to become a bioengineer. Even before my graduate school begins, I will have exercised my interest in engineering and biology - in ways that provoke me and in ways that are not restrained by the course curriculum. The world-acclaimed engineering department and innovative programs cannot be found in any other university.

Collectively, as a whole, I look at the combined factors of a university (appearance, feel, and advantages of attending) to establish the following properties: Complexity and Character: Potential: and Possible faults. From the diverse social backgrounds to the rewarding programs at McCormick, Northwestern truly deserves an A+ and attending would definitely not be a fault. If Northwestern were a wine, I would certainly enjoy it (when I am of age of course).

Undergraduate / "Leadership Achievement " - Business Program Prompt [3]

Hello,

Thank you for the feedback.
Discuss your most significant leadership achievement paying particular attention to the challenges, actions, and results achieved. Please respond using 250 words.

Midnight was approaching and the list of groups for my ASTRO 1105 final research project will be posted online. Finally, the clock struck twelve. In awe, I gazed at the computer screen: Bryan, and Abhiram. Two people I was least acquainted with in the class, and I had to work with them.

I never relish the thought of group projects. I experienced many instances at school where I had taken on the burden of the entire assignment. This was no exception. However, this six-week summer program provided limited time for me to take on the assignment by myself. It was time to pull the group, collectively, together.

I took on a - not to be pretentious - leadership position. I emailed Bryan and Abhiram the outline of the research project on Eta Carinae. I told them I was doing the introduction, and the before-after observations of the stellar outburst; they had to do fluctuations in luminosity and the application to light blue variable stars. I recognized the importance of teamwork and I didn't coerce Bryan and Abhiram into doing the work. Instead, I explained to them the significance of this project and the looming deadline; we had to work as a team to achieve the best mark.

Two days later, I received a very pleasant email. It was from Bryan. It was a research paper on the application of Eta Carinae to the LBV star! A few days later, Abhiram's part followed. Immediately, we cross-edited each other's paper. Then, I complied the parts. However, the conclusion was not completed yet. It was no surprise that we did it together.