Unanswered [5] | Urgent [0]
  

Posts by NeoGeo
Joined: Dec 22, 2009
Last Post: Dec 27, 2009
Threads: 5
Posts: 10  

Displayed posts: 15
sort: Oldest first   Latest first  | 
NeoGeo   
Dec 22, 2009
Undergraduate / A Quantum Amateur-MIT World Essay [2]

Hello all, this is my first essay revision request. If you read my work, please provide feedback regarding the essay's ideas and form. Thanks in advance!

Describe the world you come from; for example, your family, clubs,school,community,city, or town. How has that world shaped your dreams and aspirations?(*) (200-250 words)

Mr. Lemei has been one of the biggest influences on the way I think and learn. He is my favorite teacher and one of the most kind, interesting people I have ever known.

Even the driest topics of AP Physics sprung to life as Mr. Lemei lectured about them. To be fair, I had maintained a strong interest in physics before enrolling in his course, but the theories and ideas he talked about fascinated me profoundly. Quantum mechanics stood out the most among the topics covered in class, so much as to spur me to study the field independently. As I continued gorging my head with knowledge, I would often visit Mr. Lemei and flood him with questions. What is the minimum observation required for a wave function to collapse? When do you think there will be a breakthrough in quantum computing? Can I get a job in quantum computing? Never falling back on his patience, Mr. Lemei answered all of my questions and was even so kind as to lend me two of his own books on quantum theory.

Reflecting on my experiences with Mr. Lemei, I now realize that he gave me much more than an excited curiosity about physics. I feel that the resources Mr. Lemei provided for me and his profound knowledge encouraged me to further my studies on the whole. He made me understand that, no matter what I study and college and whatever profession I end up in, I can transcend those limitations to knowledge by educating myself on anything.
NeoGeo   
Dec 23, 2009
Undergraduate / to study journalism - Northwestern Supplement [7]

I like the essay, and feel that you know exactly what you're talking about. The essay is very clear, and the admissions officers will get a holistic picture of who you are.
NeoGeo   
Dec 23, 2009
Undergraduate / Stanford Roommate Essay-One of the weirdest things you may read [8]

What would you want your future roommate to know about you? Tell us something about yourself that will make your future roommate-and us-get to know you better.

I want my roommate to understand (and hopefully like!) the paradoxical nature of myself. This topic is very cliché, yet I feel that writing about the contradictory facets of my life will reveal the most significant qualities about myself. Here goes everything:

A former hypochondriac, videogame enthusiast, and amateur partier, I may be one of the most interesting combination of qualities and interests that has graced the face of this Earth. Not really of course, but I sometimes like to think of myself like that. I occasionally feel proud, and sometimes arrogant of this fact, that me, a top gun, high school scholar, defies so many of the "archetypal" nerd qualities. Yes, I enjoy studying quantum mechanics and famous dictators, so I will never be able to escape the often negatively-connotative geek or nerd title.

However, while I'm studying multivariable calculus or writing my college essays like any "scholar" would normally be doing, I'm oftentimes distracted by other things. Instead of asking myself, "What should I do to find the derivative of this three-dimensional function?" I may internally inquire, "Are there any parties going on tonight?" While hopelessly trying to raise my kill to death ratio in Call of Duty, I'm simultaneously concocting a scheme to woo a girl I'm interested in (said girl changes about once every two weeks).

After little reflection, I've come to the conclusion that in defying my geek stereotype, I've developed a unique code or personality. I feel no obligation to conform to anything: I refuse to like the hip-hop music my friends listen to, often disagree with my friends' political or religious ideas, and am never afraid to let my frank opinion be heard. Future roommate-consider me on the whole, not on my "groupings."
NeoGeo   
Dec 23, 2009
Undergraduate / Stanford Roommate Essay-One of the weirdest things you may read [8]

Thank you so much for your reply! In my first post, I should have prefaced my essay by describing the process in which I wrote it:

After wasting lots of time analyzing myself, trying to figure out what exactly to write about, I decided to write in a semi-stream of consciousness style, where I wrote whatever ideas came into my head. Of course, I'll probably go back and reorganize/heavily edit lots of what I wrote to give my essay a spine, a more coherent/clear, unifying message/theme. I also feel that my essay isn't personal enough, that I don't describe enough of the unique qualities about myself. Did you find this to be true? What would you suggest adding/changing/removing to my work to improve its overall substance/quality. Thank you again!
NeoGeo   
Dec 23, 2009
Undergraduate / MIT short essay--creativity--sumo robot [3]

I like the approach you're taking, but I feel that you should focus less on the technical, engineering aspects of the robot, and more on how you "thought outside the box" and why you chose to design your robot in such a unique way.
NeoGeo   
Dec 23, 2009
Undergraduate / MIT Pleasure Essay - Rubik's Cube [7]

I think you do a good job describing an activity you enjoy. There's really not that much you can do in 100 words, so I feel that this essay is more designed to get a feel for what the applicant likes to do rather than the actual impact of that particular activity. Good work!
NeoGeo   
Dec 23, 2009
Undergraduate / "I love all things physics" - Stanford-Intellectual Vitality Essay [3]

Hello all. To be honest, I'm not quite sure how I feel about this essay yet, so it would be awesome if someone could review it and provide me feedback on the substance and flow of the essay. I do expect to have to go back, cut stuff out, and reemphasize certain ideas. Thanks in advance!

Stanford students are wideley known to possess a sense of intellectual vitality. Tell us about an idea or an experience you have had that you find intellectually engaging:

To put it simply, I love all things physics. To me, the science is much more than the underlying theory of engineering or a means of calculating the time it takes to obtain groceries given values initial velocity, constant acceleration, and distance between the two points. In cliché terms, physics is a way of life, a worldview.

One can become a physics guru without having taken anything from it. If one possesses a strong background in math and problem-solving, calculating the tension in a string required to hold up a sign is easier than walking one's dog.

It is sort of cheesy to say that physics almost takes on a religious significance in my mind. Knowing that every person on Earth is composed of ninety-two naturally occurring elements and affected by the same laws of gravity and motion has made me realize one important truth: everything on this planet and in the universe is connected with one another, everything is one. I have simply "front[ed] the essential facts of life," as Thoreau did: relationships and passion, physics in my case.
NeoGeo   
Dec 24, 2009
Undergraduate / MIT activity Essay---Reading [13]

I still hold the idea that this particular essay isn't necessarily about showing the admissions officers the huge significance/impact a specific activity has had on you. Rather, its to simply get to know you, to understand what you like to do and why.
NeoGeo   
Dec 24, 2009
Undergraduate / Stanford-Tutoring the Tudors-Intellectual Vitality [4]

Stanford-Tutoring the Tudors-Intellectual Vitality

Hello forum members:

"Stanford students are widely known to possess a sense of intellectual vitality. Tell us about an idea or an experience you have had that you find intellectually engaging."

When the phrase "intellectually engaging" enters my brain, my mind doesn't jump towards a challenging calculus test, my favorite book, or Wikipedia.com. Instead, it looks at tutoring. Tutoring means much more to me than giving up three hours out of my week and making a nice forty dollars. It offers an experience and skill few high school students have: the ability to teach others.

I was nervous when I received my first tutoring gig as a junior for pre-calculus. Granted, I was talented at math, but had virtually no knowledge pertaining to vectors, matrices, and the dreadful polar coordinates. As my pupil and I sat down, he stated he needed help understanding Descartes' Law of Signs, a rule I had never heard of before. Wanting to appear as professional as possible, I rapidly flipped the pages of his textbook and swiftly analyzed and absorbed this mystic Descartes' Law of Signs.

This in and of itself was an intellectual feat: learning an entirely new concept under the pressure of a client looking over my shoulder and expecting help. But this was the easy part. The real challenge was then synthesizing the information in such a way that my pupil would understand and fully grasp the concept. Doing so was not only dependent on my clarity, creativeness, and ability in explaining things, but also on my student's attentiveness and willingness to understand the ideas. I ended up being successful in helping my student understand Descartes' Law, and he later improved his grade to an "A" in pre-calculus.

While my experience in tutoring has bred skills like thinking on my toes and creativeness in communicating and explaining ideas, I do not feel that those qualities are the most important products. Rather, tutoring helped me learn patience. I can control how I process and learn information or how I describe a theorem to my student. However, I was never able to affect my student's attitude, or desire to learn. This is what taught me patience, that, no matter how frustrated or disinterested my student became in learning something new, I would remain calm and steadfast in my efforts.
NeoGeo   
Dec 24, 2009
Undergraduate / Williams essay; looking through a window at a significant environment [7]

To start, thank you very much for being so thoughtful and meticulous when reading my essay! On your essay though, I really like the approach you took. However, while the essay is really interesting, I feel like you might be giving a lot of background without enough explicit substance. Granted, you kind of mesh the story with its impact on you, but I'm not sure how the admissions officers will feel while reading it. Other than this small, emphasis-type thing, it's a great approach, and definitely kept my attention through the whole thing, so good job!
NeoGeo   
Dec 24, 2009
Undergraduate / Williams essay; looking through a window at a significant environment [7]

Two girls in the same lacrosse uniforms chatting excitedly in front of their parked cars.

Changed chat to chatting

Out of many students, my eyes turn to the one girl who is strangely shown in black and white, while the rest of the scene stays in color.

I understand what you're saying here, but the word choice is kind of awkward. Maybe change "is shown" to "appears" or a more fitting word. Also, try to find a better phrase than "stays in color" like "remains colorful." These are almost stylistic suggestions, so please don't feel like your essay is broken if you don't make these changes.

Her grip onto the school map, which has been reread several times on the spot, tightens as she looks at the unfamiliar people and buildings around her.

Excise the "which has been...on the spot" section. I'm not quite sure what you were trying to convey, so you could make it more clear, or tighten up the sentence's focus by removing it.

As for your third paragraph, I really only think you need one, non-flarish, non-poetic sentence summing up the main idea of the essay. Your last sentence right now is good, but if you were to modify it into something more direct/explicit, I think it will greatly improve the coherence of your work.

Like I said earlier though, this essay was entertaining to read, and had a good message to it. You could submit it right now and have an awesome essay, so don't worry a whole lot :).
NeoGeo   
Dec 24, 2009
Undergraduate / Maybe the Christians are right. Or the Muslims. Or the Buddhists. - Stanford [9]

I like your second revision a lot more as well, and think that the whole tie in with recycling is a good personal connection. Your essay would improve a lot though if you started that personal connection at the beginning of the essay, however, as I was kept guessing as to how your talk of Poe and the Stanford marshmallow experiment related to you. Other than that though, your essay looks very good.
NeoGeo   
Dec 27, 2009
Undergraduate / fantastic academic programs - Stanford Essay-Why Stanford? [4]

What makes Stanford a Good Place for You?

I feel that Stanford's fantastic academic programs will help me determine what I would like to do for the rest of my life. Currently, I'm struggling with the decision of majoring in either electrical engineering or physics. This decision would be easily made if I were to attend Stanford: I could pursue studies in engineering physics. Although many other top-tier universities offer curriculum in engineering physics, like Cornell, Stanford's program stands out as the best match for me. Stanford's major encompasses nanotechnology, a discipline of physics and engineering that interests me greatly, one which I am considering as a potential career path. Also, as a person that has never participated in any sort of formal, scientific research, I would take advantage of Stanford's supportive, undergraduate research opportunities, especially those in nanotechnology or nanoscience, if available. Formal research has intrigued me for quite some time, and Stanford's support help me fulfill this desire, whether that means allowing me to join a faculty member's research group, or supporting me in independent research projects.

While Stanford's academic programs are the university's biggest attractions for me, I also really like how Stanford has Division-I athletic teams. Although I'm no athlete myself, I always enjoy watching a good football game. More importantly, however, about Stanford's athletics program, is the close-together community feeling it fosters. Coming from a graduating high school class of two hundred fifty, I like being a part of a tight-knit community. Attending the Big Game and other significant sporting events, that most of Stanford's students attend, will bring this feeling back to me, even though Stanford's average class size is much larger than a quarter thousand.
Need Writing or Editing Help?
Fill out one of these forms:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳

Academic AI Writer:
Custom AI Writer ◳