Undergraduate / Princeton Quote Essay---Engaging a troublesome child [3]

As I think my introduction/beginning two paragraphs are pritty rough, I'd REALLY appreciate it if you guys could tear this paper apart! THANKS

Prompt: Using a favorite quotation from an essay or book you have read in the last three years as a jumping off point, tell us about an event or experience that helped you define one of your values or changed how you approach the world. Please write the quotation at the beginning of your essay.

"A teacher who is attempting to teach without inspiring the pupil with a desire to learn is hammering on a cold iron." - Horace Mann, The Common School Journal

When I volunteered to teach children Sunday school, I thought it would be a fun experience. I had a real passion for the material and was excited to share it with a room full of kids. As I prepared for my first class, I envisioned myself standing before a group of enraptured boys sitting at attention. What I didn't foresee was Ethan

From the very start, Ethan tested my patience and challenged my abilities as a teacher. He hid my lesson planner, crafted weapons out of loose supplies, and generally made it his purpose to cause mayhem. Every time Ethan acted out, I understood that it was a sign that my approach to teaching wasn't working. So I left my dry curriculum binder in my bag as I experimented with several teaching strategies. I tried everything from playing "Bible hangman" to reenacting battles between David and King Saul, but every lesson invariably ended with me dejected, searching for where Ethan had hid my lesson planner this time.

Soon, I detected a pattern in his behavior. All of his actions were designed to give himself a degree of control over his surroundings. I reasoned that if I could make Ethan feel as though he plaid a larger role in my lessons, he might show more willingness to participate as a productive member of my class. So the next Sunday, I told the kids that if they memorized a Bible verse, they could pick one out for me to learn. This got through to Ethan, and he reveled in the idea of getting to tell me what to do. Every week after that, he would come in with verses already memorized and abnormally long passages highlighted for me to recite to him.

A few months later, Ethan brought in his Bible and insisted on showing it to the entire class. In it, he had highlighted large pieces of text and written effusively in the margins of each page. Ethan informed everyone that he had gotten bored with just memorizing passages and wanted to know more about the stories that they had come from. Seeing his newfound curiosity, I knew that he had changed his approach to learning completely. Moreover, I was stunned that by empowering him in a small way, I had sparked something in this willful kid whereby he just wanted to know more and more about the Bible.

Ultimately, Ethan's transformation changed how I view my role as an educator and as a person. Seeing Ethan's more assertive intellectual temperament allowed me understand that education is not about control but about inspiring other people to reach their true potential. Moreover, this rambunctious kid showed me that I can get through to even the most stubborn people in my life if I approach them right way. The ability to look at even the most reluctant and defiant individuals and know that they too can be reached has proven to be the impetus that drives to teach and become a more tolerant person. Thus, while I only had a year to help Ethan, what he taught me will help me for a lifetime.

Undergraduate / Common App Activity Essay-----FBLA; 'The ten of us intently traded glances' [5]

Hey guys,
Well, this is kinda rough as I just wrote it. So, ANY feedback is GREATLY appreciated!!!

Prompt: Tell us more about one of your activities (150 word max)

The ten of us intently traded glances. While the bell had just rung and most students had already darted out to their cars, we eagerly began talking about something close to us all: life. In room C-121, everything from job stability in China to the implications national healthcare may have on the stock market are readily discussed. It still truly amazes me that teenagers (teenagers!) can sit down together and rationally consider the same issues Warren Buffet and Bill Gates contemplate. However, whether we are debating which stocks are most lucrative long-term or studying for the Economics Challenge, we advance in our understanding of business as a unit. So for the next hour, I am able to put my homework aside and plunge into the realm of finance with a community of like-minded friends. Ultimately, that is what compels me to participate in my school's Future Business Leaders of America.

Undergraduate / Why Penn Supplemental Essay-------Merging Medicine and Finance at Wharton [6]

Hey guys,

I feel my Why Penn essay is a little rough so ANY feedback is greatly appreicated!

Prompt: Its essentially "Why Penn"

Nothing underscores the academic spirit at the University of Pennsylvania better than Benjamin Franklin. Through his creation of everything ranging from bifocals to the first fire station, Ben always proved to be an innovator who utilized his multiple interests to really impact the world. While it's true I haven't yet achieved greatness through things such as founding the greatest university in the world, I embrace Franklin's approach to the academics where one can reconcile his passions in order to provide a greater service to society.

That is why I am so thrilled about the potential opportunity to attend the University of Pennsylvania. This school really is the only college with programs that exactly fit my academic goals. While I love biology and medicine and would be able to take classes at the College of Arts and Sciences, through the Wharton School of Business, I can also indulge in my passions for management and finance. The thought of being able to undergo a curriculum at Wharton that is not only rigorous but also hands on makes me yearn to be a Fighting Quaker. Moreover, I have found that the opportunity to undergo economic pursuits in the real world has evolved into something unique solely to Wharton. Things such as student-led conferences or courses where kids are graded based upon how profitable their stock investments were are things that truly define only Wharton. Hence, I firmly want to be part of a school that endows in its students the potential to learn in "the real world." At the same time, the ability to broaden my understanding of business and administration through both the General Management Club and Entrepreneurship Club excite me beyond words. The leadership and financial abilities cultivated through Wharton are critical in attaining any successful career. Thus, while I hope to have four years in medical school to study solely the sciences, I need a college like Wharton to uncover a more complete understanding of economics.

However, while Wharton remains an outstanding component of the Penn experience, it is not the only reason why I want to attend the university. I also am thrilled with the idea of being able to work with some of the most prominent leaders in science who also happen to work at this college. For example, potentially working with Dr. Blumberg would enable me to grow in medicine with an individual would is driving this nation's field of organ transplantation. Additionally, the renowned Hospital of the University of Pennsylvania also is a place where I sincerely hope I can spend four years undergoing both research and volunteer work.

At the end of the day, though, it's hard for me to explicitly state which organizations I hope to join at the University of Pennsylvania as I have not yet experienced all the school has to offer. While I would love work at the Children's Hospital at Penn, I may find that I enjoy the Penn for Life club even more. All I can honestly say, with out a doubt, is that I love the University of Pennsylvania and sincerely hope that I am blessed with the opportunity to pick and choose how I spend my four years there.

Undergraduate / Main Common App Essay-----Taking stuff apart [2]

Hey guys,

Well, this is my common app essay. Its a little rough so ANY feedback is greatly appreciated! Fluency kinda worries me here.

Prompt: Topic of your choice

The night before, I refused to fall asleep. Eager to receive my Christmas bounty, I jumped out of bed every time my house creaked in hopes of ambushing my parents putting out gifts. Then at the break of dawn, I raced downstairs to see what had been left under tree. Unable to bear waiting for my brothers to trudge down the stairs, I immediately tore through the wrapping paper hiding my gift: a bright red train. I then spent the next two hours eagerly commanding my toy back and forth across the living room floor, amazed by how it moved with only a push of a button. I knew that there had to be something other than my remote propelling the train, and I decided that I had to find out just what it was. So I scampered off to my dad's garage where he later found me pounding my toy into the concrete floor in an effort to observe the inner-workings of the locomotive. However, I could not understand why he angrily seized my train; after all, I just wanted to see what made my toy work.

The curiosity I had that night has never left me, and today it drives me to study science. Just as I was compelled to uncover the workings of my toy train, I now want to reveal the mechanics of the natural world. For example, walking to my first biology class, I was able to take a scalpel and slowly slice open the chest of a frog. The idea of understanding what caused this animal to agilely jump and swim compelled me to explore the physiology of my specimen for answers. Because I was allowed to observe the amphibian's internal composition, I could vividly see a frog's muscle filaments and how they were able to contract after being flooded with oxygen-rich blood from the heart. My thirst for discovery was briefly satisfied. Through my dissection, I found that science provided me with a supportive environment where I am encouraged to actively find answers to the "why" questions that had filled my childhood mind with wonder. Whether I am observing the organs of a frog or attempting to identify the force that propels a train, science has always enabled me to learn from my environment.

As I delved deeper into biology, I came to appreciate that the facts I learned from my textbooks or in class had a direct applicability to the rules that governed life in nature. For example, in preparation for a lecture on angiosperm plants, I extracted a bouquet of tulips, roses and daffodils from my mom's garden. Then, with my specimens in one hand and biology book in the other, I broke the plants down to their constituent parts and read about each floral organ that I had carefully extracted. This tangible aspect of science drives me to search for answers in nature through taking objects apart. Before, when I walked past a field of roses, I found beauty in each flower through the vibrant colors that appeared to have been delicately painted on each petal. But now that I have uncovered the mechanics of the rose, I have a more informed appreciation for what I see. Walking past the same field now and knowing how the flowers lure pollinating bees or photosynthesize does not diminish a rose's splendor. Instead, it fills me with a deeper, more wonderful sense of life and reminds me of all the intricate processes that enable a flower to decorate the Earth.

I am curious-whether something is human-made or natural, I want to know how it works. Yet, while my understanding of the natural world has greatly increased, my approach to life has remained the same. Even at the age of five, I was driven to solve the mysteries of nature by taking them apart. This habit of deconstructing objects in order to understand has enabled me to achieve a more complete perspective on my toy train and find fascinating complexity in a rose bed. Moreover, the way I view the world has allowed me to embrace who I am: a scientist.

Undergraduate / UPenn Life Science and Management Essay-----------Why I love biology and finance [3]

Hey guys,

I literally just wrote this essay up so it is pritty rough. ANY feedback is GREATLY appreciated on this essay. THANKS!

Prompt: What is intriguing to you about combining the study of life science with the study of management. Focus on your thoughts about both fields and how you want to use them in the future.

As I walked into my lab at the University of Nebraska Medical Center, I confronted utter chaos. Three doctors- all with their PhDs from prestigious institutions- struggled with a problem that none of them knew how to face: finance. With a recent increase in the cost of agarose gels required in the lab, no one had managed to allocate enough grant money to purchase all the primers needed to run PCRs. That simple miscalculation ended up forcing us to put our work on hold for a week until the lab could manage to retrieve all the required materials to genotype our mice. This entire predicament was a bit stunning. While I have a great degree of respect for these doctors, it seemed ridiculous each of them had not received sufficient training in economics when, in reality, they were all business owners.

Ultimately, this experience vividly showed me that biology and finance happily coexist in medicine. Success is built not from one of these fields in isolation but upon both economic acumen and a detailed understanding of science together. So as an aspiring leader in biology, it only makes sense that I accrue not only an intimate education in nature but also a complete view of life within the context of finance.

Even before my time at the Med Center, I have delved deeply into finance and in it, I have found a friend. There is just something infectious about creating models to interpret product profitability and determining the ideal price of goods. At the same time, as someone who also loves the life sciences, I view economics as both an effective means from which I can provide a service and the educational foundation that will enable me evoke monetary stability in a financially instable field. After all, the current healthcare crisis in America proves beyond a shadow of a doubt that the nation needs individuals who have a comprehensive understanding of not only biology but also finance.

Looking back now, I now know that I have been an economist even during my days at elementary school. For example, in the fourth grade, I wanted to be able to purchase a new videogame very two weeks. Because my parents were reluctant in spending their money to buy me the latest version of Pokemon for my Nintendo twice I month, I looked for a job as a paperboy. After several days of searching, I uncovered three potential routes that I could work. So, with a calculator in one hand and a spreadsheet in the other, I determined which job would provide me with the exact amount of money so that I could buy my one game every other week. Later, however, as my interests evolved, I expanded my route and even managed to adopt investing my excess funds in order to expand my sources of income over a wider range of sources. Learning the basics of the stock market at an early age instilled in me a deep appreciation for business and enabled me to truly comprehend the significance of markets and the impact economics can have on all tenets of one's life.

That is the kind of spirit I want to pursue my future career with. While I have grown to love the health sciences and want to provide a service to individuals through medicine, the economics of business does not disappear from my future career. The act of establishing a medical practice and distributing funds to run a business require a deep, complete understanding of finance. Thus, while I have four years at medical school to undertake my studies in the sciences, I only have my college years to adopt a more holistic view of economics. At the end of the day, that's why I truly want to be part of the Life Sciences and Management Program at the University of Pennsylvania above all else. This outstanding curriculum would not force me to choose between my passions for biology and finance. Rather, it would enable me to diligently explore both fields and craft a view of the world sculpted from both the life sciences that attempts to explain how nature operates and the field of economics that enables businesses to flourish.