Undergraduate / Pomona Essay prompt: fun extracurricular event [4]

Please give me some advice, I'm trying to make this personal, yet formal...

I know that the many activities that I have participated in throughout high school have changed my perspective. However, I believe that there are many just plain fun experiences in my life that have equally affected the person that I have become.

In fact, this example was definitely a turning point in my life. My friend Madison invited me and a couple of our friends to go and listen to a concert which featured Hellogoodbye. I had never been to a concert before and I was apprehensive about what would occur. I heard all the horror stories of fights, mosh pits and illicit activities that happen at concerts and scared would be an understatement of what I felt. Yet, by being continuously poked and prodded I decided to go. When my friends and I arrived, I thought that my fears had been confirmed because there was a very tight fit with people pushing and shoving each other to get to the front. However, when the bands started to set up and play live, I saw a different side to music. I never knew that listening to a band live was a completely different experience than just using iTunes. In fact, by the time the headlining band was starting their set I was jumping up and down and screaming along with everyone else. I felt a connection with the band that I had never felt before and soon after that I was addicted to concerts.

Not only did I have a great time during my first concert experience, but I also learned a valuable lesson. There are always different perspectives to every story. I had a wonderful time, and so did my friends, but I know that there are many others who would have been upset at painful squish of people surrounding the stage and the booming music. The fact that I listened to my friends when they encouraged me to go definitely depicted the fact that I have learned to embrace new experiences. I have definitely grown to take opportunities and try everything, even though I do not know if I will enjoy the experience or not. Perhaps my next fun experience might be something more exhilarating and interesting.

Le Chang

Undergraduate / biology and the medical field, Why did you choose this major for Brown [8]

I hope that this essay explains why I want to go into biology

I feel drawn to biology and the medical field because of the many difficulties that my family has faced. My father almost died from a burst appendix that did not receive treatment in time. My mother was diagnosed with hyperthyroidism and although she does not currently display the symptoms of the disease, her health has suffered because of this illness. I am really proud that my parents have overcome their illnesses, to nurture and support me throughout my childhood. I hope that a future in the medical field will allow me to care for them as they transition into older age. I know that there will be many times when they will need to go to the hospital to get check-ups and eventually they will get sick. I hope that with a background in human biology, I will be able to understand medical jargon and give them some advice when considering treatment options. Therefore, I hope to have a future in the medical field at Brown University. (941/1000)

Comments are appreciated!

Undergraduate / Brown essay on advice [2]

My mom has always said that "Parents open the doors and teachers light the way, but it depends on you to walk on the path." Although, we often get into fights about school and education, I have finally realized that this comment is true. My parents have always been my biggest supporters, sparing nothing to try and give me the best childhood. In fact I have enrolled myself in a multitude of courses from modeling classes to calligraphy in order to find my true passion. My parents were always kind and accepting even though I quit many extracurricular activities when I was young, simply because they were just not "fun." They have always encouraged my dreams, no matter how many different ones I have.

My teachers have also been very supportive. Whenever I needed help, I could always go in before or after school or even during break to ask questions. Also teachers like Mrs. Floto, my AP English Language and Composition teacher, made the class interactive. We had heated debates about topics that varied from the presidential election of 2008 to the meaning behind Chola Widow, and strangely all the subjects had some connection. She allowed students like me, to lead the discussion and delve into topics that were provocative. Through her class I learned how to express my ideas and find my interests. She helped me to utilize my personal interests and through our conversations, I found that I wanted to be in the medical profession. What I learned the most in her class was the need to relate each topic to personal experiences and helped us connect what we are learning to who we are as people.

When I was an academic tutor I tried to put those values into my own teaching. As I tutored the freshmen in the special education class, I tried to connect their studies to their interests by relating algebra to football touchdowns and making biology mnemonic devices to help them remember the nitrogen cycle. It was difficult, but I believe that those kids will remember the lessons that I taught. I hope that I have opened the doors for their own intellectual pursuits.

Because I grudgingly listened to my mother's advice when I was young, I feel that now as I come towards the new chapter in my life story, I will be able to take advantage of the opportunities that are thrust towards me. Because of my parents, teacher and my own effort, I have found a subject that I enjoy, biology, one that I hope to continue in college. Thus I think it's important for everyone to listen to my mother's advice, because no matter who we are, we need to use our own strength to walk on our journey through life.

(463/500)

Please tell me what you think!