Undergraduate / "You have to be able to talk" - best piece of advice I've ever been given - Brown [4]

I would appreciate if you guys can give me advice on my sentence structure, grammar, word choice, how I can shorten it, and overall, if you think this essay gets its point across.

From Brown:

Please respond to one of the following essay topics: A, B, or C. We prefer that you limit your response to 500 words maximum, and that you avoid repeating the essay submitted for the Common Application.

A. What is the best piece of advice you've ever been given, and why?

My parents have a penchant for inviting guests over when I least expect it; at this particular time it was when I was fast asleep on a warm summer morning, trying to restore the number of hours I lost during the school year. I was woken up at eleven in the morning by incessant laughter; it was a man's laughter but I could not identify him. Soon enough I could hear my mother and this man walking up the stairs, I knew for sure that she was giving a tour of our new home, and that they would unwelcomingly intrude on my slumber. As my bedroom door creaked open, I heard my mother and the man walk in; I slowly turned my head to the side to face them; as my eyes were still heavy I could make out an image of my mother and the man all dressed in black, with thick-framed glasses and wavy black hair who said, "Hello Nabid!" My mother told me that this man was my uncle; I greeted him while basking in the sheer awkwardness of this introduction.

As I dragged my feet down the stairs for breakfast, I could hear my uncle's characteristic laughter emanating from the kitchen table. My mother and he were talking about his wife, who was my mother's sister who she hasn't seen in a long time and is currently living in Bangladesh. I sat down next to my uncle while eating a bowl of cereal. I began to converse with him, he asked me many questions "What do you want to study?" "What videogames do you like?" "What movies have you seen?" all while staring at my face the whole time, cigarette in hand. "Could this day get any more awkward?" I thought. It was almost as if he was interrogating me on my personal life. Or was it just because I was acting insecure and unopen?

My uncle gave me a worthy piece of advice deep into our conversation. "You have to be able to talk" That might have seemed superficial at face-value; but I knew what he meant; before he noticed I was a really shy person judging by my idiosyncrasies: my 2-3 word replies and me fidgeting with my bowl of cereal. So after he said that I decided to be the one asking questions and learning more about the other. I asked him where he went to school, what his house is like in Bangladesh, and what his career is like. I found out that he earned his Master of Business Administration degree at Oxford University and that he owned various apartment and office buildings in London, Indonesia, China, and Bangladesh. It was shocking to discover that there was an Oxford man sitting in my house, smoking a cigarette and talking to me. But then I realized I would have never gotten this man's personal history or the delight on conversation without mustering up the confidence "to talk".

My uncle's two cents is what gave me this newfound confidence to meet new people and hold meaningful and pleasant conversations with them; even with people that I normally wouldn't be hanging around with, such as the adults that work in my library, the patrons that I aid, or the teachers at my high school. The fact of the matter is, we live in a technology/internet based society; more and more young people are losing this ability "to talk". At Brown, I sincerely believe that being friendly and open through conversation has the power for me to develop strong understandings between different people and enable me to experience multiple opportunities through meeting various people.

Undergraduate / Common App Essay (Diversity in a homogenous town) [3]

Please help me finalize this and critique it. It is currently 560 words (exactly one page)-should it be shorter or longer?
(Topic of my choice)

I see the world through two lenses on a daily basis. I live in a town filled with lavish clothing boutiques, pizza parlors and an aesthetically appealing town center, but I live in a home of many prayer rugs, exotic and sometimes spicy food, with books and newspapers sprawled out on the kitchen table in Bengali calligraphy. In a homogenous society such as Fairfield, CT, my culture and traditions are sometimes looked upon with a confused face. "How do you manage to fast for 30 days?", "You are from Bangla-what? Where's that?", "How do you pronounce your name?" are some of the questions I am asked by people I meet here. I answer their questions as best as I can, but I get that feeling that they can't fathom my life on an appreciative level. I know for a fact that a conforming society has great leverage over my choices, my personal style, and my behavior; but I have been making strides towards making the best out the two worlds I live in.

The other day my parents and I attended a Bengali picnic in a nearby town that my father's friend put together; although I initially resisted going with my parents, being at that picnic was a good decision. The minute I stepped onto Seaside Park in Bridgeport, Connecticut, I saw men and women of my nationality deeply engaged in conversation and the scent of hot chicken tandoori was tickling my nose. My father went over to his two friends to, and I followed; I said my Salaams and listened to what my father and his friends talked about which included jobs, home renovations, and politics in Bangladesh. When I was talking to my father's friend he took me aside and told me this: "We have done so much, and now we are passing this job on to you, you kids are growing up now and have to stay together". What he meant was that his generation was becoming old and he depended on younger people like me to make sure our Bengali community would not dissipate. After that conversation I sat down contemplating what the man said to me while eating some chicken biryani. Our constant exposure to the omnipotent MTV and Abercrombie and Fitch environment is mutating our younger generation in a way that favors congruence and accession while disregarding diversity; this sort of behavior is alienating us from our origins. Get-togethers like this were against that and reinforced the importance of kinship within culture. I played soccer with family friends and their little kids that I didn't even know who only spoke Syhleti to me, almost coercing me to relearn my parent's language which is spoken so casually at home. It was the day where I rekindled a cultural flame, habitually smoldered by a desire to fit in with my hometown.

This incredibly vibrant culture which I have been born into is complemented by the life I enjoy with my friends in school: we enjoy listening to The Police or Michael Jackson; we all compete against each other in pick-up games of ultimate Frisbee or soccer; and we all laugh hysterically while watching SpongeBob SquarePants, despite it being a show for third graders. But the significance of this is that now I really know who I am; growing up in a uniform town with a youth culture based on conformity and pleasing the crowd, I tried to forget my culture at home because I was surrounded by people that laughed at me or didn't understand my differences from them. After going through such culturally renewing experiences such as this picnic I realized that my cultural background is something I should be proud to have rather than stow away; it taught how to resist conforming to this posh, rich and famous, upper class lifestyle that is prevalent in my town. Back then I responded to questions about my culture with embarrassment; now I can discuss various aspects of my culture nonchalantly.

Nearing the end of my K-12 education, I finally feel in place with the duality of my life. Living in this juxtaposition of upper class American life with Bengali/Islamic accents has proved a tough challenge to me, but it has been a significant learning experience also; my views towards other people and events in the world is a culmination of my opinions and an understanding and appreciation of their experiences and personal histories that may be different from mine. Because the bottom line is our world needs this diversity and appreciation for it; people of many races, upbringings and setbacks such as Asperger's syndrome or Autism have made significant contributions in the realms of music and arts, business, science, technology and government. That specific thought makes me proud of the unique people I see because they all have something different to bring to the table; and with my multi-faceted life, it is very easy to see that. I have managed to establish equilibrium between the two worlds that I live in, and I hope this special blend continues to stay within me.

Undergraduate / Brown Supplement (Why Brown/Academic Interest/3 Questions for Engineering) [3]

This is a rough version of my supplement; it still needs some grammar and word choice replacment. If you get the time to read the whole thing could any of you critique on my writing style and if it needs to be more personal? I wanted to make the writing more lively and sophisticated but I could find the right places. Also there is a section under the engineering supplement where I talk about building a new house as an egnieering experience-should that be included or is that too vague and unecessary?

Why does Brown appeal to you as a college option? Who or what has influenced your decision to apply? (1000 characters/100 words)

Who said you had to follow one direction in your life? Engineering students I met at Brown were heavily involved with research but many other outlets; one mechanical engineering student is also a performing magician. It even applied to the engineering faculty; when Associate Professor Janet Blume said she was in a band with the rest of the engineering department at Brown, I thought, "These are my kind of people!" Browns liberal curriculum for engineers will provide me a holistic education that gives engineers a stable scientific base mixed with global awareness. Though I still have some learning and working to do, my lifestyle and opinions are mutable yet firm; I am able to maintain an originality I can put my name on, but I am open to new ideas and opinions that I might have overlooked or not contemplated. Brown University is that place fermenting with different opinions, cultures, hobbies, lifestyles but with the common goal of learning, understanding, and contributing.

Why are you drawn to the academic fields you indicated in the Anticipated Degree and Academic Interest questions above? (1000 characters/100-200 words)

The planet is stuffed with a multitude of societies and niches in which people from all walks of life live in. But in this generation, these places are being constantly bombarded with technological and infrastructural advancements: water is being irrigated in parts of Africa such as Uganda; those who have been restrained by blindness, deafness or immobility have been liberated through the advent of intricate surgical methods, beneficial drugs, and technologically-aided movement; and education and communication technology is beginning to reach even the most impoverished of places. These significant changes would not have come to fruition without the aid of passionate and motivated engineers and doctors. Not only their passion for what they do but their remarkable ability to effectively communicate and work with people outside cultural barriers. I believe Brown University can help me become this kind of engineer or doctor.

1. Many applicants to college are unsure about eventual majors. What factors led you to an interest in the field of Engineering?
"Knowledge is not enough, we must apply. Willing is not enough, we must do" Ever since I read this quote from Tao of Jeet Kune Do by the late martial arts master Bruce Lee, I began to see my actions and my attitude in a new light. How can I manipulate the knowledge I have learned into a rational solution to some problem or a step towards some goal? And with that, what mentality or psyche should one have towards that direction or pursuit? It is through the medium (realm) of engineering in which I can capitalize on these visions. Throughout my lifetime I have been fascinated by the broad realm of science and all that it encompasses: animal biology, medicine, geology, astrophysics, and building; as a child National Geographic and the Discovery Channel were substituted for Disney channel. (connect something/transition) I was intrigued (mesmerized) by all of those areas, and now that I am gaining in knowledge and awareness through an expansive education, these wonders and fascinations are beginning to become truths and rationality; the field of engineering will put a capstone on my search for truths of the world and what they entail (what they are capable of).

2. What experiences beyond school work have broadened your interest in Engineering?
I have had acquired a taste for innovation, creation and problem solving throughout my life time. Flashback eight years ago and you can find me in my parent's bedroom lying in a sea of Legos putting together plates, bricks, gears, sockets, and hinges to make a futuristic rocket vehicle. In addition to this playful hobby I was obsessed with, my house was stacked with books about various programming languages such as JavaScript, XML, HTML, C++ and C#, as my father is a software engineer. He'd often take various devices and computer hardware from work to show me how they were programmed and what they did; he even let me tinker with them sometimes! And so being brought up in a technical and imaginative childhood made me want to partake in tangible, hands-on pursuits like woodworking at my school, where I learned how to use a broad range of power tools and how to draft and design a furniture pieces. Even at home I carried on my woodworking education in repairing and refinishing a vanity mirror that my parents had sitting in our garage. During my freshmen year, my family bought a vacant house across the street which was torn down, extended, and renovated; on weekends I would be with my dad helping out the carpenters with either moving materials, fetching tools, or simply just observing . Being able to see the whole process-the foundation being set in, the framing and trusses being nailed in place, the exterior siding being painted, the electric cables and plumbing being installed, and making the finishing touches - is what also attracted me to the dynamic field of engineering.

3. Brown offers programs in Biomedical, Chemical, Civil, Computer, Electrical, Materials, and Mechanical Engineering. Because there is a common core curriculum within Engineering, students need not select a specific area until their junior year. We are curious to know, however, if any particular program within Engineering presently appeals to you. If so, please discuss that choice.

Biomedical Engineering is definitely the pathway that can answer that curiosity and turn it into reality. I got to see this engineering pathway in a full-on perspective when my biology class visited the Human Bodies exhibit in New York:, an exhibit that showed the complexities and systems of the human by using actual bodies. There was one section of the exhibit that displayed various prosthetic devices in the body: steel cranial plates, artificial ligaments, and replacement joints. It was as if the surgeon was acting as a civil engineer, repairing broken surfaces or bridges within the human body through introducing these metal and plastic parts. It made me wonder how they interacted with the human body and what sorts on modifications they could undergo in the future. The marriage of scientific and engineering principles to the laws and systems of the human body for the intention of helping those in need and improving healthcare is a clear and beautiful vision I see myself contributing to.

Undergraduate / "my interests in Biomedical Engineering" - Pennsylvania Supplement: Paths at Upenn [7]

Can you guys tell me whether this essay is answering the prompt correctly? And please help me with grammar and word choice. thanks

What I hope to accomplish at the University of Pennsylvania is to pursue my interests in Biomedical Engineering. I have acquired a taste for innovation, creation and problem solving throughout my life time. Flashback eight years ago and I could be found in my parent's bedroom lying in a sea of Legos immersed in the battle suit or rocket vehicle I am creating; playing with sockets, hinges, gears and axels gave me a sample taste of engineering. This playful hobby evolved into my interests in taking woodshop and advanced placement science classes in high school culminating into an incessant curiosity in how technology and humans function, all the way down to the molecular level. And then I began to think, "What can happen when you combine aspects of technology and engineering with the human body?" Biomedical Engineering is definitely the pathway that can turn that curiosity into reality. I examined this field at a visual level when I visited the Human Bodies exhibit in New York, an exhibit that exposed the intricate systems of humans through using real bodies. There was one section that displayed various prosthetic devices integrated within the body: steel cranial plates, artificial ligaments, and replacement joints and sockets. I was fascinated by this medical feat: repairing broken interfaces within the human body by introducing these metal and plastic parts. It made me wonder how these synthetic components interacted with the human body and what sorts of modifications they would undergo in the future. The marriage of scientific and engineering principles to the laws and systems of the human body for the intention of improving healthcare is a clear and beautiful vision to which I see myself contributing. I hope to further this vision and apply it through a multitude of undergraduate research opportunities at UPenn; being exposed to different research sectors within Biomedical engineering will help me find the topics I am interested in such as tissue engineering, prosthetics, or cancer/viral detection methods. But in the field of engineering, I do not want to stop there. Joining Engineers without Borders at UPenn would have me apply practical engineering skills and concepts to real life-situations and make a positive difference for developing communities in Guatemala or South Africa.

While I do have an inclination towards engineering, I love to make people laugh; whether it is dressing up in a 70's track uniform for spirit day at my school or reading a portion of Hamlet in my Barack Obama voice in English class. During the summer, my friends and I pitched in fifteen dollars each to buy a full-sized penguin mascot suit to entertain our town of Fairfield. We went to various locations in our town such as the community theatre, the local Dairy Queen, and our high school where we did skits that involved the Penguin break dancing, practicing Karate, and doing other goofy things. Thought what really made it significant was that our humor was very clean and that people from age five to age sixty were laughing hysterically at us; we were bringing laughter to the citizens of Fairfield. With that I see myself joining UPenn's comedy club Without a Net; I definitely enjoyed creating public skits with a penguin suit, so I would like to continue in that direction. Lastly, I want a college environment that fosters a multitude of cultures and traditions, and I am glad UPenn provides that. Joining the Muslim Students Association at UPenn will not only help me retain my cultural identity, but also give me a chance to meet and interact with other students within my background.