Undergraduate / "still a rainbow gleaming with the color of life" - Prompt on Personal Quality [8]

I would love some general criticism. Also a little bit of cutting would be nice as well- so any suggestions on what I can get rid of or rephrase let me know. Thanks!

What affects the person we become is not the experiences we have, but rather how we perceive them. As an optimist I view the world in a way most people can never imagine. I live my life for the moment and when faced with hardship, I can't help but find the proverbial silver lining.

While walking to the coffee shop my freshman year I crossed the street unsuspecting of the man in the truck whose windshield was fogged up. He did not see me and I was run over by his truck as he turned the corner; the resulting consequence was a contusion in my left ankle. Still in shock, I dealt with the situation and managed to limp about 20 feet further, continuing on in my journey for coffee. My optimism has let me not be hindered by things that block my path, and this situation was no different. While waiting for my coffee, a teacher saw me and I proceeded to explain what happened to both her and the man working. Stunned, my teacher offered me a ride to school but not before the barista gave me my coffee, free of charge. As many would look upon this experience as traumatizing, I see the brighter side. Not only did I receive a free coffee and learn a new word (contusion), but I now had an intriguing story to tell, something I find quite valuable. Although some may consider this perspective pure insanity, I find that life is better when the sun is always shining. For this reason I am proud to be an optimist and see a world of hope rather than one of despair.

In every situation I see the positives, something to gain from the experience. I drive myself two and a half hours south to Vacaville every other Friday night and back north to Redding the following Sunday to visit my Mom for the weekend. My optimistic perspective has allowed me to persevere through the harder times in life, and a long, boring drive is no different. Although I have been making this excursion for six years, it is only my second year making the trip solo. I aim to come out stronger from every experience and from this solitary drive I have learned the value of intrinsic solitude. In addition, when I made the trip with my parents, I got a chance to bond with them that otherwise may not have been possible; we were able to talk free of distractions. This unique experience has allowed me to subdue my hyperactive personality and be proud of the transition I have made into a calmer human being.

I always look for the brighter side of every situation. Although there are many challenges that will come my way in the future, I am sure that my unique perspective will help me to deal with them. Being an optimist has allowed me to understand that everything happens for a reason. My eyes are now open to the world and I can see that the sun is always shinning with the color of life.

Undergraduate / "I live a busy life and stress fuels me" - UC App- Prompt 1- Yearbook [4]

This is my essay for prompt one of the UC application that asks for the world you come from and how it has shaped your dreams and aspirations. Here is my essay, all comments and critique are greatly appreciated. THANKS!

I live a busy life and am only comfortable when I am in a fast-paced environment. Being Editor in Chief of the yearbook is perfect for me because I am constantly busy and always multi-tasking. I find myself most happy when I simply let stress into my life and set out to overcome as much as I can. I've never been one for the quiet and simple, and instead prefer the fast, chaotic, and challenging.

Stress fuels me. After two years of being the junior high yearbook editor in chief and a standard staff member my freshman year, I became an editor my sophomore year. The next year when the original editor in chief fell through, I took over my school's first ever monthly yearbook. Starting two months behind, I began my challenge. Through effective time management, careful planning, and lots of motivation I was able to guide the staff in producing a quality yearbook that won a silver medal from the National Scholastic Press Association. Along the production path I managed to still participate in several clubs, making my involvement work for me by using my knowledge of upcoming events to better plan photography and reporting opportunities. It wasn't until I became editor in chief that I truly began to love the excitement of working on a production and realize it was where I belonged.

As my second year as Editor in Chief I aimed to challenge my staff further by taking on a weekly yearbook with a more creative design. Thus far I have expanded my teaching skills, become a better writer, and developed my design abilities. Although it is easier this time, I never let life get too simple and constantly search for ways to improve the yearbook, my staff, and even myself. My experience in yearbook has expanded my creativity and made me constantly strive for innovation.

Although I have learned many new skills in Yearbook, what I value most is the relationships I have built with fellow yerds (yearbook nerds) and even the advisor. They have motivated me and helped me, and I have assisted them and even used my knowledge from Education Talent Search to help some through the college application process. Although the business of yearbook brought us together our relationships go much deeper. Through the 8 AM Saturday mornings and 11 PM deadline nights I have gone through everything with my fellow yerds. After learning the value of such a close environment, I now aspire to have it in my own career.

Six years and an uncountable number of hours later, my experiences in Yearbook as both staffer and as Editor in Chief, have made me a more confident, more creative, and more prepared person. Full of stress and busier than any bee, or hornet in my case, being the yearbook editor in chief has given me a passion for production and a comfort in chaos that always puts a smile on my face.

Book Reports / "The Beauty of the Beast" - The Picture of Dorian Gray- Standard Editing [2]

Hey everyone, if you haven't read The Picture of Dorian Gray its fine, I just need some basic editing on my essay. My Closing needs quite a bit of work and also the whole thing is supposed to be in present tense. I have quite a bit in past tense but I have trouble changing the whole sentence over so I would greatly appreciate some help. Thanks!

The Beauty of the Beast

The concept of how beauty corrupts the soul is explored in depth as a critique on the overvaluing of beauty in society. The Picture of Dorian Gray exemplifies how innocence can be distorted by favoring looks over moral correctness; this is most notably done in Dorian Gray as he transitions from a youthful kindhearted man into one of malevolence, merely imitating beauty. Oscar Wilde illustrates the value of virtue over beauty through the display of sin and corruption as it is painted over the Adonis-like face of Dorian. The absence of visual consequence for his actions is seductive to Dorian as he loses his soul and becomes content with having only his looks; this process of moral decay epitomizes the theme of how beauty corrupts the soul.

In The Picture of Dorian Gray, two of the main characters, Basil Hallward and Lord Henry Wotton, serve as foils to Dorian. Basil is a painter who admires Dorian so much for his beauty that he quite nearly loves him. Lord Henry on the other hand is full of corruption and attempts to twist Dorian's innocence to match his own views, believing that "the only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it" (21). Although Basil tries his best to keep Lord Henry and Dorian separate, they eventually meet and become friends, allowing Lord Henry to teach Dorian how he lives his own life and impart such ways upon him. As the novel progresses and the characters evolve we see the two opposing sides that Basil and Lord Henry symbolize; Lord Henry representing the evil of society, while Basil represents the good. This struggle tears Dorian between his two companions and eventually leads him to kill Basil. This example makes it quite evident how beauty corrupts Dorian Gray to kill someone so close to him. Dorian is at first uncaring to his good looks, even remarking "I don't want a life-sized portrait of myself," to Basil during one if his sittings (17). However this sweet boy becomes horrid as his sins reflect on his portrait, with "the eyes of a devil," and described by Basil, who once had the utmost admiration of Dorian, as "worse, even, than those who talk against [him] fancy [him] to be" (161). This dramatic alteration in Dorian's action show that he gives over to the seduction of evil, becoming numb even to the brutal murder of his friend and only describing the body as "the thing" (163). The self indulgent life of Lord Henry in association with the loss of his soul, cause Dorian to excuse his activities as "[Basil's] murder [being] simply the madness of a moment. As for Alan Campbell, his suicide had been his own act. He had chosen to do it. It was nothing to [Dorian]" (227). This neglect for emotion and dead sense of compassion truly show how corrupted Dorian has become from his utter regard for beauty. In addition, Dorian Gray's battle between good and evil is even displayed in the symbolism of his last name "Gray," which truly shows the ambiguity of Dorian's morals.

One of the main causes for Dorian's struggle in the novel stems from choosing beauty over intellect. Dorian falls in line with Lord Henry's theory of how intelligence causes people to become ugly and that no one can be both intellectual and attractive. This same process is also prevalent in the London society Dorian associates with. Although the feelings are not as forward as Lord Henry is, people always admire Dorian and find him an intriguing person, chiefly because of his beauty. This overvaluing of beauty in society is one of the main pressures that cause Dorian to embrace his carefree life, as it in no way affects the way he is seen. Although Basil is in fact noble, he was the first to alter Dorian's views by continuously telling him how beautiful he was. The inspiration that Dorian gives Basil allows him to paint the portrait, which is regarded as Hallward's tour de force after which point his paintings only became worse. While conversing with Lord Henry, Basil evens states that he "couldn't be happy if [he] didn't see [Dorian] every day," which very evidently shows the how strongly Dorian's beauty served as a muse to Basil. Yet, this artistic arousal is the first step in Dorian's corruption and ultimately leads him to lose all innocence and decency. Thus, Oscar Wilde critiques this overvaluing of beauty in society by showing its affects on people, specifically Dorian, and the way in which it ruins them.

In the novel, the influences of Basil Hallward, Lord Henry, and society's perception of beauty, all serve as catalysts for the changes Dorian goes through in his evolution of evil. However one of the biggest influences on Dorian, as well as Wilde's overall theme of the novel, is Sybil Vane. Dorian falls in love with her merely from the part that she plays rather than her true self, which symbolizes the priority of the outward view rather than then inner and true self. She continuously plays the part of Juliet from Romeo and Juliet, which not only foreshadows the events of her death, but also serves along with her nickname for Dorian as Prince Charming, to show the shallow romanticism on their relationship. It is shown to be quite unrealistic, full of what they see when they look at each other rather than true feelings for one another. Sybil's last name being "Vane" also serves as symbolism to show how narcissistic she is in order to display her driving force as beauty above all else. When Sybil eventually confesses her love for Dorian, she can no longer act as "acting was the one reality of [her] life," which no longer exists due to the fact that she now has Dorian (90). This revelation kills Dorian's love for her, as she is no longer a romantic notion and in fact causes Dorian to find her immensely pathetic. This loss of love causes Dorian to act out in his first rage of sin and cruelty and causes the painting of himself to change for the first time. As such, the portrait continues to become covered in Dorian Gray's sins. This corruption of Dorian's soul also causes the painting to decay as it becomes ugly with all of his injustices. This portrait very literally shows how beauty in fact corrupts the soul.

Oscar Wilde shows how Dorian loses all regard for the well-being of his soul and recenters his focus on his beauty. Although the portrait of his soul becomes ugly with the truth of his actions, Dorian remains uncaring as his soul has in fact been corrupted by his own beauty. The process by which Dorian loses his innocence shows how truly horrid he becomes, and is even so awful that Dorian stabs the portrait as he can no longer stand to see the reality of his actions. The Picture of Dorian Gray's critique on beauty in society clearly displays the strong impact beauty has on corrupting the soul.