Undergraduate / Common app answer "Elaborate on one activity": the Bible Study teacher [NEW]

Hello, I need help on the commonapp short answer(see title for prompt)
I'm not sure if mine is in the write track / format / style, etc
Also, mine is 189 words, so I need to cut it down, but I don't know how :(
Could someone please help me?

For my entire lifetime, I have only been taught, and never taught anyone until I became the Bible Study teacher. Teaching the Bible to sixth and seventh graders is challenging, not only because of their endless talks, but also because of the sheer aspect of a student teaching other students. At Global Mission Methodist Church, I teach the Bible for middle school students every Sunday. My job is to lead the students to share their experiences based on the day's topic, and apprise them of the scripture and the message embedded in the Bible. One time, I met a restless student who never complied, even with his parents. Concerned and frustrated with his disobedience, I prayed for him and continued to help him to participate in class. One day after about three months, I asked him to pray for the youth group. Surprisingly, he said a brief yet meaningful prayer in front of the class. I learned that teaching with earnestness can change someone. This valuable experience taught me the importance of being sincere, and being a good role model, as well as the fulfilling reward of being a teacher.

Thank you!

Undergraduate / short answer - "what would you do if you had 1 year prior to college?" [4]

A) If you could explore whatever you wanted for one year using methods of your choice, how would you direct your efforts and what would you hope to accomplish? Please limit your response to 500 words.

"Life is the only real counselor; wisdom unfiltered through personal experience does not become a part of the moral tissue."
- Edith Wharton

When I first watched the movie "Truman Show," I wondered what makes one's life unique and worth living. How is it like to be living freely? No one can answer this question without living through the whole life - not even when his or her death is near, because death is part of life. For the past eighteen years, I have sought to learn the science, the psychology, and the relationship embedded in a person's life. If I had one year, I would explore the nature of life, so that I can have a better understanding of how to live the best life, and how to attain the experience that will lead my life to the right direction.

Traveling to ten different countries in each continent will help me to experience their cultures and their lives. For each country I visit, I will meet people in every range of age, from 3-year-old kids to 99-year-old, and observe them without interruption - at home, at the market, in restaurants and in workplaces. To learn both positive and negative aspects of lives, I will talk to them about their thoughts regarding their lives, and changes they have experienced. It will also be worth while to contact people from different social classes or status. Their precious lifetime stories will be summed up to provide me with insightful comments and respectable values.

For a more detailed approach, I will live with in their communities, completely absorbed in their cultures: eating the same food, breathing the same air, sleeping and sitting the way they do, and following their rules. This transition from an outsider to a resident will give me a glimpse of where their thoughts come from, and I will find a tacit explanation for their behaviors and relationships. Then, I will learn the basis of their languages in order to be able to connect their languages with ideas and principles of their cultures and lifestyles.

Through this research, I hope to find out what life means to other people and, most importantly, to me. From the vicarious experience of life, I will make the truthful and proper choice that will enable me to decide how to live my life throughout my lifetime. Then, I will direct myself to a determined path of my unique life, without any regret. This experience will give me deep knowledge of other cultures, and I will apply them to strive for a better life. Learning about other people's lives will act as my "counselor" throughout my lifetime, along with the direct personal experiences.

I need help with diction and grammar, and contents in general
Thank you!

Undergraduate / short answer - "Identify type of intelligence and discuss experiences" [2]

B) Psychologist Howard Gardner has identified nine types of intelligences: linguistic, logical-mathematical, interpersonal, intrapersonal, musical, spatial, bodily-kinesthethic, naturalist, and existential. Choose one that you identify with and discuss a few personal experiences that show your strength and/or weakness in this area of intelligence. Please limit your response to 500 words.

I am looking at the sky, wondering why the clouds drift. In clusters, they float in harmony with the movements of the Earth. Other people pass by without a single glance at the sky in its perfect shade of blue or at the dazzling sunlight that shines through the gaps between the clouds. Away from the noises and chaos of society, I observe the sky and follow every movement of the clouds, the sun, and the reappearing shadows: all combine to reveal how nature perceives humans, and to tell me that I am a part of the whole, the world, the universe.

According to Gardner's categories of intelligences, I am logical-mathematical, with a penchant for naturalist. As a child, I desired to know the cause and process of all movements. I wanted to know, in detail, how objects were formed. Understanding and learning presented me with pleasure. I peeped into the children's science section in the library and, sometimes, into the adult nonfiction section, which looked more than a little intimidating to an eleven-year-old girl. Especially, I read anything related to math and science, because I found their reliability and indisputability reassuring.

I became a perfectionist with detail and a sense of creativity. I was not afraid to undertake new tasks, and, as I found innovative things that engrossed me, I learned to embrace them as part of my life.

During the first year of high school, I had the opportunity to compete in the district science fair. From numerous possible topics, I chose the "hot spots" of the microwave - the locations where molecules vibrate faster when exposed to the electromagnetic light. Unfortunately, measuring the movement of the particles that make up the food in the microwave turned out to be impossible, as illustrated by the Pauli Exclusion Principle. Therefore, I measured the temperature of specific spots and derived the approximate value in terms of frequency. From there, I explained the hot spots and the effect of wavelength on various locations. Even though I had to take a roundabout path, I used everything that was available, and, to my amazement, won second place in the district. This astonishing and encouraging experience allowed me to realize that the logic and the mathematics can precisely explain everything that I had been wondering.

I have sought to learn where I come from, and what factors have shaped me for the past eighteen years by accumulating knowledge. However, I still desire to connect ideas logically, finally drawing a conclusive and broad world view. As I pursue further education, I hope to find the hidden messages embedded in the big picture, much like a four-year-old girl looking for the hidden images in a picture puzzle.

I feel the soft breeze touching my chin. I see the blue sky enveloping the whole world around me. Filled with overwhelming sensation, I return to where I am and go on with my life, unable to disengage myself from unremitting curiosity.

Please critique my essay.
Any corrections and suggestions are welcome!
Thank you!

Undergraduate / short answers - 1. community activity and 2. personal goal [2]

1. Provide an example of how one of your activities has served to benefit a community in which you are involved. If appropriate, briefly describe this community. (Limit 200 words)

At Spring Water UMC, anyone can come together to worship God. However, that "anyone" is somewhat restricted, because all members of the church are suffering from illness, detached from their families, and deprived of hope. They had been leading such harsh lives that they could not afford to enjoy or think for themselves. Isolated from the mainstream of the society, they only looked for the help of the church, of pastor, of God.

Some time after I met the pastor of this church, I began to play the piano for their services each Sunday. They were delighted by the sound of music, and the worship of God, their only hope. For the first time in my life, I saw a pure enjoyment and love in their eyes. Even though I could not play the piano in the most professional manner, I was glad to feel the appreciation, because it filled me with joy. I learned that I could bring happiness to others through my yet-imperfect skills. In some sense, I needed this community as much as this community needed me. This experience led me to commiserate with them and appreciate their gratitude.

2. What are your academic and professional goals and ambitions for college and beyond?
Since my freshman year, I have dreamed of becoming a pharmacist or pharmaceutical researcher. The dream seemed like a perfect match with my propensity for chemistry. At the same time, I began to learn more about the realities of life around the globe: countless people suffer from a lack of basic medical and pharmaceutical care. As I become more acquainted with the situation of helpless people, I became part of CARE International, a club at my school. The goal of CARE is to help women around the world, especially those who are suffering from immediate threats, such as the genocide in Darfur. Our goal is achievable only with further scientific developments what will enable us to reach the most remote corners of the earth. My goal is to participate in making this goal a reality by providing others with proper medicines and food.

Upon researching, I realized that becoming a pharmacist is a demanding process including at least six more years of extensive schooling. However, I know that my experience and perseverance will shape me to be that person - a pharmacist who can suffer with patients through hard times, and who strives for something more than prescribing medicines.

Hello,
I need help with diction, grammar and contents.
Do you think the answers show who I am? I just don't want it to be a mere anedote-like essay...

thank you so much for your help!

Essays / The best advance of the twentieth century - college essay prompt [4]

Hello,
I really appreciate your help all the time :)

This is one of the topics for college essay: What do you believe was the most significant scientific or technological advance of the twentieth century?

So I'm thinking 'the orthodontics' as the answer and possibly tie it to my dream of becoming an orthodontist or a dentist, because I don't want to say 'cars' or 'planes'...

But does it answer the question - the most significant? I mean, some people don't even care about it...
Is 'the orthodontics' too weird to be the main subject? doesn't it sound like it doesn't even belong the 20th century?
I don't want to end up writing an obscure and lacking-in-substance-essay.
I need you honest opinions, and if you think my idea is inappropriate, could you give me some examples that would fully answer the question?

Thank you so much

Undergraduate / "Been a student, but not a teacher" -Common app short question 156 to 150 [5]

Hello,
Could you check this piece for grammar and contents?
The topic is "Elaborate on one of the extracurricular activities."

Also, I have 156 words now, but it needs to be less than 150 words. How should I cut it down?

My entire lifetime I had been a student but never a teacher, until I became the Bible study teacher at my church. Every Sunday my job is to lead students to share experiences based on the day's topic and apprise them of the scripture and the message embedded in the Bible. At times, teaching the Bible to sixth and seventh graders is challenging, because of their incessant talking, and the mere aspect of me, a student, teaching other students. Once, I met a restless student who never complied. However, I prayed for him and continued to help him participate in class. One day, I asked him to pray for the youth group. Surprisingly, he gave a meaningful prayer to the class. From this event, I learned that earnestly teaching can change someone. This valuable experience taught me the importance of sincerity as a good role model, as well as the fulfilling reward of being a teacher.

Thank you

Undergraduate / Two short answers; How did you first learn of Smith College / why this College? [3]

1) How did you first learn of Smith College? (Limit response to 50 words)
When I was searching for colleges over the summer, I found out about the Seven Sisters through various websites, including US News Reports. Since then, I was very interested in women's colleges, and when school started, my school counselor recommended me to further research Smith College.

**is it ok to include the specific websites such as US News??

2) Why did you choose to apply to Smith College? (Limit response to 100 word)
Smith College, with its strong academics and numerous research opportunities, attracted me even before my senior year. I have been looking for a fostering environment and a personal experience in college, something more than meeting new people and studying harder. I am also interested in the sciences, and I discovered that Smith College has one of the best science and engineering programs in the nation. Programs such as Praxis, and the Five College Consortium were particularly appealing. Therefore, I thought Smith College can fulfill my penchant for the sciences and present me with a wonderful college environment and intimate relationships.

Please check for any grammar errors

Thank you!

Undergraduate / Short answer, reasons for applying to Wellesley - need help editting [2]

Topic: The Board of Admission is interested in knowing your reasons for applying to Wellesley College and how Wellesley will help you to realize your personal and academic goals.

At Wellesley College, the rigor of courses and constructive competitions are present; however, students are engrossed and are passionate about what they are learning. I have been looking for a fostering environment and a personal experience in college, something more than meeting new people and studying harder. As women are expected to excel at Wellesley, I wish to face the challenge and meet the high standards with numerous opportunities. I believe I can achieve my dream of becoming a chemical engineer or pharmaceutical researcher and shine through the society of women, learning to be confident and respect others.

I plan to concentrate in sciences, and I discovered that Wellesley College has one of the best science programs in the nation. Programs such as National Science Foundation for a Research Experience for Undergraduates and the ability to take classes at Massachusetts Institute of Technology and Olin College of Engineering were particularly appealing. Moreover, I have discovered that Wellesley sends more students to graduate schools than any other colleges do while being affordable. Therefore, I think Wellesley College can fulfill my penchant for the sciences and present me with a wonderful college environment and intimate relationships. As Helen Keller was able to flourish because of the help of Ms. Sullivan and as Hillary Clinton was able to become a prominent leader through Wellesley College, I will be able to accomplish my dream with the relationship between Wellesley College and me.

Could you check for grammar/usage errors?
and help me to fix the awkward phrases.
Do you think I am fully answering the question?

Thank you so much!

Undergraduate / Cornell CAS essay; enable me to try the impossible - dream of being a pharmacist [2]

Hi, this is a part of Cornell CAS essay. the topic is "how would you utilize CAS program to further explore your interest/field of study?". Will you check for grammar('the' before plural -they never sound right, word choices, tense, etc.) and contents?

and please help me to make it shorter. Thank you!

I have dreamed of becoming a pharmacist or pharmaceutical researcher since my freshman year. The dream seemed like a perfect match with my propensity for chemistry. At the same time, I wanted to be someone who can help others around the world by providing others with proper medicines. I believe that I can achieve my dream by starting at Cornell College of Arts and Sciences. I have learned(is tense change ok?) that Cornell University has one of the best science programs in the nation with outstanding professors. Programs such as the Undergraduate Research and the honors courses, as well as the possibility of double majoring will(is tense change ok?) continuously motivate me to strive toward my goal. Through the research, I will learn to apply the abstract sciences to the real world, and through the honors courses, I will gain the knowledge that will become the fundamentals for my dream. The curricula and the experience at College of Arts and Sciences will expand my horizon and enable me to try the impossible and to achieve my dream.

oh, and is the ending a little weak?