Undergraduate / 'Nobody can go back' - Personal essay on a significant experience [7]

Hi everyone. I need feedback with my personal essay. Please be sadistic and criticize every aspect of the essay. Thanks!

Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.

It was mid-December and it was snowing heavily. I was walking back from school, and as I walked, my eyes captured an unpleasant view that will always be in my memory. An old, barefoot, shaking man was sitting in the corner of the street. I tried to keep walking and not to stare at him, but it was impossible to eschew such a painful image.

On my way home, I was constantly thinking about him. His wrinkled skin, shaking hands and bare feet had completely shocked me. 'I have to do something about it' - I kept saying to myself. I quickly grabbed my phone, called my friend Arber and told him everything. He said that he had seen the old man himself and had been also thinking about helping him. This was a moment that completely changed my view about the world.

We decided to help the old man by raising funds at our school and by collecting clothes that we would not wear. I also met some other friends and we all decided to cook muffins and donuts. We sold our bakery at the school and outside it and by the end of the two weeks, we had collected 178 Euros.

My friends and I approached the old man and asked him to tell us where he and his family lived. He told us that his wife and three kids lived in a village just outside Prishtina in an old house, while he was forced to go out in the street and beg for money. The next day, we went to his house with the food we had bought and the clothes we had collected. When he saw our faces, tears started to trickle down his cheeks. His happiness was beyond description. His pale children started to smile, and we felt very happy to know that we were making someone else happy.

From that moment on, my view about the world changed entirely. My friends and I decided to open a Charity Club at our school and to continue our "mission" to help unprivileged families. I started to believe in the power of good will and learned that big changes can occur when we take small steps because as Maria Robinson said, "Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending."

Undergraduate / 'I come from Kosova' - Stanford Supp - dear roomate [5]

Virtually all of Stanford's undergraduates live on campus. Write a note to your future roommate that reveals something about you or that will help your roommate - and us - know you better.

Dear Roommate,
I am very happy to know that we will be sharing a room. I know that we will be sharing a lot of time together and I sincerely hope we become very close friends.

My name is Agron Rexhaj and I come from Kosova. I like to read and to analyze challenging problems, but I also love sports, especially soccer. I feel that soccer is a way for me to relieve my daily stress and have fun. I try to listen to different kinds of music, so you should not worry about that. I have a serious look most of the time but I assure you I am a very funny person. I love philosophy, history and math, but I also have a passion for science and technology and I try to keep in touch with the latest advancements in those fields. I am a lucid-dreaming-type-of-guy, and sometimes you might see me looking at something but thinking about something else, just like Isaac Newton, and I might need a falling apple to get me back on track. I know it will seem odd, but you'll get used to it! While studying, I like to place my books everywhere around me, but I am very organized and will do my best to keep the room tidy.

Although it's my first time sharing a room, I know we will understand each other and I promise you you'll feel as if you had known me for a hundred years!

Sincerely yours,
Agron

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Thanks a lot. Please criticize every aspect of it.

Undergraduate / 'Time is what matters' - What matters to you - stanford supp [4]

Since I was a kid, I was always good at organizing my time. I would always draw a schedule, listing my important activities and the time periods. After school, I would dedicate about an hour to my homework, two hours for television and the rest of the day for playing soccer and having fun with my friends. But as I grew up, my obligations and demands also grew. I learned that things could not always go as we plan them to and that we, as human beings, have to sometimes make sacrifices.

Time is what matters to me the most. Although the entire high school years had been demanding and arduous, the senior year turned out to be completely different from what I had imagined. The first time I noticed the onerous nature of school was during my senior year. Instead of having fun with my friends since it was my final year of high school, the TOEFL, SAT, and college applications consumed all my time. My friend Arber would complain how we hadn't played soccer since the summer, and my other friends would complain how we hadn't gone out since the junior year.

But there is a bright side to this story. I learned that time can be endless if we are happy. While I was studying for my tests or doing research about colleges, the high stress made it seem like time was flying away. I was too preoccupied with my future that I actually forgot about my present, but now, I live every moment of my life and make the best out of it. As Henry David Thoreau said, "You must live in the present, launch yourself on every wave, and find your eternity in each moment. Fools stand on their island opportunities and look toward another land. There is no other land; there is no other life but this."

this is just a first draft. i need to change a lot of it so please be CRUEL to it. Thanks.