Writing Feedback / IELTS essay. International music vs traditional ('music is vital to us') [6]

Hello Everybody,

I am a freshman and just begin my preparation for IELTS. I have serious difficulties with essay writing and hope that you will help me with checking, evaluating and with your comments.

Thank you very much in advance,
Kh.

There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music more important than the international music that is heard everywhere nowadays?

Music is one of the most popular types of art which was invented by mankind. Jazz, soul, pop, rock, classics is far from the full list of types of international music that can be heard everywhere today and traditional music which is playing on national music instruments by native musician in traditional manner. I believe that both international and traditional music are important and reflect person's mood, personality and experience.

International music is one of the ways to globalization. It helps us to learn other culture, language and life-style. Also, depending to the style, such music can help to relax, relieve the stress or vice versa to gain the strength and stay in tonus. Personally, international music is kind of meditation which help me to forget my every daily routine and come into the world of fantasy of the compositions author.

Traditional music is the legacy of the nation, such as language, national clothes and customs. Once composed, that kind of music is handed down from generation to generation while gaining only insignificant changes. It keeps the story of the past of nation for descendants and it is extremely important to save traditional music as a precisions stone in jewellery box of the nation.

In conclusion, music is a vital part of our lives. It can relive us from sorrow and fill us with energy, it helps us to exchange our cultures and learn other languages, it keeps history of past generations and assist us to learn other people experience in easy and pleasant way.

Writing Feedback / IELTS: wealthy nations vs poorer nations; 'Children and Charity Foundation' [NEW]

Hello Everybody,

Please check my essay and give your comments,
Thank you very much in advance,
Kh.

Can Charities Help Poor Nations?

Some people believe that the wealthy nations have to provide the help to the poorer ones. Others think that the government of poorer nations should take care of their citizens themselves throughout the development of economics, and increasing the level of financial welfare. I agree with both points of view and assume that the rich countries can support people in need by the instrumentality of the charity foundations as long as the undeveloped countries must take every measure to protect their people.

It becomes a good tradition today in developed countries to donate the part of the income to charity organizations. Such foundations accumulate financial reserves and provide help, such as: food, clothes, books, medicine and medical equipment to the nations who living under the line of poverty. For instance, the Children and Charity Foundation established in the USA helps children, youths and families in Kenya, Ghana, Uganda and other undeveloped regions throughout the world.

On the other hand, governments of the poorer nations should find the ways to improve the economical and social protection of their citizens and not just to wait the assistance of the rich countries. I believe that growth of industry, progress in international relations and obligatory education will do the positive effect to rising of living standards in undeveloped regions.

In conclusion, I would like to emphasize that wealthy nations shall give a helping hand to the poorer ones and don't be indifferent to the difficulties of the people in need. At the same time, the poorer nations shall seek the way to resolve their problems and put an end to the poverty.

Writing Feedback / Library equipment is more expensive than the sport tools - which needs more financial support? [2]

Guys, please help me to check essay, all comments are appreciated!

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Universities should give the same amount of money to their students' sports activities as they give to their university libraries. Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.

Libraries and sport activities is very important part of education in the universities. Recently, social study was conducted by management of our universities. The main topic of the questionnaire was if students want the university to spend equal amount of money to sport activities and upgrading libraries. I completely disagreed with this idea and strongly believe that university is the place where people come to learn, so the library expenses should be in priority and biggest part of resources should be spent on them.

First of all, library equipment is more expensive than the sport tools. Today, because of high progress in information technology and invention of the internet, we have more available tools to learn, such as: ipads and laptops. These instruments help us to access to all possible learning sources, just with one click of the button of a mouse. The only problem is that the price of such devices is very high. The university wouldn't be able to afford such expenditures if it will not have enough money reserves. For example, the university which I was attending in my home-country, spent a lot of money for purchasing a new computer class for our library. Further, that improvement had a very positive impact on student's future careers. As students learned how to work with office applications and find learning resources for required subject, they was able to find better job options and be successful on chosen position with skills learned in library computer classroom. Purchasing of equipment for library can help students to get access to learning tools, which sometimes they are unable to purchase by themselves.

Second, library needs to be comfortable for students, it should be place that attracts students. A university is the place where people come to learn. So library is the heart and soul of the knowledge. People come there to dive into their study. In order to make experience of working in library more pleasant and comfortable, the university management should always take care of library maintenance expenses. Buying new ergonomic chairs, tables and other office supplies is essential. For instance, My friend Nastya, who graduated Brooklyn college, told me once, that her college is very famous not only for its great academic program, but also for its wonderful library. This library is very big and comfortable, there is full office equipment near every table, so you can print out or scan material easily without going to administration desk and requesting help from them. Also, library has a cafe, where student can take a short break during study time. It is very important to make library the place where student wants to come to learn and that costs a lot, therefore the management of college or university should take into consideration these aspects while preparing the plan of expenses for improvement of study environment.

In conclusion, I would like to underly again that money for upgrading library and improving student's sports activities, cannot be spent in equal proportion. Though some people may think that sport requires the same amount of money for purchasing equipment, I know that library learning devices such as ipad and laptops along with ergonomic office equipment cost more and also help students to learn more. Considering all given points I strongly recommend the university to think about what may be done for library first, make calculations of purchasing required equipment and after that spend the rest of the amount of money on sport activities.

Thank you!

Writing Feedback / Learning from parents is always an easy-going process - are they the best mentors possible? [2]

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Parents are the best teachers. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

Some people believe that parents are the best mentors. Others disagree with this statement claiming that person should learn from books, coaches, school teachers and etc. In general, I agree with the opinion that our parents can pass their knowledge and expertise to us in the best way. However, I cannot ignore the fact that sometimes this rule doesn't work in a proper way and parent's example might be the worst case life-scenario for their children. But, in this essay, I'll provide you with arguments and examples from my life to demonstrate why it is important to learn from parents and why they can be our best teachers.

First of all, I believe that learning from parents is always an easy-going process. They have extended knowledge of their child's abilities to study and learning patterns. For example, it was always difficult for me to understand lectures at school. Subjects seemed boring and insignificant, especially chemistry and geometry. But everything changed when my father started to help me with my homework. I remember him drawing schemes, graphics and even dancing around a table in order to explain me imaginary figures and formulas. That was fun and educative for me. I briefly improved at school and even was selected to participate in regional competitions between chemistry students. My father taught me everything from car driving, structuring complicated business models until human and child psychology.

Second, our parents have vast experience in life situations. They have gone through many hardships of real life and have spent most of their time in attempts to improve our welfare and well-being. They might know all possible outcomes of every decision we should make and give us a right direction to further actions. Decisions, such as which college to choose, which house to buy, which job position to apply. They always ready to support us with their expertise and sincere advice. I recall the situation that happened to me the couple years ago when I was buying my first apartment. My father told me that it is better to purchase a flat in poor condition but in the downtown are of the city, rather than buying a decent house in suburbs. I've done as he advised and never regretted that decision. It saved me money and time on trips to work and school.

However, not everybody is lucky as me. Depressed and prone to unhealthy habits as drinking alcohol, taking drugs and lack of interest in self-improvement, such parents cannot be a good example and would not be able to teach their child. In such cases, the best way for children to leave the parents house as early as possible and live in school dormitories.

In conclusion, I would like to mention again, that there are a million various situations in life, everybody has it own family circumstances and specific relationships with a parent, but in my case, my parents have done a great job in teaching me, giving me a perfect example of decent living. I hope that I would be the best teacher for my child as my parents were for me.

Guys, please help me to check my TOEFL essay and improve my independent writing.
Thank you!
Mira.

Writing Feedback / What is the success and which necessary characteristics one should possess to be successful? [2]

Please help.
In your opinion, what is the most important characteristic (for example, honesty, intelligence, a sense of humor) that a person can have to be successful in life? Use specific reasons and examples from your experience to explain your answer. When you write your answer, you are not limited to the examples listed in the question

What is the success and which necessary characteristics one should possess to be successful? This is important questions, that everybody addresses himself today. I also asked myself and found out that, for me, a successful person is somebody who got peace in heart and in my mind. This lucky guy is in constant self-improvement and learning process, always curious to life, full of energy and have an ability to perfectly manage his time. In this essay, I will discuss my version of the most valuable traits that a person should have to take advantage and be a champion in this life.

I believe time management should be considered as the key trait determining the successfulness of the person. In today's furious pace of the world and a terrifying amount of information one should put right priorities between work, study and find a balance with his private life. It is impossible to do without discipline and a great time management trait.

Another feature that I want to bring to your attention as must-have characteristic of my "lucky guy" is positive attitude. Life is full of difficulties and pressure. Without having healthy and positive mind it would be difficult to anybody to go along with all hardships of the life. One can be dragged into depression and lose the interest to do anything.

Constant learning, interest and willingness to self-improve are the great tools that help people to achieve the top of the world. Recently, I listened series of lectures of a famous writer Brendon Burchard who had a dream to be a self-development coach and who taught himself to give speeches, to put his ideas into the book and make interesting to readers, to code his own webpage and a lot of other necessary knowledge. He didn't know any of the mentioned skills in the beginning. So he is the sustainable learning process and he is doing it with love and curiosity.

The final, but not less important characteristics of successful person are stress-resistance and ability to make a decision. I know from myself, how difficult, sometimes, to make a decision and take account on all consequences of it. It can be really tough. One should have the very strong stress-opposition character to handle both bad and good outcomes of the decision.

Overall, there cannot be enough time for me to indicate all features that successful person should have to improve in life, but personally to me, positive attitude, constant self-development, a courage to make difficult decisions and ability to handle the stress are in priority. One should work on himself to get those key elements and succeed in work and personal life.

Thank you,
Mira