Undergraduate / USC - Seoul's Secret Experience [7]

I'm not the best writer because I tend to lack creativity sometimes so it would be great if I can have some people's input and corrections on this essay. I can take criticism

Prompt: Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.
Also, would this be able to be used as the "someone who made an impact in your life" prompt for a different University?!

I fixed my attention to every microscopic detail on this reappearing guy who goes by Junyong. He lives here in Seoul, Korea with his grandmother and I happen to get the chance to hang out with him every other year, not even knowing whom he is. Something about him made me skeptical about his intentions. It didn't have to do with his charismatic, but suspiciously ambiguous personality, but instead, the story in his eyes. What he doesn't know about me is that I have a unique skill; I can perceive other's emotions by looking at different factors, but essentially, I can read a person's eyes despite the words that come out of their mouth.

The anxiety in the air is seeping into my skin causing me to break out in goose bumps all over. The tension continues to build and build until Junyong unyieldingly said, "Our mom gave birth to me before moving to America. I'm your older brother."

After that critical moment, my emotions shattered and flew in all different directions to the point where I did not have the will power to pick the pieces back up. I felt tears running down my face, slowly dripping off my nose and chin and splashing onto the wooden floors. Furious at my mom for making me feel lied to my entire life, I punched the most nearby, breakable entity near me, which happened to be an old vanity mirror. My body felt brittle and helpless, almost like all of the energy was drained out of me, and then all of a sudden I felt his hand rest gently upon my shoulder. Shortly after did I realize, that life isn't meant to be perfect. Anything with a beating heart will face an almost impossible obstacle at one point in its life. Life was never meant to be easy for me because my endurance reflects my perseverance and dedication. But at that moment, is when I realized life's philosophy, and my reasoning and ideology on life's struggles; all it takes is, patience, perseverance and time to put those pieces of glass back together.

Undergraduate / Eager Cops - Issue of Importance [2]

Prompt Issue of importance to me (personal, school related, local, political, or international i scope) explain significance of that issue to yourself, your your family, your community, or your generation

If I coud have has many inputs as possible, that would be great! Revision is probably needed

Flashing red and blue lights rapidly approach the rear end of my car as my heart suddenly beats uncontrollably fast. I turn on my right blinker and pull into a vacant parking lot, watching and waiting for my doom. I'm already 3 minutes late to my morning shift and my heart will not slow down and my cheeks start developing a reddish tint that is noticeable from a mile away. " Knock Knock." I roll down my windows to be faced with the last person any local resident would want to encounter, a Flower Mound police officer.

You can easily tell that these officers mean business by their all black uniforms, and their glossy golden badges that kids can buy exact replicas of for their Halloween costumes. The Flower Mound Police Department is in hold of a large sum of cash because of all the revenue they bring in, being the #1 city with speed traps in the United States. Their newly stocked vehicles are blacked out, 2008 Dodge Chargers which is a major upgrade from their previous vehicles, the Ford Crown Victoria. Having these expensive advancements were thought to have a positive effect and give the officers an advantage in a high-speed chase or a hard-core crime situation. Instead, the cops are chasing down the drivers going 45 on a set, 40mph main road rather than chasing the teenagers on the other side of the street selling illegal narcotics to a 15-year old.

I'm fed up of being scared of the Flower Mound police officers and having a near heart attack every time I get a visual of their patrol cars. The police cause more fear in the town than stability, and it should never be like that in a modern-urban town like Flower Mound, or anywhere for that matter.

"Can I help you officer?"
"Ma'am, you're license plate light is out"
Furious that he pulled me over during broad daylight because of an unnoticeable light, I abruptly exclaimed that he just wasted both our times. The officer was appalled by my response, however after the embarrassing reality that it was almost impossible to notice from the distance he was at, he felt compelled to let me go on my way. Flower Mound police officers are going to continue making money off of unnecessary citations and continue to spread fear and anger throughout the community unless a change is made.

Undergraduate / Hanbok - Someone who impacted you [4]

Worked on this for 4 hours and it's 5 am and I'm pretty shut down. Not the best writer so I could really use people's honest input. Thanks!

The sweat is dripping down her flawless, pale face. I can see the determination within the deep creases on her forehead and the protruding bags under her eyes. I notice something peculiar about her expression that I rarely encounter; she's happy. My mother hastily fixes my makeup and adjusts my outfit before we head into the main dining room. I despise having to wear my traditional Korean hanbok because majority of the dress is made of rough silk and it easily irritates my skin and mood. I slip into the long, navy-blue skirt over my exceedingly prickly-pink blouse. Chills run down my spine as a result of my exposed skin underneath the paper-thin material. My mother is running around the room like she has no intention of calming me down it being my first time celebrating New Years with my entire family. I carelessly slip on my white ballet slippers and tie up my hair with the rubber band I found in the corner of the room. On my way to the doors leading into the ballroom, I notice my mother slowly steaming her hanbok with care. Her hair is in an elegant bun, pinned up by a delicate flower hairpin. She carefully slips on her white slippers as if they were slippers made out of priceless diamonds. The grin on her petite face is something that I cannot simply walk away from because it is so unordinary to see her so pleased about something that was meaningless in my feeble eyes.

At that moment, I understood why my mother appreciated Korean celebrations more than anyone else; she enjoys exposing her culture. Bringing Korean culture into a community with small diversity is an extremely difficult thing to do, however she manages to succeed in every aspect of it. My mother takes pride in her culture even if she moved thousands of miles away from her hometown. I undoubtedly turn around and stumble in front of the mirror, quickly pulling all of the pins out my hair.

"Mom, will you fix my hair so it can look like yours?" I pleaded.
I retie the bow of my hanbok into a more elegant masterpiece hoping that I could match my mother's spotless image. After the final touches to my hair, I look up into the mirror and I could see someone my family would be proud of. My dark brown hair was pulled up in a breathtaking bun with a glass hairpin going through the center. I'm the spitting image of my mother and I don't see one flaw about it.

The celebrations and cultural events I get to experience because of my mother are unforgettable moments that other teenagers my age don't ever get to experience in their lifetimes. My mother has steered me into the truth of culture; it should never be something that should be avoided or disposed of, but instead it should be forever be cherished and embraced.

Undergraduate / UC Topic 1 - Independent Girl; Describe the world you come from [2]

Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

Please help me edit!! I'm starting to lose my writing creativity and I'm getting tired of writing these essays so please help me improve the best you can

I swiftly grab onto the steering wheel as the car starts swerving off of the road. I've already perfected the skill of driving from the passenger seat so the fear that used to consume me months ago has now passed. I could be in my cozy bed getting a couple hours of rest before my first day of middle school, but I'm replaying every night like the one before. Questions race through my mind as I wonder if every kid goes through what I have to suffer through every night. However, after every single one of those nights, my mother never fails to say, "Please don't turn out like me."

Majority of the time, my childhood depended on independence. I live in a town filled with wealthy people with nice things, but it doesn't mean I grew up in that area. I grew up with a Korean man that I began calling my dad, who took care of me during the nights my mom left to go out with her friends. I soon started feeling the sense of abandonment; I felt as if my mom didn't want me around her unless she was incoherent enough to stand my presence. The absence of my mom's love can be handled in two different ways. I can either mourn as if I have no future for myself without her, or I can use her lack of attention as a contribution to my success as a student-athlete. As young as I was, decision-making is something I wasn't very familiar with, however I faced reality early in my childhood. Independence and strength is my only answer if my family wasn't.

Growing up without the attention from your parents is a hard concept to grasp; as a child, I struggled through this multiple times at the age of 11, which only made me into a stronger person. Every time my mom turned me away, my determination grew. Every time my mom failed to help me with my math homework, my dedication to my schoolwork exceeded everyone's expectations. Every time I look into the stands and see an empty spot with my mom's name on it, I endure through the pain and push to do the impossible. Even though I don't have her watching me grow into a strong, independent woman, she'll soon look back, and be proud of how I used her past mistakes as a motivational tool to my success.

Undergraduate / Dribble, pull up, and shoot. Deeper into the Game - UC Prompt 2 [2]

Please give me your honest input! Thank you

Dribble, pull up, and shoot. After each repetition, it seemed as if I wasn't getting any better. After each failed attempt, I began to build up frustration until I couldn't handle another missed shot. I grab the ball and pitch it at the wall hoping that the ball would burst and give me a reason to simply go home and quit. These are the moments where I wish my dad could support my decision in sports and train me like all of my other teammates. However, my parents believe that sports are a waste of my time and have no benefit to my future.

As a Korean basketball player, I don't necessarily receive the respect I deserve as an athlete based on common stereotypes towards Asian people. It's as if people expect me to make a mistake before I even step onto the floor, which puts a lot of weight onto my shoulders. Before a game, I can see the crowd of players look at me and undermine my talent by the way they look towards my direction and immediately start whispering. These stereotypes and my parent's unsupportive manner will always motivate me to continue even after I pass the finish line no matter what others are going to tell me.

The hardwood floor beneath my navy-blue Nike's is where I belong. The rubbery, potent smell of the gymnasium latches onto my body and refuses to let go. Fans chant, stomp, and cheer our team to success. To psych myself, I take a moment to remember their ecstatic faces. Even though my parents aren't in the stands, I'm doing this for everyone. Win or lose, what matters are the memories we share together. At the blare of the buzzer, I race back into the game with renewed determination. Basketball has taught me much more than just coordination, dexterity and quick thinking; it has helped me master the art of endurance, independence, perseverance, responsibility and the upmost important skill I know, which is heart. It's appalling to see how something considered as just a sport could change your life forever for the better. I've learned to go after what I want no matter how many obstacles I encounter because my passion for the game surpasses any ability that my teammates or I show on the court and it has changed me into the person I will always be proud of being.