Undergraduate / Mec Eng/Renewable energy resources; Carnegie Mellon University / Department/Program? [2]

Please submit a one-page, single-spaced essay that explains why you have chosen Carnegie Mellon and your particular major(s), department(s) or program(s). This essay should include the reasons why you've chosen the major(s), any goals or relevant work plans and any other information you would like us to know. If you are applying to more than one college or program, please mention each college or program you are applying to. Because our admission committees review applicants by college and programs, your essay can impact our final decision. Please do not exceed one page for this essay.

My interest to be a mechanical engineer began when I was child. I was eight years old during this time where I was exploring my environment and interests. This inspiration began when I was introduced to my father's workplace where they occasionally repair and assemble cars. At first I was disinterested in the activities that were going on, but one day, my father showed me parts of a car engine that twisted my view. The leading mechanic appeared ahead of my dad, he explained and told us that he was checking each car system to determine whether it is functioning well. I was soaked into it, as he told he was reassembling the engine due to its proper lack of efficiency. These words were strange to me, but my curiosity led me to ask the different engine parts and how it worked. The mechanic replied me with a single sentence "When you grow up, I will tell you what these parts are and how they function." His response led me to further study about the systems involved in the parts.

As I grew older, I become more interested and determined to study more about mechanics involved in engineering. A particular experienced changed my perspective. On that day, I was nearly on the verge of an accident. The traffic lights were all jammed up, cars were stuck all the way. There was no road to curve nor to go ahead. My heart pounded relentlessly, as we had to cross over the rail ways. Once again, rows by rows, car by cars, they were all stuck on the rail ways and roads. Not a single movement went pass by; we were stuck on the rail way lines where the daily train pass by every 30 minutes. Everyone was alert by this, they were all moving faster and faster. But the cars move inches by inches, and as the train move on towards our vision, I become more frightened. My mom went out of the car and told the cars to move on, and tell the current situation. They gladly accept this, but the train was appearing so close that I thought we were jammed. Luckily, we were able to drive through the rail ways. This memory intrigued me on improving the transportation systems. Nearly everyone that passed these rail way felt this conflict, where accidents could happen anytime. When I myself felt this, I notice I need to make a change. Time, pollution, and anger could all be relived from better transportation. There are hundreds of life that would face danger just because of this conflict. Imagine what could happen at night when there isn't an train supervisor, I was shocked with this imagination.

From this event, I have witness many of the dangers that could be faced in my country. I wanted to change a part of it, and as a mechanical engineer in Carnegie Melon, I would be able to fulfill my dreams. The high facilities in research laboratories, and the diverse environment would allow me to implement my ideas into action. I believe by studying mechanical engineering. I would be able to understand the different transportation systems, and to create high efficient car machines. This would replace the old cars that are located in Yangon, and would result in fewer pollutants released into the environment. The green energy that is operating in Carnegie Melon has always influenced and excited me because I believe this is an environment where people share ideas on promoting green power. As I have always thought about creating bio diesel from my father's palm oil company, I want to learn mechanical engineering in this environment where people share similar goals and values. Carnegie Melon would be an environment where I would be able to research and create ideas that could benefit peoples live through the invention of bio diesels. It would provide an alternative to burning fossil fuels, and would also produce less carbon monoxide to the environment.

I look forward to studying in Carnegie Melon, to make a change that could save people's life and improve modernization through the improvement of cars and renewable energy resources.

Please tell me unnecessary parts in the essay, and check the grammatical errors. Thanks in advance, and I will also check your essays if you need help.

Undergraduate / Near train accident; University of Illinois/something more [4]

ESSAY #2: In an essay of 300 words or less, tell us something about yourself that isn't covered elsewhere in this application, some interest or experience of yours that you think the University of Illinois should know about as part of the admissions review.

Each of us have been changed and influenced in a way, for me, it was an emotional event that pushed me to dedicate my life to changing a part of society.

It was the same usual scenery, the same old road I used to go to school. My mom curve the lane where the rail way and the road intersects. Up in front of us, there was a huge traffic. Horns honking, local people moaning about the noise, I look around, to see what it was. I saw the railway supervisor who was clearing up the traffic. He complained that he haven't eaten till the morning, and that the traffic was too much. I saw what he had to go through, but one thing shocked me. The car at the end of the street suddenly stopped because the car engine malfunctioned. While this was occurring, the train was approaching near us. I was anxious and looked up ahead, the traffic was still stuck. It was a frightening moment as my mom went through the car and asked the front cars to drive through. The train was approaching sideways, I didn't know what to do, I needed help. I closed my eyes knowing that death was approaching by. Fortunately, my mom came by and started driving the car backwards, then pulled in the lever close to the cars outside of the rail way tracks. I couldn't believe the sound, as the train passed by.

This experience drives me to make a change that would improve the transportation systems in our country. I wanted to make efficient machines and replace transportation systems with subways to reduce traffic and danger. With efficient machines and new energy resources, I believe it would be a great help to a developing nation that needs to build roads, bridges, and cars in the future. From an education at University of Illinois, I would be able to research and put my ideas into actions. There are dangers that can be caused due to the lack of modernization and I feel the need to change this.

Undergraduate / Yangon, bustling city; Common App/ U illinois/ Past circumstances & Experiences [6]

In an essay of 300 words or less, please describe how your past circumstances and experiences (such as your upbringing, community, and/or activities) impacted who you are, your future goals, and your choice of major.

Yangon is a bustling city with crowded roads, old colonial buildings, vendors, and local markets. It is a place where one can experience many interesting things at the same time: big, tall buildings as well as small huts; rich people as well as small homeless children; bright and large restaurants as well as small shops The electricity supply can go off at any time, aged buses rumble down the street, and old buildings stand along the corners of the streets.

Next to my house stand aged colonial buildings that are covered in molded water spots, cracks and mosses. The generators, in front of those buildings, are rusted and let out dark smoke whenever they are used. All the buildings are in dire need of repair and machines are outdated, most broken beyond repair. The new technologies and machines made in other countries and found on the internet and in journals are not realities here. I feel the need to change my country into a better place. I do not want to see the grand old building crumble. We badly need to modernize while at the same time using modernity to preserve our past.

Recently while I was jogging down the street, a bus passed right in front of me. The engine of the bus was running so loudly that I was almost deafened, and I found myself covered in black smoke. The smell was terrible and the bus made the air toxic. It was everywhere around me. I realized that I wanted to change this but was frustrated that I could not do or improve anything, as a normal high school student. This and many other similar experiences drive me to want to make a change. I do not want my people suffer from all the smoke and pollution just because of the lack of advanced technologies. I hope by studying mechanical engineering that I will learn how to improve this situation and accomplish the change I want to make and help my country become a better place.

I need help with deleting unnecessary words so that it could fit the world limit. Also need help with revision. I will help yours as well :D.

Writing Feedback / I'm influenced by my religion, Buddhism / University of Michigan supp / Community [2]

Everyone belongs to many different communities and/or groups defined by (among other things) shared geography, religion, ethnicity, income, cuisine, interest, race, ideology, or intellectual heritage. Choose one of the communities to which you belong, and describe that community and your place within it. (Approximately 250 words)

I grew up in Burma, Yangon where the majority of people are Buddhists. I'm one of them, and since my parents are devoted to this religion, the way I think the way I perceive things are mostly linked to my religion. As a Buddhist since I was young, I was always instilled with the believe that I should help others, and treat others fairly. My life was mostly dedicated to help one way or another to others and this has been a habit for me. Whenever I went my father to the oil palm plantation, I always had the opportunity to teach to young villagers who were working for my father. He set up a small local school for children's education, and I was always pushed by my father to study more because he believes education is an essential part of life.

My father has a set ideology on helping others. He believes that if you do good deeds for others, you have a happy and satisfying life. From childhood, his words have influenced me in many ways, and from that idea I was inspired to make a change that would benefit society. As a Burmese citizen, I seek to change the way of life in people, such as my volunteer work in Mary Chapman School of the Deaf. I helped deaf people in there to enunciate their voices, and have seen many of the troubles they face. I want to change my community and in doing so I want to help them with machines and technology to future citizens in Burma.

Undergraduate / Public speaking, INTEREST in Le High - Supplement Essay [NEW]

1. What unique aspect of Lehigh most interests you? (As a guideline, your response should be between 150-250 words.)
Lehigh is a place where undergraduates are offered several opportunities both in research and in education. The different research opportunities that exists in Lehigh, would allow me to implement my ideas on green energy, and strengthen my theoretical knowledge through research. Furthermore, Lehigh faculty teachers are famous in their field for research and teaching, and I would like to study in this environment where I would be able to learn and communicate with teachers. I have also been interested in the course curriculum on 'Enginerring5', this course isn't provided by most university, and if granted an opportunity, I would use this course to explore a particular disciplinary of engineering I would like to pursue. Le high classes are small, and this unique feature would allow me to focus on my studies, and have close communications with the professors. Not only this, le high's emphasis on liberal arts for all major, would allow me enhance my overall education. Most famous people I strive up to such as Howard McClitic, are people who helped contribute to the creation of the golden bridge. Most importantly, they are graduates from Lehigh and I would like to nurture in this environment place where I can learn and get aspirations from different talented people in the community. Additionally, this would give me an opportunity to learn the infrastructures of a building in Lehigh, and work with professors to learn about the different structures. Just like Howard McClintic and Charles Marshall construction company contributed in the development of the golden gate bridge, I would be obligated if given a chance in Lehigh, to produce machines that would shape and create a better future for our generations and generations to come.

2. If you founded your own college or university, what topic of study would you make mandatory for all students to study and why? What would be the values and priorities of your institution and why?

My Asian Studies teacher would furiously scratch his head, every time he asks a question, everyone went silent, with blank faces, fearing he/she would be picked. I grew out of this experience and if I was granted an opportunity to design my own course, I would choose public speaking as a mandatory course. This course is important in expressing a person's idea, emotion or a general disagreement they want to make.

Furthermore, in life, public speaking is the key to enjoying success. Generally, those who are able to speak out for what they think or believe, usually influences and gets people attention. In both what i see in my high school life, and in the outside society, people lack the courage to speak. This prevents a person from elaborating their ideas, and overtime, a lost in a place in society and even in courage.

The main priorities of my university are dedicated for students to take a course in public speaking, so that student would be graduating with not only their talent and skill but also with the ability to convince and speak their ideas to public. Students would also be given a chance to sharpen their critical thinking skills, and increase their knowledge. In this modernized world we live in, people are either faced with conflict, meetings, occasions and all of these require the use of public speaking skills. My students will be prepare for further challenges to come.

Please edit for me, I will help anyone out as much as i can. (Especially grammar and usage)Thanks in advance!!