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Posts by aria8111
Joined: Apr 8, 2013
Last Post: Apr 10, 2013
Threads: 3
Posts: 4  
From: Islamic Republic of Iran

Displayed posts: 7
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aria8111   
Apr 8, 2013
Writing Feedback / TOEFL; School should purchase Books or Computers for the library? [3]

9. Your school has enough money to purchase either computers for students or books for the library. Which should your school choose to buy -computers or books? Use specific reasons and examples to support your recommendation.

I strongly support the idea of buying computers for the school. It's the century of 21 and the day of internet. Thereexist a lot of app's that we can install on our PC's and read a lot of books on-line. I have a lot of reasons that I would give some of the most important of them in this essay.

At first and the important one that I suggest the computers for schools is for internet. By surfing on internet we can go through all the world. We can take advantage of the best online libraries. Our schools library can make e-library and I will useful also for future. Contract by books, files on computers do not need to a lot spaces and keeping them is more easier. Their exist a lot of online lesson's that only by buying computer can teach to students. For these pose reasons I prefer to computers rather than library for our school.

Another reason for supporting my idea, is that nowadays students spend the most of their time by computer. If we would like to teach more to them we can use than new apps. I remember that When I was in high school I learnt my chemistry only by doing it by an app that was produced by a school in the America. In the developing countries that do not exist a lot of equipments in schools, we can learn it by computers.

At last but not at least, my reason that I like our school buy computers rather than books for library is for games that we can do by computers. Maybe you are thinking that all the games are useless for educational. In the last year by a medical company, a game that in it we could learn about how we can learn medicine produced. My brother bought it because he was studying at university in major of medical science. I had been learnt a lot by playing this game and I am enthusiasm for medicine now. I this year in the course of elementary knowledge for medicine also I got the first score in our class. Also when I took part in a competition that was between all the schools in our province also I got the first place in medicine. So I think games that we can play on computers can be useful.

All in all, I suggest that our school buy some computers for a lot of reasons. Easiness in keeping the files on computers, using a lot of e-courses on internet, E-games and any other thing that time do not let me to mention them here.
aria8111   
Apr 8, 2013
Writing Feedback / TOEFL; Pros & cons of having presence of a large factory near our community [3]

First, you should write more to get a high score, so you should have an overview on all of the subjects that can be asked in your exam to finding a certain line up for them. By this way you won't hesitate a lot on test day.

Second, you should determine a body for your essay before than starting to write. For some subjects it's better to have 3 body paragraph and for some of them like the above essay it's better to have 2.

Third, for each paragraph it is better at first giving an idea, after it giving some reasons and if you have any examples for your reasons, illustrate them. Sum up your paragraphs by phrases like : in short / on balance / in a nutshell / to sum up / in the light of foregoing / in a word /....

Fourth, in your introduction let the reader know about the any body paragraph of your essay .

I hope by a few study the best result for you.
aria8111   
Apr 9, 2013
Writing Feedback / Art, music, and drama should be a part of curriculum [6]

Monikamirka

Nowadays kids are raises differently than before and lot of people think that subject such as art, music, and drama should not be a part of every child's education and also same of them thing that is a waste of time.

Nowadays kids are raises differently than before. Mostly people think that subject such as art, music, and drama should not be a part of every child's education. However, some of them thing thit is a waste of time.

First of all, we all living in a world where we are rush all the time and we do not have time for relaxation and pleasure and the only time where we can do this is the time where we are children's.

First of all, we are living in a world where we rush all the time. We do not have time for relaxation, pleasure. In simpler term ( As a consequence ) the only time where we can do this is the time where we are children's.

The only conjunction for your essay is 'but' and 'and' . 'And' makes your sentences lengthy and do not let us breath during them.
Use than Due to / As a result of / Owing to / However ...
aria8111   
Apr 9, 2013
Writing Feedback / TOEFL ; Businesses should only concentrate on profit making! [2]

. Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Businesses should do anything they can to make a profit. Use specific reasons and examples to support your position.

No one can ever deny that a lot of businesses are doing anything for making a profit. Any person do anything which can make a buck in his life. I do not agree to do any thing to thrive in our businesses. We can bother, make a problem for others and this is not good.

First and most important, making advantages for our business would has pros point if we do not bother someone. The president of a company would love to have flourish in his business. However, he should not make any problem for employees. If income of the company going to being better, he must pay higher salary or award to those who works better. The company must be like a family. In family we help to each other to make a better life. In result, all of us take advantages for it in family.

Another reason wich renders my vantage point for do not doing anything for making a profit is overall reason. I mean, we should not do something which only our goal be making disadvantages for another companies. We must take part in a healthy competition. Some people thinks that competition meaning is disrupting the other side. For illustrate my point, think about a company who make a kind of ingredient for food. The healthy competition would not be something that makes a problem for other company. Maybe another ingredients additional to ours can make a better and delicious food. So our profits must not make any problem for another person or business.

In light of the foregoing, I hold the view that business must make profits only in a way which do not make any problem to another one.
aria8111   
Apr 10, 2013
Writing Feedback / Start work Early Morning or Work till late night? IELTS [7]

Sometime I wake up at late as I stay at late night and I want try to finished my work or I want play with my friends or watched movie at late night. It's very hard to wake up early morning, on that morning my body has no energy to do work and no attention to anything just wants sleep.

Sometime, I wake up at late, Because I stay at late night. I want [to] try to {for} finished {finishing} my work . I want {to} play with my friends or watched{ing} movie at late night. It's { It is } very hard to wake up early morning. In the morning my body has no energy to do work and no attention to {do} anything just wants sleep.

Here I what I am trying to say that we should be think about you health and best way is wake up early in the morning. Morning air very pure and quite environment to us. They Is no noise or air pollution

Here, Iwhat I am trying to say that we should be think about you{ our } health and { the} best way is wake{ing} up early in the morning. Morning's air { is } very pure and it has quite environment {influence } to us. They Is { there is } no noise or air pollution.

First, you must improve your knowledge in grammar . After it write more and more.
aria8111   
Apr 10, 2013
Writing Feedback / TOEFL; Different cloths get people to behave differently. Agree or Disagree? [4]

. Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? People behave differently when they wear different clothes. Do you agree that different clothes influence the way people behave? Use specific examples to support your answer.

Some Clothes can show where we are from and what is our culture, we are poor or rich. In other hand, there are some people that we can never change them with wearing different clothes. In my point of view, clothes have a lot influence on personality of a person and mostly we act in different way if we wear another thing.

Firs, in every country, and particularly in every local area there are a different clothes by their neighbour area. In Asian countries, in every village, you can find discrepancy in clothes for them. There are different ceremonies, dances, and mournings which only by there clothes they can do it. If a foreigner goes to there, he must wear like them. It is an obligation for accepting he. In result, when he wear a there clothes, he will act like them. He will change his culture as them. In nutshell, there culture depended to there clothes.

Second, suppose a rich person who had bankruptcy in his company and can not afford for living in where he had been living. So he must live in a downtown. He must change his clothes. He should live in poverty. If any aspect of living for he changed, in result, he should act like the people who he is living with them. It is necessary that he must accept their culture.

Last, for any job there are a different clothes. discrepancy in this weariness can make comfortness for the workers. For example my father is working as a mason, so his clothes is different by my uncle who is working in a bank. This two brother was from a place. their culture was similar. Now they are wearing different clothes only for different jobs. They cultures has a lot gap by each other now. They are also talking with different ways.

All in all, when we are wearing different clothes, we should act in different ways. This is not a lot related to where we was from and what was our past.
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