Unanswered [6] | Urgent [0]
  

Posts by tasneemspring
Joined: Mar 23, 2009		 Last Post: Apr 10, 2010
Threads: 3
Posts: 25  

Displayed posts: 28
sort: Oldest first   Latest first  | 
tasneemspring   
Mar 24, 2009
Writing Feedback / One of Edison's invention - Does this article sound good in English? [4]

I have translated this passage from Arabic into English, and I want to know if it sounds good in English, and if there are grammatical mistakes. Thanks in advance.

One of Edison's invention

When Edison was fourteen, he worked at a railway station. He worked only at night.

However, Edison used to spend the whole day working on his experiments. As a result, he

would usually fall asleep during his work time, and he was not able to answer any of the

telegraphs sent from the other stations. The inspector, however, warned him several times

and ordered him to transmit a special signal every thirty minutes to prove that he is awake. Edison did as he was told only for a few nights, then he got tired of that. Therefore, he

invented a small machine that transmits that special signal automatically every thirty minutes.

Yet, at one night, the inspector tried to call Edison but Edison did not reply. The inspector

found it so strange, as the signals were transmitted regularly every thirty minutes. So, he

went quickly to the station where Edison was working, and he looked through the window.

There he found him in a deep sleep, while the small machine was sending the required signals

regularly. In fact, the inspector was so pleased with Edison's work; however, he could not let

him continue working at the station and dismissed him.
tasneemspring   
Mar 30, 2009
Writing Feedback / TOEFL Essay - Cars cause a lot of air pollution... [5]

I think that you should first make a proper introduction for your essay; you do not usually start your essay with your opinion : I agree.

The second point is that, there should be a thesis statement at the end of your first paragragh; a statement that contains briefly the ideas that you are going to discuss.

One more thing; try not to repeat your ideas.

That is all what I have really, I hope it helps.
tasneemspring   
Mar 31, 2009
Writing Feedback / "Leave it to Allah!" Does this article sound good in English? [48]

A column translated from an Egyptian newspaper, the column entitled: Leave it to Allah! I want to know whether it sounds good in English or not, including; grammar, language.It is not complete, however, I am not going to complete it till you comment on this part, since it is a very long article.

Thanks in advance[/i]

[i]Leave it to Allah!

All the mistakes of the ordinary people are forgiven except for those of the religious men. Since their mistakes are considered much graver in the eyes of the ordinary people, to the extent that they sometimes cannot believe that the religious people do make mistakes. The big proplem is that some use the mistakes of the religious men as an excuse to justify their own mistakes. For example, when you advise someone to stop smoking , he replies: " how come you do not want me to smoke when Sheik so-and-so himself smokes?! " Maybe they are right in some respects, as a man of God must be a model in his appearance and behavior. Moreover, he should remind people of Halal ( what is permitted ), and Haram ( what is forbidden ), and be a perfect example of easygoing, well-mannered, and honest person. But what is wrong is to believe that this person is infallible or has no mistakes at all! Therefore, they never expect him to get angry when someone teases him, or commit a sin when lured by life luxuries (temptations), or feel pain when afflicted by a disease. Furthermore, the way people look at him restricts him to certain kinds of conduct; for example, he should not be shown in particular places: It is totally forbidden if they catch him sitting in the café, and it is absolutely a major crime if he went to the beach and enjoyed the sight of the waves. That is regarding him, so, how would it be if they are talking about his wife, daughter and so on?!

But why am I saying that?! It is because I have called one of my friends to pray " Al-Eshah" prayer in Masjid ( the mosque ), however, he told me that he does not pray in Masjids at all! I was stunned and asked him: " why?!" He answered as if recalling some old memory: " it is a long story! "

To be continued...
tasneemspring   
Apr 1, 2009
Writing Feedback / "Leave it to Allah!" Does this article sound good in English? [48]

In fact, I have sent translated passages before. Besides, there are students who have already sent translated passages. Anyway, if it will make a problem,then you are free to remove it. It is ok with me.
tasneemspring   
Apr 2, 2009
Writing Feedback / "Leave it to Allah!" Does this article sound good in English? [48]

This is a new piece of translation, I would be grateful if you have a look. Thanks in advance.

One of the misery pictures!

I left my office in the evening heart broken, as the sight of that woman and her child could not get out of my mind. It seemed as if I was destined to face misery wherever I go. I saw a child hardly ten years old standing before his tray of lupins. Althogh, it was still raining, the boy remained as he was waiting for someone to buy his lupins. It was getting dark and cold. I did not know, however, what pushed me to remain with that poor seller. I stayed there for a while but no one came. I then began to realize that he was hungry. An officer suddenly appeared out of the blue. The boy got scared, held the tray, and was about to escape from the " the law representative ". Nonetheless, out of fear, he slipt, fell down, and all the lupins scattered everywhere. I saw the young lad then creeping and picking up his fortune of lupins one by one! He would also kneel down to free one of his lupins from under the officer's shoes. In any case, what kind of good would a grain of lupin hold?!!

( Or is it better to say: what kind of good would a grain of lupin hold any way?!! )

______________________________________________

____He did not not find anything in the box, though

( however).

Is there any alternatives except for however.

__ I'd better do....

I'd is the short for : I had better, or I would better.

__ I had: Is there an abbreviation for it in English ?

__ Not long after. What does it mean ?

__ what is the difference between : souther Tehran, and to the south of Tehran ?

__ Which one is used : large god , or a big dog ?

__ Man used to draw pictures on the walls of their caves?

man was able to exploit nature fro their own sake and have advantage over animals.

Why using their? Is man treated as singular or plural?

__ Two sciences are ( combined _ fused _ mixed _

integrated ), which werb shall we use ?

Thanks in Advance.
tasneemspring   
Apr 5, 2009
Writing Feedback / "Leave it to Allah!" Does this article sound good in English? [48]

Thanks for help indeed, and these are new translations. Thanks in advance.

The most wonderful things in the world!

What is the most wonderful thing in the world? Is it the plane that flies faster than a bird? Or is it the wireless that transmits your voice across the world in a blink? Or is it the giant tree that lives for thousands of years

(thousand years)? Or is it the huge telescope that presents us with the secrets of the sun and the stars? Is it the computer, the satellite TV channels, the mobile, or the internet? No, it is none of them, it is rather nearer to you than them all! It is something you meet, live with, and care about everyday, it is your own body! The muscles that enable you to move, the bones that strengthen the muscles, the blood that provides them with energy, the telephone net and the other links that connect all of these elements together, besides the main control station in the body; the brain. All these things are the most wonderful things in the world.

All living beings which we are part of were basically created from a jell-like substance called protoplasm, which is sometimes called the soul of life. Water does form at least three quarters of this substance. The amazing thing to know is that if we extract the water from our strong and solid bodies, then only one quarter will remain.

____________________________________________________________ ________

Respect other's desire to talk about themselves!

If you want to know how to make people avoid talking to you, or even undermine and humiliate you, then keep on taking about yourself, and never listen to the others or pay attention to them while talking. In addition, if an idea strikes your mind during their talk, do not wait till they finish, but rather interrupt them at once and say what you have!

However, if you did the opposite, be certain that you are going to win people's love and friendship. The truth is that if you wish the others to love and get closer to you, then you should be a good listener. As this kind of attitude asserts your respect and admiration for the other side and the importance of what he is saying.

In the same respect, always remember when you talk to people that they are hundreds of times more interested in expressing themselves, and their needs and problems than they are in you personally and your own problems. As a cut in the neck is much more painful than an earthquake in the American continent! And having a bad tooth deserves much concern than an aeroplane crash in Russia!

To put it differently, if you desire to gain people's love, you ought to be a good listener. In doing so, you have to pay attention to what the other side is saying, and try to use the body language, for instance: looking at the speaker and nodding every now and then, in a way that shows your interest in what he is saying. You may also ask him some questions based on the information provided in order to encourage him to keep talking and dwell on.

Furthermore, listening to the others is one of the crucial qualities to achieve success in practical life. For instance, there are many people who prefer to deal with a certain doctor to the others, merely because he listens to their complains, discusses their states with them, and offers them plenty of time to talk about their pains. This kind of good listening and apparent (clear) interest may help the patient to recover quickly.

_______________________________________________________________

A few sentences seem a bit awkward:

"I left my office in the evening heart broken, as the sight of that woman and her child could not get out of my mind."

I really do not undersatnd what is the wrong with it, does it have something to do with grammer?!!
tasneemspring   
Apr 5, 2009
Writing Feedback / "Leave it to Allah!" Does this article sound good in English? [48]

Are these expressions corect in English:

A cold winter's afternoon.

Seize the first oppotunity ( is there another alternative for this sentence? )

Tell(Send) someone my regards.

The care went off . I mean to say I drove off my car, does the first sentence give this meaning?

Thanks for help indeed.
tasneemspring   
Apr 6, 2009
Writing Feedback / "Leave it to Allah!" Does this article sound good in English? [48]

Thanks fro help indeed. Howevr, I want to know if theses transaltions sound good in English or not ? and how good they are ?
______________________________________________________________

but are there any trees that actually live that long?

Of course there are. As there are humans who live for hundreds of years, there are trees that live for thousands of years!!

____________________________________________________________ ___

This is a new one. Thanks in advance.

The Palestinian poet

Abraham Toucan After finishing his studies in Al-Mataran school in Jerusalem 1922-1923, Abraham Toucan moved to the American University in Beirut. There, they called him " the university poet! "

His sister Fadwa Toucan said at the beginning of her diwan: " In 1929, Toucan got his certificate and was indulged the foamy and stormy way of life! Teacher..teacher..teacher! That was the word that many of the graduates had called him with on the day of the distribution of the certificates. However, Toucan told himself: " After all the hardwork and suffering, they come and choose to be teachers! What the Heavens are they thinking of ?! How limited their ambitions are!

He was was not born to be a teacher. However, the circumstances went against his will, and he could not work as a journalist in Egypt.

Therefore, he returned to his home; Palestine and began teaching at Al-Najah national school in Nables. After one year, he went to teach at the American university in Beirut. Nonetheless, two years later, he resigned his job and worked as a teacher at Al-rasheedia school in Jerusalem. Then, he was totally fed up with his job, so, he wrote his poem " The teacher who is a poet " to express his feelings of distress. That poem, however, had imposed itself upon us for more than one reason!

In 1936, Toucan received his new job as a supervisor of the Arabic station in Jerusalem radio station. Nevertheless, some villains had conspired agaist him, and he was dismissed from his job in 1940.

Nevertheless, in the evening of the same, he was offered a job at the rural teachers college in Baghdad. It was not two months before he fell sick and returned to Nables. After that, he was transferred to a French hospital in Jerusalem, where he passed away. Toucan was finally relieved from life's grieves in the evening of Friday, May 2nd 1941.
tasneemspring   
Apr 6, 2009
Letters / Globalization - an opinion letter in essay form [12]

It appears this "New World Order" will only benefit the lives of rich individuals, but subdue the lives of those who suffer from poverty.

It appears that ( or as if )...., but subdue the lives of the poor. The less words the better I believe.

The previous president of the UN Kofi Annan once stated

you better say: has once stated, because once usually comes with present perfecet, and

the president's words have a direct effect on the meaning right now.

His statement embodies great truth,

an imporatnt fact will do better.

The argument of globalization begs two major questions

The argument of globalization begs two major questions

arises is much more formal and suitable here.

I hope I have helped you some how.
tasneemspring   
Apr 6, 2009
Writing Feedback / "Leave it to Allah!" Does this article sound good in English? [48]

Can you post something of "Abraham Toucan" please.. something you liked very much yourself.

I really do not understand what do you mean!!!!!!!! It is just a translayion and I want to know if it sounds good in English or not.
tasneemspring   
Apr 8, 2009
Writing Feedback / "Leave it to Allah!" Does this article sound good in English? [48]

I just want to make sure that these transaltions are in good English, and that what concerns me really.

The Palestinian poet

Abraham Toucan

Leave it to Allah!

The most wonderful things in the world!

Respect other's desire to talk about themselves!

____________________________________________________________ _______

I have also some urgent questions :

Do we say end of service remuniration or bonus?

Do we say spark, attract, or draw attention?

How do we use the word "compulsive"?

He was not born to be a teatcher, it that how it is said?

Was he perhaps "inducted" into this way of life?

will the word wade through work here, and is there other alternatives?
tasneemspring   
Apr 23, 2009
Writing Feedback / "Leave it to Allah!" Does this article sound good in English? [48]

Hello,

This is a new translation. However, this time I want to know a specific point: when reading this article, how do you evaluate the translator level: beginner, intermediate, or advanced ? What would it take to develop nself ? What about the style and the language used, does it sound: acceptable, good, or perfect in English ?

Thanks in advance

Love springs

The main spring of love is choice. Any kind of choice requires complete freedom from traditional burdens established by our forefathers, and followed by ourselves. In any case, choice is only the beginning of love, but it is not love itself.

Love appears just after making a choice. At first, love takes the form of giving, through which you feel that you are actually giving nothing at all. However, if you feel _ just for once_ that you are sacrificing or even giving while practicing love, then you are experiencing love in the shape of trade. Any type of love usually fades away when it is practised as a trade.

Not everyone has the ability to love, whereas most people can easily hate! Since love needs sublimity in mind, time, and feelings. While hatred requires nothing but malice and envy.

The qualities of hatred, malice and envy can be learned in a few hours. On the contrary, love needs many years to be acquired, and meanings that turn black hair into the colour of snow, and the heart into the whiteness of milk.

Learning can give the mind the power to view and understand things, while art and literature depend on one's sense of humour. Religion, on the other hand, makes one's emotions endless and able to grasp the real reason behind existence and the secret of life. Without these three elements: mind, sense of humour, and feelings, one cannot experience true love. Instead, he can only follow his whim and instincts with the purpose of reaching his own interests.

I mean to say that calling for love is a must. But, it is not an easy task at the same time (at the same time, it is not an easy task too). As it requires the combination of all the essential elements: Learning, arts, literature, and religion.

When shall we find the one who would to sacrifice himself for the sake of the person with whom he has shared life bitterness and beauty?!
tasneemspring   
Apr 25, 2009
Writing Feedback / "Leave it to Allah!" Does this article sound good in English? [48]

I say that because you have some sentence fragments:

Since love needs sublimity in mind, time, and feelings. While hatred requires nothing but malice and envy.

Usually, incomplete sentences render writing to be far from perfect.

I really do not undersatnd why this sentense is not complete. Anyway, I mean to say that

Not everyone has the ability to love, whereas most people can easily hate! That is because love needs sublimity in mind, time, and feelings, while hatred requires nothing but malice and envy!

That what I meant to say, so if that one is wrong, what is the suggested one?

Are there any other sentences that are incomplete, or not sound good in English? For my teacher told me that it is a literal translation and the native speaker is not going to undersatnd it?

___________________________________________________________________

Also, try to be patient when less than 24 hours have gone by and you have not received a response. We moderators are few in number.

Thanks indeed for help, and I wil try to be patient, thanks again.
tasneemspring   
Apr 25, 2009
Writing Feedback / "Leave it to Allah!" Does this article sound good in English? [48]

Love springs

The main spring of love is choice. Any kind of choice requires complete freedom from traditional burdens established by our forefathers, and followed by ourselves. In any case, choice is only the beginning of love, but it is not love itself.

Love appears just after making a choice. At first, love takes the form of giving, through which you feel that you are actually giving nothing at all. However, if you feel _ just for once_ that you are sacrificing or even giving while practicing love, then you are experiencing love in the shape of trade. Any type of love usually fades away when it is practised as a trade.

Not everyone has the ability to love, whereas most people can easily hate! That is because love needs sublimity in mind, time, and feelings, While hatred requires nothing but malice and envy.

The qualities of hatred, malice and envy can be learned in a few hours. On the contrary, love needs many years to be acquired, and meanings that turn black hair into the colour of snow, and the heart into the whiteness of milk.

Learning can give the mind the power to view and understand things, while art and literature depend on one's sense of humour. Religion, on the other hand, makes one's emotions endless and able to grasp the real reason behind existence and the secret of life. one cannot experience true love without these three elements: mind, sense of humour, and feelings. Instead, he can only follow his whim and instincts with the purpose of reaching his own interests.

I mean to say that asking for love is a must. At the same time, it is not an easy task either, as it requires the combination of all the essential elements: Learning, arts, literature, and religion.

When shall we find the one who would to sacrifice himself for the sake of the person with whom he has shared life's bitterness and beauty?!

Is it better now?
tasneemspring   
Apr 25, 2009
Writing Feedback / "Leave it to Allah!" Does this article sound good in English? [48]

Are there any other sentences that are incomplete, or not sound good in English? For my teacher told me that it is a literal translation and the native speaker is not going to undersatnd it?

Thanks for help indeed. I just want to make sure that you as a native speaker undersatnd it, and that you do not find any thing peculiar, or not English!

Thanks again
tasneemspring   
Apr 27, 2009
Writing Feedback / English Comp. CLEP - practice essay "Impossible Goals" [9]

I liked the essay, but I think that you had better set stronger example than these ones. You do not always have to set examples about yourself. I mean, you may talk generally and set examples about famous and successful poeple who set impossible goales, but succeeded in achieving them.
tasneemspring   
Apr 27, 2009
Writing Feedback / "Leave it to Allah!" Does this article sound good in English? [48]

I mean to say that calling for love is a must. But, it is not an easy task at the same time (at the same time, it is not an easy task too). As it requires the combination of all the essential elements: Learning, arts, literature, and religion.

Is this paragraph clear or not?
tasneemspring   
Apr 8, 2010
Writing Feedback / "cursing the unlucky circumstances" - A translated Passage, good in English? [5]

Don't justify your reluctance!
When confronted by situations in which one usually fails to react or do something, many resort to justifying their hesitancy by convincing themselves through indirect means. For instance, if a wife undergoes an unsuccessful marriage; full of pain and depression, and then is asked to put an end to this misery, she begins to make a list of meaningless and illogical justifications for acting otherwise.

One time, she says, "If it weren't for the children, I would've asked for a divorce a long time ago", even though she fully understands that the children would enjoy a better life when divorced. In other occasions, she may conclude, "Were it not for people's gossiping, I would've left him years ago," despite her full knowing that people do not really care, or they may just talk for a while and then get fed up.

Another example; someone who works in a certain job. Later on, he might get bored and weary, and begins to complain to his friends about how he suffers. Nevertheless, when it is suggested that he must leave this job, and look for a new one, he hesitates and directly resorts to petty justifications, saying: "There are no other good jobs out there", or "They depend on me, how could I just quit and disappoint them?!"

Actually, many people lead their lives like this. They refrained from changing, reacting or making well-planned decisions. Instead, they simply justify their hesitant or rather cowardly manner. Accordingly, they continue their lives, cursing the unlucky circumstances that brought these misfortunes upon them.

On the contrary, when we find a person who is willing to decide and take risks and finally succeeds, we say: "How lucky he is; he took the risk and fortunately succeeded." Note the expression "took the risk" as it implies that failure is more likely to happen. As if by indicating this, we are denoting that he was -unlike us- so courageous and risky to try and venture his fortune, and again was lucky enough to succeed thereafter. We congratulate his success; however, we praise our reluctance explaining that we have taken our precautions. As the Arabian saying goes, "The one who avoid risks enjoys safety." Nonetheless, this saying cannot be taken for granted for one may be afraid to the extent that he decides never to leave his house. In the long term, the house may fall down while he is in, or he may drown, get injured or even die, so is he safe then?!

Finally, one may deduce that at times we make some meaningless excuses by which we can easily justify our cowardliness and negativity towards the situations we go through. However, they turn out to be a mere bunch of petty justifications that hinder us from heading forward.

Questions:
This is supposed to be a translated passage, so I want to if the English reader may sense that it is translated.

How you grade the English language used there: accaptable, very good, or ecellent, and why.

Thanks for help indeed.
Need Writing or Editing Help?
✖
Fill out one of these forms:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳

Academic AI Writer:
Custom AI Writer ◳