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Posts by mvettri
Name: Vettrivel Muthu
Joined: Aug 6, 2014
Last Post: Oct 29, 2014
Threads: 6
Posts: 10  
From: India

Displayed posts: 16
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mvettri   
Aug 6, 2014
Writing Feedback / Celebrities are more famous for the look and wealth than for talents and contribution to their field [2]

Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth than for achievements, and this sets a bad example to young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In recent years, because of technological innovations, the role of media has become prominent and they project celebrities frequently for their glamour and wealth than their achievements. I strongly believe this trend is unproductive for our society and creates a bad example for our youngsters.

To begin with, there are a number of celebrities whose skills are ignored and remembered only for their appearance and money. One important reason for this is the role played by media in our society. Media projects more about the wealth and glamour of our celebrities more often than their achievements, in fact, nowadays, hardly they mention about their achievements in life. For example, Bill Gates, founder of Microsoft Corporation, is known as the richest man in the world than as the founder of Microsoft. These, in turn, create a false impression among youngsters and change their attitude towards earning money, when they should be concentrating on improving their skills.

Another point is the importance given to ones appearance these days. Celebrities, especially movie stars, are the source of new costumes and fashion, but their achievements in their field are generally ignored. For example, Amitabh Bachchan, a popular Indian movie star, is a fashion icon and his fans, most as youngsters, hardly miss to have his collections. However, these youngsters do not remember him for the number of national awards he has won for his acting skills. Thus, they do not realize the hard work behind their celebrity's fame.

In conclusion, the role of media and the failure of youngsters to understand the true reason behind the fame of their celebrities convince us that, nowadays, celebrities are more famous for their looks and wealth than for their talents and contributions to their field.
mvettri   
Aug 7, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS: The tax reduction of state school for parents who have children studying in private system [2]

On the whole, I do believe that taxes paying for state schools are necessary to be compulsory for all members of society no matter where their children enroll in.

I think it could be rephrased in a better way. On the whole, I strongly believe that paying tax for public education system should be made mandatory, irrespective of the kind of enrollment of our children.

State education system = public education system, trying to use synonyms and avoiding repetitions.

Firstly, by paying taxes for public school, affluent people effectively contribute to narrowing down the gap between rich and poor. It is true that many poor families are not able to afford tuition fees for their kids to attend a course. With the the tax amount for which they pay, the rich may help a vast number of students from families with poverty background to continue their studies, and earn a better quality of life.

With the the tax amount for which they pay : They refers to who ? the rich people who pay tax or the poor people ? I think the subject is not clear.

to continue their studies, and earn a better quality of life : I think this comma should be removed. Please check.

They point out that it is irrational to require them to pay for the taxes they do not use.
They point out that it is irrational to expect them to pay tax for services which they do not use.
mvettri   
Aug 7, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS: 'disaster situations' - todays individuals are becoming more dependent on each other [4]

It seems that people have heavy reliance on others

It seems that people rely heavily on others

It is sensible that someone hold the view

that someone seems to be incorrect. please check.

When comes to these extremely difficulties,
However, when it comes to difficult situations,

Fox example, in an earthquake, the search team that involves a great variety of the work of transport,medicine,sanitary, food supplication and so on can delivery more efficient outcomes than individuals do.

For example, after an earthquake, the rescue workers who have a wide range of tasks, such as, transportation, medical and food supplies and so on, can delivery more efficiently than what individuals can do.
mvettri   
Aug 7, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS: Taxpayers don't need pay for public education system in which their children are not enrolled [2]

Thanks for reviewing my essays. Please review this one too. thanks for your time.

Families who send their children to private schools should not be required to pay taxes that support the state education system. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

In recent years, governments across the world have imposed heavier tax on taxpayers, because of global recession and economic downtrend. This has impacted the citizens heavily. Under these circumstances, I think it is unethical for the government to expect tax for public education system from tax payers whose children are not registered under these systems.

There are many reasons why paying tax for public education system is not justified when one's children are not enrolled in these systems. First of all, there is a growing concern across the world that tax payers money are misused by people in power. For instance, the recent bridge construction scam exposed by the media amounts to more than $100 million of public money. Situations like these demotivate the average tax payer. Furthermore, when they have to pay tax for services which they don't use, I think it is unjustified on their part to pay tax for public education system.

Another important reason why tax should not be collected from parents whose wards are educated in private schools is that, the quality of education provided by these public education systems are deteriorating. Since these schools are managed by the government entities, teachers and staffs tend to be lethargic, owing to less accountability. Therefore, taxpayers question the need to pay taxes to such improper education system, in which their children are not enrolled.

In conclusion, improper public fund utilization and poor education system are major dampeners for average citizens to pay their hard earned money as taxes for services that they do not use. I strongly believe this is justified and correct that taxpayers need not pay for public education system in which their children are not enrolled.
mvettri   
Aug 8, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS: the figure reflect equally in subjects related to service community; foreign and UK students [4]

degree or tertiary education at a university of United Kingdom in 2009.

an university.

It is evident that both home and international students were passionate about learning, with more than a half achieving secondary level or higher education.

Conversely, domestic students outnumbered in curriculums related to language, art, law and society behavior. : society or social behavior ?

Furthermore, the gap rate between two groups of students took the course about Art and Society was quite low,
Furthermore, the difference between these two groups of students who took the course "Art History" and "Sociology" is quite low.
Note :"Art History" and "Sociology" both bars are similar, but not exactly same. please check.
mvettri   
Aug 8, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS: Living away from parents provide youngsters opportunity to meet variety of new people [8]

Thanks for reviewing my essays. please review this one too. thanks a lot for your time.

In many countries recently young single people have been living far from their parent, from time they began studies or work and until they married. Do you think there are more advantages or disadvantages to this trend?

In recent years, Major cities have seen unprecedented growth and have become land of opportunities for all of us. Consequently, youngsters from small cities or even from large cities have to relocate for work or studies. This relocation has both advantages and disadvantages, however, overall, I think the advantages are far more than disadvantages.

There are a number of reasons why it is beneficial for youngsters to stay away from parents until they get married. First of all, when youngsters start to live alone, for studies or to work, they meet several kinds of new people every day, consequently, they learn many new things from these people, which otherwise would not have been possible. These new learnings help them to enhance their world knowledge and excel not only in their studies or work, but also help to become a well rounded personality. For example, youngsters who travel to study abroad learn the local language and culture. This helps them to differentiate every culture and most importantly, respect other cultures.

Despite these positives, there are significant drawbacks too. Youngsters who start to live alone fail to get the affection and motivation from their parents, which are very important to be successful in this competitive world. As a result, they feel dejected and demotivated, which creates negative impact on their study or work. In addition, they fail in this important phase of life and spoil their future. Therefore I think youngsters should be close to their families in this important juncture of life.

In conclusion, despite these problems, youngsters living away from parents, as far as I am concerned, provide opportunity to meet variety of new people. Moreover, considering the importance of learning new things everyday at this stage of life, I firmly believe that living away from parents is one the best things to do for all youngsters, until they find their soul mate.
mvettri   
Aug 11, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS: Living away from parents provide youngsters opportunity to meet variety of new people [8]

In current economic climate it has become more
In current economic climate, it has become...

Although there are some drawbacks young individual face living far from their home yet I believe its advantages outweigh its disadvantages.
Although there are many challenges/drawbacks for young individuals who live far from their home, yet I believe its advantages outweigh the disadvantages.

I think these are some changes required, but this introduction is definitely better than mine. :)
mvettri   
Aug 12, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS :Some people think that professional athletes make good role models for young people [5]

I definitely have to appreciate the way you have written this essay and I can see the difference between a average essay and your essay. However, I see some basic mistakes in your essay, which I think you need to improve upon. Remember, basic mistakes pull down your band easily.

Some people believe it is beneficial for a young individuals to

their national heroes, yet others assert that

Perhaps, the major argument that
I dont think major is the best word, could be something like significant argument, the most convincing argument, something like that...

instills the sense of pride
instills the or a ? please check

player encourages a young person to adopt a healthy
encourages the younger generation

With the fame and money, some player's insatiable

With the fame and money some player's insatiable greed for wealth also grows. For example, recently, many cricket stars were found guilty in match fixing cases. Incidents like this could seriously affect young individual's personality

This should be more developed I think. How is it affecting the personality ? It is not written explicitly.
Incidents like these could potentially change youngster's attitude towards money and induce to earn money in illegal ways.

In addition to that, young children
We are talking about young people, not young children, please check the question sentence

cannot afford a lavish lifestyle as their role models leads them to the feeling of inadequacy
Some serious mistakes here,
cannot afford lavish lifestyle, like their role models, this creates disappointment and dissatisfaction.

In conclusion, I believe, sports celebrities plays a vital role in inspiring young generation, Although at times they can negatively influence youth yet an overwhelming majority of young generation is sensible enough to decide what is right for them.

This sentence is too long and only one sentence. I think it can be broken down to two good sentences.
In conclusion, although at times sports stars can negatively influence youth, yet an overwhelming majority of young generation is sensible enough to decide what is right for them. I firmly believe sports celebrities plays a vital role in inspiring young generation and help them to keep fit.
mvettri   
Aug 19, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS: higher education or workplace? Professional knowledge is the most decisive factor. [6]

Pursuing a higer education degree or going straight to workplace after graduating from highschool seems to be a hard decision. Althought both choices have their pros and cons, I believe it is important to finish your university or college before getting a profession.

we dont graduate from high school I suppose.

I think many improvements are required in grammar overall. please check.
mvettri   
Aug 19, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS school non academic subjects assist in physical development and learning important life skills [2]

Hi everyone, thanks for reviewing my essays and helping me to improve.

With the pressures on today's young people to succeed academically, some people believe that
non-academic subjects at school (eg: physical education and cookery) should be removed from the
syllabus so that children can concentrate wholly on academic subjects.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Perhaps today's youth are under pressure from many fronts to perform well than ever before, especially to excel academically. While I concede that academic subjects are of utmost importance, however, I am of the opinion that non academic activities are very vital for the overall development of the younger generation.

There are many reasons to support this opinion. It is said that academic studies help to enhance knowledge of the students in various subjects, but, at the same time, it makes one to become a bookworm and lose touch with the outside world. For example, children who do exceptionally in studies are more likely to be mediocre in physical activities and sports, with few exceptions. This produces imbalanced growth and affect children at a later stage. For this reason, schools must also include non academic lessons.

Another compelling reason why non academic subjects must be included is that it helps one to learn important life skills. There are those who say that academic subjects lay the foundation for a successful carrier, however, in this process, students should not lose certain other important aspects like physical education, cooking, drawing, dancing, etc., Ito be specific, Physical education is important for every children for the reason that it helps to rejuvenate the body and spirit, not to mention it assists in physical development of the youth. Moreover, learning various life skill subjects help one to become a well rounded personality and do well in all areas in life.

In conclusion, though academic subjects are important for better career opportunities, non academic subjects assist in physical development and learning important life skills. I strongly believe it should be continued for a better future generation.
mvettri   
Sep 1, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS: Strict regulations can effectively reduce the problem of overfishing by large corporations [2]

Thanks for reviewing my essay.

Overfishing of the world's oceans threatens many species with extinction and is putting the livelihood of millions of people around the world at risk. What are the causes of this

problem and what can be done to prevent it from happening?

You should use your own ideas, knowledge and experience and support your arguments with examples and relevant evidence.

Perhaps one of the most important issues which are often ignored in this information age is the issue of overfishing and its effects. Overfishing has caused severe problems to our society in multiple ways and in this essay, I will explain these problems and some solutions to avoid this growing problem.

First of all, the prominent reason for mass fishing is the profit oriented approach of large Fishing Corporations which hardly worries about the biological imbalance caused by its actions. Such unethical approach by people with responsibility leads to considerable damage to the biological cycle, in which ocean and its living organisms play a vital part. The most significant damage done by overfishing is the danger posed to the survival of rare species. While fishing, people may not intend to catch these rare species, but naturally these rare species also get caught in the nets and face extinction. One typical example is the drastic decline in the number of a specific type of jelly fish, called sea jelly, facing extinction.

Before these problems reach extreme levels, it is our moral responsibility to identify solutions for this menace. One way to control this would be to put strict environmental regulations, and more importantly, implementing them and monitoring our oceans and fishing done by multinational organizations. This, will, in turn, curb the problems of overfishing to a major extent. Furthermore, this issue should be brought to light by the government agencies and due awareness should be raised by the media to educate the society of this problem. Additionally, impact on ecosystem should be estimated and a remedy plan should be created to the ailing rare species facing extinction.

In conclusion, strict regulations can effectively reduce the problem of overfishing by large corporations, as well as raising the awareness puts ethical pressure on these entities to adhere to the guidelines. I think these measures would effectively stop mass fishing, paralleled by the advantage of saving the species which are facing extinction.

Thanks a lot for your comments.
mvettri   
Sep 5, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS: 'appropriate infrastructure to spur growth and prevent the damage caused to environment' [3]

Please review my essay and give me your valuable comments.

Some people think pollution and damage of environment are resulted from a country developing and becoming richer, and this is hard to be avoided. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

Many developing countries across the world are struggling to maintain their GDP growth under the current turbulent economic conditions. Under these circumstances, countries find it difficult to sustain their growth rate and are under severe pressure to compromise in certain areas such as pollution and environment. However, I believe that authorities should think in long term and build appropriate infrastructure to spur growth and prevent the damage caused to environment.

The compromises done by authorities have direct impact on the environment and in turn affect the country in several ways. For instance, most of the cloth production and exports are manufactured in the developing countries, however, hardly people realize the harmful effects caused to the environment by this business. During the production process, poisonous dyes are directly diverted to the nearby rivers which in turn affect the water body and kill the aquatic organisms. Although developing countries should encourage exports, it should not be at the cost of abusing the environment. Therefore, authorities should devise plan to regulate these industries.

Similarly, nowadays, developing countries depends on foreign investments in this globalized world. In order to attract investments and promote business, governments are under pressure to provide leverage to customers in the form of lenient regulations and quicker approvals. Such haste approvals, without detailed research about the project, are the major reasons for deforestation in many countries and has already caused severe climatic changes in many parts of the world. This could be avoided by the developing smaller cities and providing assistance to investors by creating joint plan for improving infrastructure, thereby saving the environment and encouraging busines.

In conclusion, I strongly believe developing countries which undergo this problem of compromising the environment should think in the long term and plan innovatively to build infrastructure and promote business in order to give a better world for the future generations.

Thanks for reviewing my essay.
mvettri   
Oct 27, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS: More People Living by Themselves [6]

The first reason/prime reason for choosing to live alone would be lack of courage and responsibility. People with bad experiences in their past relationships are reluctant to face another emotional dilemma by entering into another relationship and thereby choose to live alone, avoiding responsibilities and challenges in social life.

The other reason could be the young's tendency of getting independent from their parents and live their lives without their supervision and district rules. This could, probably, lead them to more happiness as they would be able to throw parties and do whatever they wanted to.

Not very clear. Grammar problems.

I think you are trying to express complex ideas and falling short in explaining them clearly. Please explain more clearly.
mvettri   
Oct 29, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS: More People Living by Themselves [6]

Even I used to be like this few months back, unable to complete even after 40 mins.
But the idea is to practice and concentrate on language more than content.
Read many articles in popular news websites like BBC and find the language used and try to use it in your essay.

Another point is not to try to put a complex idea. It may make your essay difficult to understand. The best strategy is to use simple points with complex sentences and grammar structure. In all my essays, I use "Not only.. but also" structure. Try to use While, Meanwhile, Despite, Although, compulsorily.

All these things dont come in a short time. Atleast one month to raise from current level and one more month to practice and complete the essay in 25 minutes. Rome was not built in a day.

More ideas:
1. Dont start with introduction first.
2. Start with the first body paragraph (I always use 4 paragraphs structure, 1. Introduction 2. First body para 3. second body para 4. Conclusion)
3. Write topic sentence as the first sentence in first body para and second body para.
4. Explain one or two idea in detail, like a flow (X happens because of Y, this leads to Z, moreover, other effects,... like this ), with an example. Dont think about adding many points.

5. Conclude first body and second body with a finishing sentence with a short summary. Short.
6. Start and complete conclusion. Reword sentences used in first body and second body and put your opinion clearly.
7. Start Introduction and make you opinion clear(depends on type of essay).

First body (10 mins)
Second body (10 mins)
Conclusion (5 mins)
Introduction(5 mins)

Total : 30 mins.
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