Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing Task 1 - Changes In The World Population Between 1900 and 2000 [4]

The pie charts illustrate changes in the proportion of world population according to the regions in 1900 and 2000. Overall, it can be seen that the most significant change happened in Europe, while the least or no changes at all happened in North America and Others during a century.

First of all, in 1900 the population of Europe including Russia was a quarter of the total and it decreased dramatically 11% in the next 10 years. In the same year, Asia was the biggest population among the regions with the proportion of 60%, decreased to the level of 54% which was including the region of former Soviet Asia in year 2000. The new region added in the data in 2000, Middle East and North Africa, stated at 6%. As for Africa alone, there was a significant increase from 4% to 10%, similarly it happened in Latin America from 3% to 8% during the period, as addition there was Caribbean included in the Latin America region in year 2000. Finally, there were two regions left that virtually did not show any changes, those were North America and Others that stayed at 5% and 3% respectively.

As the conclusion, the majority changes during the period of 1900 to 2000 were in Europe, Asia, Africa, and Latin America. While the least or no changes were in North America and others, and the rest was additional region.

===Please help me to correct grammatical errors and comment the contents of my essay also give suggestion! Thanks! XOXO===

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Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing Task 2 - Is it fair to use animal for human well-being? [2]

Some people think that it is appropriate to use animals for human benefit, while for others it cannot be justified. Discuss both sides and give your opinion!

Animals facilitate people in many aspects of their daily life. Based on some people's opinion it is what animals are created for, whereas others say it is unfair to treat animals like so. These two views will be discussed in this essay.

With regard to the animals utilization, people believe it is acceptable for several reasons. People who are still using animals in their daily life are mostly from countryside. They use animals for public transportation, traditional farming utility, and dairy production. First reason, it is a lot cheaper to use animals rather than motor vehicle like cars and motorbikes or high-tech machine like automatic tractor that the prices can reach millions of rupiahs. Meanwhile, the economic condition of Indonesian who lives in countryside is generally under prosperity, they cannot afford those facilities. Therefore, they use animals for public transpiration such as "andong" a traditional Javanese wagon which is pulled by a horse, and "cikar" a bigger wagon which is pulled by two cows.

Second reason, animals are eco-friendlier to environment which do not result large amount of carbon dioxide emissions compared to those high-tech facilities mentioned earlier. The example of animals-used-farming utility is called "krakal" in Javanese term, is an equipment to plow rice fields which is pulled by two or more cows or buffalos.

Third reason, animals are economically benefits to those who produce dairy products. In Indonesia, dairy products such as cows or goats milk and chicken eggs are produced by farming in the countryside even in the worldwide. People consume dairy products for their daily meals because it provides nutrients for them. So without the animals there can be no dairy products.

In contrast, there are many people said it is animals exploitation. There should be reason behind this terms, it is generally regarding ethics in which people believe that animals have equal worth of life in this world just like human have. In certain belief it is not right to kill animals for any purposes, because it may bring bad things to them in the future. Because they believe that animals are reincarnation of their ancestors in the past time. They tend to be vegans who do not eat any kind of food from animals like meat, egg, milk or even oil. Though this belongs to certain belief but people nowadays seemed to be more concern about animals' welfare, since animals have been used for product testing in some industries such as makeup and medicine.

In my point of view, animals' utilization is acceptable as long as it is still in the reasonable limit. They should not put the animals in harm instead they should take a good care of the animals such as make a proper stalls, properly feed them up, and regularly check their health.

Writing Feedback / Does modern lifestyle make parents abandon their children? [2]

Modern lifestyles mean that many parents have little time for their children. Many children suffer because they do not get as much attention from their parents as children did in the past. Do you agree or disagree?

In past time, traditional family, it was father who went out to work while mother was at home taking care of their children. It seemed to be upside down compared to modern lifestyle where parents (father and mother) are engaged to their busy life for work, making their children are lack of attention that eventually will make them suffer from being abandoned. I strongly believe that there are advantages of having both parents working.

Some people consider that children whose both parents are working are in an advantage. Since both parents are working it is likely that children will go to schools with better quality along with the supporting facilities. Parents with this kind of lifestyle stand up for their view that they will provide anything their children needed to learn and experience of growing up. For example, parents provide children in sport clubs or other activities which might dig up their potential in early ages. Other than that, children will also enjoy luxurious life of their parents' wealth such as high-tech toys or experience foreign holidays.

On the other hand, some people oppose to the first view said that the absence of parents during children's growth will affect their character because they do not physically give attention and support. In big city such as Jakarta, parents normally leave home in the early morning when their children do not even wake up and they come home when their children are asleep, meaning that parents leave their children to grow by babysitter or maid. This situation may cause children to grow with characters like their babysitter or maid. Moreover, its negative impact in the long run is getting serious when children are easily to get involved on such things like drugs and underage drinking.

When I was child, both my parents were working, and I was left to babysitter. Yet since we lived in countryside, my parents worked in town which was not too far from our house. Eventually they did not come home late unlike those who live in big city. So, I could still play and study with my parents.

In conclusion, I strongly believe that it cannot be avoided that both parents have to work in this globalization era to support family's life. The situation in which parents give direct attention to children is relatively depending on where they live. If they live in particular area where it takes short time to get to work and get home, it will be easy for parents to turn up during children development. However, if they live in area where it takes longer time to reach both office and home, they should maintain how to build the relationship of parents and children. For example, organize family (outdoorsy) activities on the weekend such as camping, playing out bond, or cycling.

Writing Feedback / Changes in the levels of rentals and sales of films in a particular store [2]

The bar chart gives information about changes the levels of rentals and sales of films in VHS, DVD, and Blu-ray formats in a particular store during the period of 2002 to 2011.

The most striking features is that rentals and VHS sales experienced gradual declines, the sales of films in VHS format stopped at the end of year 2005. While DVD experienced dramatic incline but then slowly declined and Blu-ray experienced slow incline starting in the middle of period to the end.

In the beginning of sampled period, rentals was dominant toward VHS and DVD sales which stood about 185.000 per year then followed by gradual decline during nine years and leveled out at about 51.000. In the same period, VHS followed the same patterns of rentals started at around 81.000 sales per year then plunged to 10.000 within three years and there were no more sales of films in VHS format till the end of period. In contrast, in the first five years, the DVD sales increased dramatically and hit a high of 215.000 per year, which broke the record of highest sales over the time frame.

Furthermore, in year 2006, there were only rentals and DVD sales activities at the store but then there were a small number of Blu-ray sales about 9.000 in the following year. It happened to increase though slowly for the rest of period and reached its highest sales at only 11.000 per year.

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Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing Task 2 - People get into debt for buying unnecessary things [2]

Some people get into debt by buying things they don't need and can't afford. What are the reasons for this behavior? What action can be taken to prevent people having this problem?

People nowadays have the tendency to buy unnecessary things that they actually cannot afford which may cause them get trapped in unintentional debt. Although, there is factor why people behave like so, I believe that there are prevent actions can be done to control their behavior.

There is major reason people become so consumerism especially those who live in big city. The reason is copycat lifestyle where people are copying each other lifestyle. Many people believe they should adapt their selves to what trend is happening in the society, while not all people have enough money to purchase the "hot items" of the day. Therefore, they are willing to do anything to purchase their wanted items. Even if it means they have to pay on installment system with relatively high rate of interests. For example, it is happening to have a Louis Vuitton hand bag. Every woman in the society especially those who are joined the socialite clubs willing to buy it even though the price values more than million of rupiahs, but those who cannot afford it will buy on payable.

Even though people sometimes cannot control their consumerism behavior, I strongly believe that there are some ways in which they can prevent to purchase unnecessary things. First, people need to manage their monthly budget that they will only spend money on primary necessities. It is allowable that at the end of the month they want to buy certain thing but in one condition when the money they spend is less than the budgeted. Second, stop joining any socialite clubs which is not healthy to those people whose financial condition cannot support them. By doing so, women especially, will stop comparing their life to other women with high-end lifestyle. Third, join social-oriented organization to be volunteers on charity activities which will make people widen their eyes to see that there are still thousands of people dying for food and health.

In conclusion, in this day and age, consumerism is unavoidable among the society but it is their choice to live their life easily without getting trapped on unnecessary debt or they want their life to be luxurious but they are haunted by debt collector. All I can suggest is that, people should understand their financial condition before deciding to purchase things.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1 - Changes in levels of exports in Southland in 2000, 2015, and prediction of 2025 [2]

The bar chart illustrates changes in levels of main exports in Southland in 2000, 2015, and prediction of 2025 and is measured in billions of Pounds.

Overall, it can be seen that international tourism is the biggest contributor to exports income in three given periods of time, while meat products is the smallest contributor. The data are categorized by years and type of products.

In the beginning of periods, the international tourism was the highest contributor to main exports in Southland, contributed about £ 8.1 billion per year then increased to £ 8.9 billion in 2015 and predicted to experience an increase as much as £ 9.9 billion in the next ten years. It is also predicted to be the most contributing export income.

Whilst the dairy products started at £ 6.9 billion happened to increase dramatically to £ 99 billion in current year but it is predicted to drop slightly to £ 9.5 billion in 2025. Dairy products are the most contributed products to exports income in this year compared to international tourism and meat products.

Finally, meat products has been the least contributed to export income in the first given period which was only £ 6.0 billion per year and started to decline slowly at about £ 5.5 billion then again it is predicted to drop at the lowest of £ 5.0 billion in a decade.

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Writing Feedback / Eating too much fast food is a bad habit that need to be stopped [2]

In some countries an increasing number of people are suffering from health problems as a result of eating too much fast food. It is therefore necessary for government to impose a higher tax on this kind of food. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

In this day and age, the number of people who have tendency to have practical meals while working or during at school are still increasing in many regions. They may suffer from health problems because of the habits of eating fast food. There should be a control by government to tackle this problem. Despite of the practicability of fast food, I believe that there are several reasons why we should stop eating it.

At first glance, people who live in rush hour such as in a big city prefer to consume something that is fast served and practical to eat. They will not spend a lot of time cooking and preparing their own meals because they do not have much time. If they carried out cooking or preparing their own meals they will probably get stuck on the middle of traffic jam. What can people eat then in such hour? The answer would be fast food. People might do not realize the impact of consuming too much fast food for their health in long run, or they already knew it but not wanting to stop.

On the other hand, fast food is not healthy food at all. We do not know how those people at fast food outlets cook the food, how the cleanness of the kitchen is, how hygiene the cooking utensils are. Those factors should be considered people before deciding to have meal at fast food outlet. Hygiene and quality of ingredients are the main factors causing health problems. For example, in short term, people may suffer from food poisoning, diarrhea, and other digestive problems. While in long term, it may cause cancer. Afterwards, when people already suffered from serious health problems, they just realize that consuming fast food costs a lot more money and time than they should have spent on cooking themselves.

All in all, it is evident that fast food actually offers more disadvantages rather than its advantages. Therefore, I strongly agree that people should stop this unhealthy habit by starting to cook on their own and regularly doing exercise to help them keep their body fit. Thus government plays important role cope with this situation by imposing higher tax rate on fast food outlet and limit their existence in each city throughout the nation.

Writing Feedback / The number of women who gave birth to children between 1981 to 2006 [2]

The table shows changes in the number of women aged 40-44 years who gave birth to children in Australia during the period of 1981 to 2006.

The most striking feature is that women who ever gave birth to two children are the highest number in all sampled periods. Meanwhile, women who gave birth to one child are the lowest number during the periods of time.

Moving into more detailed analysis, the number of women who never gave birth and women who gave birth to one child are below 10 per cent in the year 1981 and 1986 but then both of them had the same patterns to rise above 10 per cent during 20 years (12.8 per cent in 1996 and 15.9 per cent in 2006 for women who never gave birth, while 11.3 per cent in 1996 and 13.2 per cent in 2006 for women who gave birth to one child).

Furthermore, women who gave birth to two children rose constantly over the time frame which started at 29.0 per cent in 1981 and hit the highest number of 38.3 per cent among others in 2006.

However, in contrary, women who gave birth to three children and woman who gave to four or more children had the same patterns slowly dropped from 27.4 per cent to 21.5 per cent and from 27.6 per cent to 11.0 per cent respectively.

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Writing Feedback / IELTS WT 2 - A university degree gain higher chance to get a well-paid job than school graduates [2]

Many people say that the only way to guarantee getting a good job is to complete a course of university education. Others claim that it is better to start work after school and gain experience in the world of work.

Getting a good job is becoming harder nowadays since there is a global competition in job seeking which makes people from all over the world have the same chances to work in particular companies or organizations. In order to be qualified to get a well-paid job, some people believe that the only way is to complete a university degree. While others think that directly working after school is a better start to gain experience in the real workplace. Despite the two different views, I personally believe that finishing a university level of education gives people a greater chance to get a better job than those who do not.

Many people argue that university opens the door to well-paid job opportunities. Firstly, studying in university enables the students to master particular subjects that would be used to work in future career paths. For example, someone who wants to be a doctor should complete a medical profession course before they are able to work in a hospital. Secondly, many multinational companies conduct campus hiring programs in some universities where students are given the chance to join recruitment test in their campus without visiting the companies' offices. There is also higher chance to get recruited by the companies through campus hiring programs. For example, a specific public accounting firm hold a campus hiring in a certain university in Jakarta where graduated accounting students and other related majors students can join the recruitment test and the result of the test would be given to the university's career center, so that the students can easily follow up the recruitment process. It is evident that only graduated university students have the chance to get well-paid jobs in such a competition.

On the contrary, others claim it is better for students to directly work after school. The main reason is gaining experiences of work in their early ages can help them to build character when they grow up. They will learn how to be responsible of their work, how to face their employers, and how to deal with problems in the workplace. Working right after school may gives such advantages, but the thing is they do not have the chances to work in companies as officers in the companies or organizations. They do not the ability of certain subjects and skills that are needed for such jobs because they were learning a wide range of subjects in the school without any specification. A research showed that mostly in some developing countries students directly went to work after school but most of the time they work as low-paid workers such as waitress in a restaurant, cashier in a shop, or factory workers. As they only finish high school level of education, they do not have adequate knowledge and skills that are required to obtain particular career. It is obvious that school graduates are unlikely to get a well-paid job.

However, I strongly believe that having at least bachelor degree is at advantage since there is also internship programs in the university curriculum which offers the students to experience workplace before they are going to compete for job hunting, Yet working after school also gives positive value to the youngsters but that does not give them opportunity to gain a high position as they are not qualified.

In conclusion, either working after school or university gives positive values to youngsters but it is clear that a higher education level is required to meet the qualification of certain career. I hope people especially parents are more aware of their children future and encourage them to continue their study till university degree in order to get well-paid jobs.