Writing Feedback / Discuss The Effects of Unplanned Urban Expansion [4]

Nowadays, it is clearly visible that many cities are grownig exponentially. However this growth leads to numerous issues, such as overcrowding, crime and unemployment.

Firstly, overcrowding is a problematic issue for urban expansion because it can cause other issues like crime, umempoyment and homelessness. For instance, since 2005, the population of Istanbul has increased with people migrating from villages. However most of these people could not find work and, therefore, earn money. So that, they could not find accommadation and crime has increased.

Secondly, urban expansion causes adverse effects within social services such as education and health. For instance, as a result of war in Syria, four million Syrians migrated to Turkey. For example, quala was eradicated in Turkey a few years ago. However because of migration, a number of quala cases have remersed expeditiously. Also, many students are unable to continue with their education due to a lower quata.

All of these points show us that urban expansion is such a danger for the majority. If we implement this, we should absoulutely have prior plans in place.

How can I improve my essay? It is only 180 words. It should be more longer than this.

Writing Feedback / People should speak a global language in a global word [4]

Writing an essay arguing for or against the statement below.
Subject: People should speak a global language in a global word.

These days, people are speaking many different languages. Some believe that there should be use of a common global language, whereas those contrary to this idea believe there will be loss of different cultures and difficulty in expressing emotions and feelings.

Firstly, a global language will destroy the diversity of culture. Language has always been a part of culture since the beginning of time. With one common global language, people will be disconnected and removed from their culture. For example, Turkish culture is moulded with Islamic culture, which is the religion of Muslims. The Turkish word 'Allahısmarladık', which is a special word, is the same as the English words 'bye bye' or French word 'au plaisir'. If there is one common global language, the meaning of 'Allahısmarladık' will disappear and this culture will be eliminated.

Secondly, emotions and feelings can be suppressed by having one language. People use the same idioms and expressions with a global language. This means special idioms and expressions are gone. For instance, 'where is this water coming from' which is a special idiom in turkish, means 'where is money for this work coming?'. Like this example, every language has special idioms and expressions and these special idioms disappear when using a global language.

All of these points show us, a global language will destroy the diversity of culture, emotions and feelings. Before using a global language people should consider the outcome of this.

Can you review my essay? How can I improve it? How can I make it more academic (words, expressions and structure)? Thank you.

PS: It's not an essay for the TOEFL, but it's similar. My school wants us to use "firstly" and "secondly" instead of "first" and "second."

Writing Feedback / Fatally Ill People's Choice [2]

The lives of fatally ill people should be ended

Do you agree or disagree?

Fatally ill People's Choice

These days, some diseases still do not have a medical cure. Patients with these diseases have two choices for their lives. Some people believe we should end the lives of fatally ill people. However, some oppose this view and think we should not end their lives. Today I will talk about why we should end the lives of fatally ill people, and my reasons are: to end suffering, to reduce the financial burden and to protect a patient's freedom of choice.

Firstly, fatally ill patients are suffering in pain because of their disease, and they do not have a choice to ending (or end?) this suffering. The pain of illness generally (is generally unnecessary?) continues all the time and is cruel for the patient. Further, if a patient wants to end his/her life, we should be respectful of his/her choice because we cannot understand what he/she is feeling.

Secondly, there are financial costs for families and governments. If we look at it from the government's point of view, taking care of patients is a burden. However, if a government reduces these costs, they can focus on improving other things such as health care for other people or new medical solutions for the fatally ill.Also, governments do not receive all the costs of taking care of a patient. If we look at it from the family's perspective, families should take credits if they do not have money for care as it affects the future for (for or of?) their life too.

All of these points show that patients should have a choice for his or her own (is own unnecessary?) life and if the patient wants to end their life, we should have respect for their decision.

The essay is for my university exam. It looks like IELTS 2. Thanks.

Writing Feedback / (IELTS TASK 2) The public should be encouraged to use public transportation more. Give your opinio [7]

Importance of Public Transportation

With technologic developments, automobiles are getting more and more cheaper every day. So that, people use cars a lot then past. Using a vehicle can be seen comfortable for people. However, it has various negative effects on us and our lives such as; automobiles destroy the environment harmfully and using public transportation is a safer way to commute than using cars.

The first negative effect of using cars is that vehicles destroy the environment. Protect to nature is so important for our children's future. If we do not save the environment effectively, our children will not have the world to live. For instance, if everyone continues to use 1 or more cars, devastation of the atmosphere will be huge. The atmosphere will fall, and our children cannot live. However, if we use public transportation, emulation will decrease more than 20-30 times. So that, our kids will live in peace future.

The second negative effect of using cars is that public transportation is a safer way to commute than using cars because it is lead to less traffics and fewer accidents naturally. The traffic problem is the huge issue for urban cities. If we use public transportation, the traffic problem will be solved. Another sad problem is accidents. The reason of accidents is generally associated with driver's mistakes. Of course, these mistakes will be solved with self-driving automobiles future. However, we can prevent so many accidents, if people use public transportation today.

In conclusions, the number of who using cars is increasing. However, it is lead us some issues such as destroy the environment harmful, accidents and traffic. If we want to live with good or peace or give our children good future, we should use public transportation and should encourage others.