Writing Feedback / IELTS-Task 1- The imprisonment percentage comparison between man and woman [5]

Hi, I am Novi, I've written an IELTS task 1. Would you please let me know your comments. Thank you in advance

Question:
The pie chart shows the percentage of persons arrested in the five years ending 1994 and the bar chart shows the most recent reasons for arrest

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The imprisonment percentage comparison between man and woman is revealed by the diagram and the information about the reason for most recent detention is depicted by the bar chart. Both of the data were during five years ending 1994. Overall, it is immediately apparent that man committed more crime than woman. It also showed that the public drinking was the most reason for detention both man and women.

To begin with the first data, man detention percentage was three more times than women, at 32%. In addition, public drinking was the most argument of commit crime, which women saw the highest percentage than man, approximately 37% when man above 30%. The second reason man commit crime in drink driving case while woman in assault case. Other reasons such as breach of order and theft showed man committed more than woman. There were also several other reasons and no answer that revealed by the offender.

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Writing Feedback / Students got best results in Computer Science, Mathematics, and Foreign Languages - competency exams [3]

Hi, I have written an IELTS task 1, hopefully get a strong feedback. Thankyou

Question:
The bar chart below shows the percentage of students who passed their high school competency exams, by subject and gender, during the period 2010-2011.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The percentage of student who passed their high school competency exams, by subjects and sexes, during the period 2010-2011 is revealed by the bar chart. Overall, it can be seen that student both of sexes got best result in Computer Science, Mathematics, and Foreign Language includes French, German and Spanish. Moreover, the performance of the both gender in the subjects like Physics, History, Foreign Language and Mathematics are roughly same.

A closer looked to the data, Girls highlighted a highest percentage in Computer Science subject, 56,3 %, while boys in Mathematic, 48,4%. In other side, take into account that the girls showed lowest percentage in Geography, 20,1% while Boys in Chemistry, 14,1%. In term of gap results between sexes, a most significant difference percentage approximately 16 % in Chemistry, which Girls have highest percentage 30,2%.

However, Physics, History, Foreign Languages and Mathematics revealed a slightly different percentage between sexes, roughly 2 % respectively. In general, during the period under review, girls performed better in most subjects in the competency exams than boys.

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Writing Feedback / IELTS: The presented diagram depicts the steam production process using a gas cooled nuclear reactor [3]

Hi, here I am try to explain a diagram process, hope get a meaningful feedback. Thankyou

Question :
The diagram below shows the production of steam using a gas cooled nuclear reactor. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.Write at least 150 words.

The presented diagram depicts the steam production process using a gas cooled nuclear reactor. Overall, the basic principle of the continuous cycle is to produce steam power. It can also be seen that there are two major parts of the machine; the reactor and the heat exchanger.

A closer looked to the diagram, from the heat exchanger the water passes through water circulator to a long tube, before being heated up into steam to be delivered to a turbo-alternator. The gas, which roles as the water heater gets into a gas blower on the cool gas duct, before going straight into the reactor to be heated. After that it flows back to the heat exchanger to heat up the water tube. Due to the heat exchange, the air is cooled and delivered into the cool gas duct to finish this circle. The reactor machine is contains of six essential part, which uranium element as the fuel for the machine. It is also wrapped by graphite moderators, with a number of charge tubes sticking into them.

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Writing Feedback / The total number of pupils in the UK who obtained qualifications for English Language Teachers [4]

Hi, I am Novi, I have written an IELTS Task 1, all meaningful feedback are invited. Thankyou

Question:
The table below shows the number of students living in the UK gaining English language teacher training qualifications in 2007/8 and 2008/9, and the proportion of male qualifiers. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.

The table highlights the information on the total number of pupils in the United Kingdom who obtained qualifications for English Language Teachers in two academic years, 2007/8 and 2008/9 with specific focus on the number of male qualifiers. Overall, the total numbers of students remained the same at the period under review, but there was a significant difference between the numbers of male and female students who accomplished.

A closer looked to the table, there was a decrease total percentage of qualified male, approximately 2% a year later. Moreover, both of two test showed the decrease number which Cambridge UCLES CELTA & other degrees showed a dramatic decline than TEFL, 17,3% to 12,1%. In addition, the number of male students who qualified with the TEFL was roughly three times the number who qualified with a Cambridge UCLES CELTA or other degrees.

In contrast, female showed the contrast view from male. In 2008/2009 it is revealed that there was a rise number in total and Cambridge UCLES CELTA & other degrees. Even thought, in TEFL a decline is noted but, it fell in modest number, 14.

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Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 2- Computers should never have been invented [4]

Computers should never have been invented
To what extend do you agree or disagree with this statement

Hi, in this essay I tend to think both sides. a strong comment specifically in grammar, coherence and the idea are needed.

The computer is a valuable discovery that has been changing several human's life aspects. Since it is discovered, obviously societies utilize computers to replace manual into the digital process. Some people believe that computers bring demerits in people's life and it should have never been discovered. However, I tend to think the computer has both side advantages and disadvantages in human's life.

People argued that there is decreasing the value of life, thanks to society's dependence more on the computer. Computers replace a human's task, people opt to use computers rather than do it by themselves. Taking modern school education systems as a clear example, which provide a computer-based learning has changed the essential value of a student's learning. Particularly, a simple case in solving mathematical questions, the student cannot count without using a computer, decreasing mathematical skill, especially even in simple case due to computer dependency. In addition, children are addicted to playing computer games rather than outdoor playing with their friend. They lose opportunity interact with their friend at the same age in real life and lack of physical exercise due to sedentary.

On the other hand, computer's features contribute to human's life efficiency, particularly in the supporting data process. In the past, human use paper or typewriter to write, but since the computer was invented writing process easier, the words can be duplicated and deleted, the file can be saved to be rewritten. In addition, not only in the writing process, the computer is also applied to make a presentation, calculating, drawing, media playing, and internet access. Specifically, in internet access, computer provides facilities to do teleconference or any online class, in which everybody can meet others virtually. For example, in a multinational company, teleconference which is supported by computer and internet can provide virtual meeting from each branch in several countries, the company does no need to spend more money to hold a meeting.

To sum up, the tendency of using computer brings negative impact specifically in user behavior, which sometimes user cannot use technology wisely. However, computer comes up with innovation in helping human activity especially data processing and borderless communication.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 2 (Practice) Many people depend on their cars for everyday domestic, social and working [4]

Many people depend on their cars for everyday domestic, social and working needs. However, unlimited use of cards causes a number of problems.
What are some of these problems?
What can be done to reduce the use of cars?

Since automobile company provide sophisticated technology and also good-designed inner and outer look, people opt to use their car because of comfortable reason in everyday transportation. However, over car usage could obtain several problems in traffic congestion and environment. I believe to tackle this problem campaign and government policy are required.

With increasing number of car utilization, which inhabitants prefer to use their vehicle rather than public transportation. First of all, traffic congestion becomes a serious problem specifically in a big city. Increasing number of four-wheel vehicle usage could worsen the traffic jam day by day. Secondly, car over utilization results city look more crowded and uncontrollable, which people feel more in high pressure life, number of happiness will decrease as the people spend most of their time in the road. Thirdly, in terms of environment car usage contribute pollution, everyday citizen burning a tones of fuel that causes carbon dioxide, this is a detrimental issue which carbon dioxide result in global warming.

To deal with this problem, the driver awareness to minimize their dependency on private vehicle is the preeminent solution. One of the way to gain their awareness could be build by campaign, specifically through online media campaign, since the internet becomes a crucial aspect in human's life. Educated, fun, or entertain campaign could be provide by the internet as the medium, hopefully, people reduce their car utilization. In addition, role of government are needed, government should give strike measure that can handle people behavior in car usage such as increasing amount of tax, strengthen policy to get drive license.

To sum up, traffic jam and pollution are the major problem caused by car over use. A creative campaign and government rule are the solution for this problem. It is imperative that the issue be resolved as possible to avoid future problem that may happen

Writing Feedback / Some businesses find that when new employees join them after finishing their education, they lack... [3]

Some businesses find that when new employees join them after finishing their education, they lack basic interpersonal skills such as the ability to work with their colleagues as part of a team. What do you think are the causes of this problem and what measures could be taken to solve it?

With an abundance of young hires to choose from, employers demand more qualified candidates than ever before. However, companies complain that new employees lack many applied skills, such as the ability to work well in teams and communicate effectively, and uphold a professional demeanor. In this case, several contributed factors will be analyzed before drawing the solution.

One reason that students may have poorly developed social skills is the lack of emphasis on them in a traditional educational setting. All the subjects only provide theoretical education, student do not get experience to develop good communication and interpersonal skills. Taking class condition as an example, student come to class and the class provide lecturer, the only opportunity for student to learn interpersonal skill by doing their team homework with their peer. In this case team study only temporary and in a brief time, scholars do not get extra opportunity to explore theirself.

Our educational system has to be revamped to solve this problem by maximizing student's potential both personally and professionally. Universities need to put emphasis on creating employable men and women who will be able to fit into their roles in the workplace. Colleges should also arrange workshops and training where students can pick up essential vocational and communication skills. In addition, after getting soft skill training, student should be provided to learn experiential learning where students are given well-structured opportunities for direct interaction with employers such us internships and field visits. In other words, universities should shift their focus from theory to practical.

To conclude, our traditional education system that focuses on theory should be transformed by giving applied training improving student's professional value. In addition student willingness to improve their interpersonal skills is also needed by self learning.