Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing task 2 - Solutions to low birth rate in developed countries [3]

The birth rate in most developed countries is predicted to begin to fall over the next 50 years. By 2030 it is estimated that over one third of the population in most developed countries will be aged 65 and over.

What effects will these predictions have on developed countries if they prove true? What can be done now to deal with this situation?

It is predicted that the demography structure, which is caused by low birth rate, will gradually change in the following five decades due to the high aged population in the majority of developed countries. In my opinion, the over-aged society would cause great effects to human civilisation, however, there are still some ways to avoid it.

The rise in people aging 65 and over in the entire society would bring more demands in health care services. For example, the government which may lead to adding more taxes on younger generations. From an economic perspective, jobs such as engineers or other Internet-related works are often not suitable for aging people as these usually contain technique skills that weren't taught in school in the old days. Senior labours have a higher chance to be dismissed in factories as a result of they are not able to produce as much as younger workers. Once the olds lose their jobs and do not have the ability to get a new one, they might not be able to feed themselves, which could become a burden of our society. If we do not fix these problems, it is possible that the rate of homeless people might as well increase in the next few decades.

To deal with the problems caused by over aging population, I came up with several solutions. Firstly, governments should encourage people having babies. For instance, reduce the tax for families that have children. The outlay of raising a child is already very high, parents deserve to pay a lower tax. Secondly, set up a specific tax for those who remains no children. By doing this could also help orphans get a home. And last but not least, legislate laws for surrogate mothers, instead of banning them, Surrogate mothers are the only way for male homosexual couples to have their own children. If such jobs were available in every developed country, I believe the number of high aged population will go down.

Predictors have pointed out if we weren't taking our demography seriously, our society will lose balance. Nevertheless, by carrying out the methods I've mentioned above, the situation shall become better.

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I'm taking IELTS exam next month.
It'd be very kind of you if you can give me some feedback.
Appreciates!

Naomi

Writing Feedback / People in the UK above the age of 4, who chose either listen to the radio or watch TV during one day [4]

The graph below shows radio and television audiences of United Kingdom throughout the day in the year 1992.

The diagram provides information of the people in the UK above the age of 4, who chose either listen to the radio or watch television throughout the day in the year of 1992.

According to the chart, the radio audiences had raised sharply from 6 to about 8 AM, peaking at the percentage of 25. Although the number had increased a little at around 5 PM, the trend was downward for the rest of the day.

Unlike radio, the television line had come to its peak at around 8 PM. The number dropped dramatically from 10 to 12 at night. However, both radio and television had 15 per cent of audiences when it came close to 2 PM. From then, the television audiences leveled off til 8 PM.

By looking at the graph, there were much more UK audiences preferred watching TV rather than listening to radio. Throughout the day, TV was more popular in the UK.

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Could anyone tell me is it necessary (or allowed) to write a conclusion in IELTS writing task 1?
Thank you for offering your help!

Naomi

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Writing Feedback / More studying means a better education. IELTS Writing #2 - Boarding schools vs Day schools [2]

Some people think young children can have better education in a boarding school far from home, while others claim that a day school is a better one.

Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

Some people stated that by sending young pupil far away from their home to boarding schools could help them learn better.
In contrast, there are also parents that prefer day schools. This essay will discuss both views and give my own opinion on this issue.

There is no deny that going to day schools could let children have more time spent with their families. Additionally, the tuition fees of such schools are often cheaper than boarding schools, which many families could afford every child to access to knowledge. However, the daily transportation cost might be high. Furthermore, it'd be also extremely time-consuming if the student has to travel between school and home twice a day.

On the other hand, children of boarding schools could save their time for further studies as they don't need to travel around every day. Moreover, boarding schools usually provide various activities, such as cricket and netball, even after class. Such sports games could strengthen their spirits as well as their social skills. Despite having a chance to win both pride and honour, teaching the participants the correct attitude toward games or even life would be more important to pupils. Although boarding schools could help students form a stronger friendship between them, it may also cause serious homesick problems. However, I believe that the technology nowadays could reduce their anxiety by simply making a phone call back home.

As far as I have concerned, studying in a boarding school or day school has both advantages and disadvantages. Nevertheless, my opinion is that a better education is directly basing on the time students could devote. Therefore, boarding schools, which do not need to consume time on transportation, would be my preference.

Writing Feedback / Information in the graph about four kinds of delivering transportation methods in UK [2]

The graph below shows the quantities of goods transported in the UK between 1974 and 2002 by four different modes of transport.

Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The line graph provides information about four kinds of delivering transportation methods- road, water, rail and pipeline - in the UK from 1974 to 2002.

It is clear that the road delivery system was the majority for over 28 years. However, the number of shipped products had increased from the third to second between 1974 to 2002.

Both about 40 million tonnes of products were posted by trains and ships, nevertheless, the figure of shipped goods was slightly lower than those delivered by trains. At the year 1998, the total tonnes of products carried by cargos had surpassed the railway goods, from then, shipping tonnes levelled off and started to remain steady until 1993.

The minimum tonnes (30 million tonnes approximately) of rail transport mode can be observed at 1995. Although the number had continued to increase, by 2002, railway-delivered products remained almost the same tonnes at the year 1974, which is only a slightly higher than 40 million tonnes.

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Writing Feedback / The causes of less productive agricultural land degradation during the 1990s in 3 continents [2]

The pie chart below shows the main reasons why agricultural land becomes less productive. The table shows how these causes affected three regions of the world during the 1990s.

Summarize the in formation by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The pie chart provides information about the causes of less productive agricultural land degradation during the 1990s in three different continents: North America, Europe and Oceania, which not only included south pacific islands, but also Australia and New Zealand.

It is clear that over-grazing was the main reason to land degradation in the late 20th century. In addition, the majority percentage of land degradation was caused by European countries.

According to the pie chart, 28% of land degradation was a result of over-cultivation. However, Oceania remained 0% during the last decade of 20th century. On the other hand, the percentage of over-grazing in Oceania was the highest comparing with the other regions.

Although the major reason of land degradation was caused by over-grazing, North America did not participate much in it, at the rate of only 1.5%, which was the lowest among the others. In fact, merely 5 % of land were degraded by North America.

(156words)

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