Scholarship / Chevening Essay - Architecture Student (assess if the essay is correctly answering the brief) [3]

Hello, Essay Forum! (one essay at a time please)

I was seeking for essay examples in the internet for comparison and then I found EF.
I have read some of the scholarship threads and there are lots of variation in the essays which makes me confused.
After scheming through the essay in the community I have tweaked my essay a bit. Mostly vocabulary preference.

But I still want to keep it original/personal and ask for opinion.

I need help to assess my essay, if it's on the right track.
1. I feel that its maybe a bit too general? Should I describe my experiences in the examples?
Or maybe I could tweak on how I explain things to get it more personal?

I found in other essay that explains thoroughly on a particular event rather than telling the general story about oneself.
Which do you think better? I don't mean to compete with other applicants, just tell me if I did it badly :)

2. Is it lacking inspiration? As if my urge to study is not successfully shown on the essay

to be honest I am not really good expressing my self on writing as the media.
and personally i would prefer not to claim my self directly, ex: "... so i have the (leadership/network skills/etc) in me"
of course if its suggested to use them, do tell.

Note: I wished to have a more response on the content instead of the grammar.
Although I don't mind if you pointed out my grammatical errors so realized I know how bad I am.

Cheers! Here it is.

Leadership & Influence Question

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Leadership and influence has different definition but they are closely related to each other. In my opinion, to lead means to give influence. Leadership is not always about the position in a social hierarchy. A successful influence will make a change, which make the influencer as the leader of the change.

There are many ways to give influence. To me, the simplest way is by example. Around where I live, in Jakarta, most people have the habit to littering. I personally despise people who litter since I was in junior high school. I become more aware of it after I study architecture. By any means I do not think that I am perfect of course. For example I am a smoker since I was in high school, which is a bad habit. I always turn off my cigarette butt then put it in my pocket if I do not see any trash can around me. One day, my friend asks why you did that. I explain because littering makes the road looks ugly. What surprises me is they replied me with there are people who are paid to clean the street, so we do not have to. But after hanging out for some time they started to do the same as me. I was satisfied by this fact of course.

I have some experience in organization when I was studying in high school and bachelor degree as student councils. When I see a problem arising I usually take it in with a cool head. Personally I am quite self-aware and able to control my emotions. If the problem is a conflict between people, I prefer to approach them more personally rather than having it solved in a large group. Usually I would talk to both parties if possible. Although this maybe less efficient, I like the opportunity to listen to different perspective before I decided to pick sides.

In a group work or organization, leadership is to learn and share ideas. Both learning and sharing is important to develop the organization strength. Whenever I am appointed to be a project coordinator I always open the conversation to receive initial ideas, then eliminating them by looking at the SWOT parameter. This makes me a more democratic type of person, because I always open to new ideas. People also feels appreciated and encourage better team work in my opinion. I also believe that every people have the same value of their opinion, no matter who they are. But I do take note who the person is to give a better context of an input. It also applies in my design process, which I started by researching the issues, possibilities and site facts before I started to working on more in depth development. I think that this way the outcome is more optimal because we have received the information then brainstorm to filter down the ideas to develop its best potential.

Scholarship / Chevening: Architect and Educator for The Future Development of Building Technology - Career Plan [5]

Sorry for my first post, I posted a multiple essay thread.
You guys should make a big notice not to post multiple essay in a thread, only one essay allowed per thread.
Otherwise, many people will come across the same problem as I did.
-and the moderators will have to repeat the same process over and over again, telling new member the rules-
On a side note, please give feedback on my first post, because I'm unable to edit the subject title.
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I would like to have my essay reviewed with emphasis on the content.
My concern are:
1. My essay does not respond to the brief accurately.
2. Lack of motivation shown in the essay.

But, if you have grammar correction, please do tell.
Thanks!

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Career Plan Question
Chevening is looking for individuals who have a clear post-study career plan. Please outline ...
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Generally I would pursue my career as an architect. I realized that my passion is in the architecture field. Especially in the aspects of technology and education. The technological aspects in architecture is more in the development of design methods assisted with technology, new materials, and new methods of the presentation to construction of building. These technology are rapidly growing at the moment because of many invention of tools to build, for example robots, 3D printer; and development of digital aided design. The rapid growth of technology and the effect in architecture needs to be studied, which is why it is related closely to education.

I'm going to do the essay in a reverse chronology. I imagine myself to be an architect practitioner and at the same time teaching in a reputable University, teaching architecture. My vision is to help Indonesia to have better buildings and cities. I remember when I first got to Singapore and comparing it to Jakarta, I feel envious. That is when I decided to do what I think I am able to, design for better Jakarta, Indonesia.

Through being an architect I would like to give the best design that I am able to, by considering social and environmental impacts. I know that I am not the best. But I would give effort to give the best I can and continue develop myself. I am also hoping to expand to urban planning to help policy maker in Indonesia, especially in outer Java, eastern provinces.

As an educator I would like to share my knowledge to industry of building construction and younger generation and also to keep up with new ideas. I realized that every generation have their own way to do things. Furthermore the rapid development of technology will make the difference of design methods and thinking process further apart. I also enjoy talk about architecture, what the possibilities in the future of architecture, and sometimes the history of course, which is also the reason why I want to be an educator.

In short, I am planning to work in an Architect Consultation Firm and Developer Company after I graduated. The reason is to adapt and learn the working environment of both. I know that without much experience I would get a hard time in the future and at the moment I feel that I don't have enough experience and networks. While I work I am going to teach part time if my company allows me to. I am planning to work two to three more years before I started my own architecture firm.

At the moment I already started a collaboration with my colleague in Pelita Harapan. He is an urban planner, finished his study in UK. Our studio name is Zweig Design Studio, started in 2015. I feel that we have a same vision that connects us. Right now we are dedicating to learn and make network as much as we can before we focused in to starting a company.

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by the way, I can't find what UK gov. did to my country that related to my study.
The only thing that closely related is The UK Climate Change Unit
gov.uk/government/world/organisations/uk-climate-change-unit
(is it allowed to post link in EF?)
Their main concern was forestry (not related), land-use (a bit related, it is more closely related with urban planning), and low carbon emission (too general?)

Can someone give me an idea if I should try to fit in with the task?
My study do related to climate change, sustainability, low energy, though.
I have explained it in the Studying in the UK Question essay, is it a good idea to repeat the information here?

Scholarship / Chevening - Networking Skill : Networking as a media for collaboration [4]

Chevening is looking for individuals with strong networking skills, who will engage with the Chevening community and influence and lead others ...

I am naturally an introvert person. As long I could remember, I prefer to stay at home rather than going to birthday party or family reunions when I was a child. I enjoy spending time alone doing what I love to do or just give myself some space to think. However, this does not mean that I do not have any friends. I think that I do not have any problems adapting to new environment and making new friends.

As time goes on I started to realize the importance of networking. To me, networking is about making friends. I remember what my passed away father told me, "Friends are one of the important things to achieve success". I did not understand what it really means until I was studying in my bachelor degree. What makes me realized was the simple thought of I need network to grow my knowledge. I want to know people's opinion about my projects, especially those who are not studying architecture. By learning other people perspective I believe I could be more objective in achieving better design.

That enlightenment leads further thinking process. I need network to run business, asking for information, and seeking for help. I realized that I need to make people aware of what I am doing. Then I decided to participate in chapel community activities in the campus and mentoring freshmen program. I was surprised that I actually quite enjoy the process. Especially the mentoring freshmen program, which I participated in my second year. I find that the bond between mentor and mentees is motivating me to study and work harder.

Now I believe that the balance between personal time and social time is necessary. I do not hesitate to go if my friend invites me to a new circle. Yes, it was awkward at first, but I got used to it now. When introducing myself, I mentioned that I am an architect, which was hard for me at the first time because I do not really to talk about myself. I was afraid that people think that I am bragging. But then, I learned that people do the same thing and it is a mutually beneficial behavior to let people know what we are doing.

Occasionally, I attend seminars and events that I am interested in and make new connections. I love going to architecture events, workshop, talks, especially if related to the topic of low energy and sustainability. Sometimes I also go to art and cultural events, because I am interested in the diverse culture of Indonesia. It is easier this way because the people who go there usually have the same interest, so it is easier to find things to talk about. In my career, I am starting to feel the benefits networking. I occasionally invited to do collaborative projects. I am looking forward to have the opportunity to go and learn in UK and make more overseas friends, hopefully the opportunity for more collaboration.

Scholarship / Chevening - Studying in the UK: Development of Architecture and Building Technology [2]

Hello, this is my essay for chevening application.
Any kind of inputs are very appreciated. Thank you!
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Outline why you have selected your chosen three university courses, and explain how this relates to your previous academic or professional experience and your plans for the future.

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I realized that my passion is in the architecture field, especially in the technological aspects. The technological aspects in architecture closely related to the development of the digital aided design, new materials, and new methods of the presentation to construction of building. These technology are rapidly growing at the moment because of many invention of tools to build, for example robots, 3D printer; and development of digital aided design.

In short, the courses that I preferred to are offering a better knowledge to design low environment impact building. However, there are key difference in the three courses in my opinion. UCL-Bartlett Architectural Design and Architectural Computation focuses more on the skills, while on the other hand University of Bath Architectural Engineering focuses more on knowledge. I personally prefer the UCL Architectural Design because they offer more versatile skills for the future development of building.

My first course of choice is the Architectural Design. Although it is a general subject of architecture, I have taken interest on what they offer in the subjects. They are divided into three labs, each focus on different field. Wonderlab focuses on material and fabrication technique advancement through the potential of digital/computer aided design; BiotA focuses on integrating bio-technology to architecture; Interactive Architecture Lab focuses on the potential of technology to interact with the environment and user. I am really interested in the three labs, especially in BiotA, because it brings new perspective to building design.

The second choice is also in Bartlett UCL, Architectural Computation. The course is a narrower view in the computation aspect. It offers more in depth scripting and software engineering than most of other courses. These skills are needed to develop advanced technique of digital design, fabrication, new tools to construct a building. They go as far as programming robots and drones to construct buildings. I have great interest in computation and the future potential is also great, since the industry is going more towards the technology nowadays to promote more accurate and safe building.

My third choice is Architectural Engineering in University of Bath. The course offers integrating sustainable construction engineering to the design process. The core modules generally gives in-depth knowledge of the methods to design and construct a low environment impact building. Although it is harder to find publication on student works, I believe that they offer much more comprehensive research based studies.

In Indonesia these fields are rather new to architects and most of the school slowly adapt to the recent developments. Especially the potential of digital design to fabrication, which is under-developed. I feel that I am lucky enough to have those skills introduced to me by one of my lecturer while I was in Bachelor Degree. I believe that technology could be the answer to reduce the acceleration of degrading environment, including reducing building contribution to climate change. However, no less importantly, I believe that these skills and knowledge of digital design is also a tool to make more interesting building.