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Posts by abdik
Name: rouggal
Joined: Nov 21, 2016
Last Post: Dec 7, 2016
Threads: 3
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Displayed posts: 8
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abdik   
Dec 7, 2016
Writing Feedback / According to a study, 72 percent of old people in Glasgow (aged 75 years and more), were illiterate [4]

here is the link to the charts : ieltsliz/wp-content/uploads/2016/12/IELTS-Writing-Task-1-December-2016.pdf

I hope that i will get some advice and tips on how i should to deal with those kind of charts!! I Would be very grateful to read a model answer from a professional. Thank you for your time.

The charts compares the education level divided into three categories (school certificate, in Glasgow, by age range and then by gender in the year 2010.
Overall, the majority of young people and adults in Glasgow are educated; while a significant number of old people are not. Also we can see from the pie chart that women and men obtained at the same rate school certificate and just a slight difference in the percentage of no Qualification holders and University degree graduates among men and women.

In terms of number, 71 per cent of students that graduated at Scottish universities were between 16 to 24 or between 35 to 50, but the higher rate of university degree holders was among students aged from 24 to 35. We can see also that 72 per cent of old people (more than 75 years old) were illiterate.

We have to note that 33 per cent of men and women in Glasgow, in 2010 got a school certificate, whereas 38 and 35 per cents of women and men respectively had no qualification at the same year.
abdik   
Dec 7, 2016
Writing Feedback / The aim of the firm is to be profitable and companies should only focus on this. [5]

hello,

first of all you have to give us what is the task question of this essay?????

anyway here is my correction:

* is essential for company= is essential for a company OR keep your first word : is essential for companies

*... much money to build theA company,BE CAREFUL WITH PUNCTUATION and if it does not has profit enough enough profit, based on the business theory,that is it is impossible asfor a businessman to ...

*only focus on profitability is not the best decision tofor a company,because...
abdik   
Dec 7, 2016
Writing Feedback / Music connects people and is also used as a therapy. Which type of music is the most important? [3]

hello here is my notes:

to listening of music

but there are some other people too who take music it seriously !! i really didn't understand what do you want to say here.

well, you have a lot of grammatical mistakes and i think you have to go back to some basic english rules and what is the correct structure of an english sentence.

anyway keep working and i am sure you will improve
abdik   
Dec 5, 2016
Writing Feedback / Children's access to computer games - improve my writing skill [3]

hello, here is my advices to you:

try to change these expressions :

For one thing = First or firstly are more academic.

For another = In addition to this... (more academic)

please pay attention to punctuation, especially in your first and second paragraphs.

I really like the way you finished your essay. Bravo!!

you have a very good skills. please continue.
abdik   
Nov 26, 2016
Writing Feedback / Learning foreign languages at childhood will maximize language skills in the future [4]

Being able to speak a foreign language is an advantage these days.
Some people think that children should start learning a foreigner language at primary school, while others think children in the secondary school.
Discuss both sides and give your opinion.


Nowadays, The ability to speak two or three languages is always a plus, and the fact that you will learn it at your childhood is perfect, and it will maximize your language skills in the future, so, many people argue about the perfect time that children have to start taking second language courses, some believes that it should be at the primary school while others think that secondary school is the best period to start. Personally, I reckon that modern languages should be taught at the secondary school and any earlier time will have adverse ramifications on children . This essay will discuss both views.

Some parents believes the earlier we will teach our children a new language, the earlier they will learn it, and perhaps learn other languages after that. The reason behind that is some studies showed that a kid has a phenomenal memoir abilities, and they can learn quickly compared to an adult. For example adults can still remember the story that it has been telling them at their childhood and they can even still tell those stories to their kids too. So learning a modern language at primary school is mandatory.

On the other hand, other people think that at primary school, kids start to discover what is education, how to write, read and manipulate numbers, children have to learn those basic things in their mother tongue language, start learning a new language is very unnecessary at this period, it will has just a negative consequences for the children's education future by disturbing them on focusing

On basic mathematic or physic rules. Modern language is definitely a plus for kids but secondary school is the best time to learn it. I agree.

To conclude, I believe that modern languages are very important to be taught the secondary school, at this period students just start to release what is important for them and what is not. The time period of giving courses to our children is crucial, we have to be careful with it.
abdik   
Nov 23, 2016
Writing Feedback / Short piece of writing on 'The Negative Impacts of Winter Season' [6]

Here is my correction to you:

Avoid to use chilling, this is not an academic word.
You are repetitive in one sentence you used the word "dry" two times.
Also,in your conclusion "" good and bad".
Very hard to say you were clear. I lost you many times.and it was hard for me to follow.
What i can tell you is to keep practicing, you have a good vocabulary but you need to practice more and more.
abdik   
Nov 21, 2016
Writing Feedback / Ielts academic task 2: some people say that we do not need printed newspaper anymore. agree/disagree [4]

Nowadays, people tend more to get informed by their electronic devices from the internet, although it's argued that printed paper newspapers are not useful anymore. Personally I believe that printed newspaper still can be a valuable information source for many people.

With all the variety that we know in ways of getting information, many people still consider printed paper newspapers a very unique way to be informed and getting news, the reason behind that is that printed paper newspapers are well organized and easy to read.

Usually when you read news online its always a mess, a lot of ads are coming out from all the part of the webpage and it makes you lecture a nightmare, also many people tend to give up reading the article just because its long to follow or just because there is many next WebPages.

Reading Printed paper newspaper is very unique, there is many sections for many kind of news and it informs you with all the news that you need during your days and its unnecessary to go online to look for other news during the day.

Paper newspaper can be also a spiritual ritual for some families, for example its mandatory for me to have every morning my coffee in the balcony with my newspaper. the comics side is also present since you always can find one or two puzzle nearby.

To conclude, printed paper newspaper is all in one place: no ads, easier to read in-depth than online and mental games. All of this makes paper newspaper an excellent product for everyone.

******I would be very happy to hear all your feedbacks*****
******the estimated score that i can get on this essay******

Thank youuu<b></b>
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