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Posts by Yulia Indah
Name: tata
Joined: Feb 26, 2017
Last Post: May 1, 2020
Threads: 4
Posts: 6  
Likes: 3
From: Indonesia
School: University of Repati Indonesia

Displayed posts: 10
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Yulia Indah   
May 1, 2020
Writing Feedback / Flu Rates for Males and Females [2]

The statistics of flu among men and women

The chart shows the information regarding the prevalence rates of flu in males and females since 1996.

Overall, it could be noticeably seen that the flu rates increased considerably in males and females with the same pattern over the period shown. The figure appears the cases of female had slightly higher than that of the male over a period from February to December.

Turning to the flu rate of females, we can see that the number of female prevalence suddenly rose between February to June, then reached the peak on 3.500 (number cases of flu). Furthermore, it markedly declined till the number cases of flu under 2500 on December.

Likewise, the prevalence rates of males, it is shown that five months later, exactly on June, the number of male cases jumped to around 2.750 (the number of cases of flu) before it slightly declined to 1500 cases of flu on December.

Yulia Indah   
May 1, 2020
Writing Feedback / Nowadays, some parents tend to give their children e-books to read. What about printed materials? [4]

Hi, I'm tata, a learner of academic writing, too. So, let me mention some correction for your essay.

in my opinion, the essay asked the writer to make the pros and cons or advantages and disadvantages.
You should make the contents balanced. also, you have to check your grammar. I don't mean my grammar is good, but we need to remind it each other as learner. okay :)

once more, the paragraph of your essay need to be added more.
1. Topic Sentence
2. Advantages or pros, and example
3. Disadvantages or cons, and example
4. Conclusion

let's study together :)
Yulia Indah   
May 1, 2020
Writing Feedback / A person's health is their own responsibility rather than the government's responsibility. [4]

Hi, I am a learner too, specifically for writing task 2. So, let's study together.

From my opinion, overall is good, the words are over word count limit. Thats great!

Okay, based on my correction, your essay should strongly show where the side of you, agree or disagree, without mentioning both side of views.
You conclude it with strongly agree or strongly disagree then just close the statement.
Yulia Indah   
Aug 29, 2017
Writing Feedback / Writing Task 2: Using Credit Cards or Loans to run up huge personal debts [3]

Many people are using credit cards or loans to run up huge personal debts that they may be unable to repay. It should, therefore, be made more difficult for individuals to borrow large amounts of money. What are your opinions on this?

how to pay off big loans?

Some people rely much on credit card or loans for enormous debts, although they do not have the ability to return. It is considered to harden the procedure of individual debts. In my opinion, I completely agree that the company or banks would make harder the process of personal loans, mainly in a high percentage of money. The reasons why are would be explained in this essay.

Firstly, the enormous sums of money which are borrowed experiencing the difficulties in returning loans would influence other customers. For instance, virtually all banks or companies in America implement the Universal Default affecting other debtors in paying-off with high interest. This is a serious problem for those who want to refund both in time or passing the time limit.

Secondly, increasing the proceeding of borrowing large money would teach the spender of credit cards to be more discipline to manage a living, particularly for familial. It is not uncommon to find the financial problems because of lacking to handle family-income. Hence, the more difficult the debtors involved in loans is, the better they control the income.

I do appreciate that those who are on tight budget desiderate to use credit cards bills more than usual and are allowed to owe in huge sums of money. However, it is wiser to debt in appropriate amount than that of lacking in paying the return.

To sum up, it seems hospitable that the banks allow those who are in the financial problem to loan in the big number of money. However, the companies or banks have their own policies regarding debt limit and to raise the interest of other debtors which in fact, it is a fault who do not break the rule of payment limit.
Yulia Indah   
Aug 29, 2017
Writing Feedback / Writing task 1: the percentage of female members of parliament of euroupean countries [4]

hi .. I see that you are good to pick up data. In point of view, there are 2 problems you made in your writing such as error spelling (proportion) and some repetitive adverb. You very often use far and nearly, you could change in other expressions. Additionally, it would be better, if you separate the scope of explanation, perhaps in the first body explain all the comparison then for the second body you could write related to trends.
Yulia Indah   
Aug 26, 2017
Writing Feedback / Writing Task 2 : The air traffic is bigger nowadays, which causes many problems [3]

Air traffic is increasingly more noise, pollution, and airport construction. One reason for this is the growth in low-cost passenger flights, often to holiday destinations. Some people say that government should try to reduce air traffic by taxing more heavily. Do you agree or disagree?

how to slim the number of air traffic?

In these days and age, the plane becomes more and more important transportation, especially to visit some far places of interest. In contrast, this obviously increases the air traffic. It is disagreed that increasing tax is a wise way to decline the air traffic without considering other aspects. The reasons why would be explained in this essay.

Firstly, the arrival of domestic and non-domestic tourists would certainly incline the income of host country for developing tourism area and maintaining the facilities. For example, developing country such as Indonesia has the majority of holiday destinations getting benefits related to expand the beautiful-tourism places in the remote area through the appropriate-entrance cost of tourists. Secondly, it might be restricting those who have middle-income to access air transportation system when trying to visit long distance regions for an affordable price. Therefore, there is no equal chance to use airplane regarded as the efficient-luxurious transportation system.

It is true that those who argue to raise tax higher as the solution to decrease the amount of air traffic. However, this tends to resist the active mobility of people gaining the productive time if they go to the faraway destinations in short time and reachable price.

To sum up, it appears that the number of air traffic could be avoided by putting tax up, despite the possible effects. Nevertheless, we have to pay attention more for the reveneu of country and the efficient-accessible transportation system such plane.
Yulia Indah   
Aug 19, 2017
Writing Feedback / The percentage of the population living in urban areas in the world and in different continents. [3]

The given chart shows us the total of urban-living people in diverse countries between 1950 and 2007 and the forecast for future in 2050.

It could be seen noticeably that the total of urban area recidents virtually tended to double in all countries over a 57-year period, except the projection to the future will decrease significantly in Oceania.

From 1950 to 2007, The North America was responsible for thet urban-living people at just over 50%, following by Latin America and Europe, ranging from 50 to 76. However, the total of recidents in those countries reached the peak in 2007 at around 70. Conversely, Asia and Africa had a similar level of urban-living people at just under a half over the period shown, with Asia as the lowest level.

Moving to the projection in 2050, there are two countries will be the most popular for urban-living recidents, North America, Latin America and Europe with just above 80%. In the other hand, The Oceania, Asia and Africa will be at around 67, from 62 to 76 with Africa as the least level.

To sum up, the data gives the information that for those living in urban area grew up between 1950 and 2007 and are still going to incline in 2050.

Somebody.. please help to correct my writing task 1.. Thanks in advance..

Yulia Indah   
Jun 7, 2017
Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing task 1 : The three companies' waste [9]

@Red Moon
In my opinion, perhaps at the beginning, you can make a grouping between B and C which have a similar rising pattern in 5 years then you also mention the exception C decreased dramatically. Then, you are able to explain "A" as the contrast one. Furthermore, you can explain about the comparison of all.