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Posts by tnritika
Name: Besse Tenri Tika
Joined: Mar 28, 2017
Last Post: Apr 27, 2017
Threads: 4
Posts: 6  

From: Indonesia
School: English Studio Pare

Displayed posts: 10
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tnritika   
Apr 27, 2017
Writing Feedback / 'bricks are put in a kiln' - manufacturing process of elements used in masonry construction [2]

the scheme for bricks production



The diagram illustrates the steps of producing bricks from their raw materials. The process is started in digging the clay as the main composition and eventually culminated in bricks ready to be delivered for building industry.

The first step is to dig the clay which next will be put on metal grid preparing to be rolled. After that, before going into the mould, the clay was mixed with sand and water. In the mould, the mixture was cut using wire cutter to shape the bricks properly. The next step is to put them in a drying oven. This step can take time up to two days.

Following the previous step, now the bricks are put in a kiln, twice. The first chamber is in 200C to 980C, while the second is higher in 870C to 1300C. The third chamber is a cooling one. This chamber itself takes up from two until three days. After being heated and chilled, finally the bricks are ready for packaging. Eventually, when the packaging is done, the bricks are delivered to fulfill their destiny.




tnritika   
Apr 27, 2017
Writing Feedback / Manufacturing steps - from raw material to ready for distribute frozen fish pies [2]

Hello,
I have read your writing and I think it is great according to the pictures.
However I still find some words that need to be fixed, mainly in form of passive sentences and the verb comes after singular or plural subject.

For the example :
Potatoes need one month to be delivered before they are processed.
I think that is all. Keep it up!
tnritika   
Apr 27, 2017
Writing Feedback / Children today have less responsibilities than in the past [2]

Hello,
I have read your essay and I think you have the point.
However I think if you want to improve your writing, when you give your statement or position in negative changes, in the first main paragraph you should explain about the positive changes it brings when children have less responsibility. After that, in the second main paragraph you can start to debate it and strengthen your position clearly.

I think that is all, keep it up!
tnritika   
Apr 27, 2017
Writing Feedback / WT 2 - Should children have more or less responsibility? [3]

Kids engagement in some important tasks



Some children in this world have less responsibility than children in the past. In my opinion, I take this as a positive changes. The reason is because children are too young to suffer any responsibility instead of playing and learning.

Many people think that the best age to learn is when we are young. It is like writing in a blank paper. Likewise learning to carry a burden such as responsibility towards family. As a member of a family, children should learn to take care each other since early age. Most people nowadays who still got each other backs are usually the family who have been taught to do so since they were a kids. It is because they are used to it.

However, bring too much burden for children is not an ideal way for their development. As we know that young ages are the best range of time to learn, children should spend most of their time playing and learning, instead of taking too much responsibility which should belong to their parents, such as feeding their younger siblings everyday. Playing with each other or with their friends outside can improve their social and moral skills. Learning from books or experiences can improve their ideas and train them to think critically and creatively. Both of these skills are required for the next stage of their lives. That is why being free while learning and playing is important to children instead of having their parents responsibility on the other shoulder.

To conclude, I strongly believe that it is a positive changes when children nowadays have less responsibility than they were in the past. Giving them space to learn and to grow is one of the best way to prepare them into their future.




tnritika   
Apr 27, 2017
Writing Feedback / IELTS W2. People do not have such a close relationship with their neighbours as they did in the past [2]

Hello,
I have read your essay and I think your writing is great and your ideas are logical
However there are some parts that needs to be fixed.
The first one is your conclusion which I found missing from your essay. Your conclusion should cover all the ideas more than what you have written in the end of your essay.

The next one is in your second paragraph. I think it will be better if you explain more about the relation between living in apartment and isolated form of living. Because as we can see in this paragraph, you explain more about the relation of family structure and living in a smaller place, while the aim is to describe the reason why people are not close to their neighbor anymore or in your definition, isolated form of living.

I think that is all, thank you. keep it up!
tnritika   
Apr 27, 2017
Writing Feedback / More and more people prefer to read e-books rather than paper books [2]

I have read your essay and I think it is easy to understand. it also has a good flow for readers. however there are some sentences that will be better if used correctly due to the grammar and its effectiveness

- I believe that it happen because is more simplicity use E-book (I believe that it is happened due to its simplicity for using Ebook)
- so it can opened wherever (so it can be opened wherever)
- even though the simplicity of e-book make many people tend to be used it than conventional book it make demerit effect for library which lost their visitor (Even though the simplicity of Ebook makes people tend to use it more than conventional book, it brings demerit for library which is losing their visitors)

I think that is all, I believe you can do better next time. keep it up!
tnritika   
Apr 26, 2017
Writing Feedback / WT 2 - Why do offenders commit more crimes after serving the first punishment? [2]

Reasons for recidivism



Villains freed from the prison usually commit more crimes. This statement leads to the question of why such things could happen and how to deal with that. In my opinion, it is the lack of attention in personal changing in every prisoner that has been out of our law enforcer sight.

There are several factors causing the offenders become more aggressive in crime after being punished. But mostly it is occurred because we only concern from the law point of view. The length of sentence given to the crime agents are only determined by the type of crime they committed. They are all explained clearly in law. But what point we miss to see is the effect of the punishment within the villains. No matter how much time the offenders spend in jail if it does not change their mindset and behavior then it is just useless. Therefore, the length of a sentence should be based on qualifications of changed behavior experienced.

One of the measurement to overcome the problem and achieve our desirable result is to pay more attention to every crime agent in prison. The way to do that is by hiring counselors specializing in crime to monitor the prisoners behavior not only how the sentence affect it but also how far it changes. When the professionals claim that the prisoners have shown significant changes and are proper to live among the society then they can be released. So it is not just about the type of crime and how long it takes time in prison according to it but also to prepare the villains to be back in public as safe as they are expected to be.

To conclude, I think the offenders committed more crimes after serving their first sentence are mainly caused by the lack of changed behavior. They are only expected to spend time in jails depend on law or rules without the expectation of becoming a better person after being prisoned. That is why monitoring them one by one using the help of counselors is required.




tnritika   
Apr 26, 2017
Writing Feedback / Optimal method to acquire knowledge by students [2]

I have read your essay and I like how you mix your idea and the example in the second and third paragraph. however, I got confused in your conclusion when you mention about how long concepts and ideas stay in our memory, because you never mention it before. so that is why I think it will be better if the conclusion can cover the essence of the whole essay. thank you.
tnritika   
Apr 26, 2017
Writing Feedback / How to help recidivist to get a proper life? [2]

if you want to give the solution about specific training program in order to provide the prisoners a skill to create a new job, I think you should state it clearly in the whole third paragraph, not just in its example. because as we can see, in the beginning of your third, you still mention about "skill that could help them to look for a job", while the point of your essay is a solution when nobody or no company wants to hire a recidivist.
tnritika   
Apr 26, 2017
Writing Feedback / Percentage of spending in three categories of goods in several countries in 2000 [2]

WT 1 - Percentage of National Consumer Expenditure by Category (2002)

expenditures proportion for goods in Europe



The table shows the percentage of spending in three categories of goods in several countries in 2000. Overall, leisure/education group experienced the lowest number of expenditure in all countries mentioned.

Food/beverages/tobacco group had the highest rate from all categories. In this group, Turkish expenditure was the highest among all the nations which stood at 32.14%. At second place was Ireland with 28.91%. The rest of the countries were around 15% and above but barely reached more than 20%.

The next category was clothing/footwear which Italian spent most for this group more than the others. It was 9% while the rest showed approximately 6% without any significant gap. The last category was leisure/education. All of the countries consumption were the least in this group. The highest level of spending was taken by Turkish while Spanish took the lowest. It was 4.35% for the top and 1.98% for the bottom. The rest went around 2% to 3%.




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