Graduate / About my internship: help me with the grammar mistakes and the fluency in my essay! [3]

leadership and team work experience

Please point out any exposure to entrepreneurial, leadership and team work activities as well as international exposure in your previous job: (300 words)

I gain leadership experience and team work in the internship. When holding the Asia Pacific biotech investment forum, I was responsible with event management of the business matchmaking event, including time schedule and onsite event control. There was a chaos in the matchmaking event: some participants arrived early, some participants, who were senior executives in the biotech industry, delayed the schedule time, and some of my colleagues weren't at the position they supposed to be. To be exact, the event was at a manpower shorthand situation. I asked the senior executives in our company to deal with the senior executive's time exceed problem and immediately arranged a quiet room for those senior executives to network without time limit. I requested the colleagues on the matchmaking event for guest reception and I asked idle colleagues for aid. Eventually, the matchmaking event went on smoothly and more than ten companies went on further collaborations.

Writing Feedback / IELTS writing task 2 - the power of spoken communication [4]

the appropriate way of expressing our ideas

Some people think spoken communication is more powerful than written communication, to what extent do you agree or disagree.

Spoken communication could be powerful in some situation, while written communication could also be influential in some cases.

At most of the time, spoken communication could be more efficient and lively. First, oral communication could convey the message to the maximum number of people in the short period of time. When a president or politician gives a speech, they will definitely use oral communication, and broadcasted live to the citizens.

In addition, spoken communication is lively and could be contagious. When people wanted to express their emotions, speaking directly to others could make people understand your words, read your body language and facial expression. They could not only get the verbal meanings but also could read between the lines and know your underlying message.

On the other hand, written communication could be formal and well documented. For example, when one undergo a purchase procedure, both buyer and seller are required to keep a paper written contract. There are several reasons that written communication is powerful in this situation. First, legal evidence is available due to safekeeping the record. Second, referring the message will be easy and convincible. Finally, the chance of misinterpretation of message is very less, because the words are carefully chosen. Therefore, written communication is a formal communication, which is used in schools, college and business world.

In conclusion, both method of communication are powerful in some cases, people should choose the appropriate way expressing our idea at the certain moments.

Writing Feedback / IELTS writing task 2 - teachers and parents education - which has more value to a child? [6]

Question: Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society.Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Education on children

There are different views of the main responsibility of educating children to become a suitable member of the society. Some held that it's the parents' duty, while others argued that the school should educate children about the lesson. In this editorial, I'm aim to discuss the opposite views and to express my opinion based on my personal experience and knowledge.

Some people may think that home education is the first place where children form the concept of the society and learned how to be part of the it. Therefore, children should develop the knowledge from their parents. However, others may conceive that school is a perfect place to learn about the vital properties of being a socialized person, because educational institutions are a smaller version of the society.

In my opinion, teachers and parents should work together to teach children the issue. Since parents are the initial educator a child encountered, they should introduce the concepts of the society and the way to be a part of it. When children attend school, teachers should consolidate the concept and correct their behavior whenever they violate the rules in the society. When I was a child, I learned a lot of great characteristics, which is crucial to be a part of the society, from my parents, characteristics including kindness and integrity. On the other hand, my teachers and classmates taught me the lesson in a practical way. I learned how to be a team player and how to pay respect to others in school. Both parties influenced me deeply, and their education formed the one who I am.

To sum up, education of the next generation is the responsibility of the whole country rather than of an individual.

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Please give me advice about the structure of the passage and how can I improve to score high in the writing section. Thank you!!

Writing Feedback / IELTS writing task 1 -- the comparisons among the sales of two Fairtrade-labelled goods [3]

Fairtrade coffee and banana sale

The table illustrates the comparisons among the sales of two Fairtrade-labelled goods, coffee and banana, in five different countries- including the UK, Switzerland, Denmark, Belgium and Sweden- in 1999 and 2004.

From 1999 to 2004, the sales of the Fairtrade-labelled coffee soared in all five countries, while the sales of the Fairtrade-labelled bananas increased in only three of the countries, excluding Sweden and Denmark.

Taking a closer look at the table discribing the coffee sale, we could discover that the number of growth of the coffee in the UK outweighed that in other countries, increased twenty times during the five years. The sales in Switzerland marks the second high, climbed to 6 millions of euros in 2004, from 3 millions of euro in 1999. However, contrasted with the high growth of sales in the UK and Switzerland, the sales of the Fairtrade-labelled coffee in Denmark, Belgium and Sweden increased slightly-0.2 millions, 0.7 millions and 0.2 millions of euros respectively.

The other table indicates that the sales of the Fairtrade-labelled bananas in the UK and Switzerland rose considerably from 1999 to 2004, namely 4.5 millions and 32 millions of euros. Surprisingly, the sales in the UK soared more than 5 times during the five-year-period. Nevertheless, the sales of the other two countries, Sweden and Denmark, declined moderately throughout the five years.

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  this is the question of writing task 1.