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Posts by mocixuan
Joined: Sep 4, 2009
Last Post: Mar 17, 2010
Threads: 4
Posts: 10  


Displayed posts: 14
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mocixuan   
Mar 16, 2010
Writing Feedback / GRE argument: sales prediction [2]

Do you think my refutation is strong enough?
What about my language skills?
Please give me some advice, thanks~~~~^_^

Sales Predictions and Projections



The argument contains several logical defects, which renders the conclusion that " the sales of Whirlwind video games are likely to increase dramatically in the next few months." unconvincing. The author makes a questionable survey and makes an incorrect inference according to the fact. Also, he/she fails to consider possible reasons for the decline in sales. As a result, the argument would not predict the situation correctly.

First of all, the author does not provide any detailed information about this survey to prove that the results are statistically reliable. We do not know the background of respondents, such as their ages, the total number of respondents, the field of the survey, or whether they have ever bought goods produced by companies similar to W. Therefore, we have every reason to believe that the sample of the survey is too small to represent the overall players' opinions. Or perhaps this sample is not a random sample. Random sampling is very important because it is entirely possible that the survey's respondents are all more than 30 years old so that they have totally different preferences about the games. For the above reasons, the author cannot confidently draw the conclusion that players prefer games that provide lifelike graphics, which require the most up-to-date computers.

Even if assuming that the results of the survey are reliable, the fact that Whirlwind has just introduces several such games with an extensive advertising campaign directed to people 10-25 years old does not necessarily indicate that the sales of Whirlwind video games are likely to increase dramatically. Perhaps although W provides lifelike graphics, which require the most up-to-date computers, they do not satisfy the players in other respects, such as the music effects or the plot design. Alternatively, perhaps players want to play these games but they are too expensive for the players to afford, or their parents do not want them play video games. Or perhaps they are more inclined to listen to the views of others, if other players respond well to these games, they will buy them, and this can pose negative effects on short-term sales since they might buy them next year. Any of these scenarios, if true, would cast considerable doubt on the author's prediction.

Thirdly, the author does not go into details about the reasons for the decline in sales, May be a global economic recession led to such results and all the companies in this field are facing such a situation. It is entirely that if the economic circumstances were not improved in the future, all their efforts would in vain. Since the author does not rule out this possibility, it is insensible to rush to such a conclusion.

In sum, the author wants to make a prediction about the future sales whereas his deduction contains several facets that are questionable. However, if the author can provide a more convincing study to investigate the players' preference, at the same time, doing a more in-depth investigation of factors which can effect the products sales, the prediction would be relatively strengthened.
mocixuan   
Jan 26, 2010
Writing Feedback / Organic foods against conventional foods - Can you check my essay [4]

There certain true organic foods may cost a bit more, but most of the people agree, taste and quality are well worth compare to conventional. comparing to be conventional.

The organic farming and produce of organic foods has have/had been prevalent from the time agriculture was first conceived.

healthier means saver a saver way of leaving.

The conventional milk, has the inspiration date around 2 months compare to the organic one it`s not more than two weeks.

The organic food not only tastes better
mocixuan   
Oct 13, 2009
Writing Feedback / Toefl Essay Many parts of the world are losing important natural resources [5]

Hi,

Here are some my ideas about your essays:

1.... important natural resourcesresource .
2.... lead a normal and stable in the world(I don't understand this sentence)
3.... do not have to be anxious ...
4.This The main reason is that

Uh,i feel that some sentences are little awkward and not as natural as people usually say.
mocixuan   
Oct 13, 2009
Writing Feedback / cause of use the internet and solutions [3]

Hi,

Here are some my ideas about your essays:

1.young children now often spend most their free time on playing games on or suffersurfing webs.
2.In addition, useusing the web influences in negative way on relationships among members in family.
3.Finally, some webs show information which is not accurate, exaggerated or suitable for users.(It's amphibolous...suitable?or not suitable?)
4.Simultaneously, parents should giveadvices advice and directions for their children about how to use the internet.
5.participate in outdoor activities
6.adults should spend their time forinsufferingsurfing the internet appropriately;
7.although useusing the internet brings some disadvantages
mocixuan   
Oct 13, 2009
Writing Feedback / We, young people, should plan and organize as the modern life is more complex. [3]

pleasw check for my grammar, sentence structures, uh, more details, thanks so much~~

Agree or disagree: modern society has become more complex, so it is essential for the young people to have the ability to plan and organize.

youngsters' heavy pressure



In today's world, the problems we face are more complex and challenging, the more sensibly we plan and organize our time, money and energy, the more successful we will be. It is undeniable that having those abilities means ones can work and study more effciently, better adapt themselves to the environment, moreover they can always live a high qulity life.

To begin with, with the rapid development of society, we young people suffer from heavier pressure from work and study. One important reason of that is we do not have enough time, therefore how to plan and organize our time is extremely crucial. When do we work? When do we study to expand our scope of knowledge? When do we take exercise to keep health? When do we watch a movie for an entertainment? Only by arranging our time reasonably can we make life more methodical and meaningful. Take me for an example, now I am a junior student in university and at the same time, I am prepared for the toefl examination. Every morning I open my eyes, a myriad of issues are waiting for me: attending so many major classes, completing the assignment in the laboratary, sparing time to accompany parents and friends, enjoying personal entertainment time. All these things occupy most of my 24 hours a day. I need to well coordinate them and the importance of a careful schedule is manifest. I can use a well-organized plan to get rid of trifling stuff, or end unnecessary disturbance due to my temporary ideas. So only by putting all things in good order can I deal with all them with full initiative and enthusiasm, which prevents me from falling into a passive position.

In addition, an increasing number of young people aware of the attainment of economic independence is a key marker of the contemporary transition to adulthood. Modern life is full of material temptations. Mansion, sports car, famous brand clothing, young people are easy to use their money sightless than the old one. Thus the capability to plan and organize their money seems very essential in their daily life. Having the financial sense and being economic-minded will make their life more wealthy. For instance, Warren Edward Buffett is one of the most successful investors in history, because he used his money intelligentlly, in 2008, Buffett became the richest man in the world dethroning Bill Gates.

Last but not the least, with the increasing competition of the world, young people are face with more challenges. For the reason that each person's energy is finite, how to plan and organize their energy is of great significance. An apt illustration of this argument is in 2006 The Japanese labor bureau has ruled that the lead engineer in the development of the Toyota Camry Hybrid died directly from overwork. We may safely draw the conclusion from that the way we organize our energy helps determine whether or not we can achieve our maximum potential in this life.

In sum, given that arranging our time,money and energy rationlly can help us cope with a large amount of issues more smoothly and make our life more wonderful, I am convinced that we young people should plan and organize as the modern life is more complex.
mocixuan   
Oct 13, 2009
Writing Feedback / TOEFL essay "modern technology" [7]

Hi,

Here are some my ideas about your essays:

1.WhileWith the development of the modern technology
2.our liveslife (do not use plurals) have changed a lot

it's obviously that your first paragraph is a template, try to change it~~
mocixuan   
Oct 2, 2009
Writing Feedback / toefl--making decision by ourselves [4]

Hey everyone. could you help critique my essay for me? Thanks~

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
Most people prefer others making decision for them than making a decision for themselves.


I concede that consult other people's views when you make decisions is a sensible means for the reason that you can get many valuable advices and avoid making mistakes. However, I prefer to make decision by myself because it makes me more independent, responsible and my decision is more conducive to my development.

To begin with, in today's world, the problems we face are more complex and challenging, how to make the optimal decision sanely has become a standard by which the society to measure the ability of a person. Asking for other's advices is always a good method when you have to make decisions, unfortunately, you will not at any time have the chances to ask for help. Therefore, to be independent and improve your ability to make sound decisions are so important in your way to success. For instance, nowadays, many famous companies examine a person's decision-making capacity when in the interview. Once I have participated in a mock interview contest, I was asked by the manager of a company's human resource department"What should you do if your underling always raise views opposite to yours?" I must give my answer after I heard the question, no preparation, no suggestion, all I have to do is to make decision by myself promptly.

Moreover, we understand ourselves the best, so we should control our lives and determine our future by ourselves. For example, after high school graduation I had to decide what major to pursue, I like computer science which many people may think isn't a appropriate major for a girl. But I did't want to betray my true interest and talent for the sake of pragmatism, thus although many friends advised me to choose accountancy or art science, I insisted on my choice. And now it turns out to be that this major suits me pretty well.

In addition, we should learn to assume responsibility for the consequences of our own decisions. Enhance the sence of responsibility and do not always rely on others.

Admittedly, other people like parents and teachers can give us mant valuable suggestions because of their experience and knowledge, use them rationally can avoid us making mistakes and save our time. However, the final decision should be made by ourselves.

In sum, we can benefit a lot by making decisions. We enhance our ability, broaden our horizon and be more confident through this progress. Consequently, I disagree with the statement most people prefer others making decision for them than making a decision for themselves.
mocixuan   
Oct 1, 2009
Writing Feedback / College or univeristy's benefits [8]

Hi,
I think you should change your words sometimes,for instance,you've used "deep" 3 times, you can change your expression like this:
"it provides us deep knowledge"==we can enhance our knowledge/broaden our horizon etc.
by the way,i study in the information science and technology institution too and i am majored in computer science, what's your major?
mocixuan   
Oct 1, 2009
Writing Feedback / Toefl iBT writing - Integrated task: Global warming [12]

Hi tuan, thanks for your advices, I'm preparing for ibt in this month~~terrible...
Uh,here is my suggestion:
I think you are being asked to explain how the points in the listening relate to points in the reading, but you seems more concerned with the passage, your second paragraph didn't mention the listening at all.
mocixuan   
Sep 29, 2009
Writing Feedback / What is the real friend? A real friend is a person who is other-oriented, less self-centered. [2]

Agree or disagree?Letting friends make a mistake is better than saying or doing something that may destroy the friendship.Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

I concede that in some occasions saying or doing something that help your friends to be aware of their mistakes and prevent them from making errors sometimes may seems destroy the friendship for the reason that your friends think that you do not understand them or your advices compel them to face their own shortcomings. However, I still assert that take action to stop your friends making mistakes is better than connive their wrong behaviors because real friends are people who really want you to be happy and not to be hurted by the blunders which can be avoided.

What is the real friend? A real friend is a person who is other-oriented, less self-centered. Moreover, a real friend would warn you when you are going to make mistakes. The true meaning of friendship is to help each other. Not only lend your hands when your friends need help, but also correct their errors when they don't realize them. Cherish your friendship by connive your friends' mistakes is ill-conceived and selfish. Friendship would loss its meaning at the same time.

In addition, letting friends make a mistake might bring about some irreparable consequences, in the meantime your friends would be hurted seriously. In this time, trying your best to persuade them is the sensible behavior. For instance, one of my best friend who loves chemistry very much to my surprise chose computer science as her major in university, I advised her to honor her true interests and talents in spite of where most job openings lie and regardless of their financial rewards, but guess what, she said"Oh! I thought you are mature than me, actually you are so naïve, you can pursue your own intersts, but I care about the financial compensation" After two years, once chatted, she said to me"How I wish I had accepted your proposal! I hate programming! I hate math!" Well, I regret too, how I wish I had advised you more strongly!

Furthermore, the act of helping your friends avoid mistakes can contribute to consolidate your friendship instead of destroying it. It is understandable that your friends may misunderstand you because to some extent it is hard for them to accept their shortcomings, but in the long run they will understand your good will and thank you for your suggestions.

In sum, preventing your friends from making mistakes can effectively protect your friends. Moreover, your friendship may be strengthened because you have done the right things.
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