Unanswered [2] | Urgent [0]
  

Posts by jrd519
Name: Jay Desai
Joined: Oct 14, 2017
Last Post: Nov 29, 2017
Threads: 4
Posts: 6  
From: United States
School: Memorial High School

Displayed posts: 10
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jrd519   
Nov 29, 2017
Undergraduate / How are you a leader and how will this show on campus? [2]

Hi this is my supplement for UT Austin any feedback will be appreciated!

How do you show leadership in your life? How do you see yourself being a leader at UT Austin?

setting the bar



Tips to consider: Leadership can be demonstrated by positions you hold as an officer in a club or organization, but other types of leadership are important too. Leaders can emerge in various situations at any given time, including outside of the school experience. Please share a brief description of the type of leadership qualities you possess, from school and non-school related experiences, including demonstrations of leadership in your job, your community, or within your family responsibilities, and then share how you hope to demonstrate leadership as a member of our campus community.

In my four years of high school I learned that having a title attached to a position does not define a leader. It has become apparent that being a leader is about setting the bar for others including yourself; carrying out actions that elevate your friends, peers, or even complete strangers. For myself leadership has come in the form of helping my peers in miscellaneous classes to incorporating my best friend into launching my sneaker business. Although these forms of leadership are important to me, the start of my schools robotics club has been taught me thoroughly the gravity of leadership. I always connected with everything engineering and this translated to co-founding our schools first robotics club during my sophomore year with, Chris, a friend of mine. It took months to gather funding, resources, and assemble the club, but eventually everything fell into place. One thing was missing though, not a single girl was part of our team, we had no diversity. One of my goals in starting this club was to bring together as many people that shared the same interest in engineering as I did, and clearly this goal had not been met. This didn't stop us though; we discussed this dilemma with our engineering teacher who was able to convince a group of girls from her class to join. To this day or our robotics club has grown exponentially and has been something I've been extremely proud of. In less than 8 months I hope to be able to carry out the same role I played in my robotics club at UT. On campus to classes a goal of mine will be to play an instrumental part in bringing fellow classmates together in anyway possible.
jrd519   
Nov 29, 2017
Writing Feedback / The idea of using a standardized national curriculum in the entire nation [4]

Hello, I think your response is adequate, but i believe you should change somethings to make the essay fall into place better.
For example:
being offered, if any.

But its application sounds more relevant to the developing nation in comparison to developed nations. The issue has to be addressed by the members of national education committee for its viability & success.

This application is more relevant to the developing nation in comparison to developed nations, calling forth a need to address this dilemma by members of the national education committee in hopes of viability.

While it does offer benefit(s) like ... education, at the same time
jrd519   
Nov 29, 2017
Graduate / PT PROMPT: what qualities do you feel are necessary for success as a physical therapist? [4]

Hi, I can't say i know anything about physical therapy, but here are some pointers that you could consider.
first off some sentences are longer than they need be...go directly to the point.
For instance:
There are many misconceptions about physical therapy and a major misconception is that it's not as easy as it seems.
You could change this too: Physical therapy is not as easy as it seems; this is one of the many misconceptions surrounding the practice.
Also you state that physical therapists require "critical thinking, patience, and compassion," so you need to elaborate on why exactly these are important.
jrd519   
Nov 27, 2017
Undergraduate / My academic record is a mirror of myself [2]

Do you believe your academic record (transcript information and test scores) provide an accurate representation of you as a student? Why or why not?

Student's academic record



For myself specifically my academic record does shed light how I am as a student. I took classes that I knew would facilitate me in what I'm passionate about, that being the plethora of engineering and computer science classes that gave me something exciting to look forward to on a day-to-day basis. These classes were something that I exceled at, not because they were on par with a study hall, but because I was completely in tune what was going on. The teachers along with the classes provided me with something that was truly exiting no matter what I was learning and at the same time undoubtedly introduced me into the field of engineering. Overall grades are important, but I've realized that they are not a concluding factor in how the rest of a student's life will unfold; instead the journey that the student took in receiving his or her grade is what's most important. Junior year is still a reminder of this for me. I continued taking all the AP courses that were available including Physics. Going into the class I thought it would be an easy A just as Chemistry and Biology were, but before I knew it my grade started to slip. I was stressed out and dazed at the fact that this class was as difficult as it was, leaving me with two options, drop or adapt. I went with my gut and stuck it through knowing that I would have to change my entire façade to get make it through this class. I acclimated my study habits to match the rigor of the class and took advantage of all the tools necessary to make this happen; going to after and before school tutorials, meeting with my teacher constantly, and repeatedly going over arduous material bolstered my grade from a C to a high B. These instances have proved to me that the singular grade I received after each semester doesn't represent me as well as the work I put into each grade.
jrd519   
Nov 27, 2017
Undergraduate / STUDY PLAN. I would like to ask if the Canada embassy will help me to achieve my goals [9]

You should read your letter out loud to get a feel for what you have written. For example a couple grammatical errors that need to be changed are:

... embassy (can) help me to achieve my goals

I had (an) intense fascination with science and, art, and (a) desire ...

After revising your grammar mistakes try to take car of redundant and choppy sentences for example:

Then after I grow up ... CAN BE REVISED TO:

After a couple years combined with a successful high school performance I will be ready to pursue my dream of earning a degree (Insert Degree), hoping to receive the opportunity to explore these field to its full extent.
jrd519   
Nov 27, 2017
Writing Feedback / Technology has a significant influence on communication and relationships between people. [4]

Hello, to be frank I think you should take a stance on either being negative or positive, not both. In doing so you could elaborate and really pick a side instead of having to go between both creating a stronger argument. Also try not to use words like, first, on the other hand, or in conclusion, rather go directly into the point to make the sentences flow better. The side in which you take the "positive" stance has potential and I think you should focus more on that position.
jrd519   
Nov 26, 2017
Undergraduate / If You could have any career, what would it be? (technology) [2]

If you could have any career, what would it be? Why? Describe any activities you are involved in, life experiences you've had, or even classes you've taken that have helped you identify this professional path.

from lego bricks to programming



My choice of a dream career has always wavered from whatever I had set my interests on. When I was younger I wanted to be a master builder for Lego or a Nerf gun designer for Hasbro, but it wasn't until I took my first programing class that I realized I wanted to become a programmer. The first coarse sucked me into the world of code and showed me all of its possibilities, they seemed endless. I was able to implement the basic skills I learned in my extracurricular activities such as my robotics club and engineering competitions, only peaking my interest in code even more. Learning more about programing not only furthered my understanding of the language, but also how it encompasses our everyday life. From smartphones, to watches, to even our houses, technology will continue to develop faster than ever creating a need for better software and when it does I want to be there in the middle of it all. In the future I plan to streamline these technological advances with business opportunities, perhaps by improving on already sophisticated artificial intelligence to service advancing problems, make the community we live in more efficient, or shed light on obstacles that may be out of our own grasps. Time moves quickly, and technology becomes obsolete quicker than ever, leaving the chance of this whole career field to take a drastic change after my years of college are completed. The key to keeping up this ever-changing field of technology is to remain in the center of it all, keeping up with the thing that powers all technology, code.
jrd519   
Nov 26, 2017
Writing Feedback / People increasingly access the news online these day, rather than buying newspapers and magazines [7]

In the 2nd paragraph you elude to "the thing," you should state the actual reasoning instead of referring back to a past statement.
Some sentences are too choppy and are hard to understand the flow, going back to past sentecnces and reading them allowed might help for instance the paragraph/sentence: Nowadays, the higher demand ...

Can be revised to something along the lines of:
In recent years there has been a demand for a faster more reliable, and up to date source for news. As a result newspapers have become more and more obsolete, shifting the traditional newspapers to more modern forms of news such as smartphones and social media. Although newspapers are becoming less relied on for obtaining day to day news, in my opinion they will not disappear anytime soon.
jrd519   
Nov 26, 2017
Writing Feedback / Do you prefer to eat out or at home? Life in a big city versus a small town. Toefl independent essay [3]

Personally speaking, I postulate ... I think you should change some sentences like these; for instance this sentence could be changed to:

For many a big city is more appealing and meets the needs of many far easier than a small town can. Cities such as New York, Los Angles, and even Houston offer its inhabitants pubic transportation, and a diversity of cultures, while also having necessities readily available things that small towns might not be able to provide.
jrd519   
Oct 14, 2017
Undergraduate / Creating something on my own - My College Essay (common app #6) [3]

with my own ideas and hands



This is my essay for the common app; Im answering prompt #6. I don't have anyone to look over my essays so any comments or constructive criticism would be very helpful. Prompt: Describe a topic, idea, or concept you find so engaging that it makes you lose all track of time. Why does it captivate you? What or who do you turn to when you want to learn more?

It's Sunday morning and the whole family is upstairs watching football, but not me. I'm currently locked in my "workshop," otherwise know as my bedroom, with no sense of time. In front of me is the dark-stained table that is way too small for me, covered in sawdust, superglue stains, and a number of mechanical pieces that could have come from anything. Like most kids, I played sports, hung out with friends, and enjoyed video games. Most often, however, I would be in my room or the airless garage, designing and engineering projects of all sorts.

Looking back at old pictures, I realized that Legos were where my obsession with creating started. Since I can remember, my brother and I would be assembling sets from 60 to 6,000 pieces. Eventually, I strayed from the set instructions and began building sets of my own imagination, from candy machines to spaceships and everything in between.

After Legos, my interest in building truly commenced. I started to learn more about different materials and techniques. Utilizing wood, metal, and circuitry, I was able to advance many of my projects further than I thought possible. Some projects would take me days and even months and would require me to put in hours of work, but this didn't matter to me. As I put more and more time into my projects I would become more invested it to them, doing whatever I could to finish with a working final product instead of a pile of junk.

One project that consumed me for months was my take on a wooden hidden blade from a video game. This was by far the most complex and tedious project that I had attempted. Before I could start building, I blueprinted the internals and exterior of the blade. Looking through blogs, detailed screenshots, and official books, I was able to pull together enough information to construct a feasible design. I started off thinking that the assembly wouldn't be hard but I was soon met with numerous obstacles. The perfect alignment of all the moving pieces, the hours of shaping and sanding the inside mechanisms, and the tiny pieces, many times smaller than a toothpick, made me finishing nearly impossible. But the worst was the airless garage that caused me to swelter for hours on end. The constant cuts on fingers from the saw intensified from the sweat that seeped through all aggravated the lack of air often made me exasperated to the point of wanting to quit; though the worst came when the finished project failed to give even a slight sign of functioning.

I wanted to be done by this point, but I knew I had already put in too much time to move on. So I looked for help and eventually contacted a known YouTube creator that had a similar design. Through a back and forth on Facebook messages, I was able to incorporate some of his designs into my own and finish for once and for all. After countless hours, finishing this project made me realize why I love to invest hours into these builds. For each project, I start with nothing that resembles the final design, but by putting in the time and work I am able to create something with my own hands and ideas, giving me something tangible to look at, appreciate, and be proud of.

For me, creating something on my own without a set guide on how to do it, but instead with my own ideas and hands gives me a sense of accomplishment that does not come lightly. This process has led me to create my own YouTube channel and compete in engineering competitions that I never knew existed. Although I have learned a lot, and the information that I have acquired has helped me on my numerous ventures, I know for a fact that there is still much for me to learn, and this possibility of acquiring new information about what I love is what draws me back every time.
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