Unanswered [11] | Urgent [0]
  

Posts by asianbaybay
Joined: Sep 8, 2009
Last Post: Nov 21, 2009
Threads: 1
Posts: 10  

From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 11
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asianbaybay   
Nov 21, 2009
Undergraduate / UC Prompt 1: K-pop [12]

I like your essay and it does answer the prompt but i think you should descirbe yourself more. This essay is about how k-pop changed you but be more specific on who you were and how your changed. This is a interesting topic, i haven't read anything like this before so go all out with it.
asianbaybay   
Oct 3, 2009
Undergraduate / "How would you describe yourself?" - Penn State Admission Essay [10]

a total transformation. a lot better than your first one. i think you should describe more why you have those people listed as your role model. maybe cut a little shorter on the personality stuffy try to combine it into one paragraph and extend more about your interest with helping the disadvantage. so far so good though!
asianbaybay   
Sep 26, 2009
Undergraduate / UT admissions personal essay "alcoholism" [4]

you should explain how alcohal greatly affected you and what ways are great to prevent alcoholism. so far so good though keep it up!
asianbaybay   
Sep 17, 2009
Undergraduate / Schreyer Honors College , Number 3 among the 3 questions that you have to submit [4]

i think your looking way into this prompt. close your eyes and really think about it.
Tell us about a time when you grew as a person - describe the circumstances, the challenges you faced, and how you responded. How did this episode contribute to making you the person you are today?

did anything happen to you that changed your life? it doesnt have to be super dramatic it could be something simple, you just need reasoning.
asianbaybay   
Sep 8, 2009
Undergraduate / "trying to get into UC Davis" - My lovely personal statement! [11]

Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how has your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

I'm a senior at Santa Cruz High School in California and trying to get into UC Davis!
lemme know whatcha think! thank youuu!

Lack of money has always impacted my life. My mother left my family due to my family's economic struggle. I always wondered what life would have been like living with my mother; if my brother wouldn't have gotten that nose infection, if my oldest brother would be a talented violin player, or if I would have straight A's in my classes. Though things didn't turn out as I wanted them to, I am still grateful to be where I am. My parents, through their struggles, showed me the value of education, and how it can improve the quality of life.

My mother and father had an arranged marriage. After having three children, and being the first generation living in America , my parents encountered difficulty earning money. My mother, only having a high school degree, agreed that she would work in Taiwan while my father ran the family restaurant. After some time, my parents realized that their marriage wasn't working so they eventually divorced. Their time apart, however, strained my parents' relationship, causing my mother to permanently stay in Taiwan . My mother's absence, at first, was extremely difficult for me, especially because my father worked seven days a week. With the long, stressful hours at work, he didn't have time to manage our household so my brothers and I decided to run it ourselves.

When I started attending elementary school my father and mother agreed that every other year I would live in Taiwan with my mother. Attending school in Taiwan for a year and the next year in America made learning English and Chinese difficult. As school became more challenging my father decided I should stay permanently in America for middle school. Seeing the situation my mother and father were in made me realize how money can tear a family apart. I realized the more I hold off on school work, the more I'm preparing myself to a life of hard labor. I started over in seventh grade and did every assignment in class. If I didn't understand the concept, I would stay in for office hours to receive extra tutoring.

As the years passed, my father lost his restaurant and became a delivery driver. My brothers and I decided it was best if we all had our own jobs to support ourselves. I was thirteen years old when I began my first job in a candy store. I started saving my money and buying things that I needed and wanted. Having a job at such a young age gave me an early start to becoming self-reliant. I learned to balanced my work and school hours on my own. I learned that time was precious and should never be wasted.

Through my mother's absence, and my father's busy workdays, I learned that having a higher education can improve the quality of life. Though my parents didn't directly guide me, they taught me the important lesson of responsibility by having me overcome challenges on my own. I hope to study Biology at UC Davis, and enter UCSF Dental School . Being a dentist will not only benefit me, and my family, it will also satisfy my interest with children. Seeing my parents struggle in both countries, I learned that life shouldn't be spent through struggles, but by overcoming these struggles and achieving your goals.
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