Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITING TASK 2: In many countries, students attend private 'cram schools'... [2]

Hello everyone. Please check my essay on the below topic. Thank you so much.

attending private cram schools

In many countries, students attend private 'cram schools' for extra coaching in test-taking techniques. What is your view of this practice?

In some countries, students are fully occupied in extra classes to learn more skills used in exam after compulsory hours in their school. In my opinion, this practice would lay great stress on students due to the fact that they have to learn too much.

First, private cram schools would become an enormous burden on students. In fact, students feel tired after a long day studying at their school so they should take a rest to recharge their batteries instead of receive extra classes. If they spend much time in coaching class, they will fell exhausted, lose their enthusiasm for learning and play truant. Furthermore, they may suffer from depression because they have to learn hard to pass the test with flying colors by all means regardless of cheating on the exam.

Second, attending private cram schools would lead to shortage of leisure time. Students should take part in some after-school activities which do wonders for their development in social skills, sense of self, cooperation and communication skill. Therefore, students should not attend too much extra classes to have time to develop vital skills for future life. In addition, outdoor games like hide-and-seek, capture the flag and kick the can are an indispensable part of childhood that create many meaningful memories for children. Thus, pupils should have their free time to enjoy these activities.

In conclusion, students should not be overwhelmed by attending in private cram schools. They should have a balance blend of learning and entertaining activities to have mental and physical development.

Writing Feedback / IELTS: What can governments do to encourage children to eat a healthier diet? [2]

Please help me with my essay. Thank you very much.

What can governments do to encourage children to eat a healthier diet?

Children's health also in the hands of government

Children's health plays a vital role in the growth of country; however, most people are less concerned about children's health. The deterioration in their health has increased recent years because of their bad eating habit. Therefore, governments should take measures to raise awareness along with boosting children to eat a healthier diet.

The first point I should mention is that governments should bring out some rules to regulate the food industries. In particular, governments can require food producers to fortify their products with vitamins and hygiene substances. Consequently children would eat healthier food without having to change their habits. However, this would be unpopular and expensive for food producers.

Another feasible approach which I should say is that government should regulate school meals owing to the fact that school meal could institute the majority of children's food consumption. Furthermore, government could require schools to provide healthy food and drink for students including breakfast, lunch and dinner if possible. The positive consequence is that children would have healthy meals every day. But this would not prevent children from bringing unhealthy packed food or going out to fast food outlets.

Besides, governments should ask school to include cooking as an official curriculum. Moreover, schools must choose healthy eating patterns that contain less sugar and fat in order to teach students. According to this, children know which food contains nutrition, take pride in their cooking and transfer these skills to their home. The drawback is that schools may not have the facilities to teach cooking.

In conclusion, governments should take children's health as a matter urgency. Not only the government but also the school are responsible for this problem.

Writing Feedback / IELTS: both men and women should be treated equally in terms of getting a job [2]

every job for everyone, regardless the gender

Hello everyone. Please check my essay. Thank you very much.

Women and men are commonly seen as having different strengths and weaknesses. Is it right to exclude males or females from certain professions because of their gender?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Naturally, males and females have different psychological manners and physical strength which make them suitable for certain occupations. However, in this modern century, both men and women have equal rights in terms of seeking jobs. In my viewpoint, it is ineffective to take on employees based on their gender.

The first point I should mention is that each gender is apter than the other one in some certain professions because of behavioral differences. In particular, women are patient, caring, soft-hearted and compliant. Therefore, more females become nurses and primary teachers than their male counterparts. Whereas men are strong, authoritative and suitable to assume jobs requiring physical strength, for example, mining and logging. Thus, in some certain jobs, prioritizing on gender is a considerable choice.

A second feature which I should say is that in the vast situations, men and women can have different approaches to their job. Female entrepreneurs, for instance, may have a wide range of strategies for dealing with problems and be excel at the soft skills needed for business leadership. Furthermore, male nannies probably have a better understanding of the needs of little boys and can perform as a model for them. Therefore, community benefits from the mixed gender in most occupations.

To draw the conclusion, in spite of some physical differences, both men and women have their own talents. Hence, the recruiters should choose a candidate based on their performance on the job in order not to rule out a range of potential candidates.

Writing Feedback / IELTS: How to promote equality of opportunity for men and women in the workplace? [5]

Hello everyone. I'm a beginer. My target is 6.5. Please help me check my writing. Thanks a lot.

In spite of the many advances women have made in education and employment, they continue to be at a disadvantage when it comes to pay and promotion. In your view, what should be done to promote equality of opportunity for men and women in the workplace?

gender inequality problem

Thanks to the development in education and employment, there is now greater equality between men and women. However, women still tend to earn less and lack of promotion in their occupation. In my viewpoint, it is vital to take action constructively in order to gain opportunity equally for both two genders.

One feasible approach would be for government to force employers to take on the same numbers of men and women, give them equivalent workloads and pay them the same salaries. By this way, women and men will have equality in not only salary but also promotion. This solution would take a long time to success. Nevertheless, the problem is that government could have trouble in taking resources to do statistics.

To further encourage equality, governments should take the lead in ensuring that the salary companies pay based on employer's productivity. That means the important factor is the ability of employers, not the gender they are. If they work hard and bring income to their company, they will earn much money and also have chances to get a higher position. This would establish gender equality as a norm of society and set a good example for private companies. However, this solution would be a disadvantage for women in jobs requiring much physical strength.

It is obvious that the problem of gender inequality in the workplace will probably not be tackled quickly. Nevertheless, government and the community should pay more attention and take action now. Especially, the government should be the leader in changing thinking of companies so that they will more concerned on women's equality.