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Posts by parviz [Suspended]
Name: parviz
Joined: Jan 16, 2020
Last Post: Feb 11, 2020
Threads: 3
Posts: 7  
From: Islamic Republic of Iran

Displayed posts: 10
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parviz   
Feb 10, 2020
Writing Feedback / Different views about the amount of money paid to top sportspeople. [5]

I appreciate your comments and views about this IELTS Task 2 essay.

huge salaries to sports stars?



Some people believe that the salaries paid to professional sportspeople are too high, while others argue that sports salaries are fair.
Discuss both views and give your opinion.


People have different views about the amount of money paid to top sportspeople. While there are some good arguments in favor of the idea that these athletes are overpaid, in my opinion they receive fair salaries.

The main reason why many people might disapprove of high salaries of sportspeople is that they do not make much contribution to society despite their huge income. Many skilled athletes earn much more than workers in other professions, like teachers and doctors, even though their roles are not as vital as these workers. Barcelona superstar Lionel Messi, for example, took in $127 million from his salary, earnings and endorsements. By contrast, high school teachers in the United States made a median salary of $60,320 in 2018; the best-paid 25 percent made $77,720 that year. Most people believe that we should therefore value professionals such as nurses and teachers more highly.

However, I believe that the best sportspeople deserve to earn a lot of money. Firstly, being a top sports player requires years of practice and hard-work, and in this regard athletes could set good examples for young people. Secondly, a sports star usually has millions of fans who are willing to pay to see him or her play. Finally, sport is a multi-million-dollar industry; there are many firms that want to use popular sportspeople for advertising purposes, by making considerable investment into advertising their products. In Lionel Messi's case, $37 million of his income came from endorsements.

In conclusion, although there are good arguments against paying huge salaries to sports stars, I would argue that they deserve the money they earn.
(264 words)
parviz   
Feb 8, 2020
Writing Feedback / Computers are regarded as the most influential invention of the last century [3]

The essay is well extended, however it needs minor changes.

Computers are often argued to be the most important invention of the last hundred years. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

In the last century computers have undeniably had the greatest influence on our lives. I completely agree with this statement.
First ... obvious that Computers help us change have revolutionized the way we ...
... contact with others on social media via our computers and the Internet. Moreover, computers ... available. Moreover, most of business transactions are negotiated via e-mails, computer based apps, such as Skype. This is much faster, more reliable and environmentally friendly than meeting face to face or telephoning.

In addition to making our interactions faster and easier, Secondly, computers play ...

By the time you finish the second paragraph, you will have run out of time, if you are doing IELTS task 2. I'd never do a third paragraph.

In conclusion, the advent of ...
parviz   
Feb 5, 2020
Writing Feedback / It is right that university graduates should earn more money than less well educated people [3]

It is right that university graduates should earn more money than less well educated people, but they should pay the full cost of their education.

To what extent do you agree or disagree?



When university graduates enter the job market, they expect to be paid more money on average than less educated people. While I believe that graduates deserve good salaries, I disagree with the idea that they should pay the full tuition for their degree courses.

In my opinion, the level of education is the most important contributing factor to the amount of money people earn at work. Educated people have invested time and effort into gaining their qualifications, and are therefore more prepared for work that relies chiefly on knowledge. More importantly, university students develop qualities that will go beyond their specialized knowledge. For example, better educated people are mentally and physically healthier, and they tend to be more productive with better interpersonal skills than those without formal education, making them great assets to the society as whole. I believe that these qualifications will certainly benefit the prospective employers both inside and outside work context.

I would also argue that students should not pay all the cost of university education. Education will be expensive and many young people, especially those from poorer backgrounds, might find it more difficult to go to university if they have to pay. I doubt that student loans could help to overcome this problem, because many students might not like the idea of graduating and having to worry about repaying large loans. Graduates clearly directly receive many benefits form having a university education, higher income being one of them. This means that they will almost certainly pay more income taxes than non-graduates, contributing more to the education of the next generation.

In conclusion, I believe that government should lower the cost of education for all people, and that graduates deserve higher rates of remuneration.
(287 words)
parviz   
Feb 4, 2020
Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITING TASK 2: People are having more and more sugar-based drinks. Give reasons and solutions [4]

One critrion for a high score is "clear topic ideas" for each paragraph. It seams to me that you failed to fill this purpose in main body paragraph.

For first main body you could have written:
There are several reason for the sudden increase in the consumption sugar-based beverages among peaple. One reason is the influence of celebrities in advertisements
....

For the second main body paragraph:
As for the solutions, there are.....
parviz   
Feb 3, 2020
Writing Feedback / Neighbouring towns - IELTS WRITING TASK 1 - MAP [4]

Hi
I think your 'overall view' sentence is a bit short. e.g. Over the time period, while both areas witnessed significant changes,the railway system remained relatively unchanged.
parviz   
Jan 16, 2020
Writing Feedback / Governments should not have to provide care or financial support for elderly people because ... [3]

the support of state for senior citizens



People have different views about whether or not governments should help senior citizens. Although I accept that we all have the responsibility to save money for retirement, I disagree with the idea that elderly people should receive no support from the state.

There are several reasons why people should save money for their retirement age. Firstly, many people find it hard to live on a basic pension plan. It is often said that today's retiree receives less than half their income from Social Security, and the rest will need to come from other sources, for example, personal savings. Secondly, when you save in a retirement plan, your money can grow faster because earnings that could have been taxed get reinvested and earn even more. Finally, having to live with the kids because you cannot afford to live independently is not how most of us want to spend our retirement years.

However, I believe governments should provide care and give benefits to all senior citizens. The elderly are usually infirm and weak segment of the population and, therefore, need someone to look after them. Some citizens may even have failed to take out a pension during their working years or did not have the resources to pay into a pension because of unemployment. I would also argue that governments are responsible for creating problems such as housing crisis and inflation that stripped senior citizens of having any retirement. Now, it is for the state to take the lead on not only fixing it, but also taking care of those who were victimized in the process.

In conclusion, while everyone needs to have retirement plans, I believe that providing economic support and welfare for senior citizens is one major responsibility of governments.
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