Writing Feedback / The issue of the increasing crime rate has presented itself as a vital challenge in this day and age [2]

Causes and solution for the rise of criminal activity

Each year, the crime rate increases. What are the causes of crime and what could be done to prevent this rise in criminal activity?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

In the recent past, the issue of the increasing crime rate has presented itself as a vital challenge in this day and age. This essay will examine the main causes of the rising crime level and possible solutions to this problem.

The two main causes of the upward trend of crime are the thrive of nationalism and the deteriorating living conditions of impoverished people. Some people might have more stereotypes and biases while confronting another foreign culture due to globalization. Instead of respecting, they attempt to insult and even attack others which are viewed as villainous enemies to their race or nation. For instance, it is reported that there is an increasing number of immigrants from the Middle East are under attack by residents in East Germany. Also, the worsen circumstances make poor people have no choice but to commit the crime to live on. More inhabitants, for example, who live in slums in Africa help smugglers to traffic drugs and illegal weapons to maintain their livelihood. Because of these aforementioned causes, the crime level keeps going up.

Several possible solutions to this problem are offering multiple courses about learning other cultures and improving social welfare policies. By providing multicultural courses such as how to cook Syrian traditional cousins or sharing various institutions from Mexico, we could replace xenophobia with respect and empathy in people's mind. Moreover, the next step in fighting rising crime percentage is passing more bills to improve social welfare such as providing employment guaranty, extra allowance, and job insurance. This way, governments could improve the living environment for people in need and retard the steady growth of crime effectively.

In conclusion, the spread of nationalism and degenerating living circumstances of the needy contribute to an upward trend in criminal activity. However, we can significantly lessen this problem by providing multicultural courses and legislating more social policies to help impoverished people.

Hello Mr. Holt, if possible, I would like to know what brand I might score now in task 2 and the mistakes that I should avoid in this task or some problems about my writing skills that may cut down my total score. Thank you.

Writing Feedback / Task 1 The graph gives information about changes in the birth and death rates in New Zealand [3]

Births and deaths - history and prediction for the future

The graph below gives information about changes in the birth and death rates in New Zealand between 1901 and 2101. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph compares data in New Zealand in terms of the variation in the birth and death percentages in the years 1901 and 2101.

Overall, the birth proportion increased dramatically from the beginning to the near middle of the period and declined gradually since then, while the death percentage showed a steady but significant rise almost over the period and will possibly outtake death rate.

With only around 20% in 1901, the birth rate illustrated a rapid growth and hit a high-point of about 64%. It then experienced a relatively huge fluctuation until 2041. Finally, the birth rate is predicted to show a steady downward trend from 2061 to 2101.

In the meantime, the percentage of death (around 9%) is lower than the birth (around 20%) in 1901. However, instead of demonstrating fluctuations, it underwent a distinct continued growth of 18% and will even jump from around 27% to almost 59% between 2021 and 2061. Moreover, it is estimated that it will only drop by 3% at the end of the period.

Hello Mr. Holt I wrote my Task 1 again and I did remember the mistakes that I have been told. Please let me know what are the mistakes that I should avoid while describing a line graph and is there any mistake with my writing skills that I should also avoid? Thank you.

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Writing Feedback / Task1 The bar chart below gives information about the percentage of the population in urban areas [4]

Changes in percentages of population

The bar chart below gives information about the percentage of the population living in urban areas in different parts of the world. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar charts compare the ratio of the population in the urban region around the world in the years 1950, 2007 and 2050.

Overall, all trends of the population in cities from different continents experienced gradual declining growth throughout the period.

In 1950 the percentages of Africa, Asia, and Latin America/Caribbean are only 15%, 17%, and 42% separately. Latin America/Caribbean showed the highest upward trend among others, which increased by 34% between 1950 and 2007. However, the ratios of Africa and Asia are predicted that there would be the same growth of 25% in both continents exceeding Latin America/Caribbean, which will be only 13% in 2050.

Europe's percentage was the lowest compared to North America and Oceania in 1950. Nonetheless, it outpaced Oceania (71%) and reached 72% dramatically in 2007. It is also projected that this lead will keep remaining to the end of the period. Meanwhile, North America illustrated the highest percentage 64% and 79% among others in 1950 and 2007 respectively. It is even anticipated that it will hit the highest point in the world in 2050.

Hello Mr. Holt I wrote my Task 1 again with another topic. This time I did not write more than 190 words as you mentioned in the comment last time. Hope this time I could know what brand I might be able to score in Task 1. Besides, please let me know which part of my essay is my weakness. Then I could keep improving my writing skills. Thank you very much.

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Writing Feedback / Task2: It is argued that because of globalisation we will lose our cultural identity [3]

globalisation = loss of cultural identity?

As mass communication and transport continue to grow, societies are becoming more and more alike leading to a phenomenon known as globalization. Some people fear that globalization will inevitably lead to a total loss of cultural identity.

To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Because of the massive growth of global transportation and connection to each other, globalization is playing a more and more vital role in this day and age. Therefore, it is argued that we will lose our cultural identity unavoidably. I completely disagree with the opinion.

First of all, I believe that globalization contributes to cultural integration rather than the disappearance of cultural identity. It allows people to experience various cultures worldwide and provides a multicultural environment to integrate different cultures. For instance, people all over the world are fond of Japanese traditional cuisine, Sushi. An increasing number of restaurants are attempting to create a combined dish with both Eastern and Western recipes. Therefore, instead of forgetting the local food culture, people could think outside the box and combine new delicacies with their own food culture.

Secondly, globalization allows people not only to immerse themselves into another culture but also helps them to discover the beauty of their own indigenous culture. In other words, instead of losing cultural identity, people would cherish their distinguished local culture. The American film industry, for example, has a tremendous impact on every corner of the world due to globalization. People in India discover the fascination of their films from Bollywood and enjoy watching national movies filling with Indian characteristic institutions rather than watching Hollywood-centric movies containing with American popular culture. Thus, globalization helps people to find their cultural identity.

To conclude, I am of the standpoint that globalization does not contribute to a complete disappearance of cultural identity because it makes people know more about others and their own cultures.

Hello everybody, I'm preparing my IELTS. Please give me comments and let me know what kind of problems do I have to avoid while writing an essay in Task 2. Thank you.

Writing Feedback / IELTS 1 - The table compares the data in terms of forested land in different continents of the world [5]

The table shows forested land in millions of hectares in different parts of the world.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The table compares the data in terms of forested land in different continents of the world in the years 1990, 2000 and 2005 respectively.

Overall, the forest area in Africa, Oceania and South America experienced a downward trend throughout the period, while the forested land in Europe showed a steady but significant rise. In addition, the forest area in North America and Asia underwent fluctuations over the period.

In 1990 the forest area in Africa and South America were 749 and 946 million hectares respectively. The forest area in both continents decreased sharply over a decade. After another five years forest area in both continents declined from 709 to 691 and from 904 to 882 million hectares continually. In contrast, despite the forest area in Oceania showed a dropping tendency, it experienced only a slight decrease from 199 to 198 million hectares between 1990 to 2000 and then dropped another one million hectare to reach 197 million hectares at the end of the period.

The forest area in Europe was 989 million hectares in the beginning of the period which illustrated a gradual declined growth. It went up nine million hectares over a decade and then increased subsequently three million hectares after five years. Besides, both forest areas in Asia and North America went down 6 and 3 million hectares from 1990 to 2000. In 2005, the forest area in Asia hit a high-point of 584 million hectares rapidly while North America remained steady.

If possible, I want to know what brand I could score now because I am preparing my IELTS. Please also let me know the problems that I should avoid. Thank you.

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