Posts by TQB [Suspended]

TQB

Jun 14, 2020

Writing Feedback / Task1 The bar chart below gives information about the percentage of the population in urban areas [4]

Hi,

I just want to give some more contribution for the overview only, aka. "Overall, all trends of the population in cities from different continents experienced gradual declining growth throughout the period". First, the sentence is neither clear nor correct in terms of the data presented in the graph. This definitely leads to lower than 5 for TA. Second, a part of this period is in a future projection but you referred the whole in past tense. For me, you should divide the sentence into two parts, one for the past and one for the future. This makes more sense regarding grammar. Finally, your word choice was inappropriate as you used "declining growth". They convey totally opposite meanings.

Best,
Tutela

TQB

Jun 14, 2020

Student Talk / How start to write?I have to take score 7 in ielts exam! [24]

It depends on why you want to write and what types of writing you want to write.

However, you basically need to read... a lot first. If you want to be a freelance journalist, read journals. If you want to be a novelist, read novels. If you want to be a scientist, read scientific articles. If you want to be an academic, read textbooks.

Time flies and you will grab some fundamental stones to write your own piece of writing. Just that!

TQB

Jun 14, 2020

Writing Feedback / (IELTS) Some educationalists think that international exchange visit will benefit teenagers [4]

Hi,

In overall, this is a good piece of writing but not a good essay to me personally.

Grammar control should be your strength for this stage since I only see some minor "slips", such as "the youth have" (uncoutable), "gaining new knowledge and understanding the culture of another nation is" (plural). However, you seemed to list ideas rather than building an argument. The later is the purpose of Cambridge designing Task 2 in IELTS academic writing. Thus, you should intensively work on it by further googling, perhaps. Also, unlike Vietnamese's, English style is more likely going for addressing upheld perspectives before the opposed counterparts. So, you can consider exchanging the positions of your bodu paragraphs.

Best,
Tutela

TQB

Jun 14, 2020

Writing Feedback / The investigation for development in five organisations [2]

Please give this analysis some comments. Thank you so much!

IELTS TASK 1 - INTERNAL INVESTIGATION

The bar chart given provides information on investigation of five different organisations distributed into four categories, machinery, building, research, and staff training.

Regarding investigated share, Organisation A spends the majority of its budget for human resources while the others prioritise their expenditures for non-human purposes. In Organisation B, there are marked differentials in the statistics, especially between those of infrastructure and hardware.

Organisation A spends most on training programmes for its employees at €1 billion, creating a noticeable gap of approximately €0.5 billion to its lowest figure, i.e. that of building. This is specifically in contrast to the priority observed in Organisation B who intensively distributes over €1.6 billion for infrastructure upgrading. Otherwise, machinery and research receive equal capital distribution implemented by Organisation C, standing at roughly €0.7 billion.

Around €1.7 billion is invested by Organisation B to develop its internal building, accounting for the largest investigation carried out by the institute. This is followed by its research activities whose corresponding value is just €100 thousand lower. In contrast, hardware takes the bottom position on the graph plotted for the organisation, at about €1.3 billion.

Question

TQB

Jun 14, 2020

Writing Feedback / Is buying new products a good thing? Why do people buy things do not really need? [4]

Hi,

First thing first, I pressume that you are bring this essay to your IELTS exam. In this case, the length is markedly insufficient as you are probably unable to manage to jot down a 470-word piece of writing within 40 recomended minutes for Task 2. Thus, you should limit it in a range 260-280 of word counts. Second, by using fancy expressions, eg. "Now here the question is, Is this human nature?", " 'mind trap' ", "Conclusion:", etc. Your essay sounds more likely a pop-science article to me rather than a proper academic writing. So at this stage, you should work on these aspects in order to make you writing purpose more appropriate.

However, if you are a freelance journalist or a blogger. Everything I said does not appliable and please ignore my comments.

Best,
TQB

TQB

Jun 14, 2020

Writing Feedback / Many items can be purchased on the Internet which is gradually becoming more popular than ever [5]

Hi,

This is a good essay. The improvement can start with grammar. You can probably avoid some silly slips such as "the fact that things such as book" (general info - plural), "shopping in this way do not" (S-V agreement), "salers will have shippers" (no future tense), "in the COVID-19 period and" (no verb), "people who have bought uncertificated stuffs and it results in" (all in past tense), "hardly can we adapt" (word order), etc. This could ensure your GRA band does not go below 5.

Best,

TQB

Jun 14, 2020

Writing Feedback / The pursuit for higher education of young people in four nations surveyed in three years [3]

@Holt
Excellent comments.

To my understanding, did your last comment suggest that I should include specific data to back up my indication of "less steep"? Also, have I got any significant problems related to grammar? If yes, can you just list some of them; thus, I am able to do further research on Google my own.

Thank you so much!
I really appreciate your time.

Best,
Tutela

TQB

Jun 13, 2020

Writing Feedback / The pursuit for higher education of young people in four nations surveyed in three years [3]

Please give this analysis some comments. Thank you so much!

IELTS TASK 1 - FURTHER STUDY

The bar chart given provides information on the pursuit for higher education of young people in four nations surveyed in three years, 2000, 2005, and 2010.

Over the timeframe, the proportion of the pursuers in Country A and Country D rose while the other nations experienced irregular changing patterns. In 2010, there were marked differences in the statistics, especially between Country D and Country B.

The percentage of youngsters pursuing higher education in Country A began at just over 35 % in the first year and increased dramatically in the next ten years. This was in resemblance to the tendency observed in Country D yet plotted less steep. Otherwise, the number for Country B varied marginally between 39 % and 40 % over the period.

Three fifths of the young people in Country D went to universities for their further study in 2010, accounting for the largest ratio in the year. This was followed by Country A whose the distribution was roughly 2 % lower. In contrast, Country B took the bottom position of the graph in the year, at only 40 %.

Question

TQB

Jun 13, 2020

Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing 1 Hydroelectric power station [3]

Overall, I think you have a good description essay.

I can only suggest you to pay more attention to your grammar, like "... regimes, that allow it..."; or "... is a dam, that blocks..." (no comma). Also, you have some problems in using articles (a/an, the) and singular/plural forms.

Hope that these would help.

Best,

Tutela

TQB

Jun 13, 2020

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2 - a huge number of young generation people in comparison to elderlies [4]

Hi,

First, if you want to bring this to your IELTS exam, I'd say your essay is far too long. In fact, it includes 525 words. How can you manage to finish it in 40 minutes? Or even 60 minutes? Thus, my first suggestion is that you should reduce your writing to a sufficient length, ie. 260-280 words.

Second, I personally suggest that you should naturalise your tone by limiting the use of strong adverbs and solid expressions, eg. definitely, as we know, must, immensely significant, they all have, will, etc. Instead, you can consider some alternatives like possibly, might, more likely, seem, most people, would, could, etc.

Finally, your word choices are too fancy to me. If I were you, I would not see academic writing as an opportunity for showing off vocabulary. It must be lexical ability for me.

Just that.
Best,

Tutela

TQB

Jun 13, 2020

Writing Feedback / Information on coffee production in Brazil, Colombia, Indonesia, and Vietnam commencing 1990 to 2000 [3]

@Holt
Hi Holt,

These are extremely brilliant to me. I didn't even notice the in-depth meaning of those terms. The followings are my revison. May you give your further comments on them?

1. For the overview:
"In 2010, there were marked differences in the statistics, especially between that of Brazil and the rest."

2. For the body 1:
"This was noticeably in contrast to the tendency observed in Brazil which registered a dramatic rise from below 0.8 million tonnes to over 1.8 million tonnes, respectively."

3. Further questions:
- Is it appropriate if I just use "differences"? Are there any other "cooler" synonyms? 😅
- Should I just use "This was noticeably opposite to..."?
- I've never been abroad so that I don't know much about the native writing style. However, including measurement units in overview is more likely redundancy to me as we will mention them again in the bodies anyway. Can you expand your opinion on this?

Thank you so much!

Ps. Sorry for my broken English, I'm trying to do better. 😓

TQB

Jun 13, 2020

Writing Feedback / Information on coffee production in Brazil, Colombia, Indonesia, and Vietnam commencing 1990 to 2000 [3]

This is my analysis for an IELTS Writing Task 1. Please give it some comments (eg. logic, grammar, vocab, etc.). Thank you so much!

IELTS Task 1 - Coffee Production

The bar chart given provides information on coffee production in Brazil, Colombia, Indonesia, and Vietnam commencing from 1990 to 2000.

Over the timeframe, the amount of coffee produced by Colombia fell while the other countries experienced the opposite pattern of the production. In 2000, there were marked discrepancies in the statistics.

The coffee production of Colombia began at 0.6 million tonnes in 1990 and decreased significantly in the next ten years to under 0.4 million tonnes in the last year. This was noticeably inconsistent with the corresponding figure for that of Brazil which registered a dramatic rise from below 0.8 million tonnes to over 1.8 million tonnes, respectively. Besides, both Asian countries saw a rather marginal increase over the period.

Around 1.9 million tonnes of coffee products were manufactured by Brazil in 2010, accounting for the largest contribution to the market. This was followed by Indonesia, whose production mass was by 1.5 million tonnes lower. Otherwise, Vietnam and Colombia shared the bottom position of the graph in the year by producing equally around 0.3 million tonnes of the products.

Question