Undergraduate / Why CMU: My interest in Neurology [4]

Please submit a one-page, single-spaced essay that explains why you have chosen Carnegie Mellon and your particular major(s), department(s) or program(s). This essay should include the reasons why you've chosen the major(s), any goals or relevant work plans and any other information you would like us to know. If you are applying to more than one college or program, please mention each college or program you are applying to. Because our admission committees review applicants by college and programs, your essay can impact our final decision. Please do not exceed one page for this essay.

At Carnegie Mellon University, I would like to pursue a major in Biological Sciences with focus on neurosciences. The human brain is the most fascinating organ of the human body. As a child, I always wondered about the role of the brain in performing even mundane tasks like walking and breathing. As I grew older, my interest in learning the functioning of the brain increased, leading me to pursue to a research volunteer role with Dr. Kalasapudi, a psychologist in New York. Working with her, I prepared synopses of various issues of Scientific American Mind magazine, learning more about the architecture of brain.

The mystery of brain and the magnitude of its capabilities never cease to amaze me. Human memory particularly intrigues me. How am I able to remember complex song lyrics and megabytes of baseball statistics while struggling to remember basic math formulas? To help answer some of my curiosities, I began reading about memory and consequently took up a research project to compare the immediate and short term memory of the brain to that of a computer cache, taking gifted memory artists (Avadhanis) as extreme sample. I am currently working on a research paper that presents my observations.

To fulfill my school requirements of participation in a regional science fair, I initiated a project in my school to do a primary research establishing the correlation between the onset of Alzheimer's and variables such as race, age, ethnicity, family history and life experiences. I am planning to use a Test Your Memory questionnaire, developed by neurologists Jeremy Brown and George Pengas, on a group of people varying in age. Using statistical analysis to quantify the results and create a mathematical correlation, I hope to achieve an independent confirmation of the connection between the disease and the variables. In addition, as part of my school internship, I am doing a project under the head of oncology at Montefiore Hospital in Bronx, NY, working on establishing a correlation between brain metastasis of cancer patients and their insurance status.

These research projects and school courses in Psychology and Statistics reinforced my interest in pursuing research and academics in the field of neurology. My limited experience taught me the value of multi-disciplinary approach in research. I believe research in neurosciences calls for background in social sciences, biological sciences and neurosciences in addition to in-depth knowledge of mathematical and computational sciences. CMU, with its emphasis on such interdisciplinary learning, freedom of course selection based on interest, deep commitment to undergraduate research and above all its reputation as a leading academic and research institution makes it my dream choice for undergraduate education.

Please rip this essay apart! Any help would be greatly appreciated =]

Undergraduate / UMich Setback: Freshman year grades [4]

Until 8th grade, I was a straight A student, coasting through middle school with my raw intelligence and minimal efforts into school work. I had a sense of accomplishment with my academic performance. With this confidence, I applied to the Academy of Math, Science and Engineering, a magnet school. Fully aware of the academic rigor of this program, I assumed a little extra hard work would be enough for me to succeed.

A few weeks into this program, I came to a shocking realization that relying solely on intelligence was not enough to receive good grades. I began losing my academic foothold. A's fell to B's and C's and in a few classes, I was barely over the passing grade. I knew what I was doing was not enough, but had no idea how to do it right. The position began to deteriorate with my losing confidence in myself. I even contemplated moving back to a regular high school and start all over again. Stuck in this predicament, I ended freshman year with a very low GPA.

Although the odds were stacked against me, I entered sophomore year determined to put the bad start behind me. After some introspection, it dawned on me that so far in my academic life, I have not built a strong work ethic. I did not realize that hard work and organized approach were just as important for success as intelligence was. I decided to fight back by reorienting my work approach. Work organization, time management and prioritization are some of the study skills I have incorporated in my work.

Applying this newly developed work ethic into my studies, I started getting results and continued an upward progression thereafter. I decided to bring the passion in my studies and pursue the course curriculum which is consistent with my long term career goals. Given my handicap of bad grades in freshman year, the easy solution could have been to select less challenging courses which ensure high grades. Instead I took three AP courses and with the work ethic I adapted, was able to pass with high honors in my junior year.

My rebound from a poor freshman year has instilled in me a good work ethic, giving me the confidence that I can handle higher academic challenges.

This setback early in my life, taught me valuable lessons on the value of hard work, focus and passion in work. The experience of bouncing back from failure matured me and even given me confidence to face uncertainties of future and spring back. Another valuable lesson I learned is not to be burdened by the past and make a fresh beginning. As my dad used to say "Today is the first day of rest of my life."

I need help with the essay overall. Is the essay too impersonal? Any suggestions (global or local) is welcome. Thanks =]

Undergraduate / I can remember song lyrics, quote megabytes of baseball statistics but forget basic math formulae [2]

At MIT, I would like to pursue a major in the field of brain and cognitive sciences. Since childhood I have been fascinated by the functioning of brain. How we perceive, react and understand intrigues me. How am I able to remember the song lyrics, quote megabytes of baseball statistics while struggling to remember basic math formulae? Motivated by this curiosity, I opted to get involved in various exploratory research projects on the brain.

These research projects and the school courses reinforced my desire and passion to pursue career in neurology. MIT as the leading research and academic institution in neurosciences in the world, will offer me significant research opportunities and an environment for learning.

Please edit for me. I need to bring the word count from 115 to 100 if possible. Thank you =]

Undergraduate / Test Your Memory Survey (UNC Research essay) [4]

Carolina students conduct original research and work to solve the problems in almost every imaginable field. If you could spend a semester researching a specific topic or problem, what would you chose and why? (250 words)

For the past one and a half year, I have been working as a research volunteer in India Home, a non-profit organization, committed to provide services for seniors and people with special needs in a culturally sensitive environment. My role in this organization is to prepare material for the senior citizens on topics that pertain to this age group. An issue of growing importance in this age group is Alzheimer's disease. To increase the awareness of this disorder, India Home conducts workshops periodically for the seniors.

Over the summer, I had the opportunity of conducting two workshops. Working closely with the seniors, I observed that age has a significant effect on the memory capabilities of a person. In some of them, I could see the early symptoms of Alzheimer's, as they struggled to remember their own personal information.

I began to wonder what other factors would contribute to the Alzheimer. I initiated a project in the school to do a primary research to establish the correlation between the onset of Alzheimer's and variables such as race, age, ethnicity, family history and life experiences. I am planning to use a TYM questionnaire, developed by neurologists Jeremy Brown and George Pengas, on a group of people varying in age. Using statistical analysis to quantify the results and create a mathematical correlation, I hope to achieve an independent confirmation of the connection between the disease and the variables.

I believe this idea has a significantly larger potential than what can be delivered through a limited effort school project. With the resource comfort of the university and access to the faculty of the cognitive sciences department of UNC, this project has the potential to lend to a meaningful research outcome.

I need help with the essay overall. Is the subject I chose consistent with the question asked? I also need to reduce the total word count from 285 to 270ish. Any suggestions (global or local) is welcome. Thanks =]

Undergraduate / MIT Setback/biggest challenge essay... Freshman year grades [NEW]

Up until 8th grade, I was a straight A student. I was able to coast through school just using my raw intelligence. Without putting much effort into schoolwork, I got good grades. With this confidence, I applied to the Academy of Math, Science and Engineering, a magnet school. I was aware that this high school program was going to be a rigorous one but I assumed that a little extra hard work was all that was needed for me to succeed. I started freshman year, thinking that it was going to be as easy as middle school. However, that was not the case. I quickly realized that my intelligence was not enough to receive good grades in the Academy. I was stuck in a tough predicament. I knew what I was doing was not enough, but I had no idea how to do it right. I was working hard, but it was not yielding results.

I ended freshman year with a very low GPA. Even though the odds were stacked against me, I entered sophomore year determined to put the bad start behind me. As classes started, I wanted to make sure that I didn't make the same mistakes as I did freshman year. I understood that I had to combine my intelligence with hard work to achieve good grades in these classes. I identified my weak areas, and put extra effort in fixing these areas, often meeting with teachers for extra help. Using freshman year as a barometer for what not to do, I developed a strong work ethic that is in place to this day, establishing strong organization skills, time management and other study skills. Over the last three years, my grades have steadily increased, giving me the confidence that I can handle higher academic challenges.

Word count: 298 (I need to bring it down to 250. Help please!)

Undergraduate / The Joy of Small Things (Common App essay #1) [7]

The Joy of Small Things

Every summer, I go back to India-the place where I grew up for the first nine years of my life-to visit my grandparents. During the summer of 2007, I was lazing away my vacation In one such meeting, I happened to meet a senior leader in the Byrraju Foundation. He encouraged me to join him as a volunteer in the education department. The Byrraju Foundation is a non-profit organization focused on rural transformation. I signed up as a Virtual Leader, taking on the responsibility of developing a mathematics program using Visual Basic during the course of that year. This program is currently being used in 180 villages by 2250 students.

In the summer of 2008, I was back in India to spend time with my grandparents. This time, the education department gave me the opportunity to be part of a small team on a mission to Bhimavaram, a small village in coastal India. My job was to teach fundamental mathematics to children between the ages of eight and twelve. Bhimavaram is located on the east coast of India, making the land fertile for cultivating rice. For generations, the families have been surviving on agriculture as their primary source of income. In most cases, the parents are illiterate, failing to understand the value of education. They force their children to drop out of school and start helping them on the field at a very young age, creating a vicious cycle of low levels of education. The main purpose of our trip to this part of India was to break this cycle by promoting the importance of education in a child's life.

I didn't know what to expect from this trip. I had no previous experience with teaching, let alone teaching rural children who lacked much of formal education. I arrived in Bhimavaram to the welcome of lush green paddy fields, coconut groves and mango trees. We were received by the school principal, who took us to the school where we were greeted by enthusiastic kids delighted to see new faces.

As we began our program, the rest of the team focused on educating the parents and the teachers, and I started working with the kids. I spent the next five days teaching the students all I knew about the fundamentals of mathematics. To make the subject interesting for these kids, I added stories, and anecdotes to the lessons. With their eyes filled with innocent admiration, they were using this opportunity to absorb everything that their 10-year-old minds could handle.

As the week progressed, the children and I became closer together. Every morning the children would pile into the classroom with bright smiles and abundant enthusiasm, eager to spend time with me. They started sharing their personal stories, experiences and the life dreams. Their dreams varied from a train driver to doctor. One boy even asked me how he could become a Hollywood actor.

I don't know how much the students learned from me, but the five days I spent with them added a whole new perspective to my thinking. Here I was, a 16-year-old boy studying in America, interacting with children who had never seen the world beyond their towns. I was teaching brilliant, talented kids who never received the opportunity to realize their potential. But one thing that the children of Bhimavaram have is what the French call "joie de vivre," the cheerful enjoyment of everything they do in life. Too often, people look to material objects for validation and fulfillment in life. Despite being afforded by the barest minimum of luxuries, these children are utterly satisfied with what they are given. My trip to Bhimavaram has taught me the valuable lesson of not depending on material comforts for contentment in life. I am learning to find happiness in the small things that are presented to me in everyday life, allowing me to attempt everything with a positive attitude.