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Posts by phatdanghocielts
Name: Nguyễn Hoàng Phát
Joined: Nov 24, 2020
Last Post: May 17, 2021
Threads: 3
Posts: 5  
From: Viet Nam
School: Trần Hưng Đạo highschool for the gifted.

Displayed posts: 8
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phatdanghocielts   
May 17, 2021
Writing Feedback / It is often said that that songs help to connect others around the world. Do you agree? [3]

First of all, you should check your writing thoroughly so that you won't lose marks on Grammatical Range and Accuracy:
It is often said that that songs help to ...
... make a bad impression of on people ...
Secondly, you mentioned this piece of argument in your paragraph:
However, some songs that are contrary to the traditions would ...
I strongly advise you not to do this because it goes against your initial point of views in your essay. You could only mention it when you want to create a counter-argument as a way to strengthen your argument or when the instructions require you to make a comparative essay

Thirdly, some of your arguments seem a little bit off and vague:
In conclusion, I believe that an easy way to come closer, even ...
Do you mean that an easy way to connect people of different cultures and ages is through music?
And finally, I suggest you write an essay that has 275 and above words since I believe that it would make your essay to be more precise and persuasive.
phatdanghocielts   
May 15, 2021
Writing Feedback / Essay about comparison between teenager life and adult life. [2]

Some people think that the teenage years are the happiest time of most people's life. Others believe that adult life brings more happiness, despite greater responsibilities.

DISCUSS BOTH VIEWS AND GIVE YOUR OWN OPINION.

As life is becoming increasingly fast-paced, many people struggle to lead a satisfying and fulfilling life. People's opinions vary whether the happiest life period of an individual is his or her teenage years or in the latter stage: adulthood. I believe that being a teenager gives more happiness and satisfaction.

There are certain advantages along with responsibilities of an adult's life. Monetary freedom and living an independent life would be the main benefits of being an adult. With the ability to spend his or her salaries for different purposes without financial dependency compared to teenagers, an adult can acquire things that serve his or her entertainment purposes. Besides, most grown-ups choose to live independently, which means that they are no longer under parental surveillance. Therefore, adults can entertain themselves without worrying about money or their parents, such as partying all night long or organizing an exorbitant vacation trip. However, most adults have to provide a living for their family and assume childcare responsibilities. As a result, despite having financial freedom and independent life, most adults might not have enough time for relaxation, resulting in stressfulness and even depression.

I would argue that teenage life is more enjoyable based on several factors. One reason is that teenagers are unconcerned about making money because it is their parent's duty to provide for the family's needs. Furthermore, the young can enjoy a carefree lifestyle because, after school hours, they have much more free time to enjoy their living by strengthening their relationships with friends or chilling by themselves, compared to adults who have less time to relax.

In conclusion, I believe that teenage life is happier compared to adulthood based on mentioned reasons.
phatdanghocielts   
May 14, 2021
Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing Task 2 - Living by themselves [3]

you should state your point of views rather than rephrasing the instruction in the opening by saying I believe that ....
I think you need to pay more attention to your grammars, or else you may lose marks on grammatical points and accuracy:
... learn more about personal soft skills soft personal skills and the way managing their own money

You can use several collocations to make your essay sound more natural:
Living on their own Leading an independent lifestyle has become increasingly common ....
... to live on their own independently because of ....

You should also tighten your sentences by cutting extra words or shorten phrases:
that is the reason which iswhy many families get have difficulties ...

In fact, this phenomenon ...
phatdanghocielts   
May 14, 2021
Writing Feedback / IETLS WRTING TASK 2: IS IT INHUMANE TO KEEP ANIMALS IN ZOOS? WHY? [3]

overall, your essay has met the requirements for Task Achievement - discussing both view without giving your opinions.
You need to pay more attention to your grammars or else you would lose marks on your grammatical range and accuracy
for example:
That means it is they are deprived of theirs ... the place it they belongs to - nature.

beside i dont think this information explan why zoos are both entertaining and ecologically important.:
From an economic perspective, zoos create job opportunities for the locals. There would be a rise in the unemployment rate if zoos were closed. You can mention that having more staffs working at the zoological gardens would facilitates the caring and perserving of animals in the zoos to strengthen your point of views on ecological importance.
phatdanghocielts   
Nov 26, 2020
Writing Feedback / Task 2 Causes and solutions of climate change - a major problem that could severely impact human [4]

Could you have a look at my essay ? Every contributions is priceless. Thank you

Climate change is one of the most dangerous threats that humans ever faced. It is projected to affect billions of people in the future.

What are the causes of climate change?
What could be done to solve this problem?


------------------------------------My Essay-------------------------------------
Climate change has been considered the most pressing issue that could result in catastrophic weather events. Billions of people are predicted to be severely endangered in the future. Therefore, the reasons leading to climate change should be taken into consideration and there are some resolutions in response to those impacts.

There is a myriad of factors that accelerate climate change but fossil fuel and deforestation are considered as the main contributors to this extreme event. Carbon dioxide, the key element that causes climate change, is discharged through the process of burning fossil fuel along with other greenhouse gases. Those airborne substances let the sun's light get through them but prevent the heat from escaping. As a result, the trapped heat leads to an increase in overall temperature, which promotes climate change. Besides, deforestation also influences the number of greenhouse gases in the air. Carbon dioxide is converted into oxygen in the leaves by a process called photosynthesis. Therefore, this process would be inhibited if logging practices were conducted. Both two elements could increase the number of greenhouse gases in the air, leading to the growth of global temperature thus contributing enormously to climate change.

Some resolutions can be done to effectively address this event. Fossil fuel should be replaced by renewable energies as they are eco-friendly and easy to regenerate. For example, solar or wind energies can be unlimitedly obtained from solar panels and wind farms. Another method is to conduct reforestation of damaged forests. Carbon dioxide can be reduced by the photosynthesis process and therefore, replating trees could promote a decrease in the amount of Co2 in the atmosphere. If these two methods were fully adopted, there would be a significant improvement in climate change.

In conclusion, climate change has always been a major problem that could severely impact humanity by creating extreme weather events. Any hesitation to solve the issue could lead to the deaths of billions of people.
phatdanghocielts   
Nov 26, 2020
Writing Feedback / People think teachers no longer play important roles in classrooms [4]

The first thing is that you haven't mentioned your opinion about the topic statement ( do you agree with it or not? )
And I think you should compare the differences between the two instead of talking about only one kind of teaching.
phatdanghocielts   
Nov 24, 2020
Writing Feedback / Resolution to deforestation consequences. [3]

Thank you for your reading

Deforestation caused by human activities is happening in many parts of the world, with serious results for the environment.

What do you think can be done to solve this problem?



It is undeniable that logging practices that have lead to a myriad amount of natural damage have been globally conducted. Thus, tackling those problems requires an array of resolutions.

Firstly, researches about reasonable logging activities should be carried out by both private and state-owned companies. Logging companies have done lots of deforestation activities, which can cause severe effects on natural habitats such as habitat loss or deaths of many lifeforms - both terrestrial and aquatic creatures. Besides, extensive forest clearance results in animal migration to big cities thus could do harm the local citizens. Because of those reasons, developing logical logging activities could contribute enormously to the improvement of natural stability.

Secondly, reforestation in damaged forests should be high on the authority's agenda. Not only vegetation could inhibit soil erosion in mountainous areas, which can be a catastrophic situation for the local citizens, but replanting trees could also fertilize infertile lands. After a harvest, cultivated lands are extremely polluted with chemicals and fertilizers. Therefore, the reforesting process would improve land quality.

In conclusion, there is an array of methods and cooperation between companies and the government is required to effectively solve this issue.
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