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Posts by krazzikittie
Joined: Oct 19, 2009
Last Post: Oct 8, 2010
Threads: 8
Posts: 23  


Displayed posts: 31
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krazzikittie   
Oct 8, 2010
Undergraduate / "The Reason I Will Run" - COLLEGE ADMITIONS ESSAY [3]

i like the metaphor of running as a way to desscribe your drive and ambition. i feel like the conclusion should be longer though. and it might be more interesting if you had a story going on instead of saying what your life has been like.

you know how they say show, not tell. its trueeee.

good luck!
krazzikittie   
Dec 31, 2009
Undergraduate / My conservative, Asian MOTHER; Tufts Supplement: Let your life speak [5]

Ok, I revised the essay a lot and decided to focus on another aspect. What do you think?

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We were sitting in the back of my friend Sophie's car, when Sophie asked casually, "Mom, have you looked through my history essay yet?" I listened as her mom gave Sophie a few opinions and criticism about her essay and was suddenly overcome with a rush of jealousy.

I have never had the privilege of having my parents revise my schoolwork, as my dad is usually occupied with work, and my mom speaks little English. In fact, my parents and I hardly discuss what I study in school. Why? Having lived abroad for most of my life, and never having been formally educated in Korea, my Korean is rudimentary, which makes it difficult for me to explain to my parents what I am studying. But also, my parents never seemed to ask what I do in school. While this made me angry at first, I realized that it cultivated a strong sense of independence and initiative in me. My parents have placed their utmost trust in me to do well independently, and this trust gives the reassurance I need to believe in my intelligence and my reasoning.
krazzikittie   
Dec 29, 2009
Undergraduate / My conservative, Asian MOTHER; Tufts Supplement: Let your life speak [5]

after what seems to be decades of thinking about what in HECK i should write about, i've come up with this. What do y'all think? Criticism and feedback is, as always, greatly appreciated, and i will definitely try to return the favor

=======

Asking my mom for something requires at least two hours of planning, two hours of practice, and up to a week of waiting for the opportune moment. Whether it is asking her if I can go to a party, or if I can sleepover at a friend's house, it is only with careful maneuvering and persuasive diplomacy that I can sway my conservative, Asian mother to comply with the western principles of freedom and independence that my friends enjoy.

I understand that it must be difficult for my mom to adjust to the idea of teenagers going out at night. In Korea, teenagers usually stay at home and study ravenously for college entrance exams. However, as I go to an international school in Singapore, I've been exposed to westernized ideals of a social life. And as tempting as it may be to yell at my mom, "Why can't you be more like my friends' moms," I recognize that she is only trying to look out for me, and she doesn't want me to get sidetracked from my first and foremost priority: education. Because of her sometimes-blatant rejections, I can never forget the fact that I am a person with a strong desire to succeed, to achieve, and to make my mama proud.
krazzikittie   
Dec 29, 2009
Undergraduate / The 'why us' kind of question, Lehigh Essay # 1 [8]

WOW your revised version is looking a LOOOT better than your initial essay. More specific, better flow and grammar, it's great.

However, i do find the last sentence rather random.

cheers! =)
krazzikittie   
Dec 28, 2009
Undergraduate / bard college -- Grunge is amazingly epic and awesome like totally. =] [3]

No that's not my title. haha
i'm having trouble with this essay, the question is so versatile. do you think the essay answers the prompt? any feedback greatly appreciated as always. cheers!

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Write an essay defending the role and place of the arts, especially those forms not commercial in our society, in answering this question, feel free to focus on one particular art form. (500 words)

Grunge was a musical movement of the early nineties, emanating from the teenage angst and adolescent anger of the Seattle youth. Characteristics of Grunge included the heavily distorted, raw guitar, and the plaintive voice of the damaged and depressed singer. Grunge was Rock's dysfunctional and angry cousin. It was the loneliness and confusion of being an awkward teenager. It was amazing and revolutionary: and I missed it. I was only a baby in the early nineties. It is like waking up on December 26th, and realizing that you've slept through Christmas.

Now, Grunge is dead. We live in a time of techno, electronica, and hip-hop: all very upbeat type of music. Modern music is a vast divergence from Grunge. It all starts at the very foundation of modern dance music, which is based on forgetting your troubles, and dancing the night away. Love, sex, and parties are some of the subject matter of modern pop: it is clearly not fueled by the same energy as Grunge had been. Can this be a reflection on the state of minds of young teenagers today? Are we not as angry, as dejected as teenagers of the last decade?

It is unlikely that the today's youth is happier than that of the past; after all, we have the same problems. Jaded apathy towards the world, difficulty in social situations, and the search for self-identity and purpose are only some of tribulations of your average teenager. Furthermore, modern youth have to deal with an international economic crisis, the dangers and consequences of the rapidly progressing global warming, and the possibility of an apocalypse at the year 2012. I'd say that, arguably, we have more to worry about. Yet, rather than succumbing to the comfort of wallowing in our own self-pity, we have chosen optimism in our music.

This is a good thing; after all, positive is, by definition, good. However, is there not a beauty to depression that we may be missing? To indulge in depression is to be acutely aware of the potency of one's emotions. The emotional poetry of Grunge was a significant part of the catharsis it provided for youth everywhere; being a teenager is hard, but at least we aren't alone. The universality of Grunge made teenage angst more of a part of a process, than an infliction. In fact, Grunge was an appreciation of teenage angst. It made being awkward and confused socially acceptable.

I believe that we need Grunge back in today's society. We need to be able to embrace our teenage selves as the dysfunctional and perplexed characters we are. Today, there is too much emphasis placed on being ambitious, being focused, and being pre-professional. These are all admirable qualities to possess that everyone hopes to possess: but let's face it, teenagers shouldn't be made to jump straight ahead to something they're not prepared for. We need the middle ground between childhood and adulthood that Grunge had provided.
krazzikittie   
Dec 28, 2009
Undergraduate / Rice Supplement: upload an image that appeals to you [12]

I think if you can link the cheesecake to yourself in a very subtle and totally relevant way, it would make such an epic essay. i mean, you get unique points, out-of-box thinking points, everything. but it would have to be very carefully planned, and awesomely written.

cheers!
krazzikittie   
Dec 28, 2009
Undergraduate / Johns Hopkins Common App essay "How my country shaped me" [3]

Knowing only few Arabic

should be "Knowing little arabic"

"Don't look back" I said to myself. I knelt down to relax. I looked up to acknowledge what was around me. There it was. I actually found it.

i feel like the structure is a bit too choppy. too many short sentences.

I learned that their future was laid out for them; a narrow and limited future. Borders were laid and barriers were placed.

basically, you've repeated yourself: one in a literal sense, and one in a metaphorical sense. I think it'd be more effective if you could combine these two sentences, maybe keep it metaphorical for style.

I had nothing to do but accept the fact that men are better than women in everything.

oh no you didn't! (ghetto accent) Lol, the FACT that men are better? that sounds bad. maybe like...the social stigma? the platitude?

I was completely convinced of women not being able to drive, work, or have a worthy life.

should be: convinced that women were not able to drive, work or have a worthy life.

I think your essay has a good message, and it's a very great idea. It's a really significant experience, and if you could just make it clear the link between women not being appreciated, and you realizing that women can be appreciated, the essay would be even better! cheers.
krazzikittie   
Dec 23, 2009
Undergraduate / Macalester College - WHY MACALESTER?! Why do you believe it may be a good match [2]

Hello, any feedback on my essay would be greatly greatly appreciated.

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What factors have led you to consider Macalester College? Why do you believe it may be a good match, and what do you believe you can add to the Mac community, academically and personally?

Feel free to draw on past experiences, and use concrete examples to support your perspective. Additional writing samples (e.g., class papers or creative writing) are welcomed as supplements, but are not substitutes for either essay.

------

University research is a tedious and nerve-racking process, especially for an international student. I have always wanted to study in the States, as I had lived there for a significant fraction of my life. While my desire to study in the US started off as a longing to go back to the country I had spent my adolescence in, as I grew older, I became increasingly attracted to the liberal arts schools and the experiences they offered. The sense of family among students, the fiery passion people possessed for learning and self-improvement, and the rigor and challenge of the academics were all things which I found absolutely enticing.

It was then when I found Macalester College. Reading through the website, I stumbled upon a page called, "100 Things To Do Before You Graduate," and as I went down the list, I couldn't help but smile. From facilities such as The Link, to events such as Midnight Breakfast, and traditions such as The Rock and Macalester's Bell, Macalester offered, what seemed to me, a truly rewarding and personal experience. Each thumbnail image of the students was like a window into my ideal educational environment.

As an international student who's lived in Korea, Japan, Singapore and America, I was very much seduced by Macalester's emphasis on internationalism and multiculturalism. Having been exposed to various religions, cultures and environments, I feel that a school that can appreciate and acknowledge the importance of international diversity is a place I want to be. I believe that to be surrounded by people of different values, ideas, morals, and circumstances is an educational experience outside of textbooks; I speak from experience when I say that the exposure to different perspectives is enlightening and compelling. Through my travels, I've become more open-minded towards different political and cultural stances, and I feel that the ability to find respect for, to accept, and to learn from diversity is a key aspect, and something I can offer.

I was also attracted to Macalester's strong foundation in the social sciences, which is an area of study I would like to delve in. What I found most interesting about Macalester's approach to the social sciences was its interdisciplinary nature. I wholeheartedly agree with the concept of drawing from different academic areas in order to broaden one's understanding of a certain subject, such as International Studies or Sociology. Also, with Macalester's myriad of courses, I think it can offer the breadth and depth of learning that I have constantly been seeking.

Most importantly, I want to take an active part of the Macalester community. Macalester offers so many opportunities to make friends in both social and academic situations, and being a fairly small school, I am eager to be a part of the tightly-knit community that Macalester has. I go to a high school of about 250 students, which compared to Macalester is incredibly tiny. However, I love it here; everyone knows and is friends with each other, and, especially among the students in my grade, we have developed a strong closeness and consider ourselves as one big family. I hope to find this kind of closeness in Macalester.

As I live in Singapore, it is very difficult for me to visit Macalester, but during my research, I felt that something about Macalester feels right. Perhaps it is the wide range of academic prospects offered, or the various fun and slightly quirky activities and traditions that give Macalester its appeal. As I reached the end of the "100 Things To Do Before You Graduate," list, I thought to myself, "how the hell am I going to accomplish all this in four years?" But I realized, four years is a long time, and to spend it at a place of Macalester's caliber would be a dream.
krazzikittie   
Dec 23, 2009
Undergraduate / DESCRIBE A SITUATION WHERE YOU HAD TO WORK OR CLOSELY ASSOCIATE WITH SOMEONE [5]

Great narrative, I like how you've emphasized how different you and the other guy were.

When you say that you guys put aside your differences and strived for success, i think i would like to hear more about that. i mean sometimes its not as simple as just "putting side your differences." how did you do that?

where you say:
Those hours of working together brought out our similarities. He enjoyed reading, helping junior students or classmates with their assignments and loved humanitarian services, all of which I loved.

I found it slightly random that you talked about him in general. Maybe you could talk more about how workin together on the presentation made you see your similarities.

cheers. =)
krazzikittie   
Dec 22, 2009
Undergraduate / Tufts Supplement: I LOVE ROCK AND ROLL. [3]

2. Self-identity and personal expression take many forms. For example, music, clothing, politics, extracurricular interests and ethnicity can each be a defining attribute. Do you surf or tinker? Are you a vegetarian poet who loves Ayn Rand? Do you prefer YouTube or test tubes? Are you preppie or Goth? Use the richness of your life to give us insight: what voice will you add to the class of 2014? (200 words)

I was clearly born in the wrong time period. I should have been born in the 40s, so that I could make it just in time for the musical revolution that was the sixties: the Beatles, the Velvet Underground, the Who, everything that was good and holy. I am an old school rocker. I have all the symptoms. A contemptuous outlook on the course of modern rock, a sense of elitist arrogance in my own music taste, and of course, the ability to make sophisticated and profound comments on what sometimes sound like absolute crap.

Yet, Rock and Roll isn't always about being a jerk. Rock has made me who I am. I'm the sarcastic girl who wears lots of eyeliner and kisses her John Lennon poster goodnight. But I'm also the girl who can converse for hours about the two great Jimmys, Hendrix and Page, who cultivated her reading and writing abilities from reading countless biographies of rock stars, who adopted her sense of humor from the quips of Ringo Starr. Class of 2014, I offer you the voice of a generation before ours: the voice of the sixties, and the sense of freedom and possibility that came with it.

----

any suggestions greatly appreciated!!!
krazzikittie   
Dec 22, 2009
Undergraduate / Tufts Supplement-what voice will you add to the Class of 2014 [5]

I love to cook traditional Chinese food. Since elementary school I began to cook dinner for myself because my parents worked late until 7:00 p.m. and they could not prepare food for me before dinner time. Several years later, no longer making the instant noodles or simple cold dishes that could only appease my hunger; I was able to prepare several dishes for the whole family.

the last sentence could be revise to: after several years, i realized that making instant noodles or simple cold dishes could no longer appease my hunger; therefore i began to prepare several dishes for the whole family.

i changed it because i thought that the way you put it originally, there isn't really a connection between the two clauses. also, the use of passive voice is unnecessary.

just a suggestion. =)
krazzikittie   
Dec 22, 2009
Undergraduate / Doodling Over Calculus- Emerson Essay [3]

I think this is a very good narrative, it very clearly addresses the question, and just about the passion you have for art.

I think this is a great short essay, and can't see any problems. =) good luck!
krazzikittie   
Nov 27, 2009
Undergraduate / Uc Prompt - Jimi Hendrix Poster [8]

i'm applying..in a couple of days.
can you tell me some points to improve on here?
thanks so much. =)
krazzikittie   
Nov 26, 2009
Undergraduate / Uc Prompt - Jimi Hendrix Poster [8]

Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

I've led a nomadic lifestyle, dutifully following my dad wherever his work required him to be: Korea, America, Japan, Singapore. One day our family would be opening cardboard boxes and arranging our furniture, and another day we'd be wrapping everything up, a new house and community awaiting us in the next town.

We had been living in Singapore for a year when my dad was transferred to Japan. When he told me this news, I was crushed. I felt that it was too late in my high school career to switch education systems, and I also wanted to complete the IB Diploma in Singapore, as it offered a well-rounded curriculum, with a strong academic foundation. I argued my point, and to my complete surprise, my dad heeded my request, and arranged for my sister, my mother and I to remain in Singapore until I completed my high school education.

This posed many problems for my family. Because my dad no longer worked in Singapore, the company would no longer pay for our rent, bills, and school tuition. We had to move apartments, to a place where rent would be cheaper. Also, my dad hardly ever saw our family, as it was difficult for him to take leave from his job to visit us in Singapore. I would go weeks without hearing from my dad, and months without seeing him. I passed this off a temporary setback: sooner or later, our family would be back to normal again.

Also, I was far too preoccupied with my own life to see the damage the situation was doing to my family. I had my own plans and agenda; my academics were sound, my friends were fun, but when I came home late after a night out, I would see my mom sitting at the couch watching television, waiting for me. When I visited my dad in Japan during the summer was when the magnitude of the situation really struck me. He was living in a one-bedroom apartment, an hour away from work. He had to give up his car, and take the bus to the subway station, and then the subway to work. This was all my fault. If I had agreed to move to Japan, our family could have lived comfortably, as we had used to.

However, when I confronted my parents about our financial situation, they told me not to worry, and that my happiness and success was something that they would try everything in their power to afford. This touching sentiment is the motivation that drives me, that pushes me to succeed and excel. My parents are good people, and they deserve much more than I can give; which is why I want to exercise my full potential, and exceed my own boundaries to somehow repay them for the enormous inspiration they provide.
krazzikittie   
Nov 15, 2009
Undergraduate / "As a child, I was basically perfect." - Describe the world you come from [8]

i love your writing style, it feels very casual and easy to read. Your voice is very clear throughout your essay.

However, i don't think you'vequite answered the question. it says to tell how your world shaped your ASPIRATIONS AND DREAMS. here, you've told us how it shaped you as a person.
krazzikittie   
Oct 27, 2009
Undergraduate / "Moved to Tokyo, Japan" - University of Michigan - Setback Essay [6]

Stephen:
Yes, i will make excuses again and whine and complain. =)

just kidding.

=======================

Also, my word count is over 500, by 32 words, will this be a very big problem? I'm thinking the best way to cut down my word count is to take out the first paragraph. What do you think?
krazzikittie   
Oct 27, 2009
Undergraduate / 'Enlightened by Joe's ideas' - University of Michigan - Diversity Essay [3]

[A] "We know that diversity makes us a better university ï better for learning, for teaching, and for conducting research." (U-M President Mary Sue Coleman)

Share an experience through which you have gained respect for intellectual, social, or cultural differences. Comment on how your personal experiences and achievements would contribute to the diversity of the University of Michigan.

An international school is diversity served on a silver platter. By default, we have students of eclectic religion, ethnicity, culture and background: a quality in which the U-M Diversity Blueprints would commend.

A few months after entering the International School of Singapore, I met Joe. Joe was fun; we shared many interests and an appreciation for satirical and dark humor. However, one day he revealed to me in a matter-of-fact tone that he was a Communist: I immediately took this as a joke. Communism, to me, connoted images of hungry North Koreans eating grass, as that was what my patriotic South Korean mother told me of our Communist brethren. Yet between my nervous fits of laughter I could see that Joe was completely serious. He showed me his copy of, "The Little Red Book," and shared some of the principles in the Communist Manifesto. Confused by what I had been told of Communists, and what Joe was like, I realized that being a Communist didn't make one evil or savage: just very idealistic. Also, I was able to learn more about what Communism's original ideals were before its corrupt implementation on countries such as North Korea or the Soviet Union. To be honest, it was actually quite genius.

I was enlightened by Joe's ideas and became more open minded towards the liberal and leftist alternative to our current, dominant social structure, and I feel that the ability to find respect for, or change your opinion on a matter is important. I know that U-M places utmost importance on diversity; but the ability to accept the diversity, and to learn from it, is something I can offer. After all, diversity is meaningless if people are not willing to embrace it.

(290 words)
krazzikittie   
Oct 27, 2009
Undergraduate / 'love for mathematics' - U of M-what made u choose math major? [4]

Great essay, i can really feel your passion for the subject.

However, sometimes i feel like its a little too generic, as stephen said. also, the word "mathematics" sometimes feels too repeated.

But i'm sure that with a little development, your essay can be stronger!
krazzikittie   
Oct 26, 2009
Undergraduate / "Moved to Tokyo, Japan" - University of Michigan - Setback Essay [6]

Ok i will be sure to add that in. I'm not really sure how it would be relevant to my set back though, i think if i had to go through the same experience again i would just FREAK OUT a lot. haha

Any more help?
krazzikittie   
Oct 25, 2009
Undergraduate / "Moved to Tokyo, Japan" - University of Michigan - Setback Essay [6]

Please murder the **** out of my essay:

[A] Describe a setback that you have faced. How did you resolve it? How did the outcome affect you? If something similar happened in the future, how would you react?

I was crying again. Sitting at my desk at 2 a.m. in the morning with a textbook I could barely understand, and desperately trying to memorize technical scientific terms in a language I could barely speak, I felt that life really was unfair.

I moved to Japan when I was 13, and was accepted to a prestigious private middle school in Tokyo. My parents were ecstatic that I was accepted, as was I, but there was one slight problem: I could not speak Japanese. However, the school was impressed by my level of English and felt that I would be an asset to their school. I knew that I very fortunate, and would need to fully take advantage of the opportunity presented before me.

Yet, I underestimated the difficulty I was about to bear. Please, expel all images of a western middle school, where fun and creativity in learning are cultivated and encouraged. Our school followed the quarter system: we had three sets of midterms and finals per year, which determined 90% of our grade. Instead of projects or plays, we had a lecture style teaching and plenty of exams. To add to the rigor, my language deficiency was enormously detrimental to my academic progress.

At first, I embraced my handicap in Japanese, and used it as an excuse. I was brought to Japan against my will, and wanted so badly to go back to America, where I had felt smart and significant. However, it soon began to dawn on me that I wasn't going to go back to America. The circumstances, as much as I wanted them to, were not going to turn in my favor.

Therefore, I needed to devise a new plan. First, I decided to focus on exams by recording lessons and by starting exam studies earlier. At age 14, I had already adopted the study habits of a high school senior, working until the wee hours of the morning and occasionally pulling all-nighters. Next, I approached my teachers for help, attending afterschool classes, or even one-on-one tutoring. The material was difficult: I had never learned most of it, and so even translating the words to English perplexed me.

And lastly, I would need to embrace a different mindset. I no longer saw my language deficiency as an excuse, but as a reason for me to work two or even three times harder than my classmates. It frustrated me to see my friends go out while I stayed in to study; and it was even more frustrating to see that even if I studied harder and longer, I still received lower grades than many of my classmates. However, I began to see my effort translate into scores. Although I was unable to excel in this school, I improved drastically; and this helped me develop valuable skills and establish an ambitious attitude which have helped me succeed in my current school, and which I hope to utilize at the University of Michigan. If again put in a situation where I feel disadvantaged, I would not recoil, because I know that every handicap must be replaced with effort and determination to not allow it to hinder my potential to succeed.

(532 words)
krazzikittie   
Oct 19, 2009
Undergraduate / COMMON APP - "Snake" [9]

Not sure bout title yet but uh here it goes. Please help me out =(

Snake is possibly one of the greatest games of the 20th century. In order to excel, one must possess not one, but all of these qualities: quick thinking, determination, perseverance, and lastly, dexterous and nimble fingers. The game is simple. One is able to move a snake, which is constantly in motion, up, left, right, or down, towards the food that appears in random positions within the arena. As the snake eats the food (and gains 1 point), its tail grows longer, making the game more difficult because if the snake bumps into its own tail or the wall, it will die and the game is over.

Back in the 90s, cell phones did not have the elaborate game material it does today, but to me, the snake game on my mom's cell phone was simply revolutionary. Gone were my primitive days of tic-tac-toe or hopscotch; Snake was fast-paced and exciting, but at the same time, nerve-racking and frustrating: hardly the characteristics of your average monochrome phone game. The emotional rollercoaster this game puts a person in can be cruel and difficult to bear, which is why this game is not for the mentally feeble. But it wasn't just a game to me. My desire for the food pixel was greater than the single point it was worth.

I am a self-declared champion of Snake. I maneuver the snake efficiently around the screen with precision and skill. My hands become sweaty as the points accumulate and I realize that the stakes are increasing -- but I can't let this get to my head. The world around me disintegrates and I become completely fixated in the game until I realize, to my great surprise, that I've become the pixilated animal! Worming my way around my domain, I am in desperate and urgent search for what I've come all this way for: my food.

Do I turn left or right? Should I take this turn now, or wait a little longer? I am constantly asking myself these questions, but I cannot linger too long on the answers, for my life is in peril. The pressure to succeed intensifies as my body becomes longer and increasingly burdensome. It feels so heavy. I gradually become overwhelmed by a potent fatigue and exhaustion, but continue to move for a force drives me.

When I was human, that force was ambition and determination. I had been cursed with an unnaturally shy and introverted disposition, of which I submitted to when I was young. But as I grew older, I became increasingly frustrated with my restrictive and inflexible personality and pushed myself to change. I involved myself in a variety of activities and with each accomplishment, I was able to shed my insecurities and grow confident in who I was, and what I could be. It dawns on me that my current state as a snake does not accommodate the potential I posses.

I feel that my life is not much different from Snake: with every accomplishment I achieve, I feel that I am capable of more. Like the snake, I want to be as long as possible, and continue to exercise my potential. Snake may seem like a trivial and silly game, but to me, it is an outlet of my drive and motivation to be something more; more than what my circumstances offer, what others expect, and what my potential allows.

Please, any suggestions would be GREATLY appreciated
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