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Posts by Matt1313
Name: Matiullah
Joined: May 29, 2022
Last Post: Nov 26, 2022
Threads: 4
Posts: 7  
From: Afghanistan
School: NMF

Displayed posts: 11
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Matt1313   
Nov 26, 2022
Graduate / Personal Statement - Oxford MSc Tropical Disease and International Health [3]

Personal statement:


A maximum of 800 words
Your statement will help the department determine your suitability for the course.

In your statement you should:

Explain the factors that have motivated your application to the MSc in International Health and Tropical Medicine at this point in your career.

Describe the experiences you have had tackling health challenges in resource-limited contexts and how you expect the MSc in International Health and Tropical Medicine may help you in your efforts.

Briefly outline your immediate and long-term career goals and how the MSc in International Health and Tropical Medicine may contribute to your career trajectory.


Ghotai, a 24 year old mother of two living in Kotai village, was complaining of weight loss, bloody coughing and night sweats. On further investigations, she says that she suffered from tuberculosis a while back but stopped taking the medication after a couple of months because she felt good. I referred her to the closest hospital and she is likely to be cured if she follows the medication. Lucky coincidence because she would have not visited the doctor if a MHT did not come to the area. Unfortunately, tens of thousands of people die of tuberculosis each year and that number is likely to be under reported. Mostly, deaths are not caused by severe complication but rather not having access to healthcare or not having the necessary medical understanding of its severity. In my time of working in these villages, I saw the healthcare situation in rural areas first hand in Afghanistan. A lack of health centers, inability to buy medicine, rarity of qualified and well trained personnel and a lack of health education among others. A situation made worse by current political turmoil.

In my time in Kotai and Taran, I treated diseases that have been eradicated in most parts of the world. Yet in Afghanistan, they are major sources of deaths each year. For instance, while malaria is eradicated in many countries around the world, 60% of Afghanistan's geography remains endemic for malaria. TB, a disease that causes, at its highest, no more than 500 deaths a year in UK but causes more than ten thousand in Afghanistan. Similarly, cholera and leishmania outbreaks happen almost each year and are always present sporadically around the country. Now the question that is begging to be asked is after tens of billions of funds, why is the situation one of the worst in the world? I think the main cause is ineffective policies and planning.

I would do my best to diagnose the patients and either treat them or refer them to a larger health center. I even took part in arranging so that the NGO that I worked with would make permanent health centers rather than temporary MHTs. However, as days passed by, I saw and understood how complex the health issues are in Afghanistan, especially rural areas. And to make it worse, it was not just the abundance of disease and limited treatment of it but many other things too. For instance, we had to do daily, monthly, weekly reports and send them back to the NGO. One thing that struck me was that how almost 70 percent of my patients were adult women. This was due to the fact that if men or their children get sick, they would not hesitate to go to a health center but taking adult women to hospitals or clinics was not seen as important.

These are just some of the issues that are present in the Afghan healthcare system. All such problems and tragedies motivated me to take initiative in any way possible. The MSc in international health and tropical medicine from Oxford is the best possible way of equipping myself with all the required skills needed to tackle these issues and be the ones who contributes to making a difference. As the course itself is aimed in training leaders to tackle health issues in a resource limited setting, I believe that this is quite literally a description of Afghanistan. Resources are now more limited than ever and the need for qualified personnel is extremely high due to the brain drain following the government's fall. I believe that with the MSc in international health and tropical medicine I will be able to play a role in resolving the problems in the Afghan health sector.

The healthcare sector, from the start and now even more due to the situation, has been under the influence of world health organization ans other NGOs rather than the public sector. All health policies such as BPHS and EPHS, which form the basics of the Afghan healthcare system, were organized mainly by WHO so it makes sense to take a role with such non governmental organization of one wants to make change in the healthcare sector in Afghanistan. I intend to personally take part in policy changes and model them best in order to target main killer diseases such as malaria, tuberculosis and other diseases commonly found but also take part to tackle non disease related issues such as working to provide equal access to healthcare for all regardless of their gender or how better health practices can be promoted on a country wide scale. In other words, my plans for future circle around the healthcare sector in Afghanistan and I see myself working in Afghanistan and giving back to my community in best way I can.
Matt1313   
Nov 26, 2022
Writing Feedback / The charts give information about world forest in five different regions. [4]

"world's forest while the" there needs to be a comma before while in this situation.

You pointed out that 14% 16% 18% is almost the same while no such comparison is made in others . Best if you put the words similar rather than same in here.

Vocabulary is not as varied as it should be.
Matt1313   
Nov 26, 2022
Writing Feedback / IELTS task 1 - The proportion of the use of water in several areas of the world in three categories [6]

Always put overall or a similar to word to point out an overview of the statement as it will make it easier for the reader to understand.

You can also name the places in the paraphrased initial prompt as it will both increase your word count and be considered a good paraphrase.

"The used water in industrial (...)" Is best split in parts as it creates confusion rather than complexity of grammar.
Matt1313   
Jun 2, 2022
Writing Feedback / Essay about schools preparing students for university instead of jobs [2]

Schools should prepare students for work rather than university.


To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Education has become a must for people everywhere in the world. Schools should aim to make pupils ready for jobs instead of post-graduate studies. Personally, I completely agree with this statement due to the fact that many students cannot attend universities and other who do must work alongside.

Many students are unable to pursue further studies after schools. In other words, some pupils might not have the adequate financial resources to continue education, while others may not see themselves capable of keeping up academically with the demanding studies of university. Hence, if they are not adequately prepared for jobs, they will struggle immensely after school. Many of my classmates from school were live examples, because they could not bare the financial expenses of post-graduate education and remained without a job because they were not prepared for it.

Additionally, even if someone enrolls in a university, that person must still work in order to keep up with the university's financial expenses. This is because unlike school, where education is free and the expenses that do come up are paid by the either the student's guardian or parent, universities have greater costs and students are expected to pay for It themselves. For instance, I had to take up a part time job to make sure that I was able to get all the required textbooks and other required material in time. Thus, the more you are ready to take jobs, the easier your life will be without concern for your educational choices.

In conclusion, I believe schools should teach skills needed for jobs rather than preparing students only for universities. This is mainly because many students are unable to pursue higher education after school and even if they do, being job ready will certainly prove fruitful.
Matt1313   
Jun 2, 2022
Writing Feedback / ADVANTAGES AND DISADVANTAGES OF IMMIGRANTS [4]

War countries does not mean anything, perhaps using war torn countries would be better.

Instead of providing more than 2 ideas in a paragraph, I suggest to devlop those 2 ideas to ensure a better score.
Matt1313   
Jun 2, 2022
Writing Feedback / Pros and cons of living or studying in other contries [3]

Although use, the term pros and cons can be replaced with more formal words such as benefits and drawbacks or simple advantages and disadvantages.

This occur, I think, is incorrect ans that you should maybe use the plural form.

"Having to moving" is incorrect and having to move is the correct alternative.
Matt1313   
Jun 2, 2022
Writing Feedback / Essay about the power of advertising in the sale of consumer goods [2]

Are the ideas chosen relevant to the topic?

Today the high sales of popular consumer goods reflects the power of advertiseming the not the real needs of the society in which they are sold.

To what extent do you agree or disagree?



Modern methods if marketing have drastically changed consumer choices. This is why some argue that the reason why most consumer products are purchased are due to the influence of advertisements rather than requirements of the society it is purchased in. From my point of view, this statement is completely accurate and in this essay I will argue that that this is due to excessive spending by companies in ads and the mindset people have today.

Companies spend large sums of their budget on advertising, whether they are large corporations or small start-ups. This leads to the creation of increasing numbers of advertisements, with some so creative that they instantly attract the customer towards the product. The company Apple, for example spends around 30% of its budget on marketing, citing that if it were not for the large amounts spent on creating innovative ads, sales would not be as high as they are now. Hence, the more money is spent on advertising, the higher the returns in profit.

In addition, people have gotten a mindset, where they buy something that is advertised rather than an unknown brand's product. This is simple because people prefer things that are familiar. In other words, it is human nature to assume something is better if it is familiar. When we are traveling, for instance, we tend to buy a brand's product that we recognize even if the alternative available is cheaper and of higher quality.

In conclusions, when compared to the needs of a society, I believe in modern times advertisement is the main driving factor in the purchasing habits of people.
Matt1313   
Jun 2, 2022
Writing Feedback / There are a variety of advantages for pupils to follow the higher learning path after graduation [4]

There is an absence of paraphrasing for the question prompt. That alone will make the essay unacceptable for IELTS.
Sentences like "higher education includes colleges, universities, continuing education has provided learners with knowledge and skills needed to find work." Not linked properly using the correct words. Aside from that the ideas are not relating. Each idea must be properly developed and inclusion of multiple ideas without developing them by explaining and giving relevant examples will lead to reduced scores.

College lecturers are correct, no need to include a possessive apostrophe after college.
Matt1313   
Jun 1, 2022
Writing Feedback / Some people say that advertising is extremely successfull at persuading us [3]

the effectiveness of advertisement



Marketing and advertising are the backbones of the modern capitalist economy. This has led to a debate where one side thinks advertisements are greatly effective in influencing our purchases, while the other party believes that they have become redundant to an extent that they no longer attract our attention.

On the one hand, some believe that advertising are enormously successful at motivating us to buy what they advertise. They explain this by saying that if marketing wasn't successful, large international companies would not spend billions of dollars on it every year. Apple, for example, spent around 33% of its budget last year on advertising. Thus, such huge and successful corporations would not waste this much money if it wasn't effective.

On the other hand, there are others 3ho believe advertisements to have become boring and no longer affect us. They further their point by stating that adverts have become so abundant that they have lost their creative touch, which has caused them to become repetitive and uninteresting. Due to this, they no longer influence our purchasing habits. A famous company called Oppo, for instance has completely removed marketing department, stating that it is a waste of money and the less they spend on ads, the more they can spend on meaningful things such as quality improvement.

Personally, I think advertising is certainly effective even if it has become common. This is because ads work on our thoughts on a subconscious level and influence our choices without us knowing. In other words, bill boards and TV ads, which we see everyday, are implanted into our memory and unknowingly become more familiar to us. A study done in 2016 stated that we are likely to buy a brand that is advertised even if its of a lower quality, plainly due to the fact that its more familiar. Hence, marketing affects us even if we don't know it.

In conclusion, although some believe advertisement are very successful at what they are built for, other think they have become boring and too common. Personally, I believe that despite becoming significantly abundant they still are extremely effective.
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