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Posts by Axis0019
Name: Asadullah Habibi
Joined: Jun 5, 2022
Last Post: Aug 3, 2022
Threads: 4
Posts: 7  
From: Afghanistan
School: Nmf

Displayed posts: 11
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Axis0019   
Aug 3, 2022
Writing Feedback / Essay regarding government spending which should be more targeted on education or on infrastructure [3]

Will it obtain a passing score?

Government should spend money on education rather than on infrastructure.

Do you agree or disagree?



Some people claim that a country should expend money on academic purposes instead of building massive amenity constructions. I completely agree with the given statement that government should priorities schooling for the development of human beings. In this essay, I will pustulate my opinion with some relevant examples and supporting ideas.

To commence with, studying has made a man perfect in every aspect of life. A person will have a prosperous life if he/she achieves a high level of degree. In addition, people give respect to those who are professionally trained in their selected fields. For instance, Einstein is admired all over the world for his scientific researches and inventions over many billionaires of the globe. Furthermore, education gives a well-known personality and wealthy life to individuals seeking for it.

Moreover, the current available facilities and technologies, that we use in our daily life, are the product of high-level knowledge. It is a proven fact that knowledge is the base of a country's development in every part of governance; as well as, the countries, which standardized their educational system, are known as the powerful nations in the planet earth. To cite an example, Japan had focused mainly on their youngsters' studies before becoming a well-developed nation. Hence, nations are ranked regarding their academic achievements.

To conclude, knowledge is the chief element for the improvement of a country which gives their countrymen the facilities and convenience they need in their life span rather than constructing the infrastructure which will be a temporary welfare.

Word count : 253
Axis0019   
Jun 12, 2022
Writing Feedback / Report on services provided by health centers [2]

I hope I have appliced the advice given by the consultant. Please tell me whether the will score well/passing or not.

how patients evaluated health centre services



The table below indicates the evalution done by patients in the Longston, Peveril and Marchbank health centers. Overall, Peveril was regarded as the best health center in all services, followed by the Marchbank center. The services provided by the Longstom center was evaluted as the worst by patients.

To begin, the Peveril center was regarded as close to excellent in the quality of services provided with an overall average of 8.3 across all services. Although, pharmacy and care of children had the lowest rating between the given services in the center, scoring 6.3 and 7.5, respectively, its response to concerns and booking appointments were the fields where the center was miles ahead of the competetion with near perfect ratings of 9.6 and 9.1, respectively.

Meanwhile, the Marchbank center recieved an overall average of 7.2 and the Longston centre got only a 5.8 average rating. While their best rated service was the doctor's service, evaluated to be 8.4 for Marchbank and 8.0 for longston, which was not far from Peveril's 8.7, response to concerns was evaluated as the worst service for Longston and pharmacy the worst for Marchbank at 4.3 and 5.8, respectively.



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Axis0019   
Jun 12, 2022
Writing Feedback / IELTS ACADEMIC WRITING TASK 2: Government funding with preventive healthcare and disease treatment [3]

Not a pro but here are some tips. Sentences like numerous civilians sounds very mechanical and memorized, better to use simpler words. That being said the original question prompt does not mention people's opinion but rather is a statement itself.

Better to use accurate ideas for answering the question prompt, such as agreeing and then using the idea that funding preventive medicine costs the government in the long term as the first topic and governments focusing more on treatment and medicine will not remove the main cause of disease as the second idea.
Axis0019   
Jun 12, 2022
Writing Feedback / Use animals as food - Writing task 2 - opinion essay. for your time. [4]

Not a professional but just a few tips.
The writer has paraphrased the intro question into the future by saying will be, while the original question prompt states that the opinion is for the present.

Statements like the modern technology of sciences do not make much sense.
There clearly is alot of work to do on the writer's behalf to improve his English.
Axis0019   
Jun 11, 2022
Writing Feedback / Report on the layouts of the ground floor of a museum. [3]

summarise the information from the plans



The two given plans illustrate how the ground floor of a museum looked like in 1990 and two decades later.

Overall, there were significant changes in the twenty year period, with the repurposing of the archaeology gallery area and the addition of newer facilities to be the most striking features.

In 1090, the ground floor of the museum consisted of an archaeology gallery and a local history room to the left of the entrance and the office, natural history room and the gift shop to the right. Additionally at the opposing side of the entrance were the stairs and a statue.

The layout, however changed significantly by the 2010. The archaeology gallery, for starters, was replaced by the children's interactive zone and poster display area, both of which were sepearted by a wall. Furthermore, a café was added to the gift shop, resulting in a slight increase of its size. The reception counter and the statue were moved from the original locations, the former closer to the entrance and the latter more to the center. Finally, a lift was also installed between the café and and the natural history room.



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Axis0019   
Jun 11, 2022
Writing Feedback / Check my essay about alcohol abuse. its problems and solutions [4]

"This essay will discuss both the consequences ..."

A better these statement in my opinion

This essay will point out that mental disorders and road accidents are the main problems associated with alcohol abuse and will also suggest that awareness campaigns and taxes are the best methods of curbing it.
Axis0019   
Jun 11, 2022
Writing Feedback / The main factors influencing a child's development these day is social factors or [5]

@William David
Not a professional but here are some tips.

I think you have misused the word "influency".
There is an a missing before "best friend".
It is better to write " it is the family which has the more important...." in the first sentence of the first body paragraph.
There are some spelling and punctuation mistakes too such as "spen" instead of spent.
" Baby was children" is an incorrect statement.
Axis0019   
Jun 6, 2022
Writing Feedback / Essay regarding the consumption of unhealthy food [4]

Many people like to eat unhealthy food even though they know it's bad for them.

Why? What are the most effective ways to improve people's eating habits?



Many individuals tend to consume food that is not good for their health despite knowing its adverse effects. In this essay, I will discuss that being tastier is the main reason why unhealthy food is consumed as much. Furthermore, making healthy food more accessible and increasing awareness about hazardous effects of junk food are the best methods of making people's eating habits better.

People eat unhealthy and junk food because it tastes much better. This is because there is excessive amount of salt and oil, which is what threatens our health, in this type of food. These ingredients stimulate our taste buds more than other types of food and makes us conusme more of it. Fast food such as burgers and pizzas, for instance, have large amount of oil and salt among other ingredients, which makes them tastier and so popular. Thus, the tastier the food is, the more likely it is to be consumed more.

Nevertheless, there are two methods that can help improve eating habits of people. Making healthy food cheaper and more accessible is the first method. People buy junk food because healthy food such as fresh vegetables and fruits are often priced much higher than their unhealthy counterparts. In America, for example a burger is around two dollars, while a dozen of bananas are more than five dollars. Thus, currently people can feed themselves on much less if they only bought junk food. Additionally, increasing awareness about the adverse effects of junk food can also help. People often underestimate the hazardous effects of unhealthy food. In other words, they think junk food might only make them fatter. Hence, it is necessay to make people aware of the actual adverse effects, specifically obesity and caridac problems among others, through advertisements or public campaigns.

In conclusion, people eat junk food despite its dangers to the human health due to better taste. Moreover, making people more aware and making healthy food more accessible are the best methods of curbing people's eating habits.
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