Undergraduate / Ghosts and Gods and Demons and Dragons - UC Prompt #1 [7]

This is my second essay for Prompt #1, because I don't think my other one really answered the prompt well and I think this one is more heartfelt.

Its 249 words long, and 250 is my limit, so not much more I could add unless I took stuff out. So yeah, any suggestions would be much appreciated!

Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

My world is a place filled with mystery and magic, with ghosts and gods and demons and dragons. My world is a place where nothing is impossible, and where men make a difference. My world is the literary world.

From the moment I had learned to read, I had been on a rampage. I would read more books than any of my classmates; while my friends would grimace at the thought of reading, I'd beam. I idolized characters like Chrestomanci, Odd Thomas, and Rand al'Thor. From these characters, I learned lessons school could never teach me, and developed an imagination I never would have otherwise.

Inspired by these tales of courageous heroes and cunning characters, it became my dream to lead a life never lived before. I don't want to settle for mediocrity, nor do I want to just get by. I wanted to use all my talents and knowledge, all of who I was, to do something great. Since I was especially influenced by the concepts of protecting others and wanted to bring balance to the world like the characters I admired, I've been gravitating towards a potential future in the justice system, possibly in a federal law enforcement agency or maybe as an attorney. And even though I know my plans could change at any moment, I also know that no matter what I do, I plan on living life in a way no one else can, so that I'll leave my own unique imprint on the world. My dream is to live a life worthy of being read, and maybe, just maybe, my life will inspire someone else to do the same.

Undergraduate / Seas of Rice to Interpol, UC Prompt 1 [2]

I wrote this essay extremely quickly, so I know that it's structure is pretty shoddy and it needs work.
I was just wondering if anyone has any suggestions for the direction I'm going, and whether or not I should go deeper or broader.

And the usual critiques and criticisms would be appreciated as well :).

Oh and its 287 words as of now, but I'd like it to be at 250, so if you could suggest portions i could condense that'd be great!

Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

It was the summer of 2009, and I was going to be staying in the small fishing village of Minamisanriku, Japan, with a host family. I had never experienced the culture of another country, and was skeptical to whether or not I'd enjoy Japan. However, once I arrived there, my expectations were flipped upside down and inside out.

Minamisanriku was spectacular. The hills were covered in tall evergreens and bamboo, and were surrounded by vast seas of rice fields. The skies had a marbled texture, full of translucent grey clouds with sunlight cutting through. From the way the water looked like liquid diamonds on the lily pads to how even the smallest huts seemed like architectural masterpieces, everything was amazing. I didn't know how I could have lived all this time and not have experienced something so perfect, but from that point on I did know that Japan was my new home, it was where my heart was.

After I arrived home, my love for Japan remained strong, and actually broadened. I began to take notice of the many cultures present in California, and my love of Japanese culture blossomed into a love for all foreign cultures. This passion continued to grow, and every day I was reading up on world affairs. I started learning Japanese, and it became my dream to pursue a career in international relations, so that I would be able to come into contact with other cultures on a regular basis. Whether it is through the U.S. Embassy, the United Nations, or INTERPOL, I know that my future lies in foreign affairs. As long as I am in contact with foreign cultures and customs, I know I'll be happy.

Undergraduate / Review my Prompt #2 - Martial Arts? [5]

Alright my essay is a little longer than I'd like it to be, so it'd help if you could suggest things that could be condensed or that don't fit.

Also, I'd like to know if i went deep enough into how my experience affected me, or what I should do to make it better?

Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?

I am in the locker room of my high school, sitting down on the bench, leaning forward with my elbows on my knees, eyes closed, and headphones in my ears. I've just finished warming up, and any second now I'll be called out of the locker room and into the gym to face my opponent on the wrestling mat. I feel sick and nervous, and I start wondering how I got here, into this situation in the first place. I think back to the beginning.

The day after my eighth birthday, my grandfather decided I was old enough to start learning martial arts. My grandfather was a Karate practitioner, and so he began to teach me karate forms and techniques. As I trained, he would watch me and fix any of my errors. He was very particular about my form, and I would usually make a lot of mistakes before I finally got a technique right. Yet from these mistakes, I was developing quality traits. From my failures came humility, and from my successes I grew patience. I began to respect others more because I recognized that I had faults, yet respected myself as well because I knew I had the capability to fix them.

Then, two years after I had started training my grandfather passed away from cancer. My father could tell I was devastated and decided to keep up what my grandfather had started. However, instead of Karate my father taught me Judo. It was very different, as it required more physical exertion and strategy on my part. Judo requires the use of joint locks and positioning to control your opponent. I soon realized my life was like my opponent, and that I could control it with my attitude and decisions. As my understanding of this concept grew, so did my responsibility and confidence. These traits manifested themselves as I began to finish my schoolwork much earlier, studied harder, and started to help and stand up for others who needed support.

Another few years passed and before I knew it I was in my sophomore year of high school. I was talking to a friend, and he suggested that I join the wrestling team. I didn't know much about wrestling, but after my friend described it to me, I realized that wrestling could be the next step in my martial arts experience, and so I decided to join. Wrestling was less fluid but much more aggressive than judo, and the training was more intense. As I continued to train in wrestling, I could actually tell that I was maturing at a faster rate than ever before. The intensity of wrestling gave me the confidence that I could overcome any obstacle and it had broken all limitations I had previously felt. A year ago, I had never given the wrestling team a second thought, and now I am training harder than ever before. I realized that if my life could change just like that, and that if I could take on the intensity of wrestling, then anything could happen. No barriers, no limits.

It is because of my martial arts experiences that I am who I am today. Karate grounded me, it taught me to be respectful and modest. Judo gave me discipline, responsibility, and the understanding that I command my own life through my actions. Wrestling instilled in me a fiery confidence that I could do anything I dreamed of, that nothing was out of reach. This three-pronged spear of balance, control, and strength has helped me improve my grades, become a better role model, make better decisions, and strengthen my relationships. I'm proud of my metaphorical weapon, I'm proud to say that I am a karateka, judoka, and wrestler, and I'm proud of whom I have become.

I open my eyes. I am back in the locker room, and gone are the feelings of sickness and nervousness. I feel someone tap my back, and I look up. I'm being called out, it's my turn. I stand up and enter the tunnel that leads to the gym, the mat, and my opponent. As I walk, I remember all that I've learned over the years, and I feel a flame begin to burn in my heart. I can see the end of the tunnel. I don't know what my opponent plans to do, nor what I'll end up doing. But regardless of what happens, I know that with all that I've become, I will succeed. I emerge

Undergraduate / Do UC's discriminate based on what career i say i want to pursue in my essay? [2]

I want to pursue a career in law enforcement, and more particularly a career in the FBI or other federal level agency, but I don't know if that is something i should put down in my essay. I was thinking that i'd like to be a lawyer too, but it's still just a close second. To be honest, i'm still not one hundred percent sure what i'd like to be, but still, what should i do about the essay?