Undergraduate / 'Plummeting down the Rabbit-Hole' - COMMON APP: Ethical Dilemma, and its Impact [2]

Hey, could you guys please take a quick look at my essay and give me some tips! Much much muuch appreciated!

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Plummeting down the Rabbit-Hole

"Full of curiosity, she hurried across the field after it, and was just in time to see it pop down a large rabbit-hole under the hedge. In a moment down went Alice after it, never once considering how in the world she was to get out again."

Spontaneous. Risk-taking. Inquisitive.

A metaphor for the journey into an absurd, nonsensical world, the rabbit-hole flawlessly depicts my life. However, living life tumbling down the rabbit-hold is in fact, unexpectedly diverse and thrilling.

Living a high school life parallels plummeting down the rabbit-hole; my world is constantly filled with distractions, disruptions and disturbances. Every moment is composed of a myriad of events. Recently, I encountered an ethical quandary which I desperately pondered over, contemplating the tandem of consequences, before finally coming to an ultimate decision.

"The rabbit-hole went straight on like a tunnel for some way, and then dipped suddenly down, so suddenly."

Annually, students in my school anxiously dread the revision period before the end-of-year exams, already panicking and fretting over the results to come. Usually, most students lock themselves away under house arrest for a week or two prior to the exam, assiduously preparing for the exams that will define their grade for the entire year. Although most students work diligently, there are always a few cases where students use academic malpractice to achieve their goals.

This year was different.

Instead of getting through the problem of examinations by conscientious preparation, many of the students found ways of getting around the problem. After the first examination had been taken, rumors that all of the questions were available online in the form of past papers. Many people dismissed the story immediately, assuming that the school would not be so foolish to use questions that were prevalent on the World Wide Web. However, the questions of the second examination were also found online.

After that examination, an influx of students instantly rushed to the nearest computer and printed copies of past papers, knowing that the same examination questions would appear the next day. Happily, the majority of students left to revise, replacing their stress with feelings of relief.

"Either the well was very deep, or she fell very slowly, for she had plenty of time as she went down to look about her and to wonder what was going to happen next."

I was left alone with my thoughts, contemplating whether I too, should stoop to the level of referring to past papers, or whether I should take the high road by tirelessly revising and preparing for the examinations.

After much consideration, I came to the conclusion that although it would make life much simpler, using the past papers would be a form of academic dishonesty, it would obscure the results I am essentially capable of achieving, and it would hinder me from performing to the best of my abilities.

While most of my friends and classmates chose to take the easy path, I remained bound to my decision, knowing that I had made the right choice.

"Down, down, down."

Two short weeks after the examinations, the results were distributed. Although I had done considerably well, compared to many others, my results were somewhat only mediocre. The quality of the results was extremely high, and consequently, the grade boundaries rose immensely.

By deciding not to follow the crowd and choosing what I thought was the right path, my grades suffered. However, morality was at stake, and my conscience urged me to take the high road. Still, I believed that my choice was the right one; I had stayed true to myself and worked for my results.

In the same way Alice eagerly chased after the White Rabbit without a second thought as to "how in the world she was to get out again", I want to eagerly face my decisions with confidence and dignity, not needing to succumb to unethical methods to reach my goals.

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in the beginning, i talked about how my world is "absurd" and "nonsensical", but i couldnt really figure out a way to link it to the ethical dilemma i talked about. ANY SUGGESTIONS?

also, any ideas to make my essay more interesting/fun to read/keep the reader engaged are much appreciated!

THANKS A TON :)

Undergraduate / "playing the piano" - COMMON APP ESSAY: Elaborate on one of your activities [5]

Hey :)

Please help critique the following essssaay!!! MUCH APPRECIATED :D

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One of my favorite pastimes is playing the piano. Throughout the years, I have had various teachers, and I am grateful to each one for the knowledge, experience and talent they gave me. However, the most important lesson I learnt, although it may sound clichéd, is to first play with your head, then with your heart. The music jumps to life, capturing the audience's soul and imagination when the piano playing comes from the heart. Playing the piano using this method during my Grade 8 Piano Exam in 2004, my examiner's last words to me are still, to this day, etched in my mind: 'you made my day'. Now, I not only adore playing the piano, I enjoy participating in various national and international competitions and performing in concerts and school events. (See my awards section for my details.)

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should i incorporate some humor/detail into it? i feel like it might be a bit cliched, even though i actually mean what im writing?

pleaseee give suggestions!!

xxx

Undergraduate / Stanford Essay #3: Why Stanford is the Right Place For You? [9]

HEY :) PLEASE CRITIQUE!

its due in dec. 1st!!! THANK YOU!

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The Italian polymath Michelangelo once said: the greater danger for most of us lies not in setting our aim too high and falling short; but in setting our aim too low, and achieving our mark

Annually, enormous numbers of intellectuals apply to and attend Stanford University. Applying to Stanford may be aiming high, but I chase the dream, not the competition.

I believe Stanford University comprises of a global community, one which traverses racial, cultural and national boundaries. It is a population committed to embracing and serving society, a task I want to contribute to.

Stanford is the ideal environment for a well-rounded, globally enriching education; a home where my love for economics and music can be combined, appreciated and enhanced. Stanford is the family that will push me beyond my limits, and propel me to new heights. The School of Humanities and Sciences will provide me with the encouragement, support and courage to reach beyond my boundaries, rigorously preparing me for the real world. Studying economics at Stanford encompasses an amalgamation of everything necessary to become globally successful: familiarization with the tools to analyze contemporary economic dilemmas, and development of the ability to accurately judge and evaluate public policy. Enhancing decision-making skills and systematic analyses of costs and benefits will further prepare me for a future career in business.

Being the only school which embraces my talents, and allows me to pursue my interests, I am certain that Stanford is perfect for me. From studying in any one of Stanford's twenty libraries to discussing global issues with friends by the beautiful Lake Lagunita, I know that Stanford University will be a place where I can develop my interests and talents, and a diverse community to which I can contribute unconditionally.

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thanks guys!

p.s. is it too short? its 291 words!

TYTY :)

Undergraduate / Stanford Essay #2: Roommate Essay [6]

Hey guys :)

I would really appreciate it if you could critique the following essay:

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The sounds of doors banging shut and furniture screeching drift down the hallway into my room. As I carefully hang up my navy blue and white striped sweater, I can already imagine my first meeting with my new roommate.

"Hey! It's so great to finally meet you!"

I would probably give her a hug, or warm handshake to ease the atmosphere a little.

"I'm Lu by the way, and as you can probably tell from the photos of my friends and the scenery stuck on the wall, I'm from Hong Kong. So, where are you from?"

"Let me tell you a few things about me. I'm not just your average, stereotypical, 17 year old Asian. While I enjoy my fair share of TV dramas and teenage magazines, one of my quirky habits is to read about Greek mythology. I know it may sound strange, but it really is fascinating. I'm also quite a musical person, since I'm at quite a high grade for piano playing, and I took music for my IB Diploma at school. Generally, I prefer music from the 80s, but also a few bands that are around today. I mostly like decoding the meanings behind the lyrics."

"Usually, to relieve stress or anger, I go jogging at night, a little something I call anger-running which actually helps me sleep better. I normally sleep quite late, since I find I work better at night. I'll apologize in advance if I keep you up at night! Or if it bothers you, I'm sure the library can accommodate me. "

"Typically, I'm a happy person; you can probably tell by the bright colors I've decorated my half of the room with. At the same time, I'm also quite spontaneous. During our four years, you'll have to live with my inane theories and silly stories that I come up with, at the most random times. But, I'm sure we'll have a blast! Living at Stanford is going to be amazing."

"But first, tell me a little about yourself."

Knock. Knock.

"She's here!"

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Any comments/suggestions on how to improve?

THANKS A MILLION!

Undergraduate / 'what consumers should purchase' Stanford: Idea/Experience Intellectually Engaging [7]

Hey!

Could anyone please critique my essay! I know it still needs some work, but the deadline is coming soon, so thank you so much in advance! :)

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Hong Kong is a rapidly progressing city where fourteen million elbows push and shove to reach their destinations daily. Observing the bodies these elbows belong to, one can see the immaculate suits or pristine dresses they wear, and the high-tech gadgets their hands grip onto.

Trends and fads are crucial in not only Hong Kong, but in most developed countries, as dressing in the latest fashion styles and owning the sleekest cars are status symbols. When a new cell phone arrives in the market, there is a clamor of tangled hands reaching for the phone while the other hand thrusts a pile of money at the sales assistant.

Who defines what consumers should purchase?

At any given moment in time, there is never just one new gadget available in the electronic market; there is never just one new suit available in the fashion industry. But, consumers seem confident, knowing exactly what good or product they plan on purchasing. How do they know? I primarily believed it was advertisements which enticed consumers. But similarly, do consumers purchase a product because the advertisement is effective? Or are there other factors which affect our decisions and choices.

Consumers constantly seem willing to buy goods which are overpriced, eagerly grabbing their wallets and pulling out various credit cards. However, when a good is on sale and cheap, consumers instead question the quality and become suspicious.

Why is there so much demand for Veblen goods?

The Veblen good is an anomaly in the theory of demand in microeconomics. For these goods, as the price increases, the demand also increases, thus proving to be an exception. People tend to purchase Veblen goods as status symbols, showing their wealth and power.

Why is status so important?

Status is a material possession, a symbol of rank or class in society. However, it is something that people strive for painstakingly. Why? In Hong Kong, there is a saying that people like to save face, and maintain a respectable reputation. I have pondered as to whether this is the reason behind the Veblen goods anomaly, but instead, ended with a different conclusion. I believe that people are selfish and hedonistic. Seeing other's miseries, jealousies and pains only brings us joy, especially when we possess what they cannot possibly obtain.

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I think the conclusion is pretty weak, any suggestions? Also, I'm applying for Economics so I thought talking about econ-related issues would be better.

THANKS A MILLION!