dingpx
Dec 9, 2009
Undergraduate / Of all the activities, in our outside of school, soccer holds the most meaning to me [9]
Generally very good. Keep on trying.
Want to mention a little. Basically you are on the right track of doing a good college essay, story to philosophy, haha. But take care of the connection.
Before you come to conclusion:
It represents life the way most of the world sees it, achievement being due to hard wor k, but impacted by uncertainties . Soccer has helped me grow as a person and I hope to continue playing throughout my college experience, not only to make it more meaningful, but because if fulfills me as a person.
You have to show what is in your conclusion. From start to middle you just said how you love soccor and showed great enthusiasm towards the thing you are interested in, which I can see through every word. But build connections with your conclusion. How hard you tried, what uncertainties happened and how severely you were influenced and then stand up again.
Hope best progress. Cheers.
BonoD from China. visit my blog hi.baidu.com/dingpengxiang
Generally very good. Keep on trying.
Want to mention a little. Basically you are on the right track of doing a good college essay, story to philosophy, haha. But take care of the connection.
Before you come to conclusion:
It represents life the way most of the world sees it, achievement being due to hard wor k, but impacted by uncertainties . Soccer has helped me grow as a person and I hope to continue playing throughout my college experience, not only to make it more meaningful, but because if fulfills me as a person.
You have to show what is in your conclusion. From start to middle you just said how you love soccor and showed great enthusiasm towards the thing you are interested in, which I can see through every word. But build connections with your conclusion. How hard you tried, what uncertainties happened and how severely you were influenced and then stand up again.
Hope best progress. Cheers.
BonoD from China. visit my blog hi.baidu.com/dingpengxiang