Undergraduate / Common App essay (the influence of my two little siblings) [3]

I really need help with this essay since I do not know what to do about it. right now, I feel like it is a complete mess and I do realize that it is lacking a conclusion. I've started over with so many essays and I need to stick with this one and make a miracle happen - I don't have much time and this essay sucks (I might want to add that Im applying to really competitive schools)

You can find many toys, cries and laughter at home, compared to home five years ago; today it is extremely more hectic and entertaining. But what is the difference? My two siblings who arrived, out of the blue, after 12 years of me as an only child. Life completely changed route after August 27, 2004; from calm and virtually monotonous to unusual and spontaneous. However, what I found to be most remarkable was not how we learn to walk and talk, but how two cute toddlers can have an evident and significant influence on me as an individual.

I remember constantly asking for siblings when I was younger; "Mami, but if I have kids they won't have cousins or aunts and uncles," I would use as my strongest defense. Even as I already knew the answer: "I don't know," or "we'll see"; after 10 years of asking I gave up on that possibility. If only I knew that once I settled on being the only child, my baby siblings would arrive. I was incredulous when my mom said I was going to have a sister, and I was shocked when a year later she said we were going to have a brother. But, as a responsible person that I am, I couldn't be more prepared and considerate for the alteration.

I am constantly learning plentiful from my two baby siblings. From their baby stages, my mom taught me how to fulfill every baby's basic need. I can now honestly say I know how to change diapers, make formula, burp a baby, and comfort cries, when asked to babysit. But most importantly I've realized how difficult it is to be a parent. By thirteen I felt like I've landed the full time job of being the second mom, I felt the pressure and work of having children without the full responsibility.

As for the toddler years, I'm still learning. What I have learned is that my personality traits have certainly been helpful: being patient, playful, understanding and creative. I must be patient when Elly and Ben are constantly seeking for attention. I must definitely be playful incessantly even as I may feel tired and worn out. I must be tolerant when I have to help my mom any time she needs it. And finally I have to be creative to transform those stale everyday tasks into fun and engaging activities fit for a 5 and a 4 year old.

Even as they have strengthened some of my already placed traits they have certainly been the reason of some new personality traits. For example, I find myself more cheerful and outgoing now, more so than I used to be 5 years ago - it takes confidence to be a role model, to say no when needed to, and to make a fool of yourself for siblings' entertaining purpose. I've also learned to be more sensitive, I've learned by example how to demonstrate my feelings and emotions. A toddler probably goes through almost all possible emotions every day, crying at least one time a day. I have learned to say I love you seeing as it is so easy for a toddler to say it. And finally I've learned to be optimistic no matter the circumstance.

As the adage goes: "Having a baby changes everything"; and it doesn't only apply to parents but to big sisters as well.

What should I do about the ending? how do I make it flow better? and does it have enough potential? Help!! please

Undergraduate / What does this essay need?! (an experience and its impact) [2]

This is basically a general short essay that I want to use for many colleges but if chosen a promt it may go well with:

Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.

Four years ago, my dad came up with the idea of biking through the five boroughs of NYC. "It'll be a different way to experience the city. C'mon it'll be fun," said my dad and, like most other times, I accepted his challenge. Little did I know that it would be one of the most physically challenging events I could have imagined. We were up and out early that spring morning. We got our rusty bikes in the car, and drove to Battery Park. Concealed alongside hundreds of Bike New York participants, we were as ready as we could be for the challenge. It was thrilling at first: riding on Sixth Avenue without a care in the world; soaring over the mammoth Queensboro Bridge. Just getting to feel the descent, and letting go of the pedal was a reward within itself; climbing the bridge in the first place was tough, at times I couldn't do anymore but instead had to walk up some of the way. But even as arduous as those 21 miles were, I didn't give in to any shortcuts and most definitely did not leave the tour when I was tempted to do so. Giving up is just not a part of who I am and now I realize that this was the first occasion in which I truly cherished it. Instead, I always seem to find a way to motivate myself and to reload my drive to achieve my goals. To finish the other half of the event: I stocked up energy by drinking as much water I could and devouring the bananas and granola bars provided at each rest stop; and kept encouraging myself that I will finish. Worrying, my dad kept reassuring me that it was okay to abandon the 42 mile ride; after all, we didn't even practice and we were not, in any way, fit for it. Nevertheless, I continued. Last test: the Verrazano Bridge, all we had to do was cross this behemoth and the finish line was right on the other side. The climb to the top seemed almost impossible, but, sweating and barely feeling my legs, I made it up. I got on the bike, feeling relieved while descending, and pondered how I had gotten to the finish line (even if we arrived two hours after the scheduled parade). I realized that it was my most valued personality trait that aided me through the tour with triumph: perseverance.

I'm trying to make it more personal but can't find a way to do so. And maybe a criticism would be that I should expand more on my preservarence, right?

but is this "essay" going someplace or should i just scrap it and start all over again?

Undergraduate / Quote relating to AP Physics C short essay [2]

Using a favorite quotation from an essay or book you have read in the last three years as a jumping off point, tell us about an event or experience that helped you define one of your values or changed how you approach the world. Please write the quotation at the beginning of your essay.

"Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts."
-Winston Churchill

It was the first time I truly failed a test. I got a 60 on the Rotational motion chapter test, and I began to feel like I didn't belong in AP Physics with Calculus. Maybe it was angular momentum or rotational inertia that I didn't fully understand, but I knew I couldn't handle another letdown. I tried to compensate my D by reminding myself that it was the most difficult course I could've taken, I was the only junior and the only girl in the class, and I had yet to take Calculus. Suddenly my 60 no longer seemed all that bad; but as the course began getting harder I couldn't depend on excuses for my lack of success.

Every night I'd spend hours studying, completing homework, or typing up lab reports for that single class. I expected it to be demanding but had no idea it would take as much dedication. However, as arduous as physics with calculus was, the possibility of dropping the class was unthinkable. It was my most valued personality trait that aided me through the course with triumph: perseverance. I continued even as I knew I must devote a surplus amount of time to learn calculus alone; and I continued even though I didn't receive the best results immediately.

AP Physics with Calculus was not the only occasion in which I realized how far perseverance and determination can take me, but it was an evident example of having the "courage to continue".

This is just my rough draft and I realize that there must be a lot of editing to be done, so be as critical and as harsh as you can be...cause I am not the best writer and I need all the help I can get

also on a sidenote is 250 wrds too short when asked for about 500 wrds? and does the essay relate well with the quote??