Faq, Help / Essay Forum Appreciation Thread [14]

Hey guys

I got my IELTS score today. I scored 8 out of 9. My writing score was 7.5 (why didn't I join this forum six months back?), which is all right. Anyway, I just wanted to thank everyone associated with this site; the mods (esp. Kevin) and the members.

I'd advise all the non-native speakers to keep posting their essays. You'll improve pretty quickly.

Cheers!!!

Writing Feedback / GRE (Analysis of an argument): Handing over security job of a company to a group [8]

The following appeared as a part of plan being discussed at the meeting of the Security department of Omax Industries
"In order to effectively take over the security threats to our installations, it is recommended that our company hire services from Tough Securities. Tough Securities boasts of more than 2000 personnel on the roll. More than 40% of their security guards are ex-defence personnel and most have been effectively manning the two installations of Wilroy Oil Industries. Mr. David Smith, CEO of Tough Securities has agreed to offer a discount of 14% to our company for the current year."

Security of its installations is one of the prime concerns of any company. A company cannot run properly if its employees always fear for their safety, or if the owners are constantly worried about the state of their equipments. However, the decision taken by Omax Industries to let Tough Securities take over its security concerns without considering all the facts may lead to harmful lapses.

Firstly, the statement does not mention anything about the arms used by Tough Securities. A lack of state-of-the-art equipments may negate the advantages of having large personnel numbers. Also, employing a small may result in better communication and coordination among the guards; a fact often demonstrated by the effectiveness of the small units in Special Forces.

Secondly, it is not clear as to whether Tough Securities have handled jobs similar to the one required in Omax Industries. Working in an incompatible environment may require some adjustment time. But, there is no room for such delays in a security job.

One final point that weakens the argument is the fact that there is no data regarding the ages of the personnel. It is admirable that more than one third of the force is made up of defence personnel. But it doesn't hide the reality that a physically unfit force, however trained, cannot cope with the rigors of the aforementioned job.

Handing over the security responsibilities to Tough Securities may turn out to be the best decision taken by Omax Industries. However, before conclusions are taken, the group's background and suitability must be properly investigated. After all, partial knowledge often spawns trouble.

Scholarship / Rhodes Scholarship Essay - why you wish to attend [2]

Rhodes Scholarship Essay

"A signed essay (preferably typed) by the candidate detailing the proposed course of study at Oxford, general interests and activities, including sports and the future aims of the candidate".

The Essay should clearly bring out your strengths, but also must include "why you wish to study at oxford, the course / degree of your choice". How is it relevant for your short term/ long-term goals? And the kind of work you would like to do later on in life. Word limit -- 1000 words

Guys, I need some help writing this. How should I approach it? How similar and different should it be from my SOP?

Writing Feedback / GRE (argument): Recommendation to change the marketing style of a company [11]

The following recommendation was made by the Marketing manager to the Marketing Advisory Committee of Shell Adhesives.
"Because of declining profits, we must revert back to net marketing instead of marketing our products through the Sell-Well distributors. Net marketing has proven effective in case of Stick Fast adhesives, which is a serious market leader in the field. They have hired the services of 'Web Sell', which has been net marketing for Flora Garments for the past five years. Stick Fast's sales have increased by almost 40% in the last financial year. It also has won the Best Company award at the recently concluded industries meet Generation Next."

Discuss how well-reasoned you find this argument. (Time limit: 30 mins)

Net marketing is possibly one of the best marketing techniques used in the present world. As it can reach the furthest and remotest corners of the earth, its lure is obvious. But the recommendation made by the Marketing Manager of Shell Adhesives to revert back to net marketing is preposterous, and does not take into account all the variables involved.

For instance, the assumption that profits are affected only by the type of marketing used is flawed. Profits are governed by lots of factors, such as, demand, working capital, volume of production, etc. Therefore, change in the type of marketing may not yield the desired results if the other factors are not considered.

Moreover, following the lead of Stick Fast adhesives may not be a good idea considering the fact that they are the market leaders. This means that they already have a large customer base, which in turn creates the awareness for a new product. Also, Stick Fast may be producing adhesives which are different in nature to ones produced by Shell Adhesives, which create a different sort of demand. For example, household adhesives and industrial adhesives have different types of customers.

Finally, the 40% increase in the sales of Stick Fast's adhesives in the past year does not necessarily mean that it was a result of net marketing. It could very well be the reaction to a particularly innovative and attractive product. Thus the claim of a major effect of net marketing can only be substantiated if this trend carries on for a few years.

The argument would have if the above mentioned flaws were taken into account. The Marketing Manager needs to carry out a proper market survey before such a recommendation can be made.