Writing Feedback / "Love is a universal constant" - Essay About Love in Literature [7]

the whimsical prose of Dicki nson

Love as an idea, or theme, does not change from text to text regardless of era-- be it unrequited, lustful, the loss of, uninhibited, immoral, familial, religious, or otherwise.

Similarly , yet no less powerful in emotion

the effect it has on man regardless of the period

I have a comment to make on the latter portion of "love is a universal constant regardless the era in which the text was written, therefore nothing is learned of love itself."

I do not see how the conclusion validly follows the premise. If love is a "universal constant," why does that mean we cannot learn anything new about it? I get the impression humanity learns new things about love each day and that each new piece of literature presents love in a unique way, allowing the reader to learn about love, among other things.

Anyway, this looks like a really great essay.

Undergraduate / Ms. Lee - "Indicate a person who has had a significant influence on you" [14]

Thank you Ershad!!


Ha, apparently I spelled it correctly the first time. My computer told me that it was wrong and suggested "reined." After some confusion, I gave up and took the computer's advice. Thank you for clearing that up XD


Because when I did that activity I initially applied for the role of empress. But the sexist book-carrying thing annoyed me so I took up the empty slot of cardinal. That sentence was inspired by my experience. A couple of days ago, I was looking for something in my e-mail and found my letter of application. I petitioned for the role of "empress," not queen. So, for that sake, I changed it. But that doesn't really matter (the knights had to carry the belongings of either high-ranking female)...what sounds better? haha


Ha! Yes, I think I understand. Thank you, Ershad.


Yes, it does seem to be a bit much. One reason they are there is because I wanted to explain the lunch break conversations, because that was really one of the most important things. Another reason, is, I think, just because I like that memory--partially out of ego because her comment was followed by her patting me on the shoulder and bragging about me to another teacher with a huge smile on her face. I understand that is a terrible reason for including something in an essay...So, the first two lines aren't really important but I really need to make the point that she and I had those philosophical discussions because that really was a huge factor in my life...hmm...


Yep, no one does. I just couldn't think of anything better to get my point (I really enjoyed the talks) across.


Aw, I liked that sentence XD haha, you make a good point, though. Do you think I can keep the "--the art of questioning" thing or put it somewhere else? I just like it, it's all dramatic and pum, pum, pum--the ART of QUESTIONING!! lol, I really need to get better reasons for writing things XD

As for the last questions, I admit, I am a bit too concerned with grammar XD

Writing Feedback / "Love is a universal constant" - Essay About Love in Literature [7]

No problem :-)


I think my problem is with your use of "therefore." "Therefore" implies that what came before is an explanation of what comes after but just because people express themselves in similar manners, it does not lead to the conclusion that nothing new is discovered. It is like how people have been writing research papers for a long time, but new things have, indeed, been discovered. For the sake of argument, say some wonderful new thing about love has been discovered post-Sappho and pre-Joyce. Let us then say that Joyce decides to write a story about love in the same manner as Sappho, disregarding the aforementioned discovery. A similar manner of writing is not a sufficient premise for one to conclude that nothing new has been discovered about love. I may be getting to wrapped up in details. I am not saying you are wrong or have to change this idea. I am simply expressing my disagreement with you. Do with that what you will.

Anyway, this is a really, really good essay, you should be happy =D

Student Talk / Do colleges know about EssayForum? [39]


But you have ways of guessing at it and inferring. That's why they call it psychology! XD

Speaking of the subonscious, a book I read recently discussed how we can have feelings and prejudices in our unconscious while, consciously, we may feel the complete opposite! Harvard did a study with a nifty short test that you can take on implicit.harvard.edu But, I advise against itif you are unprepared for harsh realities. I think it is awesome, anyway. I even told my psychology teacher about it & she loved it and shared it with the whole class...so yeah, go psychology!


It was fun...haha no one likes to spell out the whole word XD

Writing Feedback / Friend with a characteristic trait - CBEST [2]

Hello, Flavia

Since you used the word "perseverance" specifically, I think it would help your essay if you mentioned an event that set Sam back, but that she recuperated from due to her perseverance. You can say that she did well in class and made appointments with her profs because she likes to learn and believes getting to know her instructors is important...but if you mention something a bit more specific than "she talked to the prof to clarify something," like "Sam's weak spot was always math. When she had trouble grasping the concept of derivatives, Sam did not hesitate to make an appointment with her Calculus professor. Sam never let anything like a complicated slope field obstruct her path to her goals," well then you really let the reader see what you mean. For the development of your essay, specifically, it goes in chronological order and seems to be laid out nicely. Good job :-)

Student Talk / Do colleges know about EssayForum? [39]

It does not necessarily mean that you are prejudiced. The way our society is organized--such as the noted emphasis on a white ideal--influences and conditions people to have unconscious preferences that may be the polar opposite of the way they truly, consciously feel. For instance, many African Americans have taken this test with the result showing a preference for European Americans over African Americans. They are not self-hating racists. The IAT measure "immediate, automatic associations that tumble out before we've even had time to think." There is much more that can be said on that issue but my point is that the tests are not designed to make people seem prejudiced nor do the results mean that someone is prejudiced. Anyway, I'm not trying to change your mind or force you to accept the tests, I merely offer you a mini-defense.

Student Talk / Hi everyone! Welcome at EssayForum thread. [413]


Me too! Living here is like being in a bubble, I feel like I don't really know much about what is going on in the world...I don't mean big things necessarily, just how day-to-day life might be very different for people in other areas, like how Ershad mentioned gender inequality in India.

Undergraduate / Ms. Lee - "Indicate a person who has had a significant influence on you" [14]

Thank you both! You have really helped me through this challenge =)

Undergraduate / "Speech and Debate activity" - UF Admissions Essay-Meaningful Event [13]


I got carried away with alliteration there XD Ha, that's exactly what I was thinking, for some reason my vocabulary came off sounding really odd here, I actually wrote down a note to myself: "Too many 'big' words". Thanks for pointing that out, now I know it wasn't just my impression.


Okay I'll just stick to English ^ ^


So it makes sense without the extra explanations? I was paranoid that if I didn't explain what all of the Speech and Debate stuff was the "experience" would be confusing.


Does the "It was my first..." sentence do that?


The "write a narrative" part of the prompt made me think I was supposed to write a story =/ So, I see what you mean.


Isn't "someone" singular & "their" plural? I'm not a grammarian or whatever those people are called, but...


I knew it! >< Running out of room in that 500 word limit & started panicking

Ok, so after hitting my head against the wall for some time, I finally came up with a non-S&D example*. Is it viable or shall I return to Monsieur Wall?

It might help to mention that I will be majoring in Psychology and plan to be a psychiatrist...Darn word limit/my useless wordiness >:

*I was uncertain about how to introduce the example bc I didn't want to over-explain but I wanted the reader to understand what I was talking about. How do you think I handled that? Should I talk about my motivations for creating that club/what its purpose is or is that understood?

"I discovered, somewhat to my inconvenience,"
I was going for an understatement kind of thing there. Does it work or would another approach be better?

Okay, so this is 530 words, so stuff needs to be cut out. From the first paragraph, I imagine. Again, I ran out of room & didn't have much room for the "UF" part. Did I at least get to the "reflection" part this time?

"...most people fail..." Is that too harsh? I tend to give way to euphemisms so I actually tried to be blunt for once

"Speech and Debate teaches you how to generate a persuasive and coherent argument; thus, I was ready to use these abilities to present my plans for the club and have it officially integrated into my school." I felt like that sentence was too long and a bordeline run-on so I tried to patch it up with an emergency semicolon, any thoughts? I adopted a parrallel grammar structure thing in the third paragraph to bring in some order...done well or better not done at all?

Also, the third paragraph started to get pretty enormous (It is about 2/5 of the entire essay) so I decided to end it where I did. Is that sufficient or does the example require more detail?

"For instance, the IHC was able to donate two boxes of clothing to Haiti a month before the region was devastated by an earthquake in January 2010." I feel like that is unecessary & I don't really want it to be there but I thought giving a tangible example would make the point clearer...I don't know...


No need to worry, I cannot thank you enough for that!

Ershad, you've been a really big help, as well


I wrestled with that line for about 10 mins and came up with that to no avail. I just got rid of that entire aspect in this draft.

Letters / recommendation letter for a job offer in the field of architecture [8]

I have a few grammar/wording suggestions but this already sounds pretty nice! =)

full- time

She hadbeen completed

that we require from our partners.

She didn't let herself discouraged, instead she asked good questions and appeared intelligent.
She did not let herself become discouraged--instead, she was very interested in the work and asked intelligent questions.Saying you "appear" intelligent kind of makes it sound as if you were only acting


Maybe "We have had the pleasure of..." or something like that

December 2009). D uring that period I saw her blossom(maybe replace that with "transfrom")from a newcomer, college student, into an equal position holder among the other senior architects in my firm.

"For start," -->At the start,


They made a good team and had an excellent dynamic for solving problems with the project...


Mrs. XXX stayed alert and provided...for the choices made
(It sounds stronger than just "was")

five different projects


She rapidly became one of the employees I knew I could rely on through her exceptional work on site visits...


In the case of hotel projects or competitions our company enrolled in, I always made sure that I included her in the new, larger groups in which she always gained respect from her colleagues and reaffirmed my respect for her.

Another colleague commented favorably about working with Mrs. XXX:He said that she got along well with her co-workers, pulled her own weight on the projects, and had the ability to compromise with other team members. He particularly appreciated her goal-driven dedication to her work.

her talent as well as her ability

hoping

Essays / Lying is to keep the child in the healthy mental condition. Advice on Debatable thesis [7]

Lying is necessary in order to maintain a child's mental health

I think this thesis is debatable :-)

Essays / Lying is to keep the child in the healthy mental condition. Advice on Debatable thesis [7]

Well, what will your paper be about?
What arguments support your opinion?
What arguments disagree with your opinion?
Your thesis is like a trailer for a movie, a sneak preview that lets the viewer know what your essay is supposed to be about.

Say I was writing about cheese.
While cheese is a substantial source of cholesterol, cheese should be eaten because it tastes really good and is a great source of calcium.

Opposing argument, opinion, reason 1, reason 2

You can try adding on more arguments that you will discuss in your paper, like what I did with cheese.
A suggestion. You are the director, you want to get the reader interested, how will you do this with your trailer?

Writing Feedback / toefl--athletic departments should receive the same amount of funding as libraries [11]

Not only do the students stay healthy, but the students also increase achievement in their studies.

"the students" is the subject. They stay healthy and the increase achievement.
I don't really see how the sentence seems imperative, there isn't any command, it is just a simple statement of what students do

Writing Feedback / toefl--athletic departments should receive the same amount of funding as libraries [11]

Because "Not only the students stay healthy, but the students also increase achievement in their studies." means "There are other people or things that stay healthy and increase achievement," but I think that you mean "Sports allow students to stay healthy and increase their achievement" so you have to adjust the wording of the sentence to clarify your message and since you used the prase "not only," well, in English, this is typically followed by a form of some verb like "to do" such as "Not only do the students" or "Not only does the student" or "Not only can the student" or "Not only is the student able to" and so forth. Point is, left the way it is, that sentence muddles up your meaning so you have to rework it somehow to get the correct meaning by adding a verb. Does that help?

Essays / Need help for finding a SATIRE movie to write an essay on. [5]

Haha, I was about to suggest Shrek...pick any scene with fairy tale people or creatures, that is usually a satire. In Shrek 3, there is a scene where Shrek is talking to Arthur and it is a satire on the way parents try to relate to younger people. There is a satire there on Merlin, because he is a school teacher. And so on

In Mont Python's the Meaning of Life, there is a scene where people come to someone's residence and begin to cut out his internal organs as a satire on organ donations, there is a scene that satirzes the Roman Catholic and Protestant churches as well, when the characters discuss contraceptives. And so on

Undergraduate / "Speech and Debate activity" - UF Admissions Essay-Meaningful Event [13]

Thank you for your comments, everyone.

I feel so conflicted now...

And I still have to cut 30 words...

And include more future things...

Word limits are the brutal chains strapping us to walls of the cave ><

Grammar, Usage / Help me "flip" a sentence [4]

My greatest gift is to know that failure is precursor to success. I won't forget this because of my scar, it is a faithful reminder--my treasure.

I might have taken the present idea a bit too far, but there's a suggestion =)

Scholarship / Actuarial Science: why your selected degree programme? Scholarship Essay Help. [10]

1. Maybe you can have an introductory paragraph & thesis statement that addresses all those points then at least a paragraph on each and a conclusion to tie it all together in a nice flow

2. Yes, I think so. After all, is this "programme" at Kent not an interest of yours? Are the activities you have participated in not key elements that have helped develop those qualities of yours that led to your interest in Kent?

3. I think anything that comes from that amazing moment of inspiration will be eye-catching. If an idea, even a really wacky one, starts to tug at your attention (you don't necessarily have to focus on the topic, it may come to you as you are eating breakfast and wondering why your dog finds sniffing shoes so fascinating), then go with that! See where it takes you.

If you want more traditional, exact lists of "eye-catching" essays then it would be really helpful to search "eye-catching essays," "attention catching essays," and so forth in google. It works quite well.

4. Are you asking me that question or do you want me to answer it for you? I assume you want help with how you should approach that. Well, first off, what do you plan to do after you graduate from Kent? Think of your life with and without your experience/degree at Kent. What benefits can you see from going to Kent? It can be something like "Kent has its own mustard formula. Getting my degree while eating this unique mustard would prepare me for dealing with life challenges."

Student Talk / Do colleges know about EssayForum? [39]

First of all, this talk of "antidisestablishmentarianism" inspired me to write an essay, so I would really like to thank everyone!


One of society's great misfortunes =(

Scholarship / Actuarial Science: why your selected degree programme? Scholarship Essay Help. [10]


No, no, not at all! I'm sorry if I gave you that impression! We all have to learn and we learn by asking :-) A 1000 word essay is a big deal, it makes sense that you want to clarify everything


I was trying to be humorous with my first question when I replied to that. The internet does not convey tone and jokes very well.

If you are already enrolled at Kent, then that might make sense. If anything, though, I think you should focus on getting a Master's degree as a general after-undergrad plan. Then maybe a smiget about applying to Kent. I think because applying to school is a personal thing. You could write a great essay about what toasters mean to you but you would confuse a reader if you started casually talking about how you were thinking of buying a toaster. oO Was that a confusing explanation? Let me try to be clearer, I think I am confusing myself. Since the question asks how your Kent time will help you post-undergrad there is a lot you can talk about--you can go so far ask discuss you career plans. There is no need to focus solely on grad school. Now, as for your Master's, you can talk about how Kent will help you at grad school, not just applying to grad school. Attending and doing work is more meaningful than the application process. Basically, do this:

''after my bachelors degree at Kent I was hoping to apply forplanning to pursue my Master's..''

Undergraduate / "The Metamorphosis," "Antidisestablishmentarianism"-Unsettling novel-Favorite Word [12]


I had a feeling that might be the case. Is that a problem (like I shouldn't blather on about the book as much) or is it negligible? Well, anyone, regardless of whether they read the book can answer this: I modeled my first sentence after the firce sent. of the met. ("One morning, when Gregor Samsa woke from troubled dreams, he found himself transformed in his bed into a horrible vermin") since it's one of the most famous lines in literature (my English teacher said it is at the top of the list, but I still think "Call me Ishmael" takes the cracker because it is short and easy to remember). I'm wondering if I should try to make that better or if it is just unecessary


Hmm, I see. Now how do we fix that?

The definition, mainly focused on history, also enables the word to capture my attention not only because I love this subject, but also because every snippet of it carries deep psychological meaning

or

The definition, mainly focused on history, also enables the word to captures my attention not only because I love this subject, but also because every snippet of it carries deep psychological meaning

or maybe some other variation of cutting. As my essay is 263 words, I think, I am not averse to cutting ^^

that even captures the hearts of all those not brave enough to spell it out.

Not too lengthy? I think I like that version better, it makes the word seem move jovial and friendly...ha, finally my odd habit of characterizing words came to good use XD

Cool, so it worked out well! That discussion came at the perfect time!

Writing Feedback / Essay about Frienship- Judith Viorst [6]

Human interaction is a necessity tonecessary for survival, but developed friendships are an essential to the successful well being of anyoneanyone's well-being .

About three years ago, I had to face with the most difficult time of my life. When I justfirst came to America, everything was strange for me. In addition, because of my weakeness in English, I did not understand any lectures , and I fell behind when compared to other friends in class. Duong, a best friend that I met at Westmoore High school, is considered as a crossroad friend. Studying in Math class gave me the chance to meet Duong. He excelled in his studies and at playing sportswas an excellent student in studying and playing sports . Therefore, he always helped me understand the complex lessons and helped me indoingwith homework. Furthermore, the moment when Duong and I won beforeover the previous champion team in basketball game gave me athe best memory in myof high school. Because Duong was the captain inof the basketball team because he played very well in basketball . He usually asked me to play basketball with him after we finished the homework. He taught me how to keepmanage the ball and how to choose the right position to make a perfect shot . As a result, the coach in my high school calledasked me to play for the basketball team. The first match when I played in,forthe team was fighting with the previous champion team. Most students in my high school thought that my team would be defeated. However, by practicing with Duong and gettingwith the effort of whole team, my team made a miracle before the champion team . Our team defeated the previous champion team and kept going to the next match in the happiness of all students in my high school. As it turned out, Duong and I became the best friends, and he was the person who made me kind of enjoy playing basketball thatas I never hadplayed before. Viorst concludes with her definition about crossroads friends: "we forge links strong enough to endure with not much more contact than once-a-year letter at Christmas, maintaining a special intimacy - dormant but always ready to be revived - on those rare but tender occasions when we met" (9). TheT ime passedwent over , and graduation day finally came. Duong got a scholarship and received an acceptance letter from Harvard University. He needed to leave home to go to the university while I went to Orange Coast College. We went different ways when we left high school; however, we still send best wishes to each other on special days and hang out with himtogether when he comes back to our home town for break. Since the day I knew Duong, I had the greatest memories aboutofthe high school time , and the relationship between Duong and I will always be thea good friendship.

The other category is "Cross-Generational Friends" relationship. Viorst describes this friendship by showing that "another tender but unequal intimacy exists in the friendships that form across generations" (9). My friend, Dai, who is a bachelor in Architect, fits into this relationship. He is thirty eight years old and the owner of theof a construction company. In addition, Viorst explains this friendship by saying that "the younger enlivens the older, the older instructs the younger" (9). She also says "Each role, as mentor or quester, as adult or child, offers gratifications of its own. And because we are unconnected by blood, our words of advice are accepted as wise" (9). Dai gave me the lessons inof life that my parent never taught me, and I thought that these lessons only had from experience of personalcame from personal experience . One of these lessons that I still remembered until now is the lesson about my haughty attitude. I keep in mind the day that I came to the coffee shop where I met Dai. I talked to him with a loud voice and boasted that I was a successful student because I always had an A in any classes that I took. I just wanted to show off to him that I was a good student .Immediately, h e saw me with a different vision and said to me with a lower voice that: "hey boy, nothing is easy to get in this world". He also added: "The success will come to you when you work hard, when you receive the respect from someone, and when you know how to act towardsthe older people". His saying(It is clearer if you just use a pronoun here)This caught my attention and made me think the actionsof what I did before I met him. After thinking about his sayingadvice(it was more of a piece of advice than a saying), I felt ashamed by the actions I did before Dai(That is redundant, you just mentioned this in the last sentence). Furthermore, it made me realize that I did not have the respect fromof my friends, and gave me the lessonthaught me(It sounds clearer this way) that I need to change my behavior to receive the respect from people around me(Try not to end sentences with prepositions). After that event, I promised to myself that I needed to study more, read more, and listen more to become a better student. It is all about how to make me become thea successful person. Since I changed my behavior, I received thea("the" is more specific than "a," but you haven't mentioned a scholarship previously so "a" makes more sense)scholarship from the(you need an article here) Biology department which proved the fact that all my changes had thea positive affect.

In conclusion, friends broaden my horizons, open my views, and widen my visions . Friends are really a gift of God. Nobody could live a life without a friend, so we need to open our hearts to let others have a chance to be friends with us. If we wish that our friends should be true to us, then we must be true to our friends. With the belief that my friends will accept me for me, I am okay, for I matter to them, I joyfully live the life I love and I dedicate my energy to work wholeheartedly.

Wow, I really liked your conclusion! Nice essay =)

Undergraduate / "The Metamorphosis," "Antidisestablishmentarianism"-Unsettling novel-Favorite Word [12]

Thank you =)


haha No wonder students are so frightened XD


It's really interesting that you bring it up...oO My personal favorite is "All happy families are the same; all unhappy families are unhappy in their own way." I hope I quoted that correctly. I really like "Call me Ishmael" because it reminds me of the first page where he talks about getting into a mood where he feels like knocking people's hats off and is compelled to take to the sea...it's a fun image ^^

I hope someone who has read the met. (or at least Sparknotes' summary for a school assignment or something) gets around to reading my first essay =/

Undergraduate / "The Metamorphosis," "Antidisestablishmentarianism"-Unsettling novel-Favorite Word [12]

Hello Doris, thank you for reading


Yeah, I know that's why I wrote


My problem isn't that I don't understand the novella (trust me, this is one of my favorite works of literature, I can babble on and on about it until I'm blue in the face) but


What I wrote is already over that limit and I am sure the AO's don't really want to read a book report. Actually, I got the impression that the purpose of this question was to learn about the student, not the book, and I was actually worried that I had too much about the book in there. Thank you for the effort, though. Oh, so it was an apple! For some reason I got confused and started wondering if maybe it was an orange, not an apple oO I don't actually have a copy of the book so I couldn't check so I just wrote "fruit," thanks for that!


haha That's exactly what I was wondering about when I wrote that! (Glad to know I'm not that peculiar) In the actual sentence from the novel, it says that Gregor woke to find himself as "a terrible vermin" a vermin. I have no idea what that signifies but I just went ahead and followed the format, plus I couldn't figure out what the singular of vermin would be if that was plural or what the plural would be if it was singular (vermins? haha) so my brain fizzled out and gave up XD I checked just now and the all-mighty internet seems to say that vermin is a plural noun but there is no reference to its singular so apparently it does not exist. But I feel like if I take "vermin" out of my sentence, the allusion loses it strength/symbolism oO Am I just being too "flowery" again?

OK, thanks, Kevin! I'll incorporate your suggestions


What exactly do you mean? It sounds like you are referring to the ambiguity/uncertainty/etc. that comes with some diagnoses, but I'm not sure if I got your point right

I vaguely know of Victor Frankl and Milton Erickson [I think I recall watching a documentary on trance & hypnosis when I was younger and the words "the man who could supposedly put a person in a trance by shaking hands with them..." echo through my mind] (unfortunately)...I just googled him, this confusion thing is fascinating...hmm, maybe that's why I love confusing people so much, and apparently I've been unwittingly using his techniques to do so oO...this is awesome, I'll definitely look into it (she says, recalling the stacks of books falling off her shelves that are waiting to be read. Time, time, time :/

Undergraduate / "The Metamorphosis," "Antidisestablishmentarianism"-Unsettling novel-Favorite Word [12]


Yeah, I think my Abnormal Psychology class made me feel that way too...I nearly gave up my ambition to become a psychiatrist, especially after the teacher showed a terrifying scientology-sponsored documentary that, while it was obviously exaggerated for, as my professor put it, "propaganda purposes," still freaked me out. Human Growth & Development made psychology fun again. The teacher was great. I know what you mean, though...I have to remember the good parts of psychology and how it can really help people


I welcome a challenge. A stimulating career is a rewarding one. (Not to mention one that helps prevent demantia =)

Thank you, Kevin

Undergraduate / "Speech and Debate activity" - UF Admissions Essay-Meaningful Event [13]

Awesome advice, thank you. However, I had a bit of a question, if anyone shall be so kind as to look into this old and wrinkley thread. I'm going to apply to Questbridge and as one of the required essay prompts is very similar to this one I was hoping to cut down on my writing by rewording this one a bit. Do you think I can do it or should write a new essay?

Questbridge prompt:

Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you. (500 word limit)

This prompt (so you do not have to scroll up to compare):
In the space provided, please write a concise narrative in which you describe a meaningful event, experience or accomplishment in your life and how it will affect your college experience or your contribution to the UF campus community. You may want to reflect on your ideas about student responsibility, academic integrity, campus citizenship or a call to service. Remember to keep within the 500-word maximum length.

Undergraduate / "Speech and Debate activity" - UF Admissions Essay-Meaningful Event [13]

Haha thank you, Ershad. That was such a nice way of saying "Get off your lazy bum" XD

Since you mentioned


Questbridge isn't a school it's a scholarship-school kind of thing...basically kids from low-income backgrounds fill out an application and the finalists that Questbridge chooses have their apps sent off to up to 8 schools that they chose. So since I can't exactly "tailor it to fit the school," what should I tailor it to if at all? (There are two requried essays, a multiple short answer section, and a biographical essay that focuses on the low-income thing so I'm getting the impression I shouldn't be mentioning that in every bit of writing ha)

In terms of time, I have to get all of this Questbridge stuff turned in by Sept. 30 and I am applying to too many colleges, meaning too many supplements that I want to finish a few months before their respective deadlines, so I was hoping to save myself a trip to the over-worked writer's clinic haha

Undergraduate / "Pressures" -any significant experiences you have had, or accomplishments [4]

Your essay is rather hard to follow and you don't elaborate much. You seem to be using words, phrases, and irrelevant examples to show your intelligence but you aren't really saying anything. You definitely need more specific examples that you clearly relate to your thesis. You've started writing, now focus on improving your skills. Good luck

Writing Feedback / IELTS ESSAY: GUN CONTRAL [5]

Hmm ok I checked the internet & it pretty much says that while "per cent" is not technically incorrect, "percent" is just the more common way to write it. So I guess it is more or less a matter of choice? Interesting..

dictionary.reference.com/browse/percent

Poetry / Suggestions for my poem : "My Flight". [10]

Hello Kamal

This is a nice poem =)

You have good structure, too


Maybe you can take "the" out of there.

While the unknown waters of darkness engulf me


I just wanted to check if you meant "pedal" instead, since you are talking about moving a along a path. "Peddle" is really interesting, though. In case you didn't mean "peddle," maybe you should keep it anyway, it is a really awesome idea


I really like that phrase ^^ This is a cool poem, you should definitely keep writing!

Poetry / Suggestions for my poem : "My Flight". [10]

"Poetry is the art of saying what you mean but disguising it." Diane Wakoski (Just read that, coincidentally)
Now I understand poetry. I think English classes should just start with that observation, it makes figuring out what the teacher wants you to do with the oddly arranged words on your desk easier

Writing Feedback / The Cask of Amontillado - Research Essay -Cask of Amontillado- in MLA [6]

Dear Livid Melissa,

You should put your real name into the site so that it appears in the lower right-hand corner of everything you write (look at my or Kevin's posts here). That is just terrible =( I would feel really frustrated. You are going to call your teacher tomrrow? I really hope this works out. Try to relax while you wait for tomorrow morning, no use getting stressed and upset =/

Good Luck,
Sympathetic Maria

Undergraduate / "It's just the mirror," Howard Accounting Transfer Essay [3]

Hello, Vincent! I think you are off to a pretty good start. You mentioned some great ideas and I believe you can write a good essay from them. I don't know if you actually want any grammar tips since this is just the rough draft, but, just in case, here you go: (Good Luck!)

That reflection in the mirror showed me that I, too, am somebody

and while I may not be where I want to be I can certainly work toward getting therewhere I want to beI just think that sounds more =D and positive

As a result, I used my motivation to begin working full-time and engage in furthering my education


I hope you're going to talk about that in the rest of the essay? =)


Since semicolons are used when the two parts of the sentence can stand on their own, the second half of that is a sentence fragment: determination...has what?


I think you should cut out "As an applicant...University." I don't really see how your life as a student has been molded chiefly by being currently in the process of applying to a college. The rest of the sentence is really good, though. If you take out what I mentioned, the second sentence makes sense, too.

Graduate / Personal Statement for MSc in Biochemical Engineering (only the intro) [6]


Well, I don't think I have any better knowledge of that, but I'll try. First of all, I don't think yo should worry about the example because it sounds good and, typically, you can write an essay about pretty much anything--the first time you tasted mustard, if you wish--and dazzle the reader if you explain why you are talking about this one specific experience rather than any other one well enough. Well, anyway, as it is a "personal statement," it does seem as if you are making a statement (a personal one) and are being more formal rather than flamboyantly informal so I don't really see a problem here. Hopefully someone who as actually gotten out of High School will come along soon.

Here are some grammar suggestions, out of habit. I don't think it really matters since this is an uber-rough draft, but, what the hay.

"No," said my supervisor.
I animatedly said, "But sir, this is the best process: w e can use waste sulphite substrate from paper mills as the raw material. So its benefits are twofold - clean fuel and waste disposal".

"I agree, but we cannot hope for large scale production; at least, not in the state of Assam," he reminded me.

That was the conversation I had with my supervisor after two months into the literature survey of my final year project. He had rejected my proposal to use fermentation as the ethanol production process. Although, I knew he was right, I was bitterly disappointed. The thought of microorganisms converting wastes into fuel had taken hold of my mind. In the couple of months that followed, I gradually decided to pursue higher studies in this field - the field of Biochemical Engineering. (Dramatic Dash, nice. Were you asking if a dramatic style is appropriate? This is definitely Drama movie intro-worthy. I like it, at any rate.)

Graduate / Personal Statement for MSc in Biochemical Engineering (only the intro) [6]

Glad I can help ^^


Yep, punctuation goes on the inside of quotes...I missed that period at the end of the other one. I think the rule is that it looks pretty & formal...English is funny XD


Hmm, good point. Whatever the case is, you didn't use much dialogue & you have the rest of your essay to right "normally." Dialogue is often used as a "hook" in essays so I would think it is OK. It doesn't look too aberrant to me, at least

Good luck on the rest! =D

Undergraduate / Miscelleneous Short Answer Questions (Career goals, fav music, books, sports,etc.) [23]


The word limit is driving me crazy...>< Okay, attempt #2, I tried to restrain my habit of sounding overly-formal:
What are your career goals and how did you develop them? (50 word limit)
I intend to become a psychiatrist because I am fascinated by the human mind and the wide variety of mental illness it can succumb to. After learning of the anguish people with mental illness suffer from the experiences of my psychology professors, I was compelled to alleviate their suffering.


The Metamorphosis by Franz Kafka, Anna Karenina by Leo Tolstoy, and The Dark Knight all present a powerful depiction of the chilling effects of modern society on humanity.


"You are the craziest person I know," crazy meaning unconventional, and spontanteous, was a complement given to me by a few of my best friends, individually.


I wanted to write "I feel rejuvenated after I experience something that makes me happy. For instance, breathing in air redolent of lfe provides me with a sensation similar to electricity streaming into and coursing through me." But that goes over the limit and I thought it sounded odd so, yeah...oO

How 'bout this version? It fits into the word limit:
I feel rejuvenated after I experience something that makes me happy. For instance, breathing in air redolent of lfe provides me with a sensation similar to electricity coursing through me.

I still think that sounds weird. I really don't like this question o.o

I just don't like the word "historical," I don't know it sounds weird oO


Really? I read an article that said "Gandhi's Salt March" oO Okay, thank you!!!


Hahaha It's because they like torturing unsuspecting students! I guess to learn about our personalities & what-not =/ They are so weird, though ><

Thank you, Ershad =))

Undergraduate / Miscelleneous Short Answer Questions (Career goals, fav music, books, sports,etc.) [23]


Funny, yesterday I actually mentioned to someone that I am beginning to use that word too much and it is becoming an annoying habit. I need to stop being compelled haha. I think determined could work...I didn't use that word yet, did I?


I thought it was assumed that air made me happy oO
OK, should I just erase the whole thing and write about mustard or something?...


Cool, thanks! I didn't know ^^