Undergraduate / Struggling with Economics - UChicago Essay [4]

How does the University of Chicago, as you know it now, satisfy your desire for a particular kind of learning, community, and future? Please address with some specificity your own wishes and how they relate to Chicago.

AP Macroeconomics has been, by far, the most difficult class I have ever taken in my entire high school career. In Biology, the colorful molecules and diagrams of animal anatomy in the PowerPoints provided a visible manifestation of my studies. Though by no means an effortless course, I aced every test with ease as I recalled the cold, hard facts I had read in the textbook. When I stepped into the Economics classroom, however, I was immediately bombarded with the lofty language of Keynesian theory and market forces. I became even more baffled as Mrs. Barbino explained that inflation, though illustrated by a mere shift in the Aggregate Supply or Aggregate Demand curves, may have been caused by a combination of complex factors that changes with each time period. It seemed that Adam Smith himself was saying, "Claire, you're not in science class anymore," with a witch-like cackle.

As I struggled to read each chapter and work through the homework problems, my mind was working harder than ever before. While I have only managed to obtain some measly 90%'s so far, I slowly realized that I truly enjoyed the challenge of analyzing the theories of economists and applying them to different situations. No longer was I sneaking some zzz's in during the photosynthesis videos, but I was bringing my undivided attention and attentiveness to each period, eager to glean some wisdom. At the University of Chicago, renowned for its Economics department, I intend to grapple with this subject area even more. I bring to campus a desire to be unsettled by my studies, to be challenged by dense verbosity, and to flourish in an environment where knowledge abounds outside of the classroom walls. I come with a wish to be surrounded by students who are actively engaging in thought and debate, not just in a Socratic seminar, but at the lunchroom as well. I also harbor an uncertainty of whether I want to ultimately major in Biology or in Economics (or perhaps both!), but I know that whatever major I choose, I will be offered a well-rounded curriculum, supplied by actively researching faculty members and intimately-sized classes. I apply, seeking an education that will not only offer me cold, hard facts, but that will teach me how to think, even though I may not have the easiest time learning it.

I have a few questions that I would like answered...
1) Should I discuss any extracurriculars I intend to join as well? I feel that I am hard pressed for room though...
2) Are my reasons for wanting to go to UChicago too trite and overused?

Thanks for editing! :)

Undergraduate / Chalk Handprints - UPenn Supplemental Essay [9]

Considering both the specific undergraduate school or program to which you are applying and the broader University of Pennsylvania community, what academic, research, and/or extracurricular paths do you see yourself exploring at Penn? (250 words) - Currently, my word count is 277 words. Is this too much of a stretch, and if so, how should I cut it down?

The small African American girl approaches me in the shabby playground I have come to clean up, a smile stretched across her face and blue chalk smeared on her hands. With a devilish shriek of giggles, she rapidly pats my shirt and legs, leaving behind handprints.

It was then I knew that I couldn't go through high school quietly getting A's and acing exams for my personal achievement.
In order to change the community, knowledge must be taken and implemented, and the University of Pennsylvania offers many opportunities to do so. The Vagelos Program in Life Sciences & Management bridges the divide between two seemingly unrelated fields and empowers students to bring pharmaceuticals and health care to those in need. I am eager that the program will both enrich my leadership skills and allow me to research proteins and diseases, the two areas which intrigue me. With this knowledge, I wish to become involved in the Social Impact Consulting group and work with organizations in Philadelphia by developing feasible strategies to meet goals. Whether it is with the homeless or an urban museum, the impact made will be tangible and have lasting effects on the community. I also hope to become a member of Medical Emergency Response Team and provide immediate medical care to students and Philadelphians, no matter the time of day. I am motivated to join for the possible patient interactions as well as for the experience in emergency medicine gained.

As I grimace at the chalk stains and chase the little girl, I can't help thinking that despite the long hours of missions training and pricey train tickets, the trouble was all worth it.

Do I make the paths I want to pursue clear, and do I back these up with my personal experiences?
Should I elaborate anywhere?

Thanks for your time and help :)

Undergraduate / "Sunny Side Up" -- Rice Perspective Essay [8]

ESSAY PROMPT: The quality of Rice's academic life and the Residential College System are heavily influenced by the unique life experiences and cultural traditions each student brings. What perspective do you feel that you will contribute to life at Rice? (Two or three double-spaced pages)

Sunny Side Up

In today's age of greasy fries and triple stacked burgers, health nuts are proclaiming the old "you are what you eat" adage in an effort to curb society's harmful ways. Little do dieticians know that trans fat and high sodium levels aren't the only culprits of unhealthiness; the "milk and cereal" people of the world, enslaved to habit, are also in desperate need of change. For a whole seven years, I was one of them.

Each morning, I would be greeted by the same, familiar scene. A box of Honey Bunches of Oats with Almonds loomed over an empty bowl and a silver spoon. A garish mug, purchased for a dollar ten years ago, was brimful with skim milk. Despite being emblazoned with candy hearts and endearments reserved for Valentine's Day, it refused to be kept in a cupboard for 364 days of the year.

I clung to this unchanging sight, knowing that there was one thing that would endure the fluctuations of elementary school and junior high. Wallowing in complacency, I began each day absent-mindedly staring out the window while stuffing spoonfuls of cereal into my mouth. Though my mom implored me to eat a peach or a fried egg with my morning fare, I refused, aghast that she wanted to desecrate my ritual. Life in general seemed as mundane as my breakfast; a fixed routine, regulated by periods and bells, was ingrained in my mind, and any change, if not for the better, was unwelcome.

Stumbling to the kitchen one morning, I peered, through bleary eyes, to behold the familiar shapes. The cereal box, the empty bowl, and the mug were all there.

However, my peaceful microcosm had been disturbed.

The three offenders were resting on a plate at the center of the table. To an ignorant eye they were rather unsightly - ovular shapes tainted grimy yellow with thin brown lines carved across the surface, forming the illusion of cracks. They appeared as though a child had left his tennis balls in the mud, which was baked by the harsh sun into dry clay. In any case, the intruder could've been strawberry shortcake, and I still would've been bothered.

"What is this, mama?" I demanded.

"Mimi-ah! This is 茶叶蛋 (tea leaf egg)," she explained. "I ate this back in China when I was your age. Try it!"

I stared at the strange eggs warily, for they didn't even resemble the conventional scrambled or fried egg. If anything, they took after the hatching reptile eggs on the science room posters. Perhaps, I figured, I could just stuff the thing in my mouth, feign a smile, and resume eating my milk and cereal. It would be less troublesome than rejecting her offer and then being lectured about every nutritional benefit the tea leaf egg contained. My mother watched imploringly as I grabbed a fork and speared the egg with haste. With one last look at the ugly morsel, I took a bite.

I had already started reaching over to grab the beloved box of cereal when, unexpectedly, a wave of smells and tastes crashed onto the shore of my perception. The rich aroma of soy sauce, spiced with cinnamon and star anise, created a flavor that put another bite of the tea leaf egg in the realm of possibility. While I nibbled at the yolk, the fond taste of honey glazed flakes and oat clusters faded along with the urgency of my breakfast habit.

As drab mornings slowly crawled by, the presence of the cereal box and empty bowl became altogether nonexistent at the table. Other Chinese pastries soon accompanied the arrival of the tea leaf egg. Even coffee occasionally replaced my mug of skim milk on the days when badminton tournaments required that I arrive on Saturday at an ungodly 6:00 AM. When sophomore year began, food was no longer simply delivered to my placemat. I began taking an active role in the creation of my meal with my mother's assistance, whether it was by cracking eggs onto a frying pan or filling buns with red bean paste. No longer was I pouring pre-made cereal out of a cardboard box; the diversity of breakfast colored the mornings with uncertainty and transformed me into a versatile "egg" person.

The monotony of my existence was banished as breakfast became a time of change and curiosity. Time itself was no longer governed by a series of ticks on the clock, but instead was swelling with experiences on the verge of being created. Sure, there are mornings when breakfast is just a bowl of cereal and a cup of milk, but life, full of its quirks and surprises, still goes on. It is not what is eaten that distinguishes the "milk and cereal" person from the "egg" person, but it is the perspective they bring to the breakfast table each morning that draws the line. To the University of Chicago, I bring a perspective eager to embrace life's quirks and surprises. I bring the open mind of a maturing girl ready to contribute to her environment and hopeful that it will enrich her as well. Also, I bring the knowledge of how to cook a mean scrambled egg, which always tastes better with ketchup on the side.

Questions:
- how well do I answer the prompt? do i show that i have a unique perspective/cultural tradition to contribute?
- do I show my perspective shift well in my essay?
- transitions? i feel that the second to last paragraph is especially choppy. also, do i paragraph to often? there are many paragraphs that consist of a few or one sentence.

- grammar? things that need to be rewritten?

Any advice is welcome.

Thank you so much! :)

Also, here's a photo of a tea egg for those who are unfamiliar. I don't know if I described it too well...

i14.photobucket.com/albums/a306/digitalmuse/Food/Marbled_Tea_Eggs.jpg

Undergraduate / "Scientist In Action" -- UIUC Academic Essay [3]

In an essay of 300 words or less, please discuss your academic interests and/or professional goals.

The first time I saw a scientist actually working in a lab, I was filled with both awe and jealousy. A physicist of Argonne National Laboratory was conducting a tour of the Advanced Photon Source, and he led us by Sector 19, a wing dedicated to the study of Structural Biology. As I paused at the window, watching her gaze at a computer screen that was harvesting the energy of powerful x-rays to observe molecules at the atomic level, questions inundated my mind. What kind of molecule was she studying? What larger study or solution was her research a part of? What did I have to do to get on the other side of the glass?

The physicist, seeing that my interest was piqued, quickly handed me a booklet of research highlights at the facility. On the pages were colorful protein molecules and fascinating headlines, such as "Molecular Mechanisms and Drug-Resistant Cancers". Here were the intangible molecules I had seen in my AP Biology textbook being studied and constructed in the real world. Here was the research of scientists who were observing and manipulating life at the nanoscale to solve global problems.

Chemical & Biomolecular Engineering is an attractive major to me because it is precisely at the junction of my interests and academic strengths. I want to see differentiation, stoichiometry, phospholipids, Newton's laws, and other textbook concepts manifest themselves practically. I want to apply what I know by creating something, with raw materials, that is cost effective and that also unravels problems, fights diseases, and benefits others.

After I graduate, I hope to be on the other side of the glass producing a vaccine to combat the 2015 influenza virus, concocting the latest Orbit gum flavor, and inspiring other young scientists to pursue their interests.

(296 words)

Unfortunately, I didn't spend too much time on this since I'm applying to U of I as a back-up school so it is probably worse than what I've written in the past. I'd like feedback on grammar, awkward phrasing, and overall ideas (e.g. do i make it clear why i'm interested?).

Thanks for looking over this :)

Undergraduate / "Memoirs of a Teenage Hostess" - Common App Personal Essay [11]

Describe a character in fiction, a historical figure, or a creative work (as in art, music, science, etc.) that has had an influence on you, and explain that influence.

Memoirs of a Teenage Hostess

"Say that again, sweetie?"

Embarrassed, I cleared my throat and repeated the order with a quivering voice. Although I wasn't unsure of my abilities to simply punch in orders on the computer, I still lacked the confidence to speak audibly and enunciate. What if the stranger on the other end of the phone started complaining about our prices if I seemed too outgoing and eager to help? What if she started quizzing me about food preparation if I sounded too certain in what I was trying to sell? I would then have to enlist the help of my restaurant manager, who might fire me for being such a bother. Fortunately, my illogical worries were relieved as I hung up the phone with a clammy palm.

One hour of work down, four hours left to go.

I spent my time at House of Emperor, a Chinese restaurant nestled in a bustling strip mall, averting contact with the customers by tinkering with the cash register and brandishing the soda gun at empty glasses. The storage closet by the bar became my refuge whenever it wasn't busy, and I was its willing recluse. When the hour hand reached nine, counting my cash and clocking out suddenly became imperative - both of which I did with unusual motivation. The first months working there went by this way until a friend recommended Memoirs of a Geisha, by Arthur Golden, to me.

The novel chronicles the life of Sayuri, a retired geisha living in New York. As a young girl, she is sold into servitude at the Nitta okiya, a prominent geisha house. Though Sayuri originally wishes to escape the okiya, her chance encounter with the kind Chairman causes her to instantly fall in love with him, despite the thirty year age gap, and motivates her to become a geisha by whatever means necessary. She eventually perfects the Japanese art of entertainment and becomes a prominent geisha in Kyoto. However, Sayuri faces and overcomes various misfortunes, such as war and betrayal, before she is finally reunited with the Chairman.

Upon finishing the novel, I childishly identified with Sayuri, just as I had done after watching Mulan ten years ago. Of course, we were both Asian - which was, to my dismay, the only similarity I shared with Mulan - but I made another connection with this refined geisha. She entertained in teahouses; I worked in a restaurant. However, she was wildly popular; I could barely collect a measly tip. Hence, with the initial purpose of earning a couple bucks, I sometimes "pretended" to be Sayuri while on the job. I should note here that "pretended" is enclosed in quotations to lessen my personal embarrassment, for I, at fifteen, should have long outgrown the days when kids ran around and cried for justice in makeshift capes.

With a newfound role model, I sought to emulate Sayuri's charm and femininity as I scanned credit cards and wiped countertops. I poured drinks with delicacy, preventing even one drop of Coke from spilling over the top. Fresh applications of mascara and lip gloss became my new pastimes. While I expected the clatter of coins to smother the swanky jazz music as my not-so-obvious elegance was noticed, it was not until I became talkative that customers responded with warmth as well. To overcome the discomfort, I pictured Sayuri, learned in the art of conversation, chatting with men of importance on tatami mats. She was not beset with worry as she spoke, and the judgments of others were the least of her concerns. Simple conversations about the weather, the football game on TV, and the food soon arose, and chuckles were exchanged as I mirrored her courage and peace of mind.

Although my original mission of earning tips was largely fruitless, I gained far more than a few dollars from my make-believe. The connection I made, despite being superficial at best, unintentionally drove me to model Sayuri's self-confidence and resolve - attributes which I had fiercely admired but desperately lacked. Just as Sayuri won the Chairman's favor through discovering purpose and perfecting her art, I couldn't charm the customers until I overcame my qualms and shyness. Doing so wasn't beneficial to only my job; I shared my ideas more frequently during classroom discussions, asked to intern at a national laboratory, and even led serving team meetings at church as well. As my self-doubts vanished, so did my role as a spectator. An eagerness to learn and motivation to help replaced my insecurity and fueled active participation, which eventually turned into leadership, in my undertakings.

i have a few specific questions:
- i dislike the way the third paragraph is written. how can i better blend the summary of the novel with what i learned from sayuri? or should i leave it as it is even though its nothing but summary?

- i feel like my last sentence is anticlimatic. should i tie it back to my intro/memoirs of a geisha? suggestions?

thanks for editing :)

also, i'm applying ED to wharton so i need a LOT of help...haha

Undergraduate / "Light is unable to shine without darkness." - Common App Short Answer [4]

In the space provided below, please elaborate on one of your activities (extracurricular, personal activities, or work experience)(150 words or fewer).

"Light is unable to shine without darkness."

During a mission trip to downtown Chicago last year, Darryl, a homeless but joyful man, shared this insight with me. I had been looking forward to revisiting the inner city again with my church, but the departure of our youth pastor dashed my hopes.

However, the need to serve and evangelize in the community still remained. Despite the sudden absence of leadership, I gathered a team of thirty high-schoolers, college students, and adults to feed the homeless this summer. Fifty Subway sandwiches hushed growling stomachs, bridged differences in age and race, and blessed conversations.

While closing in prayer, I realized the truth of Darryl's adage. Instead of waiting in the dark for another leader, I learned to take the initiative and to shine a light, where it was needed the most, with a simple yet sincere offering: a sandwich. (146 words)

At times, I feel like I provide more narration than reflection on how this experience allowed me to grow as a person. What do you guys think?

Also, I am applying to Penn (Wharton, where leadership is very important!), Rice, Northwestern, WashU, UChicago, Columbia, Dartmouth, and Cornell.