Undergraduate / "the easy environment provided by my parents" - describe the world you come from [7]

UC prompt 1
describe the world you come from, and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

Hi, everyone. This is the rough draft of my essay for UC system and there are a lot of errors in this essay. Please tell me if the structure of this essay make sense and what else should i change?? THANKS!!!

I love charts and data. No matter they are pies or lines; I can always treat them like they are the most gorgeous paintings in the world, and analyze the data of the charts carefully. I still remember the days when I was a little boy, my mother used to work as an accountant in a small firm. Every now and then, she has to work late at home. By watching her finishing those complicated data and charts, I got deeply attracted to them, and that is when I started my indissoluble bond with statistics.

5 years later, I tuned 15. While most Chinese parents are worrying about if their kids have spent pocket money properly, my mother handed me the job to handle the monthly bills of my family, and this is what really initiated my interest in the fields of statistics and finance. In order to pay the payments before the due dates correctly, I had to calculate the exact sum of the utilities. I made a list with the due dates and the sum of each utility using Excel, and this was my first concept of Statistics.

During my sophomore year at high school, I took an optional course in Financial Statistics, because I thought that would be a great chance for me to learn more about this field. In this course, I was able to easily understand the concepts taught by the teacher, and I did exceptionally well in solving the practical problems assigned by my teacher. With the knowledge I learned during the course, I made my first investment in the Foreign Exchange Market. Although I only invested 100 dollars in Sterling, but with my accurate statistics analysis towards the market, I made 2 dollars out of 100 within 5 days. That is the first time I applied my statistics knowledge to the field of Finance, and I would never forget the excitement that this has brought me.

Now, I am no longer satisfied with my limited knowledge in the fields of statistics and finance, hoping to get into a college to get myself equipped with more professional knowledge. I believe that, with the things that I will learn in the future, one day, I can realize my dream of being an analyst in the Wall Street.

Undergraduate / "Clarinet; the unforgettable moments" - UIUC Prompt #2 [5]

Hi Everyone, I am working on the U of Illinois - Urbana application essay now.
I'm a bad writer. Please be critic, and any suggestions would be appreciated!

Choose one extracurricular activity, work experience, or community service project from the list you provided on the application and explain why you initially chose it, why you continued with it, and how you benefited from it. (300 words)

Being the principle clarinetist of the school orchestra, I regard playing the clarinet as a part of my life. Every time I step onto the stage, playing a symphony with my mates, I feel my heart beating with the music, as the rich and translucent sound from the clarinet has been fused with my soul.

I was first exposed to clarinet when I was 9. I had never thought such beautiful music could flow from a black wooden tube, before I passed by that music instrument store near my school. I was so deeply attracted to the rich sound from the clarinet then, that i made up my mind immediately to master this elegant instrument anyhow. Later, when I started my junior high school life in 2005, I took part in the school orchestra without hesitation.

It is very demanding to be in the school orchestra, and everyone in the orchestra has to learn teamwork and compromise. When we play in an orchestra, it is very different from the solos. This is not the time for individuals to show off, but to co-operate with other players in the team, and try to make the whole orchestra sparkling. During the performance, every player in the orchestra needs to pay attention to the conductor as well as other players' rhythms, and always be prepared to adjust his or her playing speed at any time

Through playing the clarinet, I have not only found a way to release the daily pressure, but also benefitted from the teamwork required to play in the orchestra: In order to maintain the harmony of the whole orchestra, compromises must be made between the team members. And this is the exactly what we should do in our real lives, outside the school theater.

Undergraduate / "Epiphany" commonapp essay [2]

hi everyone,
im a senior student from china, and this is my first essay.
please give me some advice, thanks!
---------------------------------------------------
Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.

Driving down in the Shenda Freeway, My families and I were going on a trip to Anshan, an industrial city located in the north of China. It was the early fall of 2006, the season when the maple tree leaves just turned red. This was supposed to be a family trip during the National Day Holiday, or more precisely: a mom-and-dad trip, since it was my parents who had always been talking about climbing the famous Qian Mountain, not me.

"Dad, when will we arrive in Anshan?" I asked impatiently. "In three hours" My dad replied, with some irresistible excitements in his voice. I sighed and opened the sunroof to get rid of the strong gasoline smell inside the car. Well, I have to admit that I used to be a nerd who only cared about study back then, so this kind of trip did not interest me that much. I was so upset because I didn't want to waste one more second on this boring trip, and all I was thinking about was going home. However, the powerful "Boom, Boom, Boom" sound coming from the aged-6-cylinder BMW M50 engine proved my idea impossible.

Sitting on the front seat, I turned on the radio and browsed the channels over and over again, but couldn't find one that really hit me. I turned off the radio disappointedly, found my iPod in my backpack and started to listen to my favorite Black Eyed Peas. Soon, I fell into sleep.

All of a sudden, a loud yell from my dad awakened me from my sweet dream: THE BRAKES ARE FAILING!!! Then I opened my eyes, only to find the aged BMW was running wild like a horse in the freeway, whisking in the crowded traffic. The speed of the car at that moment etched into my mind, 136mph. I panicked. And the next thing I remember is that my father tried hard to control the car as well as to avoid crashing other cars. Finally (although just in a few seconds, but it was like a year to me), he drove the car to the emergency lane, and shut the car down by pulling out the keys. By the time the car fully stopped, I sat on my seat still, crying (My tears couldn't help falling down, and I even didn't realize that I was crying then).

Later the day, after the mechanics fixed our car, we drove back home. During our way home, I asked myself:
What if the car didn't stop in this accident?
What if the car hit other cars in this accident?
What if I died?
After this accident occurred, I stopped my steps to really think about my life.

I had been living a home-and-school life for a very long time, and the only thing that mattered to me back then were scores and rankings. I actually thought this was exactly the right thing to do since I am a Chinese student (the truth is this is also what most Chinese students do in their lives). I had no feelings towards my friends and families. Every time my friends asked me to hand out, I declined them; Every time my families asked me to go on a family trip, I turned them down. I suddenly realized I had been such a selfish person for that long.

This accident had been an epiphany to me and totally changed my concepts of living a life. Now, I do not study 15 hours a day. After that accident, I tried hard to make up the scars that I've ever left in my friendships; I started to spend quality time with my friends and families; I hang out with my friends, and visit old neighbors and teachers more often; I travel all around the world with my backpack during my vacations instead of staying at home, study.

All of a sudden, I realized there are many things in my life worth me to value, more than those meaningless scores and rankings. Just as what David Nicholls said "Live each day as if it's your last", I now live each day in my life as if it's my last.